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Quick Snaps: NFL Week 14

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Texans 20 Bengals 19 – Could the TJ Yates Experience propel Houston all the way to a #1 or #2 seed and a 1st round bye in the AFC playoffs? And if so, would they be 3.5 point home dogs to either the Steelers or Ravens?

Lions 34 Vikings 28 – “Detective” Joe Webb almost led Minnesota back from the brink and has perhaps stirred up a QB controversy in the Land of 10,000 Lakes. I say the Vikings transition to a two QB system, like a lot of college programs, with Christian Ponder in for passing plays and the Detective in for the spread option/wildcat. Could be a very nice compliment to Adrian Peterson.

Saints 22 Titans 17 – Towards the end of the summer, I went out on a nice late afternoon jog and didn’t get more than a mile into it before I managed to pull both of my calf muscles nearly simultaneously. After that, I learned the value of a dynamic stretching routing before and after any cardiovascular activity. Here’s hoping Matt Hasselbeck has learned his lesson as well.

Eagles 26 Dolphins 10 – Looks like I rode the Fins one too many weeks.

Jets 37 Chiefs 10 – Tyler Palko is not a very good role model. Thanks to his recent play, more and more kids will mistakenly grow up believing that they too can be a starting quarterback in the NFL

Patriots 34 Redskins 27 – The view for this post comes from my friend Chip who was sitting in the upper deck during today’s game at FedEx Field. Rest assured fellow Patriot fans, he told me that New England’s secondary is just as bad live, if not worse, than it is on tv.

Falcons 31 Panthers 23 – Bill Simmons was right, it is next to impossible to tell Roddy White and Julio Jones apart.

Jaguars 41 Buccaneers 14 – After watching the Jags play San Diego last Monday night, I didn’t think Blaine Gabbert was going to put up 41 points all season, let alone in one game.

Ravens 24 Colts 10 – Baltimore is now 7-0 at home. Must be the band.

Broncos 13 Bears 10 – You think there will be many people watching the Patriots/Broncos game next weekend?

Cardinals 21 49ers 19 – Bad, bad loss for the Niners who are no longer assured of a 1st round bye in the NFC playoffs. And for Arizona, would you believe that the Cards still have a shot at making the postseason? Maybe it has something to do with Larod Stephens-Howling who Cardinals radio broadcasters affectionately refer to as “The Hyphen”. Easily the greatest nickname in the NFC West.

Packers 46 Raiders 16 – I wonder if the CBS production trailer ever thought about giving their viewers a live look-in to the Broncos/Bears game on Fox. Can’t imagine there were many folks watching the 4th quarter of this laugher in Lambeau.

Chargers 37 Bills 10 – It would be soooooo like Norv Turner to save his job during this the final month of the season.

 

 

If Gambling Were Legal: NFL Week 14

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NFL Week 14

PITTSBURGH (-14) over Cleveland – I had no idea that the cities of Cleveland and Pittsburgh were only 130 miles apart.

Indianapolis (+16.5) over BALTIMORE – I’m riding Dan Orlovsky all the way to the back of the endzone.

CINCINNATI (-3) over Houston – Andre Johnson’s hamstring is singly handedly killing any chance I had at winning my fantast football playoffs.

Oakland (+11) over GREEN BAY – Deadspin just ran an interesting story on how owning stock in the Packers isn’t really all its cracked up to be. I guess now I’ll have to restrategize my Christmas wish list.

NY JETS (-10.5) over Kansas City Chiefs – Why would Charlie Weis want to go and coach at the University of Kansas? I thought Florida was his “forever job”.

DETROIT (-10) over Minnesota – Wait, Ndamukong Suh is from Portlandia?

TENNESSEE (+3.5) over New Orleans – Upset Special!!! Upset Special!!! No Music City Miracle Sunday for Drew Brees and the Saints.

MIAMI (-3) over Philadelphia – The Eagles should have left half their team in Seattle after the way they played against the Seahawks last Thursday night. The Dolphins are quite simply the best 4-8 team OF ALL TIME!!!!

New England (-8) over WASHINGTON – I’ll see your Tony Gonzalez, Shannon Sharpe, and Antonio Gates and raise you a Rob Gronkowski. Look out Jacoby Ellsbury, Gronk’s coming for your gaggle of female followers from the greater Natick area.

CAROLINA (+2.5) over Atlanta – Cam Newton > Matt Ryan.

Tampa Bay (-2) over JACKSONVILLE – When your entire upper deck is covered in tarps, maybe it’s time to relocate?

San Francisco (-4) over ARIZONA – The suddenly frisky Cardinals are only getting 4 points at home to the NFC West Champs. Jim Harbaugh is way too intense to allow his 49ers team to slack off down the stretch. He also doesn’t believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, or ultimate frisbee.

