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At the Intersection of Sports and Culture

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If Gambling Were Legal: NFL Divisional Playoffs

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Saturday

New Orleans (-3.5) over SAN FRANCISCO – What if, as the San Francisco 49ers suggest, Saints running back Darren Spoles is so good, it’s unfair? Is this something Roger Goodell can look into? Can the NFL add a special section of guidelines just for Sproles? Is there any precedent? The Detroit Pistons did after all all come up with the Jordan Rules to help put a stop to the Chicago Bulls. But Darren Sproles is no Michael Jordan. Maybe BJ Armstrong but definitely not Jordan. I think we should have Jon Gruden and Mike Pereira debate the issue on live tv, preferably during one of the CBS/Fox pregame laugh fests.

Speaking of pregame shows that have descended into the ludicrous, the addition of Shaq to the Inside the NBA crew on TNT has not helped to improve the overall quality. Talk about ruining a good thing. Not only does Shaq add very little value, it seems that he has taken to cursing on the air. I see Ted Turner reassigning the Diesel to TNT’s Nascar coverage by mid February.

Denver (+13.5) over NEW ENGLAND – My dad is trying to convince me that we should go to this game . We have yet to procure any tickets and normally I wouldn’t even entertain the idea of spending hundreds of dollars to be there in person especially when the overall quality of the experience is much much better at home when sitting between a bowl full of Mint M&M’s and a 6 pack of Smuttynose IPA. But, Saturday night could be special and when I say special what I really mean to say is biblical. The forecast is calling for frigid temps with the occasional snow shower. If there is any accumulation on the Gillette Stadium turf then it could be nice to be there in person for when the Ark shows up.

Sunday

Houston (+7.5) over BALTIMORE – I like that Joe Flacco is getting a little sassy with reporters who are claiming that he’s the weak link in the otherwise impenetrable Ravens armor. Good for Flacco, a little pith and vinegar out of your young quarterback is a good thing. Now, if Flacco starts doing the Ray Lewis “Gladiator” introduction dance we will probably have to revisit this conversation.

New York (+7.5) over GREEN BAY – If spite were a determining factor then I would have taken the Packers to cover and win by at least three touchdowns. As a Patriots fan, any and all comparisons between this Giants team and 2007 sends me into a hypnotic trance. I kinda hope New York loses a close game just to avoid any future David Tyree where is he now stories.

view from the Frozen Tundra courtesy of @packers

Why Sports Fans Should Care About the New Hampshire Primary

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As a New Hampshire native, I love the presidential primary season. For a few fleeting basic cable moments, my home state is relevant. When else do you hear about Dixville Notch? I bypassed college/NBA hoops last night to soak in as much political punditry as possible. How “news” networks like CNN, MSNBC, and Fox managed to fill as much airtime as they did, see Al Sharpton,  is totally beyond human comprehension especially when the results were all but etched in stone immediately after the polls closed.

Now as sports fans, we may or may not care about the New Hampshire Primary or politics in general. But, as a sports fan, wouldn’t you like to know what teams/sports the Republican candidates are rooting for? Here’s a list of the remaining Republican candidates for president, including Rick Perry, with their favorites teams, listed in order of finish in the 2012 New Hampshire Primary.

Mitt Romey, 39.4% – Other than his intense passion for the Olympic Games, Romney is a founding member of Pink Hat Nation. PHN as you know refers to the cavalcade of carbetbagging non-entities that flocked to Fenway Park during the Red Sox recent decade long renaissance. As an aside, I can’t wait to see what the Sons of Sam Horn end up doing now that Bobby Valentine is in the clubhouse, here to put an end to any and all fried chicken consumption.

Ron Paul, 22.8% – Unfortunately for our resident Constitution expert, Paul can’t support any team that has received public financing for a new stadium.

Jon, or is it John, Hunstman, 16.8% – Probably the Chicago White Sox or really any team that President Obama supports. (Zing!!!!! How’s that for a little inside political baseball?)

Newt Gingrich, 9.4% – The biggest sports fan of the bunch. Being from Georgia, by law Newt has to root for the Dawgs, even though he attended much smaller Emory University in Atlanta. But, if personal relationships are any indication of sports loyalty, I bet he’s willing to switch allegiances based on the hott, with a double t, team of the moment.

Rick Santorum, 9.3% – Santorum went to Penn St. which, if you think about, has absolutely nothing to do with the recent Sandusky scandal.

Rick Perry, 0.7% – 0.7%. Really? Are you sure we can still call Perry an actual candidate? Here are the three teams that Rick Perry roots for 1) Dallas Cowboys 2) Texas Longhorns 3) ___________.

view of UNH vs UMaine hockey at Fenway Park courtesy of @julierobenhymer

Falling Asleep During the BCS Championship

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And I know I wasn’t the only person who drifted off to dreamland right around the same time as LSU quarterback Jordan Jefferson overthrew a WR for the 20th time that evening. As far as I can tell, the only two redeeming qualities from last night’s BCS Championship Game, which Alabama won nearly by default, were Brent Musberger’s love affair with the Honey Badger and the fact that Nick Saban left his headlights on at halftime.

Other than this, we learned very little about either LSU or the Crimson Tide that we didn’t already know, other than Bobby Hebert continues to find a way to keep himself in the headlines and that having a ticket to the championship game didn’t actually entitle you to a seat. Once again, blame the media!

