View My Seats

At the Intersection of Sports and Culture

Photo Credit for Header: Alex Foucre-Stimes

Plodding Through the Previews: Transformers: Dark of the Moon

by

Some folks boast a photographic memory while others claim to count cards. Me, I have a strange telekinetic ability to predict the plot of a movie based solely on the coming attraction. I will channel these talents every week in an effort to breakdown the latest summer blockbuster. With a little luck, and patience, I’ll also connect the preview to a current sports story however, this final pursuit may result in complete and abject failure.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Momentum was slow for this the 3rd installment of the Transformers franchise until word leaked about the reasons behind the Megan Fox firing from Dark of the Moon. Apparently, executive producer Steven Spielberg was less than pleased with how Fox compared Transformers director Michael Bay to Adolf Hitler.* Ignorant? Absolutely. A fireable offense? Sure, why not. Especially when you have Victoria’s Secret model Rosie Huntington-Whitely waiting in the wings. But by far the most objectionable aspect of Fox’s comments were that they historically inaccurate. Every student of history knows that Adolf Hitler was many things – epitome of evil, mass-murderer, narcissist, world renowned cross dresser – but not a filmmaker. Now, if she had compared Bay to say, Nazi propagandist Joseph Goebbels, at least she would have been comparing directors. Then again, the more you think about, that comparison doesn’t really fit either. Let’s just call her comments ignorant and move on.

*After reading this article from foxnews.com it’s 100% impossible to like anyone involved in the making of this film. From the hyperactive Bay to the overly entitled Shia LaBeouf, this had to be one of the least pleasant movie sets to work on.

By the way, why is this movie called Dark of the Moon instead of Dark Side of the Moon? Did the remaining members of Pink Floyd see a rough cut of the film and say no way are we allowing ourselves to be connected to this movie?

A second by second breakdown of the preview

:10 – For the record, Carl Everett does not believe in this preview or dinosaurs.

:28 – Many of you know that my general apathy towards Colorado Rockies shortstop Troy Tulowitzki stems from the fact that he is a dead ringer for Shia LaBeouf.

:30 – C’mon Frances McDormand! Remember who you are. Your Marge Gunderson. Fargo? Almost Famous? Now your selling out to a multi-billion dollar franchise just so you can have your face tattooed across lunchboxes worldwide. I never thought the day would come.

:40 – I would like to hire whoever does the voice over work for Optimus Prime to narrate an entire day in my life. Talk about a sweeping epic. Something dramatic would be bound to happen. “In a world, where Jon washes the dishes better than any other human on the planet, something strange was about to happen.”

1:00 – Usually I can be be fairly cynical regarding the quality of these coming attractions but, as far as previews go, this one is kinda kick-ass.

1:15 – Why must you pick on Chicago evil transformers? Also, Pittsburgh is the new Boston which was the new Chicago which replaced New York. Got it?

1:24 – What’s the current over/under for Rosie Huntington-Whitely lines of dialogue in this movie? 0, 10, or 25? Give me 10 and I’ll take the under.

2:05 – After about 30 seconds strait of robot carnage with some melodramatic dialogue sprinkled on top, we have by far our coolest shot of the preview. Tell me, does anyone else think that the centipede transformer looks an awful lot like some of the sentry robots in the Matrix?

The Plod (where I guess the plot of the movie based on the preview)

We begin with a heartbroken Shia who just can’t believe Megan Fox dumped him so that she could take her Rhodes Scholarship to Oxford where she intends to study molecular engineering. And then, all of a sudden, just when you thought all of the bad transformers had been destroyed in the 2nd film, it turns out that a whole bunch of them were actually hiding on…the dark of the Moon! And now they’re ready to destroy the earth starting with Chicago and the entire state of Illinois. But get this, Shia and his merry band of transformer pals, with the additional help of Fergie’s husband and Tyrese, are there to save the day. A few good transformers are lost in the process, sayonara Bumblebee, but in the end, good out duels bad and we’re poised for Transformers 4 sometime during the summer of 2013. Except in this one, the bad transformers target Detroit because, as you know, that city hasn’t experienced enough devastation in recent years.