DENVER (-3.5) over Chicago – If Jay Cutler and Matt Forte were playing the Bears would be favored by 3.5. Instead, Caleb Hanie and Marion Barber lead Chicago into Denver to take on the Broncos and Tim “The Greatest Leader Of All Time” Tebow.

SAN DIEGO (-7) over Buffalo – The Chargers make me feel like George Costanza when he losses his glasses. “You’re eating onions, you’re spotting dimes. I don’t know what the hell is going on!”

NY Giants (+3.5) over DALLAS – What a game. And I’m already regretting this pick.

SEATTLE (-5.5) over St. Louis – I’m happy for Albert Pujols I really am. $254 million is too much for anyone to turn down, especially a senior citizen.

Last Week 9-7 (Overall 102-87)

view from Heinz Field courtesy of @NateBlythe

Quick Snaps: NFL Week 13

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Titans 23 Bills 17 – Better late than never for Chris Johnson who has strung together two solid efforts in a row after nearly sleepwalking his way through the entire first half of the season. Probably still doesn’t make him worth all that new money but he has recently helped to keep Tennessee right in the thick of the AFC Wild Card race.

Chiefs 10 Bears 3 – First Jay Cutler now Matt Forte. I wouldn’t expect to see many Caleb Hanie and Marion Barber III jerseys lining the Soldier Field stands anytime soon.

Dolphins 34 Raiders 14 – Maybe Reggie Bush wasn’t such a bad signing for Miami after all? And Rolando McClain, you and your aquatic themed rugby shirt will haunt my dreams for years.

Broncos 35 Vikings 32 – If Denver takes care of business at home against the Bears next weekend they would then head into their week 15 showdown vs the New England Patriots with a 8-5 record and at least a share of the AFC West lead. Not too shabby for a quarterback that nobody believed in besides Gainesville, twitter, and all of Christendom.

Steelers 35 Bengals 7 – Was Cincy exposed as a junior varsity squad or is Pittsburgh once again the real deal?

Patriots 31 Colts 24 – Not a bad day for Colts backup backup quarterback, and UConn grad, Dan Orlovsky who threw for 353 yards against a Patriots secondary that looked like they should be playing in the Big, not AFC, East.

Panthers 38 Buccaneers 19 – Tampa wore their throwback uniforms and somehow manage to play like it was 1976 all over again. The only thing missing this time around was the Old Ball Coach.

Jets 34 Redskins 19 – I was down in DC this weekend and a good friend of mine who works in the District told me that there is a movement afoot to have the team move back to the RFK area. Apparently FedEx Field is a little too inconvenient for the lobbyists on K Street. Heaven forbid that Washington makes a decision without special interests in mind.

Texans 17 Falcons 10 – TJ Yates, I really didn’t believe you had it in you. Perhaps the entire Houston team was inspired by the sheer thought of Jack Delhomme lining up under center.

Ravens 24 Browns 10 – Ray Rice should have been on the cover of Madden ’12 instead of Peyton Hillis.

Packers 38 Giants 35 – Aaron Rodgers has clearly figured out that there is no spoon.

Cardinals 19 Cowboys 13 – And yet the cameras continue to focus on Rob Ryan.

49ers 26 Rams 0 – Santa Clara 49ers just doesn’t have the same ring.

view from the Superdome courtesy of @KPLC7Sports

 

If Gambling Were Legal: NFL Week 13

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20111201-183558.jpgPhiladelphia (-3) over SEATTLE – It’s a good thing Andy Reid never changes his in game costume because I hear December’s in the Pacific Northwest can get a pretty frosty.

BUFFALO (-2.5) over Tennessee – Titans clearly need this game more than the Bills but I have a sneaking suspicion that Tennessee isn’t really all that good and that Stevie “Two Guns” Johnson will be able to atone for his I’ll timed case of the dropsies against the Jets.

CHICAGO (-7) over Kansas City – Caleb Hanie probably doesn’t deserve to be giving a touchdown at home but when the opposing quarterback is Tyler Palko, 7 points isn’t nearly enough.

MIAMI (-3) over Oakland – Who grows a better looking red beard: Carson Palmer or Eli Manning? I’d like to see on of these ginger haired quarterbacks grow out the scruff over the holidays just long enough to make themselves look like Yukon Cornelius from Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

Cincinnati (+6.5) over PITTSBURGH – Speaking of the Red Rocket, I’d be much more Team Dalton this season if his TCU team hadn’t beaten Wisconsin in the Rose Bowl. While we’re talking about the Badgers, is there a college basketball team more frustrating to play against than Wisconsin? It’s like going up against a group of middle aged MD’s during a friendly game of afternoon pickup at the local YMCA. Tons of sharp elbows, rec-specs, and sweat.

