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A Little Game I Like To Call “NHL Game 7 or NFL Draft?”

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Thursday night was a big night in the Big Apple as both game 7 of the Rangers/Senators NHL playoff series and round 1 of the 2012 NFL Draft are set to start at roughly the same time.

On the surface, it might not seem as if there are many similarities between these two major sporting events. However, if you look a little closer I think what you’ll find is that they share much more in common than you would have originally thought.

As I recount the action from both Game 7 and the NFL Draft, see if you can guess which sporting event I’m talking about.

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7:01 – Participants enter the arena on a scuff free red carpet to avoid any dings to their all important footwear.

A – NFL Draft: Since when did the NFL Draft turn into the Grammy’s? The crowd outside of Radio City looks like something you would find at a movie premiere. Looks like a good night to avoid Midtown Manhattan. Meanwhile, head a few blocks down 7th Ave and we’re only minutes away from start of Rangers/Senators game 7. My bandwagon beard hangs in the balance.

7:08 – Attendees are being interviewed before the main event begins. These jocks remain the most humble, honest athletes in all of professional sports.

A – Game 7: Hockey players are such great interviews because of their congenial humility and self deprecating sense of humor. Football players are a close second. Baseball and basketball players lag well behind.

7:13 – Public enemy numero uno serenaded by the fans with the first “ASS-HOLE” chant of the night.

A: Game 7 – Give it an hour and these chants will be directed by Jets fans at NFL Commish Roger Goodell. For now, it seems Chris Neil has a way of bringing out the best in Rangers fans. For all his thuggery and hard nosed play, Neil has also been a difference maker on the offensive end this series. If the Rangers go on to win this series I hope Brian Boyle recovers in time to play against the Capitals.

7:20 – Great energy exhibited by all parties involved.

A – Game 7: First break in the hockey action reminds me of what an exhausting competition the playoffs are to watch on television. They barely even give you enough time to go to the bathroom. Speaking of energy or lack thereof, Bill Belichick was just interviewed on NFL Net and he looked like he was being held captive in the Tora Bora region of Afghanistan. For all we know he could have been discussing the terms of a hostage release instead of what the  Patriots are planning on doing with their two first round draft picks .

7:46 – Former star now fashion icon takes center stage.

A – NFL Draft: As much as I love Ron Duguay’s flair for the dramatic, no former professional athlete turned talking head sets the trends quite like Deion Sanders. Speaking of Prime Time, I’m surprised he was able to keep his composure during the telecast what with all the current commotion in his life.

8:07 -Here is one rookie who is guaranteed to make an immediate impact.

A – Game 7: Nothing against top pick Andrew Luck who, according to most pigskins soothsayers has all the requisite “measurables”, but the first year player generating the most buzz tonight is Rangers rookie forward Chris Kreider. And remember, it was only a few weeks ago that Kreider was still popping pimples in his Chestnut Hill dormitory. Second period has also just gotten under way and we’re still knotted up at double goose eggs.

8:10 – A young man in blue takes one giant step closer to Washington DC.

A – Game 7: Marc Stahl puts the Rangers on the board first with a nice looking one timer past Anderson. Meanwhile, RGIII to the Redskins is now official. Have to respect Griffin for his popsicle inspired blue raspberry sport coat.

8:26 – Commentator just referred to a player as a “pocket rocket”.

A – NFL Draft: No, this was not Sam Rosen referring to Maurice Richard. Mike Mayock apparently has nicknames for all players involved in the draft. “Pocket Rocket” refers to Baylor WR Kendall Wright who must now spend the majority of his rookie season in the NFL fighting to regain some measure of street cred.

8:36 – Nepotism on full display in the owners box.

A – NFL Draft: Was that Jerry Jones grandson lurking in the background of the Cowboys war room? Also, who thought it was a good idea to put cameras in these NFL team conference centers?  Might as well be showing us video from the main ballroom of the Radisson in Humboldt, Texas.  Of course Cowboys head coach Jason Garrett had a shit eating grin on his face after Dallas traded up to #6 for LSU corner Morris Claiborne. Back to MSG, Rangers maintain 2-1 lead after nice looking goal by the Senators Daniel Alfredsson.

9:00 -Some sporting events are just easier to follow on twitter.

