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Just Another Typical, Run of the Mill NFL Preview: AFC West

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Before we start our AFC West preview, just a few quick words on Tim Tebow, the new 4th string quarterback for the Denver Broncos. Let me preface these words with a quick disclaimer, I’m not a Tebow hater. Never have been. Always thought, given the right system, that he had a chance to be a productive player in this league…as a FB or TE. And sorry if this upsets “the flock” but he can be just as inspirational lining up in a three point stance next to the right tackle as he can under center. Tebow doesn’t need to be a QB in order to head butt offensive linemen or wear a microphone for NFL films. The endorsements will keep rolling in as well because he remains a charismatic person, just ask @darrenrovell. But it’s time to move on. In the immortal words of Humphrey Bogart: we’ll always have the Houston Texans game.

AFC West

Champs: San Diego Chargers – How many children does Philip Rivers have now? I think it’s like 6. 6 kids is an amazing accomplishment. I have only one and every night when he falls asleep it feels like Bastille Day/Mardi Gras rolled into one. Rivers must have an amazing support system at home. Either that or he ignores his brood like they are a gaggle of oncoming linebackers.

On Deck: K.C. Chiefs – I’m not totally sold on the Chiefs run in 2010 and have very little to say about their chances in 2011. I will however bring into question the marketing choices made by Matt Cassel. K Swiss is no Fila. In fairness, when you’re the QB of the Kansas City Chiefs your options are sometimes limited to Arthur Bryant’s BBQ and Bazookas.

Limbo: Oakland Raiders – I like Jason Campbell, always have. In fact, to show my love and affection I’m planning on overpaying for the QB when we hold our fantasy auction draft next week. And I understand nobody cares about my fantasy football league. Talking about your fantasy football league is the equivalent of your parents trip to Belize or the birth of a second child.

Chumps: Denver Broncos – I’m only going to say it once: Denver needs to go back to their old uniforms. I have such fond memories of the light blue and orange and I use to love watching Broncos games from Mile High Stadium. Usually those games were on NBC with Dick Enberg and Merlin Olsen calling the action. Now the Broncos are stuck w/ Invesco Field and the D squad announcing team of Spero Dedes and Solomon Wilcots.

Fantasy Sleepers: Jason Campbell (QB – Oakland), Willis McGahee (RB – Denver), Steve Breaston (WR – Kansas City),

Ready for Primetime Games: 9/12 Oakland @ Denver, 10/31 San Diego @ Kansas City, 11/17 NY Jets @ Denver, 11/21 Kansas City @ New England, 11/27 Pittsburgh @ Kansas City, 12/5 San Diego @ Jacksonville, 12/18 Baltimore @ San Diego

view from Denver Broncos camp courtesy of @Jyz77

The Replacements: Coming Soon to a Warehouse Near You

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The Baltimore Orioles are headed nowhere fast and it has finally come to a point in the season where the team must consider making a few drastic changes in order to satisfy the desires of their fans and give promise to a brighter tomorrow. And while most teams in MLB will use September to call up their top prospects from the minor league, the Orioles may want to think about charting an entirely different course. Attendance at Camden Yards is down and will remain low even if the Blake Davis/Josh Bell platoon at 3B produces results. No, what Baltimore needs to do is ask the actors who played famous baseball players in the movies to reprise their roles for the Orioles over the final month of the season. This got me thinking, who would I rather have on the field: current Oriole or famous Hollywood character.

SP – Jeremy Guthrie or Nuke Laloosh from Bull Durham – Guthrie is a relative beacon of consistency for a historically overmatched Orioles pitching staff while Laloosh is a mercurial talent whose unorthodox delivery will not translate well to the big leagues unless he’s accompanied by trusted catcher Crash Davis. Advantage: Guthrie

Catcher: Matt Wieters or Jake Taylor from Major League – Love the savvy veteran leadership of Taylor, and remember, the guy was playing on two flat tires when he beat out that game winning bunt single against the Yankees. Wieters is certainly no “Mauer with power” but his defense has been outstanding all year. Advantage: Wieters