Connection to a Current Sports Story

The spontaneous combustion of the Williams sisters who both lost in the 4th round of Wimbledon yesterday. This morning, Venus and Serena may look to hide on the dark of the moon until the U.S. Open commences in late August.** To be fair, both players, especially Serena, were battling some serious injuries heading into play at the All England Club. I watched portions of their 4th round matches yesterday morning and neither sister played with any sort of joy or passion whatsoever. It was very hard to watch. Part injury, but I am also starting to wonder if maybe competing has become a little too routine for these aging stars. It begs the question, will Venus or Serena ever win another Wimbledon?

**Give me a break, it’s the best I could do.

view from Wimbledon courtesy of @AlsTheGreat

Monday Morning Musings

by

Pop quiz hotshot. – Dennis Hopper from Speed

Bottom 11, tie score, and nobody out. Leadoff hitter doubles to deep left center. Now, runner on 2nd, still nobody out, and your two hitter coming to the plate. Perfect opportunity to sacrifice bunt the runner over to 3rd base and take your chances 1 out, number 3 & 4 hitters coming to the plate. Tie ballgame and remember you’re the home team needing only that 1 run to score to win. So what do you do?

What you shouldn’t do is have the 2 hitter swing at the first pitch and ground out sharply  to 3rd base leaving the baserunner stranded at 2nd base with 1 out. What happens next is just as ugly. 3 hitter, your hottest bat in the lineup, flies out to right field, deep enough so that if the runner were on 3rd base instead of 2nd, he would have been able to tag up and score fairly easily. But remember, the runner is still at 2nd base because the 2 batter didn’t bunt them over to 3rd with nobody out. With 1st base open, opposing team intentionally walks cleanup hitter and gets the next batter to hit into a fielder’s choice. Inning over. Tie ballgame, heading now to the top of the 12th.

The hubris of some of these American League teams. What ever happened to small ball or simply just understanding a situation. The Baltimore Orioles are not in the position – last place in the AL East for what feels like over a decade straight – where they can just potentially throw a game away because they fail to adhere to basic baseball strategy. (Editors note: the Birds would go on to win this game 5-4 over the Cincinnati Reds in the bottom of the 12th on a Derrek Lee solo jack to left field.) The only satisfactory explanation Buck Showalter could have given – and I’m sorry but I didn’t listen to his press conference after the game – was that with nobody out and Nick Markakis at the plate, he wanted to give a good hitter a chance with no strikes to move JJ Hardy, the runner on 2nd base, over to 3rd on his own. Since Markakis is a lefty, look for something low and in to drive to right field. Or take a strike after which the bunt sign is on. But to ground out to 3rd base on a first pitch with nobody out and a runner on 2nd in a tie ballgame in extra innings is inexcusable. Markakis, Showalter or whomever was responsible for this oversight can thank D Lee – he of the slider speed bat – for bailing them out in the 12th.

A Quick Trip Around the Bases (no more Orioles business I swear)

1B – You can imagine my amazement when I tuned into ESPN for Sunday Night Baseball only to find the Cleveland Indians taking on the San Francisco Giants. I could have sworn that the programmers up in Bristol would have gone at least one more week with only showing MLB games featuring either the Boston Red Sox, New York Yankees, Philadelphia Phillies, Chicago Cubs, or St. Louis Cardinals. But apparently they must have realized that there are in fact other baseball teams playing this season and wanted to throw a small bone to us, the disenfranchised, silent minority of fans. I’m sure we’ll be back in the Bronx for Yankees vs somebody later this week. (Bitterness over starting now. NOW.)