View from the Superdome courtesy of @ManUpTexasBBQ

Fumblerooski: Wild Card Weekend – Sunday Edition

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Giants 24 Falcons 2 – I’m contractually obligated to say just a few brief words about this game even though it failed to live up to most people’s expectations. The Giants ran the ball well, WR Hakeem Nicks had a few big plays, and Atlanta head coach Mike Smith’s 4th down play calling was less than spectacular. A few inches to go and you call a quarterback sneak not once but twice? FYI, when you empty the backfield the defense knows the quarterback is keeping the ball. In fairness to the Falcons head coach, on both those keepers Matt Ryan looked like an awkward turtle tipped over onto its shell with legs and arms helplessly flailing in the air. It may help the Atlanta QB to review some tape of Tom Brady. Nobody runs the QB sneak better than the Patriots signal caller.

Now the Gmen head to the Frozen Tundra to take on the Packers in what will be a rematch of the 2007 NFC Championship Game. Only this time Aaron Rodgers leads GB onto the field while He Who Shall Not Be Named films another Wrangler tv spot with Dale Earnhardt Jr., Larry the Cable Guy, and Mitt  Romney.

Broncos 29 Steelers 23 – Now how was that an improvement on the old overtime rules? So now in the playoffs each teams gets a possession starting from their 20 yard line UNLESS one of the teams scores a touchdown on its initial possession. What about a touchdown during the second possession? Does that not end the game? Frankly, these new rules are twice as confusing as the old ones and I don’t see how it’s much of an improvement over sudden death.

It looks like we all underestimated the power of Tim Tebow once again. Perhaps the most significant offender was Pittsburgh defensive coordinator Dick Lebeau who was caught rolling his safeties down towards the line of scrimmage exposing the deep middle of the field one too many times. Tebow and WR Demarious Thomas took advantage of the Pittsburgh Steelers hubris and now head to Foxboro already penciled as +14 point underdogs. At least ESPN is going to have plenty to talk about this week.

view from Sports Authority Field courtesy of @9NewsKUSA Yes that ring of clouds looks like a halo. And yes, I too believe in football miracles.

Fumblerooski: Wild Card Weekend – Saturday Edition

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Texans 31 Bengals 10 – T.J. Yates spent his Wild Card Weekend suffering from a tragic case of mistaken identity. Sure, the rookie 5th round draft pick out of UNC helped lead the Texans to their first ever playoff victory Saturday afternoon. Even with his on field success, most fans still can’t believe that a guy named T.J. Yates is a starting QB in the playoffs. After a little street polling, here’s a list of the top 3 mistaken identities for the Houston Texans QB.

#3: Ski Patrol, Telluride, CO: The association here is most likely a product of the straight to VHS classic Aspen Extreme. Back in college, my roommate had an old VCR and we kept about 3 movies in the permanent rotation. One of those movies was Aspen Extreme, which is really a terrible piece of low budget cinema. However, because it was college and we had some time to kill, this didn’t stop of from over quoting the movie like it was Caddyshack  or Animal House. And most of the lines weren’t even that funny, ranging from things like “TJ Burke Salad baby!!!” and “But Teej, her earrings are bigger than my nuts.”. See, about as funny as you would have imagined.

#2: Bond Trader, Stamford, CT: Sounds like any given number of ex frat boy muscleheads who spend their Tuesday night’s at Bobby Valentine’s talking about how they could have totally found a job in the city if they wanted to but instead chose The City that Works because it’s where all the REAL action is. The T.J. is probably short for something like “Tiberius Jedidiah Yates IV” and he can no doubt trace his family crest all the way back to the Mayflower. In fact, John Winthrop probably gave him his first job w/ UBS. Couple of jagger bombs with these guys and you’ll be arrested for assaulting a police horse outside of a massage parlor.

#1: Head of NASCAR pit crew, Charlotte, NC: I think there really is a T.J. Yates in charge of Jimmy Johnson Racing. If not, we know what the real T.J. Yates will be doing next football season when Matt Schaub returns to action.

Back to the game for a second. Things played out kind of how we all expected them to. Niether rookie QB, Yates or Cincinnati’s Andy Dalton, looked all that impressive while the Houston defense and RB Arian Foster carried the Texans to victory. The play of the game came from Texans defensive end, and former Wisconsin Badger J.J. Watt, who had an unbelievably athletic interception return for a touchdown. Almost makes up for the 2010 Rose Bowl. Almost.

Saints 45 Lions 28 – Is it possible for Matt Stafford to not look hungover in those player video/picture combos NBC uses to introduce the starting lineups? Talk about jagger bombs, Stafford always looks like a total mess. I could see a Detroit PR guy ambling over to Stafford’s house in Bloomfield Hills and pulling the QB out from underneath the beer pong table while then proceeding to throw the bloated QB in the shower like he were Dennis Hooper in Hoosiers. You know what they say, there’s no cure for the common hangover quite like Calvin Johnson.

Speaking of Megatron, am I the only one who is starting to feel like all if this crazy video game scoring/offense in the NFL right now isn’t very interesting anymore? Would it kill one of these playoff defenses to stop the opposing team? There was a point last night where I thought the officials should have just switched to overtime rules immediately and given each team a possession from the 30 yard line rather than have them waste our time as they march down the entirety of the field in something like 5 plays.

With the win, the Saints move on to face San Francisco next Saturday in a game where a lot of folks are going to talk themselves into picking the 49ers because it’s being played at Candlestick and they have a good defense. But, in doing so you’ll be making one salient mistake and that is that San Fran’s QB is still Alex Smith. I don’t care how many Harbaugh’s you have coaching the team, Alex Smith remains a classic game manager. Which is probably why Trent Dilfer has him rated so highly on ESPN’s new QB metric thingamabob. On second thought, Smith is 22 out of a total of 34 QB’s, so even the stat heads agree.

view from Reliant Stadium courtesy of @HoustonTexans 

view from the Superdome courtesy of @risapr1