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View from Spring Training: 2011 Baltimore Orioles

March 3, 2011 by Jon

2011 Baltimore Orioles

2010 NFL Equivalent – San Francisco 49ers: Like their brethren from the Bay, the O-Birds have a rich championship tradition and loyal fan base. But also like San Fran, it has been some time since Baltimore competed for a spot in the playoffs, let alone finished a season with a winning record. When manager Buck Showalter came aboard last July, the Orioles finished the 2010 season playing much better baseball and the 49ers are hoping that newly hired head coach Jim Harbaugh will have a similar effect on the team next fall.

Google Search: Their main offseason acquisitions: 3B Mark Reynolds, 1B Derrick Lee, DH Vladimir Guerrero and SS J.J. Hardy should all provide some much needed punch to the Oriole offense while new pitcher Kevin Gregg will be a candidate to close games. Another interesting piece of winter news was that the Baltimore front office decided to raise single game ticket prices by an average of $3. This seems like curious timing for a franchise that hasn’t raised prices since 2007 or had a winning season since 1996. Camden Yards is too beautiful a park to leave empty or continue to see overrun by Yankees/Red Sox fans.

Famous Movie Quote: I’ll do what I can to help y’all. But, the game’s out there, and it’s play or get played. That simple. – Omar from “The Wire”.

Might not be a movie, but The Wire was filmed in Baltimore and is as captivating as anything projected across the big screen. This quote sums up the 2011 Baltimore Orioles who need to look past the fact that they play in the AL East and convince their fans that, with the right combination of young starting pitching and an improved lineup, a division title isn’t out of the question. Of course, w/roughly 40 games vs. Boston and New York, the playoffs might be a thing of the past. 2011 record: 82–80, 4th place AL East

view from Bright House Field courtesy of @D_Stro

View From Spring Training: 2011 Arizona Diamondbacks

March 2, 2011 by Abe

2011 Arizona Diamondbacks

NFL Equivalent – Carolina Panthers: Both teams are lost, mired in small market underperformance, and there is no real suggestion that they will be finding themselves anytime soon. The D’backs, like the Panthers, have some tremendous offensive talent. Justin Upton and Chris Young are comparable to Steve Smith and Jonathan Stewart. Like Carolina, the Diamondbacks are struggling to find a helmsman for the ship, firing their GM (and Haverford College Alumnus) Josh Byrnes mid season in 2010 as the Panthers parted ways with longtime head coach John Fox at the end of last season.

Google Search: Frankly I’m surprised that Upton is still around. Rumors swirled all offseason about a move, as Kevin Towers contemplated total explosion for the sake of rebuilding. A team that was once known for having a stable of excellent front line starters (Dan Haren, Brandon Webb, and even the blossoming Max Scherzer) are now likely to trot out the likes of Joe Saunders, Daniel Hudson, and Ian Kennedy. Yikes. Give the Arizona front office a break, at least they are in the process of installing solar panels at Chase Field.

Famous Movie Quote: You know your problem? You don’t like winners. – Otto from A Fish Called Wanda

This quote applies to the 2011 incarnation of the Diamondbacks for two great reasons. First, the Arizona squad will not like winners because they won’t be winners this season. In an NL West populated World Series Champs and upstart contenders, the young, inexperienced D’backs will struggle to reach .500. Secondly, A Fish Called Wanda came out in 1988, the same year current Arizona manager Kirk Gibson hit his famous World Series home run against the Oakland A’s. While on the subject of great comedies from the late 80’s, what has happened to Ricky Vaughn? A return to the California Penal League has become a distinct possibility once again. 2011 record: 64-98, 5th place NL West

view from Salt River Fields courtesy of @maxhollister

View from Spring Training: 2011 Seattle Mariners

February 28, 2011 by Jon

2011 Seattle Mariners

NFL Equivalent – Tampa Bay Buccaneers: This one was a bit of a stretch. About all I could come up with is that the star of each team, Josh Freeman for Tampa Bay and Felix Hernandez for Seattle, have hair styles somewhat similar to Eriq La Salle in Coming to America. This and the owner of the Bucs, Malcolm Glazer, also owns Manchester United of the EPL while the Mariners are owned by Nintendo. So there you have it. Neither team has had all that much success in recent years, although Tampa Bay did win the Super Bowl in 2002 while Seattle won an MLB best 116 games in 2001.