First Base: Chris Davis or Jack Elliot from Mr. Baseball – Davis was brought to Baltimore with the promise of adding some punch to a lineup in desperate need of a power hitting first baseman but has ended up convalescing with Dr. Lewis Yocum while they attempt to figure out the best way to reapir his injured shoulder. All Jack Elliot did was pave the way for other Americans like Karl “Tuffy” Rhodes and Bobby Valentine, to star in the Japanese baseball league . Advantage: Elliot

Second Base: Robert Andino or Jose from Bull Durham – Well, seeing as how Jose played nearly an entire season for the Bulls with a cursed glove, it’ll be hard not to go with Andino even though he remains a far cry from a healthy Brian Roberts. Speaking of BRob, what are the chances we ever see him again? Next season maybe? Advantage: Andino

Shortstop: JJ Hardy or Tanner from The Bad News Bears – As far as I can tell, JJ Hardy is not a misogynistic, racist which is much more than can be said for Tanner the pint sized blonde. In fairness, he does stick up for teammate Lupus in that critical scene where a couple of Yankees players start bullying the smallest kid in the playground. Sound familiar? Advantage: Hardy

Third Base: Mark Reynolds or Roger Dorn from Major League: Two very similar defensive players who have each perfected the ole defensive maneuver. Unfortunately, I have yet to see Orioles manager Buck Showalter come out and urinate on Reynolds contract. Adding to this is the fact that Dorn looks like a terrible hitter, not even close to matching the prodigeous pwer of Reynolds. Advantage: Reynolds

OF: Nolan Reimold or Mae Mordabito from A League of Their Own: “All the Way” Mae had plenty of speed and defense, two things alluding Reimold. With Mae we’re also talking Madonna in her prime, which for younger fans under the age of 25 must seem completely implausible seeing as how today she looks like a wax statue from Madame Tussauds. Advantage: Mordabito

OF: Adam Jones or Kelly Leak from The Bad News Bears: Kelly Leak had all the talent in the world but unfortunately we are also talking about a 12 year old chain smoker who probably won’t exist in the free world much past the 8th grade. Adam Jones has a ton of natural ability too, and if the O’s don’t start winning soon, he’s going to want to catch the first flight out of here and return to the West Coast. Advantage: Jones

OF: Nick Markakis or Roy Hobbs from The Natural: Has anyone ever taken the time to extrapolate Hobbs stats from his one year with the New York Knights? Even though he didn’t play a full season – due to various setbacks including a silver bullet and Wilford Brimley – I’m still guessing he ended up hitting over 40 home runs with 120 RBI. If Markakis ever hits a ball through a Warehouse window only then will we have a debate. Advantage: Hobbs

Total: Current Orioles 6 Hollywood 3. O’s win! O’s win!

view from Target Field courtesy of @Brandi_Hagen

Just Another Typical, Run of the Mill NFL Preview: NFC West

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Before tackling the NFC West, 49ers owner Jed York went on the radio this morning out in California and basically said that the NFL needs to reconsider expanding to an 18 game regular season schedule because much of the violence in NFL stadiums can be attributed to preseason games and the type of fans that go to these games. So what Jed York is basically saying is that people who can’t afford season tickets were responsible for the violence at Candlestick Park over the weekend and people who can’t afford season tickets are also the reason the NFL should renegotiate the brand spanking new CBA. Memo to Mr. York, the middle class is dwindling and pretty soon the only people who’ll be able to afford the luxury of season tickets at 49ers games are Mark Zuckerberg and the Google guys. You might want to be careful with making too many class distinctions right now because you’re eventually going to need those beleaguered and destitute souls to fill your stadium.

And now, latest breaking news out of the Bay Area has the Raiders and Niners canceling their annual preseason scrimmage. This is certainly one way to go about it or you could just pay for more security personal to roam the parking lots before and after games. Either way is likely curb violence at the stadium and both seem like a much more practical, measured response to a real problem than potentially waging class warfare on non season ticket holders. But I digress.

