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View from Spring Training: 2011 Florida Marlins

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2011 Florida Marlins

NFL Equivalent – Minnesota Vikings: This comparison would work perfectly if the Minnesota taxpayers would finally pony up and agree to finance a new stadium.  As it is, both of these teams currently play in antiquated, potentially-hazardous football stadiums.  South Florida’s daily late afternoon rain squalls have nothing on Minneapolis’s roof collapses and falling debris.  The Marlins will finally be moving into a new building in 2012, right smack dab in the middle of Miami’s Little Havana neighborhood.  Both the Marlins and Vikings are young, with very exciting. combustible players where it matters most.

Google Search: Gone is franchise leader in home runs, 2B Dan Uggla, who was traded to division rival Atlanta after last season.  In his place, the Marlins have brought in 2010 All-Star 2B Omar Infante.  Slotted into the third slot in the rotation is SP Javier Vasquez, who has performed in every city he’s played that doesn’t rhyme with Blue Pork.  C John Buck will call the pitches for a very promising young staff, who will rely on his veteran leadership to keep an even keel.

Famous Movie Quote: I am a star. I’m a star, I’m a star, I’m a star. I am a big, bright, shining star. That’s right. –Dirk Diggler, Boogie Nights.

When a perennial all-star is left to put up huge numbers in anonymity, it falls to him to remind himself that he really is the goods.  Standing in front of a mirror, Dirk Diggler, an up-and-comer in the adult film business, affirms that he has what it takes.  If his fan base and the media have already written him off, Hanley Ramirez needs to enter this season with the self-confidence required of someone who can carry a franchise.  You ARE a star, Hanley!  Ramirez will be looking to his bat to mend the strained relationships that developed with then-manager Fredi Gonzalez and Marlin fans.  Young players OF Mike Stanton, OF Logan Morrison, and 1B Gaby Sanchez will take their cues from Ramirez.  As these four go, so will go the Fish.  SP Josh Johnson will continue to be one of the best young arms in the National League, and will challenge the 20-win threshold yet again. 2011 prediction: 82-80; 3rd Place NL East

View from Spring Training: 2011 Los Angeles Dodgers

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2011 Los Angeles Dodgers

NFL Equivalent – Chicago Bears: When it’s not your team, tradition can be such an annoying word.  Franchises either have it or don’t. Those that do, wave it in front of those that don’t like it is some sort of VIP all access pass to the Bada Bing. The Bears and Dodgers have it, Phoenix Coyotes…not so much. In general, Bears and Dodgers fans are a palatable sort. Each appreciate their rich history and follow their team with intense passion and knowledge. Also don’t look past the uniforms. LA and Chicago have remained on the cutting edge of fashion even though they haven’t changed their styles in over 50 years.

Google Search: Divorce is never a pretty proposition, especially when every trial and tribulation is splashed across the ESPN bottomline. This would be the case for Frank and Jamie McCourt, “co-owners” of the LA Dodgers. For the second year in a row, the ownership tumult threatens to overshadow any on the field accomplishments. The Dodgers have changed managers with Don Mattingly finally replacing Joe Torre. I say finally because Mattingly was rumored to succeed Torre going back to their days together with the New York Knights.

Famous Movie Quote: There’s a real big gap between getting your ass kicked and having a dancing, singing sprite fool you with trickery and then strike your throat before you even know you’re in a fight. But I wouldn’t expect someone like you to understand that, because all you do is make moves from up in your ivory tower. – Vince Vaughn from The Break-Up

Talk about a disappointing movie. The Break-Up had all the ingredients, Vince Vaughn in his comedic prime and Jennifer Aniston at the peak of her post-Friends cougar hotness. But somehow, the movie failed to live up to these lofty expectations, perhaps because it went the “dramedy” route instead of cashing in with a full fledged slapstick side splitter. My wife and I were only dating when we saw the film and it was so depressing that it caused us to reevaluate our entire relationship. With the ongoing McCourt soap opera, the Dodgers could be headed for a depressing break-up of their own. 2011 prediction: 83-79, 3rd place NL West

view from Phoenix Municipal Stadium courtesy of @sirdk1

View from Spring Training: 2011 Los Angeles Angels

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2011 Los Angeles Angels

NFL Equivalent – Indianapolis Colts: What position would Peyton Manning play if he were a MLB star? My first instinct says starting pitcher because of the arm strength and physical stature, not to mention the preparation that goes into taking the mound every five games. Manning would however drive his catcher and pitching coach absolutely bonkers with the way he obsesses over scouting reports and opposing player tendencies. One potential issue for fans, with the way Peyton likes to run the play clock down we could very well be looking at a 4 hour baseball game every time he takes the mound. With his lethargic, meticulous pace Manning should probably play for the Yankees and become best friends with Derek Jeter.

Google Search: This was supposed be the winter where the Angels opened up their wallets and landed a slew of high priced free agents. They offered Carl Crawford big time money to return home to SoCal, but not as much as the Red Sox. They were willing to pay Cliff Lee as well but he chose a much more comfortable living situation in Philadelphia. These two failed attempts to land a high powered, impact player forced Angels management to trade for a has-been high powered, impact player in Vernon Wells.  Canada hasn’t been this relieved since their men’s curling team won Olympic gold in 2010.