Google Search: The biggest news out of Safeco this past winter was that the Seattle front office decided not to trade the 2010 Cy Young award winning P Felix Hernandez to the Yankees. Good for the Mariners, and good for baseball. Let New York deal with a rotation of Bartolo Colon, AJ Burnett, and Freddy Garcia for at least one season.

Famous Movie Quote: “After very careful consideration, sir, I’ve come to the conclusion that your new defense system sucks.” – General Berenger from WarGames.

This quote makes perfect sense when you think about how inept the Seattle Mariners offense was during the 2010 campaign. They were last in the league in runs scored per game at 3.2 and had the 14th highest salary in all of MLB at $86.5 million. Not exactly a lot of bang for your buck, kind of like spending billions on a new missile defense system operated by a large computer called “Whopper”. The only question for the 2011 Mariners is, will Ichiro Suzuki, who is now 37 years old, reach 3000 career hits in a Seattle uniform? He’s got a long way to go but I wanted to give Mariner fans at least a glimmer of hope. 2011 record: 72-90, 4th in AL West

view from Peoria Stadium courtesy of @sportsbrain

View from Spring Training: 2011 Pittsburgh Pirates

February 28, 2011 by Jon

2011 Pittsburgh Pirates

NFL Equivalent: Detroit Lions – There was really no other play here. Like the Lions, the Pittsburgh Pirates are an ongoing exercise in professional sports futility. 2010 marked the 18th straight losing season for Pittsburgh and a 57-105 record was their worst since the Truman presidency. With QB Matthew Stafford and DT Ndamukong Suh, Detroit could be headed for a renaissance in 2011, that is if there is in fact an NFL season. For the Pirates, the future is just as foggy.

Google Search: If you’re a fan of the Pirates, how do you have any confidence in your organization once it was revealed that your ownership has been skimming off the top for the past few fiscal calendars. The roster does have a stable of young, all star caliber players in 3B Pedro Alvarez, 2B, Neil Walker, and CF Andrew McCutchen, but if ownership is unwilling to spend the Yankees and Red Sox money on future free agents, that young nucleus will go on to star in some other city.

Famous Movie Quote: “Come on, fellas. Rome wasn’t built in a day.” – Coach Morris Buttermaker from The Bad News Bears.

As I was looking for quotes from The Bad News Bears, I realized that more than half of the one liners from this ’70s classic are now way too inappropriate to republish. Even still, the 2011 Pittsburgh Pirates are the closest thing we have to the Chico’s Bail Bonds sponsered Bears. The problem for the Bucs will once again be their pitching, hitting and defense. When you can’t throw strikes, put the ball in play or keep the ball from trickling between your legs you know you are destined for your 19th straight losing season in a row. Sorry Pittsburgh, at least your city is a desirable place to live. 2011 record: 64-98, 6th in NL Central

View from McKechnie Field courtesy of @xMusicSnob99x

Maurice Podoloff and the 2011 Academy Awards (Part II)

February 25, 2011 by Jon

5: Toy Story 3/Amar’e Stoudemire (F, New York Knicks) – With every new Toy Story movie, it feels like a little piece of my childhood fades away. I can remember when Andy first came home with Buzz Lightyear and now he’s (Andy not Buzz) headed off to college? College is no place for a guy who still plays with his childhood toys. This will lead to years worth of ridicule and stunted mental development. Andy has “clock tower” potential written all over him. It’s all too much for me to take right now.

