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At the Intersection of Sports and Culture

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Welcome to Congressional: A Golfer’s Bill of Rights

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In honor of the 111th US Open to be played this week at Congressional Country Club outside of Washington, D.C., VMS has decided that it is in the best interest of Americans, and golf fans alike, to use the first Ten Amendments of the Constitution as a means to predict our 2011 champion.

Tenth Amendment – power of States and people

Harrison Frazar 200/1: For this one, I had to go with a guy from Texas, that, as far as I know, is still contemplating secession. Or maybe that’s just Rick Perry the GOP Governor of Texas/soon to be running for President in 2012. In any case, Frazar has some momentum after his win last week at the FedEx St. Jude Classic.

Ninth Amendment – protection of rights not specifically enumerated in the Constitution

Angel Cabrera 66/1: This Amendment was created for Cabrera, a guy known for smoking his fair share of “fairway butts”. Citizens may not have the right to smoke in restaurants anymore but, as far as I know, when the cameras aren’t rolling there is nothing preventing “El Pato” from lighting up as he waddles down towards the green.

Eight Amendment – prohibition of excessive bail and cruel and unusual punishment

Dustin Johnson 25/1: What happened to Dustin during his final round of the U.S. Open at Pebble Beach last year, and the PGA Championship at Whistling Straights for that matter, was certainly cruel and unusual. Tough to feel that sorry for a guy who is still young, rich, and famous and bound to win his fair share of majors eventually.

Seventh Amendment – civil trial by jury

Rory Sabbatini 100/1: Can you press civil charges against someone for simply being an all around arse? If so, Sabbatini is the leading candidate on the PGA Tour. Unfortunately for haters like myself, he can play golf and has played well so far this year. I just hope he doesn’t start some sort of international incident in our Nation’s Capital.

Sixth Amendment – trial by jury and rights of the accused; speedy trial, public trial, right to counsel

Gary Woodland 80/1: Talk about a player in need of some representation. I’m surprised his odds are this low, especially given how long he hits the ball. It’s about time his publicity machine went to work. More fans need to know about Gary Woodland and maybe they will after this U.S. Open.

Fifth Amendment – due process, double jeopardy, self-incrimination, eminent domain

Luke Donald 12/1: I’ll be pleading the 5th if Donald, arguably the hottest golfer in the world right now, and many peoples trendy choice this week at Congressional, actually ends up winning this tournament. Tough not to root for Donald, partly because of his diminutive stature. He walked right past me at the 2009 U.S. Open at Bethpage and I could have sworn he was no older than 16. Certainly hasn’t affected his golf game.

Fourth Amendment – protection from unreasonable search and seizure

Lee Westwood 11/1: To Westwood, after coming so close so many times in the majors, it probably feels like the golfing gods have torn through his personal belongings without a warrant. What has he done to to deserve such heartbreak? Westwood seems like a rather affable guy and, aside from his spat with the PGA Tour , he manages to keep his name out of the headlines. Would like to see him win a major sometime soon.

Third Amendment – protection from quartering of troops

Phil Mickelson 14/1: Seriously, isn’t about time to amend the Amendments. Much like the Third Amendment, time is running out for Lefty who at the age of 40, soon to be 41, has his window of opportunity slowly closing. The people’s choice will have the D.C. crowd pulling for him big time and if he hits his driver straight, expect an exciting finish on Sunday.

Second Amendment – right to keep and bear arms

Alvaro Quiros 80/1: This one was easy. The way Quiros bludgeons the ball off of the tee, PGA authorities should have him register his driver as a concealed weapon.

First Amendment – freedom of speech, of the press and of religion

Matt Kuchar 25/1 – Oh the irony! Kuchar seems like a really quiet, affable guy, someone who doesn’t like to push the envelope,  avoiding controversy at all costs. His patience will be tested but his even demeanor and unassuming nature should help him mange the pressure of a final round, Father’s Day Sunday at the U.S. Open.

view from Congressional CC courtesy of @IanJamesPoulter

Plodding Through the Previews: Green Lantern

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Some folks boast a photographic memory while others claim to count cards. Me, I have a strange telekinetic ability to predict the plot of a movie based solely on the coming attraction. I will channel these talents every week in an effort to breakdown the latest summer blockbuster. With a little luck, and patience, I’ll also connect the movie to a current sports story however, this final pursuit may result in complete and abject failure.

Green Lantern

Is this really what the general public wants, weekend after weekend of CGI souped up comic book adaptations? I know it made a lot of money but did any one enjoy Thor? And don’t pigeonhole the recent Christopher Nolan Batman films as just comic book adaptations. That series has been cultivated to fit the interests of main stream moviegoers not just attendees of the recent Comic Con.

This weekend we are graced with the presence of Green Lantern, another movie based on a beloved comic book starring an overly charismatic Ryan Reynolds, now sans Scarlett Johansson. I typically like Reynolds even though a lot off people find him smug and overly cynical. Frankly, I don’t see why the guy just doesn’t stick to his wheelhouse which is any rom/com costarring Sandra Bullock.

