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Plodding Through the Previews: Horrible Bosses

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Some folks boast a photographic memory while others claim to count cards. Me, I have a strange telekinetic ability to predict the plot of a movie based solely on the coming attraction. I will channel these talents every week in an effort to breakdown the latest summer blockbuster. With a little luck, and patience, I’ll also connect the movie to a current sports story however, this final pursuit may result in complete and abject failure.

Horrible Bosses

We try to make it so that the highest grossing film of the coming weekend is the preview dissected on our Tuesday Plodding Through the Previews post. Today was an exception however because I just could not lower myself to a critical analysis of the sure to be summer sensation Zookeeper starring Kevin James. Instead, we’re going to take a closer look at Horrible Bosses, which on the surface, looks like a preview much more in line with my delicate sensibilities.

A second by second breakdown of the preview

:5 – I wonder if Kevin Spacey is pleased with his post American Beauty career arc? After a string of successful gigs – Usual Suspects, Se7en, American Beauty – it feels like he has drifted off into relative obscurity while working on several pet projects  like Beyond the Sea. Maybe Spacey’s role in Horrible Bosses will catapult him into a new genre of comedic roles a la Robert De Niro in Meet the Parents.

:22 – With Jason Bateman, Charlie Day, and Jason Sudeikis, we could have ourselves one of the most bankable starting rotations since the days of Palmer, McNally, Dobson, and Cuellar with the Baltimore Orioles.

:38 – When are we going to start giving Colin Farrell some credit for being a pretty good actor? In Bruges was awesome and it just feels like the guy takes a ton of crap for being a good looking guy with great hair and an awesome Irish accent.

1:11 – Hey look, a Jennifer Aniston movie that just might not suck.

1:26 – Jamie Foxx playing a “murder consultant”. He really has come a long way since winning the Academy Award for Ray.

1:35 – More people should be watching “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” on FX. Charlie Day, not Jason Sudeikis, is poised to be the breakout star of this film. My only hope is that he doesn’t commit career suicide by signing on to be the comedic sidekick in the next Brett Ratner good cop/bad cop movie. Where’s Seann William Scott when you need him?

1:58 – Gotta applaud the effort.

2:23 – Tater Salad and Bunk playing cops. I hope this is set to be a spinoff next summer.

The Plod (where I guess the plot of the movie based solely on the preview)

Bateman, Day, and Sudeikis all want to kill their horrible bosses – Kevin Spacey, Jennifer Aniston, and Colin Farrell respectively. Because they’re all “nice guys” who wouldn’t know the first thing about murder, they hire a “murder consultant” to help them explore their villainous options. Of course, all kinds of hijinx ensue as the 3 best friends fail over and over again to execute any sort of successful murder. Along the way, Sudeikis falls for Aniston and the two become romantically involved while Kevin Spacey turns out to be not such a bad guy after all, just a little misunderstood and lonely. Not only does he give Jason Bateman that much desired promotion but the two spark a lifelong friendship built on trust and respect. The only “boss” I worry about actually losing is Colin Farrell. I could see some sort of accident befalling him, completely unrelated to anything the 3 friends conspired to do.

Connection to a Current Sports Story

Is there a worse boss in professional sports than Frank McCourt, the soon to be deposed owner of the Los Angeles Dodgers? Here’s hoping that MLB gets in there and cleans up this embarrassing mess as quickly as possible. The Dodgers remain one of the flagship teams in MLB and need to end up in the hands of an owner who knows and understands how to successfully operate a professional sports franchise. But the question is, will Bud Selig allow Mark Cuban to ever own a MLB team? Hopefully the Dallas Mavericks successful title run in 2011 shows people that Cuban is interested in winning above all else and wouldn’t alter the integrity of the game. His energy and passion would be a great boost to the Dodger clubhouse and all of Chavez Ravine.

view from Chavez Ravine courtesy of @darrenmartin2

Monday Morning Musings: 4th of July Edition

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There is not a straightforward way to reach the quiet hamlet of Cooperstown, NY, home of the National Baseball Hall of Fame. Google maps will send you past every dairy farm in upstate New York. I think at one point we even passed the Bubble Boy’s house.