Speaking of too much to take right now, how about the minutes Mike D’Antoni has Amar’e playing? It’s only a matter of time before both of his knees spontaneously combust. The addition of Carmelo gives fans something more to cheer about but does not mean the Knicks are ready to compete for a championship. The Garden is going to have to wait for 2012 and Chris Paul for that.

4: The Fighter/Dirk Nowitzki (F, Dallas Mavericks) – In between my junior and senior years of college, I spent an entire summer working and playing baseball in Lowell, Massachusetts. It was just like the movie Summer Catch, except there were no Cape Cod beaches and I never did get to see Jessica Biel in a bikini. The general manager of our baseball team, a great old guy who ran a heating/air conditioning business downtown, told us before the first day of practice that it was important for us to avoid Lowell at night. As I watched The Fighter, I couldn’t help but think about college kids being terrorized on the mean streets of the Mill City by the likes of Christian Bale.

Nowitzki fourth on my list is more a testament to the success of the Mavs than Dirk himself. He’s struggled to return to form since an early season knee injury but as the most talented player on a very dangerous western conference team, he deserves at least a mentioning.

3: True Grit/Kevin Durant (F, Oklahoma City Thunder) – My main issue with this Coen Brothers iteration of a John Wayne classic is that Jeff Bridges makes his Rooster Cogburn sound eerily similar to Billy Bob Thornton’s character in Sling Blade. It was so distracting that at one point I could have sworn Bridges asked the erstwhile Hailee Steinfeld whether or not she would like some “French fried potaters”. My other issue with True Grit was that Josh Brolin received top billing for a total of 4 minutes 32 seconds of actual screen time. How is this allowed? This is Hollywood stat stuffing akin to baseball home run records and Tammany Hall elections.

It’s only a matter of time before KD wins an MVP award. Probably won’t happen this year, unless the Thunder move up a few spots in the western conference before the playoffs, but he has the flashy offensive game and gaudy statistics to at least put him in the conversation. Another factor that could stand in his way of an MVP award is the emergence of Russell Westbrook. Baseline to baseline, Westbrook might be the quickest player in the NBA.

2: The Social Network/ (tie) Lebron James & Dwyane Wade – Impossible for me to choose between the two Heat superstars. Both are playing at an unbelievably high levels and their individual games seem to compliment each others much better than anticipated. I still don’t think Miami will compete for a NBA championship this season, not enough of an inside presence/defense, but I do expect this core to rattle off 2 or 3 titles in a row sometime in the near future.

The future is now for Facebook. Human culture and the way we communicate will never be the same – see Egypt, Tunisia, Libya, etc. The Social Network was a brilliantly scripted movie. My main issue with the film is that none of the main characters were likable. Couldn’t root for anyone of them, especially the Winklevoss twins. Have you ever seen those two in real life? Frightening looking mutants. Some rogue foreign dictator should develop a clone Winklevoss army. They would instantly become the top threat to global security in the 21st century.

1: The King’s Speech/Derrick Rose (G, Chicago Bulls) – I find myself gravitating towards this entire Bulls team. They play hard, great team defense, and a have a likable/brash group of young all star caliber players (Noah, Rose, and Gibson). D-Rose is the total package and has put this team in position to challenge the beasts of the east for a shot at the NBA Finals. One worry, his game is so aggressive/reckless that I feel he could seriously injury himself at any moment. Same thing goes for Blake Griffin and Luke Harangody.

The King’s Speech is everyone’s pick to win the Oscar. It was my favorite movie of 2011 and really what’s not to like? Who doesn’t enjoy the inspirational story of an underdog monarch overcoming personal obstacles to lead his country during a pivotal time in world history? I am also calling Colin Firth for Best Actor, Christian Bale/Hailee Steinfeld for Supporting, Natalie Portman for Best Actress, and David Fincher for Director. Agree to disagree.

view from the United Center courtesy of @ShwanGan