NFC West

Champs: St. Louis Rams – When in doubt, go with the best QB. In this case, even though Sam Bradford is only entering his second year in the league, his repetroire of quarterbacking skills is vastly superior to Kevin Kolb, Alex Smith, and Tarvaris Jackson.

On Deck: San Francisco 49ers – What is the Bay Area press corps going to do without former head coach Mike Singletary. His post game press conferences were comedy gold. Jim Harbaugh has some pretty big shoes to fill when it comes to creating the perfect sound bite. Coach Harbaugh may also want to consider taking a few snaps behind center as well.

Limbo: Arizona Cardinals – Larry Fitzgerald is a nice receiver and all but, that’s a lot of pesos! 120 million for 8 years, how is the team going to afford paying their other players? What happens if the Kevin Kolb experiment doesn’t work out? Then what? Kurt Warner is back to bagging groceries and Matt Leinart is blissfully content backing up Matt Schaub in Houston. Guess you could check in on the whereabouts of Neil Lomax.

Chumps: Seattle Seahawks – At what point during the Tarvaris Jackson experiment do you think Pete Carroll will look over at his offensive coordinator and say: “Holy s*^#! I didn’t think he was this bad. Quick, tell Clipboard Jesus to warm up.”

Fantasy Sleepers: Lance Kendricks (TE – STL Rams), Sam Bradford (QB – STL Rams), Kendall Hunter* (RB – SF 49ers)

Ready for Primetime Games: 9/19 St. Louis @ NY Giants, 12/1 Philadelphia @ Seattle, 12/12 St. Louis @ Seattle

*Frank Gore is unhappy with his contract and always a candidate for a season ending knee injury.

view from Seahawks training camp courtesy of @T_Drovetto

Monday Morning Musings: Day Old Coffee Edition

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I’m not proud to admit it, but I ran out of coffee Sunday morning and of all the days of the week, Sunday is the last possible day I can afford for this to happen. I have no problem reusing day old coffee on a Thursday or for some sort of iced beverage but Sunday is a totally different story. If I don’t get a fresh cup of hot coffee on Sunday morning then I can’t possibly be expected to complete the New York Times crossword puzzle. And if I can’t complete the New York Times crossword puzzle I certainly shouldn’t be expected to execute any of the assigned chores for the day which usually includes cooking, cleaning, mowing, and just being an all around helpful husband/father. Needless to say, yesterday was not a very productive day.

A Quick Trip Around the Bases

1B – Arizona keeps chugging right along, even after being swept by the Atlanta Braves over the weekend they still remain 1.5 game in front of reigning World Series champions the San Francisco Giants. Many are crediting the turnaround in the desert to the coaching staff full of ex major leaguers led by manager Kirk Gibson. And while I’m sure the “been-there-done-that” mentality from the coaching staff has helped, the real reason the D’Backs are contending this season is because of players like RF Justin Upton and P Ian Kennedy. How many of Kennedy’s 15 wins are you going to chalk up to pitching coach Charles Nagy? How many home runs has Matt Wiliams hit for Upton? Coaches matter but players matter more and it’s about time we gave this group of relative no names the attention they deserve.

2B – Now onto something not so surprising, how historically bad are my Baltimore Orioles? With all the elbow and shoulder issues the team has had to deal with, club orthopedist Dr. Lewis Yocum is about to become as synonymous with the city of Baltimore as Johnny Unitas and Detective McNulty.

At this point, general manager Andy MacPhail should consider hiring famous actors who have previously played baseball players on the big screen to come to Camden Yards and reprise their roles for the Orioles. Because I’m pretty sure there are plenty of Baltimore fans who would rather see Nuke Laloosh on the mound than the Class-AAAA slop they have been wheeling out there these last few months.

3B – Can we take a quick pulse of the current AL MVP race? Leading my list are four players: Adrian Gonzalez, Jacoby Ellsbury, Curtis Granderson, and Justin Verlander. Verlander is the clear leader for the AL Cy Young award but there are plenty of people now rumbling for his name to be included on the short list of MVP candidates as well.