It might not be the easiest place to find, but Cooperstown is certainly the perfect spot to spend a Friday afternoon in early July.  We didn’t go through the actual Hall of Fame museum, choosing instead to walk around and snap a few photos of Doubleday Field, a place where I was fortunate enough to play a couple of baseball games back when I was in high school. It had been quite a while since I last visited Cooperstown and in that time I had totally forgotten how short the right field porch is. Only 312 feet down the line is a very tempting distance for a left handed hitter.

It was also nice to see that Doubleday Field is used regularly as the homefield of the Cooperstown Hawkeyes, a New York Collegiate Baseball League summer team. Fields as historic as Doubleday need to be kept busy, otherwise they become overgrown relics of yesteryear.

A Quick Trip Around the Bases

1B – Call it what you like. Grade 1. Mild strain. Day to Day. But however you choose to diagnose Jose Reyes’ latest hamstring injury, one thing’s for sure, the timing of this latest setback couldn’t come at a worse moment for the Mets or Reyes. Everyone involved is saying that the All Star shortstop could be back in the starting lineup as early as Tuesday in Los Angeles but for a player like Reyes, who has a long history of hamstring issues, the Mets will most likely be airing on the side of caution. This injury does once again raise questions regarding whether Jose Reyes is durable enough to command the type of long term contract he had positioned himself for after his historic first half to the 2011 season.

2B – So who is at the top of the 2011 All-Star Game “snub list”? CC Sabathia? Victor Martinez? Andrew McCutchen? How about  White Sox 1B Paul Konerko? Many consider Konerko a top 3 MVP candidate and he has certainly more than made up for Adam Dunn’s  historic first half incompetence.

3B – Recently, the most subtle move up the standings has been the ascension of the Angels out in the AL West.  Anaheim has won 8 of 10 games and moved into a tie for first place with reigning American League champions the Texas Rangers. Here on the East Coast we don’t hear a lot about the Halos but should probably start paying more attention to players like Jered Weaver, he of the 1.92 ERA.

HR – Derek Jeter played 6 innings of pain free baseball for AA Trenton and is now scheduled to return to the Yankee lineup Monday vs the Indians in Cleveland. Upon hearing this news, thousands of Yankee fans packed up their SUV’s and headed out west on I-80 hoping to reach Progressive Field in time for Jeter’s 3000 hit. Do you think manager Joe Girardi holds Jeter out of the lineup if he inches a little closer to 3000 just so he can reach the milestone at home in Yankee Stadium next weekend? Stay tuned.


 

Celebrating the Red, White, and Blue

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Happy 4th of July weekend everybody! Time to fire up the BBQ and celebrate our independence. Before heading out to the lake, river, or stream, take a few quick moments to peruse our list of the best red, white, and blue uniforms in American sports today. Feel free to offer an opinion on these rankings, it is a free country after all.

Red

#5: Florida State football – There’s a lot of stuff going on in Tallahassee that I could do with out – Chief Osceola and his horse Renegade planting a flaming spear in the ground for one. But, what’s not to love about the Burt Reynolds inspired garnet/gold?*  When watching Seminole games today it’s hard not to remember the halcyon days of Neon Deion, Charlie Ward, and shoplifting at a local Dillard’s.

*I made that part up about the uniform being Burt Reynolds inspired. Although, not hard to imagine seeing as how he has probably donated a ton of money to his alma mater.

#4: Detroit Red Wings – I still don’t understand why the NHL decided to have the home team wear the color sweater. White at home, color on the road – with the major exception being college/professional football. In any case, the Red Wings unis continue to epitomize Detroit automotive ingenuity. Also my first, and only, personalized hockey jersey was a Detroit Red Wings Bob Probert #24, may he rest in peace. I liked Probert for the fact that he was the best fighter in EA Sports NHL ’94 and NOT because of his massive cocaine and alcohol problem.

