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At the Intersection of Sports and Culture

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View from Spring Training: 2011 Milwaukee Brewers

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2011 Milwaukee Brewers

NFL Equivalent – Houston Texans: Before recent NFL seasons, ESPN and SI always rank the Houston Texans as one of their breakout teams and every year the Texans fail to live up those expectations. A string of 8-8 records has had them on the outside of the playoffs looking in.  The Brewers have entered recent seasons with somewhat similar expectations. But much like Houston, lots of hype (potent offense) but not a lot of substance (starting pitching) leads to a mediocre record. Prince Fielder is the vegetarian version of Andre Johnson and Ryan Braun may in fact be Matt Schaub’s third cousin. Lack of starting pitching for the Brewers is similar to Houston’s matador defense and for all we know new Milwaukee manager Ron Roenicke use to be a Texans special teams coach.

Google Search: Plenty of change occurred this off season for the Brewers.  The team has resigned 1B Prince Fielder and 2B Rickie Weeks. Their biggest acquisition was a trade for former Cy Young award winner Zack Greinke who will provide stability to the pitching staff, that was until he decided to give us his best Derrick Rose impression and ended up breaking a rib which now puts the beginning of his season in jeopardy.

Famous Movie Quote: Yes, Pete, it is. In fact, it’s pronounced “mil-e-wah-que” which is Algonquin for “the good land. – Alice Cooper from Wayne’s World.

Leave it to Alice Cooper to deliver one of the most memorable lines from this iconic early 90’s film featuring the likes of Wayne Campbell and Garth Algar.  Brewers fans are hoping the Algonquin’s were right when they first named the land and with a revitalized pitching staff (Greinke and Sean Marcum), and a wide open NL Central, Milwaukee could be poised for their first postseason bid in 3 years. Of course, Alice Cooper was also know for biting the heads off of live bats. Or was that Ozzy Osbourne? I get those two confused for one another all the time. 2011 prediction: 88-74, 1st place NL Central

view from Maryvale Baseball Park courtesy of @sandecharles

View from Spring Training: 2011 Houston Astros

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2011 Houston Astros

NFL Equivalent – Seattle Seahawks: Always a bridesmaid, but never quite a bride. The Seahawks reached the Super Bowl in 2006, only to fall to the Steelers, while the Astros lost to the White Sox in the World Series the year before.  Both teams were constantly in the mix throughout this past decade, while both now seem miles away from championship hopes.  Both the ‘Hawks and the ‘Stros have recently sent the faces of their respective franchises packing, and are relying on much younger, more anonymous casts going forward.  So the question remains, is there a “Beast Mode” moment waiting for these Astros in October?

Google Search: Drayton McLain, as he has been known to do in the past—like a true Texas gambler—is choosing to play the hand that he was dealt.  The Astros have brought in 2B Bill Hall and SS Clint Barmes, but will choose to fill out their roster with a couple of aging prospects in C J.R. Towles and 1B Brett Wallace.  It might be the end of the line for these two in Houston, if their Spring numbers are any indication. All this and presumptive 2011 team MVP outfielder Hunter Pence is considered to be the worst team MVP in MLB by Baseball Prospectus. Talk about a backhanded compliment.

Famous Movie Quote: Listen, here’s the thing. If you can’t spot the sucker in the first half hour at the table, then you ARE the sucker – Mike McDermott from Rounders

Here’s some feedback, Mr. McLain: fold, then run.  The Killer B’s are not walking through that door, and after having FINALLY moved INF/OF Lance Berkman and P Roy Oswalt last season, the last vestiges of the Astros’ heyday have faded into that big Texas sky alongside Davy Crockett, Sam Houston, and J.R. Ewing.  Houston has a productive starting outfield with the powerful Carlos Lee, the speedy Michael Bourne, and the gutty Hunter Pence, but they’ll only go as far as their starting pitching staff will take them. Brett Myers, Wandy Rodriguez, and J.A. Happ will all have to have career years just to keep the Astros relevant at the All-Star break. 2011 record: 71 – 91; 5th Place NL Central

view from Space Coast Stadium courtesy of @actionsports360

View From Spring Training: 2011 Chicago Cubs

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2011 Chicago Cubs

NFL Equivalent – Dallas Cowboys: How can two high profile teams in major markets spend so much and produce so little? Mismanagement, that’s how. The Cubs and Cowboys have suffered of late from some gross mismanagement both on the field and in the front office. Carlos Zambrano use to be an effective starting pitcher until he took to fighting his teammates and the water cooler. And the Cowboys? Remember when the 2010 Cowboys team quit on their coach midseason? It’s also a problem when your owner, Jerry Jones, is the most recognizable face, albeit a reconstructed one at that, in the entire organization. America’s Team no more.