A Second by Second Breakdown

:10 – Nope. Un-un. Not gonna work. I’m sick of the CGI. It is too much to ask to give me real Green Lanterns with real receding hairlines and real fish gills? For the record, I’m not anti comic book adaptation. I’m anti comic book adaptation that uses CGI as a storytelling crutch. I respect the mythology and symbolism of comics but do not understand why comic book movies must continue to assault our senses with over the top CGI. I guess some filmmakers just do not respect the intelligence of the average moviegoer.

:18 – Man that voice is familiar, where have I heard it before? And why do I want to buy a Jaguar XJ 7?

:37 – First shot of a clearly brooding Ryan Reynolds. Probably still lamenting the loss of his now ex wife who I think we’re all happy to hear is no longer dating Sean Penn.

1:10 – Alright, I can get down with this ring conjuring thoughts thing. Reminds me of that classic scene from Ghostbusters where Dan Aykroyd summons the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. If any of us where in that situation we would have done the same thing. You can’t be told not to think about something without then thinking about that something. Don’t think about the Republican debate last night! You see….

1:28 – Inspector Clouseau, what are you doing here?

1:39 – Copyright infringement! Copyright infringement! Eric Stoltz and the makers of Mask should sue Peter Saarsgard. And poor Tim Robbins. We really have gone a long way since Shawshank Redemption, heck even Arlington Road.

1:47 – Ohh Blake Lively. She seems really nice. You see kids this is why you always give previews a chance.

1:51 – Now Saarsgard is ripping off Vigo the Carpathian from Ghostbusters II.

2:14 – “In brightest day. In blackest night.” Catchy. I kinda like the Green Lantern oath. Next have to figure out how I can weave it into a work email. Suggestions?

Preview Review

So here’s the deal, a talented but underachieving Hal Jordan faces a critical turning point in his life when all of a sudden a pink alien crashes through a barn and delivers Jordan a powerful ring that looks like it came out of a box of Cap’ N Crunch. At first, Hal doesn’t want or understand the power he now possesses. Eventually he puts the ring on and is magically catapulted through the sky to a different galaxy where he meets his fellow Green Lanterns and learns about his new power, responsibility.

Upon returning to earth, Peter Sarsgaard has started to eat the remains of the former Green Lantern and slowly starts to morph into Barry Bonds. Hal Jordan returns just in time to confront Captain Forehead but discovers that he needs helps. So….he returns to planet Lantern to recruit the services of his fellow Greenies who begrudgingly oblige. In the end, a few Lanterns perish but Hal survives, beats the bad guy, gets the Gossip Girl, and sets up the sequel – pending box office returns.

Plodding Scale: 4/10 Donkeys

Connection to a Current Sports Story

Let’s go with the Stanley Cup Finals and those Vancouver Canuck fans who dress up in green body suits in an attempt to intimidate opposing players sitting in the penalty box. Fellas, you better bring your A game Wednesday night because Roberto Luongo is going to need all the help he can get after a stunningly inadequate performance last night in Game 6. Honestly, there was a point last night during the first period where the Canucks would have been better off putting one of the Sedin twins between the pipes. Needless to say, I don’t think Luongo is going to be making any trips back to Boston during the offseason.

view from TD BankNorth Garden courtesy of @VanCanucks

 

Monday Morning Musings: Mavericks Edition

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Congrats to Dirk Nowitzki and the Dallas Mavericks for ending our season long nightmare by defeating the Miami Heat in the NBA Finals. LeBron James will have to wait at least one more season before claiming his first championship. On the ABC postgame, Jeff Van Gundy tossed out the notion that the Miami front office would possibly entertain the idea of trading LeBron or Dwyane Wade for either Chris Paul or Dwight Howard this offseason because, in his mind, the pieces just might not “fit” as currently constituted. Don’t you have to wait at least one more year before blowing the whole thing up?

For me, the arithmetic just doesn’t add up on this one. LeBron will be back. Dwyane Wade will be back. Even Chris Bosh and Coach Spoelstra will return for another season in South Beach which is what we should all want, another opportunity to root against the Miami Heat.

As the curtain falls on an incredibly entertaining NBA season, and the Stanley Cup Finals stare down a Game 6 tonight in Boston, MLB is about ready to take center stage for the long summer months. And who knows, if the billionaires and millionaires that operate the NFL don’t get their s*#$ together soon, we could be looking at nothing but baseball chatter for the foreseable future.

A Quick Trip Around the Bases

1B – I guess we all spoke too soon about the Cleveland Indians. Losers of 9 of their last 10, the Tribe are starting to play like the team we all thought they were going to be before the 2011 season began. And now here come the Detroit Tigers and Chicago White Sox ready to make a race of the AL Central. Two questions: can the Indians hold on a little longer, say until the all star break or are they in the midst of a total free fall? Second, the Twins have won 8 of 10 and sit only 9 games out of the division lead. With a healthy(?) Joe Mauer returning behind the plate this week, does Minnesota make their traditional run to the top of the standings or are they simply snake bitten this season?