#3: San Francisco 49ers/Kansas City Chiefs (tie) – If this list included uniforms from Europe, then #3 probably would have been Manchester United. But this is America, and in America we play football none of this namby-pamby soccer stuff. Although I will say that I watched the Gold Cup finals Saturday night and came away incredibly impressed with Mexico. Could someone in the know tell me if El Tri has a legitimate chance to win/place/show in the 2014 World Cup? Also, how does the USMNT go about acquiring a player named Chicharito? The name alone has got to be good for a goal or two.

#2: Chicago Bulls – My first Michael Jordan memory is a box of Wheaties. No really. I was in the 3rd grade and my basketball coach gave me an MJ winning the ’88 dunk contest poster which came from a box of Wheaties. Of course, being the impulsive, stubborn kid that I was, I wanted all of the posters in the entire series therefore my family must have gone through around 20 boxes of cereal in the span of a month.

#1: Tiger Woods on Sunday – Other professional golfers know that when Tiger’s in contention on Sunday, red is off limits. Of course, it has been so long since this happened that many fans have probably already forgotten about Woods affinity for final round red. I use to think that a red golf shirt could help improve my scoring average but after countless rounds and a handicap hovering in the 20’s, I think it’s fair to say that the clothes do not always make the man.

White

#5: Oakland A’s – The A’s probably wouldn’t be on this list if it weren’t for their white spikes, which are technically part of the uniform. In fact, the A’s were wearing white spikes long before they became fashionable a few years back. Also, white cleats really do make baseball players look svelter/faster. I believe Jason Giambi had 20 stolen bases during one season in Oakland, half of which were due to his white spikes.

#4: New York Yankees – Sorry haters, the pinstripes had to be somewhere on this list. Probably would have put them at #2 if it weren’t for Steiner Collectibles already trying to sell me a commemorative cup of batter’s box dirt from Derek Jeter’s eventual 3000 hit.

#3: University of Alabama football – Such a simple, clean look. For a while, college football teams were getting a little carried with the redesign of their uniforms. This was undoubtedly seen as a way to sell more jerseys and increase revenue. But not the Crimson Tide. Bear Bryant would never allow it and he’s been dead for nearly 30 years. I’m also surprised that, like Alabama, more college football teams don’t go with #’s on the side of the helmet which seems to be a much better option than 50% of the decals out there right now.

#2: Boston Celtics – During the mid to late 90’s, the Celtics jersey was unfortunately becoming synonymous with a bad a House of Pain video or a poorly timed punchline from the movie Celtic Pride. But then the “Big Three” united and brought a championship back to Boston. Now, the Celtics jersey has regained its street cred and is currently being worn by the likes of Mark Wahlberg, Dane Cook, and Whitey Bulger.

#1: Dallas Cowboys – Regardless of how you feel about the Cowboys you cannot deny that their home uniform is part of what made them America’s team. Also, how many NFL teams choose to wear white at home? I can think of 3: Redskins, Dolphins (occasionally), and Cowboys. I love it when the NY Giants wear white at the Meadowlands just to mess with the Cowboys who seem to disdain their road blues. Classic NFC East gamesmanship.

Blue

#5: Boise State football – The Broncos wouldn’t have even come close to touching this list 5 years ago. But then the Statue of Liberty play happened in the Fiesta Bowl and now Boise State has evolved into a perennial power in college football. I don’t care however for the blue on blue jersey/pant combo especially when they play at home on the smurf turf.

#4: North Carolina basketball – All apologies to their Tobacco Road neighbors in Durham, but Carolina blue is the most recognizable jersey in college basketball. I have no idea why they ever allowed Nike to force them into those butt ugly “UNC” jerseys a few years back. That was a massive failure. Probably thought that with Dean Smith out of the way they could push for change. But if it ain’t broken…

#3 Chicago Bears -At first glance, the Bears jersey probably looks more black than blue and, to be fair, that fits in quite nicely with the persona of the franchise and its city. Hard nosed football going back to the days of George Halas. I wonder what Papa Bear would have thought about Jay Cutler’s knee injury against the Packers?