A – NFL Draft: One of the more startling, albeit not that surprising, trends from the 2012 draft was that twitter consistently scooped the television broadcast. Most picks were announced in 140 characters or less nearly 5 minutes before Roger Goodell sauntered to the podium. Still doesn’t change the fact that the NFL Draft will draw a much higher television rating in NYC than the hockey. Football is king after all.

2-1 Rangers early in the 3rd but the action is starting to heat up. Chris Neil continues to finish his checks while back in Radio City some guy named Dontari Poe nearly makes out with Goodell.

9:24 – ACCESS DENIED!!!!!

A – Game 7: Hank is coming up huuuuge for New York. Anticipating the puck beautifully and denying Senators on the doorstep. 5 minutes remain and this one is coming down to the final whistle. Speaking of access denied, upon being drafted #13 by the Arizona Cardinals Michael Floyd takes a call on his mobile. I thought the NFL banned cell phones in the green room?

9:35 – Extended handshakes and hugs lead to a delay in post game programming.

A – NFL Draft: While it’s true that there is nothing in sports more honorable and authentic than the post NHL playoff series handshake, things are really getting out of control in Radio City. On average I would guess that each draft pick has taken approximately 5-10 minutes to hug and gyrate with every member of their constituency. At this rate the 2nd and 3rd round will take place simultaneously.

Up next for the Rangers are Alex Ovechkin and the Washington Capitals. Should be a fun series. My bandwagon beard rejoices!

view from MSG courtesy of @alanhahn

 

Frozen Dictionary: A Casual Hockey Fans Guide To The NHL Playoffs

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The urgency. The energy. The lack of commercials. I love playoff hockey!!! For two months a year we are treated to some of the most reliably competitive and unpredictable moments in sports. The NHL playoffs rarely disappoint and casual fans like myself can be just as caught up in the action as a hockey diehard from Moosejaw, Saskatchewan. Because the regular season does not stimulate the same sort of national interest as say football or baseball you have a lot of fans who are just now wading into the sport for the first time all year. It is therefore extremely important that the entire television audience is afforded some sort of cheat sheet to help better understand some of the hockey lingo used during a NHL playoff broadcast. Here is a running recap of last nights Boston Bruins/Washington Capitals Game 4 using some of the language overheard on the Verizon Center ice.

Zamboni: An ice resurfacer used before the game and during the intermissions to create the smoothest playing surface possible OR what I could have used after my 1 year old son urinated on our living room coffee table causing me to miss the first 10 minutes of action. But I’m ready to go now with the Caps taking an early 1-0 lead. Surprised to see Alex Ovechkin fashioning the tinted visor courtesy of LaDainian Tomlinson. I wonder if Ovi is going to struggle in the clutch like was the rap on Tomlinson back during his prime with the Chargers. “You’re the worst cornerback in the league Hobbs!!!!!”

Five Hole: The space between a goalie’s legs OR what was just utilized by Bruins right winger Rich Peverly on his 1st period goal. The score is now tied at 1 heading into the 2nd period. On a sperate notes, this Boston roster has to lead the NHL in non-traditional player numbers. 37, 46, 49, 63. It’s like the entire team is comprised of NFL long snappers.

Standing On His Head: When a goalie stacks their pads and does everything physically possible to prevent a goal OR what Caps net minder Braden Holtby is currently doing to stop this latest Boston barrage. Halfway through the 2nd period and the Bruins are out shooting the Capitals 26-8. I’m not 100% positive but I’m pretty sure Pierre McGuire just compared the rookie Holtby to Montreal Canandiens great Ken Dryden. Whoa, let’s pump the breaks a little bit here Pierre. I’m no Don Cherry but the comparison strikes me as a little premature sort of like saying Penny Hardaway is the next Michael Jordan or the rock band Oasis is bigger than God.

Wrister Top Shelf: A shot using mainly the wrists directed towards the top half of the goal OR what Capitals forward Alexander Semin used on the power play to put the Caps up 2-1 with little over a left in the 2nd period. I think it would be great if other sports adopted the power play system. Think about how much fun a NBA game would be if instead of a player fouling out when they picked up their 6th foul they now had to go and stand on the sidelines for 2 minutes while their team plays 4 against 5. Knowing Simmons’ affinity for Hoosiers and coach Norman Dale I would not be shocked if The Book Of Basketball contains an entire chapter on this subject.