2B – Good for you Atlanta! At least we have one team willing to hang in there in the NL East and not allow the Philadelphia Phillies to sit back and map out their postseason pitching rotation starting in August. Is Brian McCann the best catcher in baseball right now? With Posey and Mauer both injured, and my main man Matt Wieters quietly emerging but not quite yet ready for prime time, McCann is probably the gold standard right now.

3B – The Chicago Cubs are not a good baseball team. Whenever Lou Montanez is batting 3rd in your lineup you know you have issues. Not only are the Cubs struggling on the field but now Peter Gammons, MLB columnist and baseball emissary especial, has called Wrigley Field a “dump” and mentioned how the new ownership group in Chicago, the Ricketts family, is not prepared financially to handle the cost of essential ballpark renovations.  Of course, take anything the Boston based Gammons writes with a grain of salt. If Larry Lucchino or Theo Epstein were to go to the bathroom in the middle of Boston Common Gammons would find a way hail the masterpiece as an important work of impressionist art.

HR – Derek Jeter is now 7 hits away from 3,000 and unfortunately for Yankee fans it doesn’t look like the Captain is going to reach this milestone in Yankee Stadium. I guess it’s possible, 7 hits in 4 games at home this week, but in all likelihood Jeter will reach 3K in Wrigley Field over the weekend in front of 40K over served Chicago Cubs fans. Ahhhh the memories.

view from American Airlines Arena courtesy of @marcus_hammond

3 Reasons a Hockey Fan Should Watch Game 6 of the NBA Finals

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I had an interesting conversation with a friend on Friday night. We were talking about the NBA and Stanley Cup finals and he was arguing that the fans of these two sports are mutually exclusive. In general, his point as a hockey fan was that they don’t really care about the NBA Finals and vice versa. As an NBA fan, I felt that his argument was incorrect and incredibly shortsighted.  If there were ever a time to care about both, now is that time. Even I can acknowledge the incredible cross continent fight taking place between the Bruins and Canucks.  So to all those hockey fans out there who are unwilling to give the NBA Finals a chance, here are 3 simple reasons why you should care about Game 6 tonight between the Dallas Mavericks and the Miami Heat.

Reason #1: The superstars play the hardest. It’s true. The best players in the game tonight – Dirk Nowitzki, Dwyane Wade, and LeBron James, are also the hardest workers.  A lot of non NBA fans are turned off by the perception that all NBA players are self promoting, narcissists who thump their chests after every made layup. And although this may still be the case for some – see Chris Bosh – the majority of NBAers today genuinely care about giving their best effort.

Reason #2: For hockey fans that appreciate a good rivalry, this series has all the essential ingredients . The Dallas Mavericks and the Miami Heat do not like each other. The James and Wade video mocking Nowitzki’s illness is just the latest in a long line of competitive animosity between these two sides. Wade and Nowitzki have had a rivalry since the Heat beat the Mavs in the ’06 finals and the style of these two teams couldn’t be any more different. The Heat are South Beach glamor personified while the Mavs have come to symbolize veteran savy and work ethic.

Reason #3: LeBron James is the most polarizing figure in professional sports today. Picture the amazing physical skills of Alexander Ovechkin coupled with the disdain for your least favorite politician. This is the complicated formula that besets LeBron as he prepares to take the court in Game 6. Publicly vilified for “The Decision” but universally lauded for his amazing basketball ability, LeBron has been unable to come through in the 4th quarter of this series when it matters the most. All of the pressure rests on his shoulders tonight. Will he help the Heat stave off elimination and send the series to a game 7 or will he head into another offseason in pursuit of his first, elusive NBA Championship?

Stay tuned hockey fans, there is something for everyone in the 2011 NBA Finals.

view from outside the American Airlines Arena courtesy of @aguilaruben

Even Baseball Players Perspire

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We’re having a heat wave. I’m mean it’s hot, dang hot. The kind of heat where it doesn’t cool off even after the sun goes down. Last night, I sat on the couch to watch a few minutes of the Bruins/Canucks and was seated for a total of five minutes before sticking to the fabric. Not pleasant. I had to spend the rest of the evening pacing back and forth in front of the television.

Later, I was able to catch a few innings of the Red Sox/Yankees game from the steamy Bronx and I noticed that Alfredo Aceves was having a difficult time “managing” his perspiration. The YES Network cameras were able to pick up a considerable amount of sweat dripping from his saturated cap. It looked liked he was having a tough time picking up the signs from Jason Varitek. I’m not even sure how he was even able to hold onto the ball. Didn’t seem to affect his performance however as Aceves was able to get Derek Jeter to ground into a crucial double play in the 6th.

Heading West on I-80, Andrew McCutchen’s walkoff propelled the red hot Pirates past the visiting Diamondbacks by a final score of 3-2. Pittsburgh is at .500 in June for the first time since the days of Bonds, Bonilla, and Van Slyke.* I really want to like this Bucs team and could be persuaded to purchase a McCutchen #22 tshirt jersey. He’s seems like an absolute star in the making and I don’t know when his contract is up but can only hope that Pittsburgh is able to lock him up long term.

*I made this last part up but it really does feel like a long time since the Pirates had their heads above water this late in the season.

view from PNC Park courtesy of @MalloryCowell