2B – Is it possible, I repeat possible, that Prince Fielder will be a higher valued free agent this coming winter than Albert Pujols? I know, I know, who thought the day would ever come but just think about for a second. Fielder is 4 years younger than Pujols, 27 to 31, and is putting together a MVP type season – if not for Jose Reyes – for the Milwaukee Brewers while King Albert toils on the DL for the next two months recovering from a broken wrist.*  Even if the prodigious Pujols still commands a larger contract than Fielder this offseason, he is most likely going to have to settle for a 6-7 year contract instead of the ARodesque ten year deal he was maybe hoping for during spring training.

*Wrist injuries aren’t exactly the type of injuries that baseball players typically have an easy time recover from, just ask Nomar Garciaparra.

3B – Too bad Washington, just when the Nationals were starting to play some pretty good baseball your manager Jim Riggleman decides to suddenly get up and vacate his post. Now 68 year old Davey Johnson takes over, he of ’86 Mets lore, and we are all left wondering if the Nats can leave the soap opera behind and keep their momentum rolling through the All Star break. I for one am rooting for this group because I hate to see a manager, or front office for that matter, determining the fate of a team midseason.

HR – And finally, what are the chances that the Pittsburgh Pirates can finish the season above .500? Currently the team sits at 39-38 and for a franchise that hasn’t had a winning season since 1992, this is a remarkable achievement. Good luck Bucs! May the power of Batman be with you!

Jim Riggleman and the Absence of Accountablilty in Washington

by

Before we delve deep into the weekend sports menu, a few words on the lack of leadership in our Nation’s Capital. And no, for once I am not referring to Democrats and Republicans.

In A League of Their Own Tom Hanks famously said, “There’s no crying in baseball”. And while this is true, perhaps what he really should have said to the teary eyed Rockford Peach is that there is also no “quitting” in baseball either. It’s a lesson now former Washington Nationals manager Jim Riggleman clearly did not listen to when he decided to walk out on his team yesterday afternoon.

I understand wanting job security, and I get how difficult it can be to work for a boss who lacks communication skills. We’ve all been there. However, if you’re Jim Riggleman, how in the world do you give your GM an ultimatum at 1230p, manage your team to an exciting 1-0 early afternoon walkoff victory over the Seattle Mariners, and then, following the game when your GM doesn’t immediately offer to pick up your contract option for next year, you quit? What about your players in the locker room? For the first time in their young history, the Washington Nationals were actually playing some pretty good baseball – above .500 in the NL East with an outside chance at the wild card.

This morning, baseball writers are talking about how Jim Riggleman has been a good, respected baseball man who has now done permanent damage to his career in baseball. In the future, will Riggleman be able to stand before a clubhouse and espouse the virtues of accountability, commitment, and honesty? Players will not trust a man who abandoned his previous team over seemingly petulant financial reasons. We expect this behavior from professional athletes who are prone to hold out and demand respect via the restructured contract. But coaches, as leaders, must model the type discipline it takes to maintain a high level of focus and determination that a successful athlete, person must embody. With this decision to walk away from his team midseason, Jim Riggleman has failed on all accounts.

Rant over, on to a rather skimpy slate of weekend sports watching

Wimbledon, Sat: ESPN2 7a, NBC 1p Sun: NBC 2p (tape delayed)

In this the day and age of live streaming, if you’re a major network why would you ever choose to air a tape delayed sporting event? Anyone who cares is already going to know the result of the game/match that you are broadcasting. Are ratings that bad in the AM that you can’t show these matches live?

NHL Draft, Fri: Versus 7p

Speaking of poor programming choices, Friday night? Versus? See you there.

College Baseball, Fri: ESPN 7p, Sat: ESPN 2p & ESPN2 7p

This could be my choice right here. Have yet to watch much of the CWS so far, but with a lack of other solid options, feel like this could be the best bet for the weekend. Although, without a horse in this race I’ll have to choose a favorite team soon. What’s the best story remaining the in CWS? Vandy’s first ever appearance in Omaha or perhaps a Gamecock repeat?