Baltimore (-6.5) over CLEVELAND – When Joe Flacco grows a handlebar mustache he looks like a member of Tony Stewart’s pit crew. At halftime, I half expect to see him in the parking lot rotating Ray Lewis’ tires

NY Jets (-3) over WASHINGTON – Speaking of the Nation’s Capital, I’ll be hanging around the Beltway this weekend just hoping to run into Alex Ovechkin and his gaggle of Soviet Supermodels.

HOUSTON (+2.5) over Atlanta – Funny, I always thought TJ Yates was a romance novelist from the 1920’s.

TAMPA BAY (-3.5) over Carolina – I like Josh Freeman and the Bucs offense to finally show up against this really pathetic Panthers defense. Then again, if enough fans don’t show up at Raymond James Stadium this game may or may not actually happen.

Denver (+1.5) over MINNESOTA – When Kurt Warner tells you to back off of the “genuflecting” you know you may need to reassess your priorities.

SAN FRANCISCO (-13) over St. Louis – It’s hard to believe that this Rams team was a game away from making the playoff last season.

Dallas (-4.5) over ARIZONA – Why is this line only -4.5? Is Quincy Carter starting at QB for the Cowboys and nobody telling us?

Green Bay (-7) over NY GIANTS – Finally, the Giants have been exposed as the frauds we always kinda felt they were going to be.

Indianapolis (+20) over NEW ENGLAND – I would expect to see the 2011 debut of Ryan Mallett by about the 3rd quarter.

Detroit (+9) over NEW ORLEANS – Lost in the stomp and subsequent suspension is the fact that Ndamukong Suh is one of the most overrated players in the NFL.

JACKSONVILLE (+2.5) over San Diego – Lowest rated Monday Night Football game ever.

View From Seattle courtesy of @deionsanders

Quick Snaps: NFL Week 12

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Falcons 24 Vikings 14 – I’ll give Christian Ponder and Percy Harvin credit, they made this game much closer than most people thought. Your move Saints/Giants.

Bengals 23 Browns 20 – Peyton Hillis is alive and well but not healthy enough to lead the Browns past Andy Dalton and the Bengals. For Cleveland, is it time to start thinking about how Matt Barkley will look in orange/brown?

Titans 23 Buccaneers 17 – Did I call it or did I call it? I told y’all that Chris Johnson was going to bust out and I do believe 23 carries for 190 yards qualifies as a breakout performance. Poor Raheem Morris. Maybe it’s time to dust off the old resume after all.

Panthers 27 Colts 19 – You know what they say, horseshoes and hand grenades.

Cardinals 23 Rams 20 – How long before Arizona returner extraordinaire Patrick Peterson starts getting the Devin Hester treatment? Also, 228 yards! Who knew Beanie Wells had it in him? I guess the Ohio State alum wasn’t too affected by his alma-mater’s loss to Michigan Saturday.

Jets 28 Bills 24 – First, Stevie Johnson mocks Plaxico Burress during a TD celebration and then the Buffalo WR drops a crucial pass from Ryan Fitzpatrick which could have led to a Buffalo score and an improbable last second comeback over the jets. I guess you could say Stevie put his foot in his mouth or rather, shot himself in the hands.

Texans 20 Jaguars 13 – I feel for Matt Leinart, I really do. If his season has really come to a close after only one start, I guess it helps to know that he has already made over $20 million serving primarily as a backup QB. I’d say that kinda cash is worth a broken collarbone now and again.

Raiders 25 Bears 20 – I was riding with Caleb Hanie until his 3 interceptions, and 6 Sebastian Janikowski FG’s, did the Bears in. It’s going to be very close between the Falcons/Saints/Lions/Giants/Cowboys/Bears for the final playoff spot.

Redskins 23 Seahawks 17 – Rex Grossman just proving all the haters wrong once again.

Patriots 38 Eagles 20 – The Patriots secondary made Vince Young look like second coming of Randall Cunningham early on but eventually settled down long enough to allow Tom Brady and the New England offense to take over. Speaking of over, could this be the end of Andy Reid in Philly?

Broncos 16 Chargers 13 – Who goes first: Andy Reid or Norv Turner? I say Reid, the venom in Philly is much more paralyzing than in San Diego. And Tim Tebow, no postgame handshakes for John Elway until he fesses up and admits that he doesn’t want you to be the Broncos long term solution at quarterback.

view from Arrowhead Stadium courtesy of @corylutgen