#2: New York Rangers – For a while the Rangers went with an image of the Statue of Liberty across the front of their blue jersey. Now they are back to the classic block lettering which I’m sure brings back fond memories of ’94 when the city of Vancouver rioted for the first time.

#1: Penn State football – The more things change, the more they stay the same. Since Joe Pa is never going to retire, I think it’s safe to say that these classic uniforms won’t be changing anytime soon either.

view from Citizens Bank Park courtesy of @eliza_peterson

Wednesday Worries: Wrigley Field Edition

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I’m worried that….

my buddy Steve didn’t make it out of Murphy’s in time to catch the first pitch of Cubs/Giants live from Wrigley Field. I asked him to send in a picture from the game and instead got one from the bar. Not a very promising sign. Better check in again with him a little later.

this happens a lot more than we think. Couple of former prep school buddies from Winnekta go out with every intention of making it by first pitch of the Cubs game but end up conversing and carousing until the early innings in one of the many watering holes that surround Wrigley. Although, if you have ever spent 9 innings in the bleachers you understand that it’s pretty much like watching the game from a bar anyway. I once watched a Cubs/Cardinals matinee from the bleachers and after the game was over I ended up taking a 3 hour nap.  I guess that’s what you get when you combine a few too many pints of Old Style and no sun screen.

because of all the drinking that goes on in the bleachers some Cubs fans might not realize that their team lost both games of a doubleheader to the San Francisco Giants yesterday. With a record of 32-48, and a full 12 games behind the Milwaukee Brewers in the NL Central, this could end up being a very long, hot summer on the Northside. Do the Cubs even have any tradable assets? Kerry Wood? Ryan Dempster? Maybe Carlos Pena? None of these players are going to warrant a significant amount of talent in return. It looks like Cubs fans will have to wait for the offseason when the can overpay for either Prince Fielder or Albert Pujols.

when Steve did finally get to his seats, and judging by the look of the setting sun I’ll guess bottom of the 2nd inning, he realized that the adult beverages were a lot cheaper in the bar outside the stadium.

 

 

 

PNC Park says: “Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled massses”

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My buddy Brownie* visited PNC Park over the weekend to watch the Pirates take on the Boston Red Sox. He sent me this view from his seats and told me that yes, those buildings in the background are in fact real and spectacular. He went on to say that the Pittsburgh skyline borders on hypnotic and that when you watch a Pirates game from the upper deck of PNC Park, you can’t help but stare at the Clemente Bridge and the tall buildings behind. He equated it to a Cowboys game at the new stadium in Dallas where fans can’t help but be distracted by the massive jumbotron hovering above the field.

*It’s true what they say, every group of friends has someone called “Brownie” and “Murph”.

I have to admit, I’m starting to develop a bit of a “fan crush” on Pittsburgh and the Pirates. The Steel City has emerged as the hippest port of call between New York and Chicago – sorry Cleveland – for young professionals in their late 20’s/early 30’s. With a strong university system, gobs of entrepreneurial spirit, and affordable housing, Pittsburgh has everything that a wayward soul with latent ambition could possibly ever need. Think about it as grittier version of Portland, Oregon.

The Pirates are quietly becoming my National League team. As a Baltimore Orioles fan, I have empathy for the plight of the Pittsburgh Pirates fan base and share their longing for a winning season. With loads of young talent, Andrew McCutchen as the centerpiece of this youth movement, and a beautiful ballpark, this is a team that should be able to turn things around, if ownership ever becomes willing to invest money in improving the quality of their on the field product.

Hopefully the great migration of “coasties” who have abandoned their studio apartments in Red Hook for a new lease on life in the Steel City will be able to go out to PNC Park and watch a winner sometime in the near future.