Famous Movie Quote: I’m sorry, did I break your concentration? I didn’t mean to do that. Please, continue, you were saying something about best intentions. What’s the matter? Oh, you were finished! Well, allow me to retort. What does Marsellus Wallace look like? – Jules from Pulp Fiction

Where do cinema snobs rank Pulp Fiction in the pantheon of Quentin Tarantino films?  Personally, I would put it right behind Inglorious Basterds but well ahead of Jackie Brown. It is amazing to think about the careers which were resurrected/preserved by this film, most notably John Travolta and Bruce Willis. Without Pulp Fiction, Travolta would be working on Look Who’s Talking 8: That Bird Can Sing! while Willis would have just completed Hudson Hawk Drowns in the Hudson River. The Angels are hoping Vernon Wells enjoys a similar resurgence this season.  Even still, the Angels will have to fight hard not to become yesterday’s news. 2011 record: 84-78, 2nd in AL West

view from Tempe Diablo Stadium courtesy of @heatherdettmann

View from Spring Training: 2011 New York Mets

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2011 New York Mets

NFL Equivalent – Washington Redskins: At first glance, you’re looking at two organizations with histories of success and deep pockets.  Until you open the books and recognize that at the center of this comparison are two organizations with “questionable” business practices.  The Skins threw upwards of $100 million at DT Albert Haynesworth to do virtually nothing except not complete shuttle runs.  The Amazins, on the other hand, did nothing, and somehow were thrown hundreds of millions of dollars from Bernard Madoff.  And only the Mets could possibly top the Haynesworth signing with their history of fiscal irresponsibility.  Tom Seaver, Nolan Ryan, Kevin Mitchell?  Gone.  Vince Coleman, Bobby Bonilla, Mo Vaughn…Oliver Perez?  In you come!  Oh, and both fan bases absolutely loathe their teams’ lovely ownership groups.

Google Search: I think my Internets are broken!  According to them, the Mets did absolutely nothing this winter.  That can’t possibly be right… can it?  I suppose out of obligation, I should note that they did sign pitchers Chris Young, Chris Capuano, and Taylor Buchholz.  They also acquired a new RF in the guy that is now wearing CF Carlos Beltran’s #15 jersey.  Most of the news coming out of Flushing this winter had to do with the ongoing financial scandal involving the Wilpons and public enemy #1. And just today, the New York Times reports that the Mets organization was running low on cash well before this recent lawsuit was filed.

Famous Movie Quote: Right after I got here, I ordered some spaghetti with marinara sauce and I got egg noodles and ketchup. I’m an average nobody. I get to live the rest of my life like a schnook. –Henry Hill, Goodfellas.

What happened to my team!  Like Ray Liotta in Goodfellas, Met fans (and I) have been relegated to the Witness Protection Program.  Even when we were in the prison of the mid 1990s, we were still eating better than this.  A few years ago, when 3B David Wright and SS Jose Reyes were barely formed meteors and SP Johan Santana and CF Beltran were the best in baseball, the sky was the limit.  Back then, we thoughtlessly expected a nice Fettucine Carbonara every night.  Alas, even before we sit down at the table this Spring, we already know that the Wilpons are dishing out the Heinz special.  And when the bill comes, we already know what it will say $25 million and 5 years of open market purgatory. 2011 record: 77 – 85; 4th Place NL East 

view from Digital Domain Park courtesy of @spearsiela

View from Spring Training: 2011 Milwaukee Brewers

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2011 Milwaukee Brewers

NFL Equivalent – Houston Texans: Before recent NFL seasons, ESPN and SI always rank the Houston Texans as one of their breakout teams and every year the Texans fail to live up those expectations. A string of 8-8 records has had them on the outside of the playoffs looking in.  The Brewers have entered recent seasons with somewhat similar expectations. But much like Houston, lots of hype (potent offense) but not a lot of substance (starting pitching) leads to a mediocre record. Prince Fielder is the vegetarian version of Andre Johnson and Ryan Braun may in fact be Matt Schaub’s third cousin. Lack of starting pitching for the Brewers is similar to Houston’s matador defense and for all we know new Milwaukee manager Ron Roenicke use to be a Texans special teams coach.

Google Search: Plenty of change occurred this off season for the Brewers.  The team has resigned 1B Prince Fielder and 2B Rickie Weeks. Their biggest acquisition was a trade for former Cy Young award winner Zack Greinke who will provide stability to the pitching staff, that was until he decided to give us his best Derrick Rose impression and ended up breaking a rib which now puts the beginning of his season in jeopardy.

Famous Movie Quote: Yes, Pete, it is. In fact, it’s pronounced “mil-e-wah-que” which is Algonquin for “the good land. – Alice Cooper from Wayne’s World.

Leave it to Alice Cooper to deliver one of the most memorable lines from this iconic early 90’s film featuring the likes of Wayne Campbell and Garth Algar.  Brewers fans are hoping the Algonquin’s were right when they first named the land and with a revitalized pitching staff (Greinke and Sean Marcum), and a wide open NL Central, Milwaukee could be poised for their first postseason bid in 3 years. Of course, Alice Cooper was also know for biting the heads off of live bats. Or was that Ozzy Osbourne? I get those two confused for one another all the time. 2011 prediction: 88-74, 1st place NL Central

view from Maryvale Baseball Park courtesy of @sandecharles