Google Search: I’m not high on Matt Garza. Sure he’s been a bit of a Sox killer down in Florida, but I am not convinced he is an Ace, or really has the makeup to be one. I think the Carlos Pena pick up will be nice for the Cubs, but there are still so many questions. Soriano is getting old in left and Highway to the Fukudome has been a perennial disappointment. The corners of the infield are secure with Ramirez and now Pena, but who are these guys up the middle? Castro and DeWitt are supposed to be major league starters? They are backups at best. If this were any other fan base I would say that Northsiders will turn on this 2011 team midseason. However, when the brightest attraction at the ballpark is getting hosed down in the bleachers by Ryan Dempster, we’re not exactly talking about fans with the highest of expectations.

Famous Movie Quote: Come on Cohaagen! You got what you want. Give those people air! – Douglas Quaid from Total Recall

Quade: Quaid. Close enough. And although Cubs manager Mike Quade bears no relation to Totall Recall protagonist Douglas Quaid, I figured any chance to run some kind of Schwarzenegger quote just go with it. And if you think about, the Cubs have been suffocating their fans since 1908. New Cubs manager Mike Quade could end up wishing this season were actually a dream created by a corporate biotechnological company selling drug induced fantasies about mars. Sure, they’ll beat up on the Pirates and the Astros, but after a while even that isn’t any fun anymore. On another note, in Total Recall, remember how gross Kuato was… . 2011 Record: 80-82, 4th AL Central

view from HoHoKam Stadium courtesy of @crlamberth94

View from Spring Training 2011: Cleveland Indians

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2011 Cleveland Indians

NFL Equivalent – Cleveland Browns: If it all possible, we wanted to avoid comparing teams from the same city. However, in this case, it’s just too easy. Oh Cleveland. You know what, I’m sorry. It’s not pity, it’s just simple compassion for a fan base that has been raked over the professional sports coals over and over again. King James, Art Modell, The Drive, Edgar Renteria: the list of sports heartbreaks goes on and on. Poor Cleveland. Indians, Browns, there is no joy in Mudville but hey, at least you have the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame and this sweet tourism video.

Google Search: Where did Shin-Soo Choo come from? Sure when he arrived in the majors he showed some promise but I don’t think anyone, except maybe the Cleveland brass, expected him to be this good. It almost takes away the sting of two disappointing seasons by Grady Sizemore, almost. Doesn’t it seem like just yesterday that the Indians were being helped to an ALDS win by a swarm of midges? Alas, four years later and the Indians don’t appear to be anywhere close to making the playoffs. Regrettably, it may be the end of this decade before the Indians have enough talent to make any kind of real run.

Famous Movie Quote: So an eerie start for the Erie warriors as they drop a heartbreaker to the Yankees 9-0. The post game show is brought to you by… Christ I can’t find it, to hell with it! – Harry Doyle from Major League

I couldn’t have quoted any other especially considering that Charlie Sheen has recently pledged to finance and star in Major League 3: Ricky Vaughn and the Goddesses. Sadly the 2011 Indians will resemble Lou Brown’s team from the beginning of the film more than the end. It is going to be a bumpy road. Manny Acta could try stripping a piece of clothing off a cutout of Gloria James after every win, but even that might not be enough. 2011 Record: 72-90, 4th AL Central

view from Salt River Fields courtesy of @SDarkwingDuck

View From Spring Training: 2011 Washington Nationals

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2011 Washington Nationals

NFL Equivalent – Denver Broncos: Both teams are young, trying to piece together cohesive units as players grow into themselves. Both took chances on highly touted young prospects, QB Tim Tebow for the Broncos and P Stephen Strasburg for the Nationals.  Each of these precocious talents have messiah like followings due to prodigious amateur careers. Washington is trying hard to make moves to become contenders immediately, while Denver is hoping to reclaim past glory by hiring Bronco legend John Elway as their VP of football operations.

Google Search: Everyone expected Jayson Werth to land in the AL East with either the Yankees or Red Sox, but the Nationals pulled the trigger, throwing bills around like Alexander Ovechkin at a Russian McDonalds. Werth joins enigmatic speedster Nyjer Morgan in the outfield. Don’t be surprised if upstart phenom Bryce Harper, of SI fame, doesn’t get some at-bats in the big leagues later this summer. Perhaps the brightest spot on the team is the starting rotation, featuring returning starters Stephen Strasburg and the highly underrated Jordan Zimmerman, although Strasburg with begin the season in extended spring training while he recovers from Tommy John surgery.

Famous Movie Quote: Striker, listen, and you listen close: flying a plane is no different than riding a bicycle, just a lot harder to put baseball cards in the spokes. – Rex Kramer from Airplane!

I picked this quote from the 1980 Zucker Brothers classic Airplane! because the Nationals have the potential to avert total disaster this season and post a reasonable record. Hopefully they will approach the season with simplicity, avoiding the complications of media and distractions that many other teams face (like say, building mansions). Ryan Zimmerman, a quiet but focused player, may be the Striker to crash land their 2011 plane. Also, I am writing this blog post on a plane back to Boston from San Francisco, so perhaps I have flying on the brain. 2011 record: 74-88, 5th place NL East

view from Steinbrenner Field courtesy of @MouradB