 

view from Nationals Park courtesy of @thatmichael

Whitey Bulger and the 2011 NBA Draft

by

Living in anonymity. That’s what repugnant Boston mobster Whitey Bulger had been doing for 17 years until his capture in Santa Monica late last night – special thanks to Jack Nicholson for breathing new life into the search – and that’s what the majority of picks in the 2011 NBA Draft will be doing for the foreseeable future. To borrow a line from Major League, “who are these f*%$ing guys?. Are any of these picks destined for stardom or do we have nothing more than a bunch of back of the rotation guys who will struggle to earn consistent minutes in the NBA? We’ve heard of Kyrie Irving. We know the charming story of Glens Falls, NY native Jimmer Fredette. But Jan Vesely? Tristan Thompson?

In times of column crisis, I typically turn to my wife for inspiration who, like the majority of casual sports fans, couldn’t be bothered to tell you the first informative thing about this NBA Draft or any of the players involved. I gave her the names of the presumed top ten picks, without any sort of backstory, and asked her to tell me who she thought these “people” were.

If it’s real draft “analysis” you’re looking for, head here, here, or possibly here. Otherwise, enjoy this totally unscientific breakdown of the 2011 NBA Draft presented by my wife.

#1: Cleveland Cavaliers – Kyrie Irving, PG Duke

“Don’t you mean “Kyle” Irving? I went to grade school with a Kyle Irving. He was a bad seed. It has been my experience that certain names fit certain personalities and I have never met a “Kyle” or “Brandon” or “Zach” that I could trust.”

#2: Minnesota Timberwolves – Derrick Williams, PF Arizona

“Isn’t there a Derrick Williams playing in the NBA? It feels like there is a Derrick Williams playing in the NBA.”

#3: Utah Jazz – Enes Kanter, C Turkey

“Oh, got this one, he’s that Republican Congressman who always seems to be lurking behind John Boehner during those creepy announcements from Capital Hill.”

#4: Cleveland Cavaliers – Tristan Thompson, PF Texas

“Reminds me of Brad Pitt’s character from Legends of the Fall. Do you remember when we were trying to come up with names for our son and I suggested “Tristan”? Such a dreamy name.”

#5: Toronto Raptors – Brandon Knight, PG Kentucky

“Wasn’t he a member of the New Kids on the Block? Or was it the Backstreet Boys? Either way I’m kinda hoping for a boy band revival. Never did get to see N’Sync live.”

#6: Washington Wizards – Jan Vesely, SF Serbia

“Harry Potter’s BFF and Hermione’s future husband. Speaking of Harry Potter, you better do one of those Plodding through the Previews posts for The Deathly Hallows: Part II.”

#7: Sacramento Kings – Kawhi Leonard, SF San Diego St.

“Doesn’t sound like anybody I know. I don’t even know how to pronounce Kawhi”

#8: Detroit Pistons – Bismack Biyombo, PF Spain

“The King of Zamunda. Maybe I think this because Coming to America has been on all the time recently. Great movie although I feel that it has become a bit underrated recently.”

#9: Charlotte Bobcats – Kemba Walker, PG Connecticut

“Point guard of the National Champion UConn Huskies. I’m not completely ignorant to all things sports.”

#10: Milwaukee Bucks – Klay Thompson, SG Washington State

“Why is it not “Clay” with a C. I have never understood why parents change the spelling of fairly traditional names like Staci, Rodger, and D’Brickashaw.”