Snow the Goalie: An offensive player kicking ice up into the face of an opposing goalie OR what the Bruins need to do more of during the 3rd period in order to crack the Holtby Code. 2-1 Caps heading into the 2nd intermission. Only 20 minutes standing between me and the 4th quarter of Bulls/Heat on TNT. Just kidding. Also, is it just me or could nearly every hockey expression double as some sort of filthy sex move? I’m now petrified to look up the term “icing” on Urban Dictionary.

Grinders: Hockey players known for their hard work and checking OR the playing style both teams are exhibiting during this 3rd period. The Caps have fallen back into a prevent defense while the B’s just cannot put the puck past Braden Holtby. With six minutes remaining in the 3rd, Boston is outshooting Washington 45-21 yet still trails 2-1. Just an unbelievable performance by Holtby. Notice also that Washington coach Dale Hunter has kept Alexander Ovechkin on the bench for much of the final period. Questioning his commitment to two way hockey?

Pest: An animal which is detrimental to humans or human concerns OR Brad Marchand

Empty Net: When a team pulls their goalie off the ice giving themselves a man advantage OR what the Bruins did with one minute remaining in the 3rd period only to come up short in the end losing by a final score of 2-1. Washington evens the series at 2 as the scene now shifts back to Boston for the all important game 5 Saturday afternoon. My three stars for game 4 go to Braden Holtby, Pierre McGuire’s bald head, and Alexander Semin’s wrists. Very entertaining conclusion to a somewhat choppy playoff hockey game. Maybe I’ll try this again Saturday night during Game 5 of the Rangers/Senators series. Lord knows there’s a lot of hockey language yet to explore.

view from the Verizon Center courtesy of @JLevin28

 

 

Emailing The Masters

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Since the Masters podcast with my buddy Chip was such a huge success, we decided to follow it up with a lengthy email exchange during Easter Sunday’s final round. Thanks once again to Grantland for the idea. What would fledgling sports bloggers do without you?

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Jon: Hello friends, and a Happy Easter to you and yours. I don’t know about you but when I think about all of the sins Jesus died for tops on that list must include the decision to avoid your wife and kid(s) during the 6 plus hours of Masters Sunday coverage. So really, when you think about it, it’s all Jim Nantz’s fault after all.

Jon: By the way, on the subject of whether or not they sell alcoholic beverages at Augusta National, now that I know what to look for I’m seeing green plastic cups everywhere. All sorts of corporate types double fisting. Which reminds me about a story I heard this week where a lot of Fortune 500 big wigs pay runners to sprint to a desirable spot on the golf course where they want there fold out chair set up b/c at Augusta National it’s first come first serve and once the chair is down no one is going to mess with it. I’m so desperate to go to the Masters that one day I might try to become a corporate runner. Although, the more I think about it the more it would probably look like this.

Chip: Do you think Tiger has a full slate of post round family activities planned?

Jon: Louis Oosthuizen w/ a remarkable double eagle on the 2nd hole. First albatross on #2 in Masters history. Oosthuizen now at -10, two shots in front of Hanson and Mickelson. If this keeps up, before it’s over I wonder how many times I’m going to misspell Oosthuizen?

Jon: Meanwhile, in Baltimore Jason Hammel has a no hitter through 7 against the Twins. Could be the greatest Orioles moment in the last 15 years.

Jon: And just like that, the no hit bid in Baltimore ends. Darn you Justin Morneau!!! I should have kept my fingers quiet.

Chip: Hanson, not hot right now. Hanson.

Jon: Mickelson knocks his tee shot at #4 off the stands, could be an early turning point on Sunday. Also CBS just showed the Adam Scott ace on #16 and it’s nice to see that caddy Stevie Williams has yet to find his undershirt.

Chip: Wow! That is all I have. Wow!

Chip: PS, Who picked out Phil’s wardrobe? #wouldplayaugustainadress

Jon: Mickelson finishes w/ a triple bogey at #4 and falls to -5, 4 shots behind the leader Oosty. What an embarrassment to all of us left handed hackers out there judging these professionals golfers from the comfort and anonymity of twitter. [Read more…]