How in the world do you put Jose Bautista as your AL MVP favorite, especially when you also openly acknowledge that he, along with the rest of the Toronto lineup, has been the beneficiary of a phantom sign stealer sitting alone in the Rogers Centre Hotel. I’ll give you that Bautista does hit a lot of home runs, but if this is our only piece of criteria for determining an MVP award, why not give the NL MVP to Dan Uggla?

Me, I’m going to go with Granderson who has more than made up for the fading power of ARod and the substandard average of Mark Teixiera. Of course, if the voting were to be determined by the female population of Revere, MA, Jacoby Ellsbury wins in a landslide.

HR – After weeks, if not years of speculation, the Chicago Cubs finally fired GM Jim Hendry. Now all anyone can talk about is who is line to become the next GM of the Cubbies. And according to the Courier-News, one of the primary qualifications to even be considered for this position is if you were either born in Chicago and/or remain a loyal Cubs fan. What is this, fantasy baseball? If we applied this same logic to say.. flying an airplane, we’d all be stuck with some sort of John Travolta type as our pilot and that wouldn’t be good for anyone. Last night on the Cubs/Cardinals SNB broadcast, Cubs owner Tom Ricketts said that he is looking for three main qualities in his next general manager: player development, analytical approach, and tradition of winning. Ricketts went on to add that all interested candidates should submit cover letters and resumes to: The Chicago Cubs, Wrigley Field, Chicago, IL 60613.

view from Turner Field courtesy of @GABuckeye311 

Just Another Typical, Run of the Mill NFL Preview: AFC South

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From here on in, until the start of the NFL regular season on Thursday September, 8th, VMS will be offering quick overviews of each division, one NFC and one AFC per week. Next up, the AFC South (*denotes playoff team)

AFC South

Champs: Indianapolis Colts* – For years now, I have wondered how Peyton Manning’s elongated neck was strong enought to support his very oddly shaped dome. Well at least now we have our answer. If Peyton isn’t healthy, look for Reggie Wayne and Pierre Garcon to lose their you know what after about the 5th time Curtis Painter sails a crossing route over the middle of the field.

On Deck (next up): Houston Texans – Everybody is talking about how the Texans did a lot to improve their defense this offseason. Well I should hope so because last year they couldn’t stop Betty White before a snickers. A better defense will also make QB Matt Schaub a little happier. Last season, Schaub led the league in sad faces, 5 ahead of Eli Manning and 2 in front of Jay Cutler.

Limbo (neither up nor down; stuck in between): Jacksonville Jaguars – People are trying to talk us into a QB controversy in Jacksonville and I’m not buying it. David Garrard will be your starting QB this season, that is until Sunshine from Remember the Titans memorizes the playbook. I’m really looking forward to the Jags starting the season 1-5, followed by rumors that they intend to fire head coach Jack Del Rio for the umpteenth time at season’s end before finishing 2011 w/ a 9-7 record, just narrowly missing the playoffs and leading to another Del Rio contract extension.

Chumps: Tennessee Titans – What are we supposed to do now that we can no longer marvel at Jeff Fisher and his strangely coiffed stache? I’ll miss the Ray Ban and croakie combo too. Last night I was totally caught off guard seeing Vince Young on the Philadelphia Eagles. I figured the Titans were stuck with VY for at least 2 more seasons. And would you believe that Chris Johnson is only set to make $800K this season? I guess if I were that good I would be holding out for more money too.

Fantasy Sleepers: Javon Ringer** (RB – Tennessee), Zach Miller (TE – Jacksonville), Dan Orlovsky*** (QB – Indianapolis

Ready for Primetime Games: 9/25 Pittsburgh @ Indianapolis, 10/23 Indianapolis @ New Orleans, 10/24 Baltimore @ Jacksonville, 12/5 San Diego @ Jacksonville, 12/22 Houston @ Indianapolis

**only if all world running back Chris Johnson continues his holdout for more cash.

*** only if Peyton Manning’s neck wasn’t fused properly.

view from Colts practice courtesy of @TheSportsGuy13