——–

So there you have it. Thanks to my wife for being such a great sport and enjoy the 2011 NBA Draft live for Newark, NJ. That’s right Newark, NJ. Enjoy!! 

view from the 2011 NBA Draft courtesy of @prucenter

 

Wednesday Worries: Wimbledon Edition

by

I am worried that….

the grass courts at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club are going to cause a significant injury. On Day 1 the surface is pristine and lush with nary a weed or rough patch. But by the first weekend, when the wear and tear begins to take its tole, the grass, mostly around the service line, begins to look like the 1st baseline at Wrigley Field. Would it be too difficult, or against tradition, to re-sod the courts midway through the fortnight? I’m only thinking about the players safety and not for any asthetic reason like it kinda looks like crap on tv.

croquet has become an overlooked sport/recreational pastime. Think about it, when was the last time you went over to a friends house, fired up the BBQ, and got yourself ready for a rousing game of croquet? That’s my point, this just doesn’t happen anymore. The funny thing is I can remember being a kid and playing croquet all the time. It’s a fantastic activity. A perfect distraction as the ribs sit on the smoker. In fact, I credit much of my 25 handicap on the golf course to my experience with a wooden mallet on the croquet pitch.

today’s rain is just a harbinger of things to come and that it is going to continue raining in London for a week straight forcing players to play multiple matches a day.

Maria Sharapova is really going to marry Sasha Vujacic. Seriously, what does he have that I don’t? Take away the wife, kids, mortgage, student loans, etc and we are basically the same person.

Serena Williams is going to experience a massive emotional breakdown. She was all sorts of teary eyed after her 3 set victory in the 1st round yesterday. Her raw emotion was no doubt a byproduct of missing so much time due to injury leading up to Wimbledon. However, if healthy, she clearly remains one of the favorites to win the tournament.

John Isner is going to hit his head on the umpires chair during a changeover. He’s 6’9″!! How did he get into tennis and not basketball or baseball. He could have been the next Randy Johnson or perhaps even Mark Hendrickson.

there is not enough room on the grounds of the All England Club for the gaggle of ESPN broadcasters who have descended upon London. Enough is enough already. You have Cliff Drysdale and Darren Cahill calling a match from centre court with Chris Fowler interrupting w/ live look-ins while Patrick McEnroe sits back in the studio alongside Hannah Storm, Mary Joe Fernandez, and Chris Evert who have special sideline reports coming in from Brad Gilbert and Pam Shriver. If I’m Mike Tirico or Scott Van Pelt I feel a little left out. Give me Dick Enberg, John McEnroe, and Mary Carillo. That’s it. The rest of you can go and break down the NBA Draft because ESPN doesn’t have enough people doing that already.

Novak Djokovic is going to ruin the tournament by beating Roger Federer in the semifinals. All anybody wants to see is another Rafa Nadal/Federer final. Wimbledon is all about pitting the best vs the best. Take for example the rivalry between Bjorn Borg and John McEnroe, the subject of a recent HBO documentary. Their classic showdown in the 1980 Wimbledon final is considered by many to be the “Greatest Tennis Match of All Time”.

I was much too young to remember this match but after watching the documentary I was amazed at what a star Bjorn Borg was. I knew he was a great tennis player but had no idea that he had the charisma capable of captivating the entire sports world. He was an absolute rockstar and during the 1980 final McEnroe came so close to preventing Borg’s streak of 5 Wimbledon titles in a row. McEnroe would however go on to defeat Borg at Wimbledon a year later in 1981.  But beyond the major titles, what resonates today is the relationship between two tennis warriors that extends well beyond the boundaries of competition. McEnroe/Borg, once bitter rivals, now close friends.

Federer/Nadal have already treated us with a fair share of memorable Wimbledon’s – think 2008 – and could meet in the finals again this year. It remains to be seen whether or not these two all time competitors and champions will become great friends, a la Borg/McEnroe and, as tennis fans, we probably don’t care if Roger and Rafa take family vacations together. But this much is clear, Nadal/Federer is the most competitive rivalry in sports today. As fans, we should appreciate every opportunity we have to watch these two tennis titans square off against one another because, as Borg/McEnroe proved, the rivalry will be over before we know it.

view from Wimbledon Day 3 courtesy of @mrwayneg