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At the Intersection of Sports and Culture

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Resume Building at the PGA Championship

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Get those resumes ready, Tiger* needs a new caddie. Good friend, and looping novice, Bryon Bell is just not going to cut the mustard. Qualifications for a permanent caddie include but are not limited to: 10+ years experience on the PGA tour, a minimum of 2 major championships, and most importantly, complete discretion/secrecy when it comes to the personal affairs of the world’s former #1 golfer. Regardless of who’s carrying the bag for Tiger, I do not expect him to contend at the PGA Championship this weekend, even though Vegas has him at 10-1 odds, right alongside other favorites like Adam Scott and Rory McIlroy. All of this begs the question, who do I like to hoist the Wanamaker Trophy Sunday night?

Predicting the PGA Championship

Bronze: Jason Day – Why do professional golfers like Day choose to stay in mobile homes the week of major tournaments? I first remember hearing about this strange phenomenon back in John Daly’s rustic heydey, but in his case a Winnebago made perfect sense. Jason Day is a world class golfer with an awesome Australian accent, gorgeous young wife, and millions already in the bank. What’s he doing shacking up in trailer parked at the local Chick-Fil-A?

Silver: David Toms – Had to go with at least one veteran this week in the ATL. Speaking of the South, how swampy is the Atlanta Ahtletic Club going to get this week? I’m guessing we’ll be able to conduct a rorschach test based solely on the different sweat patterns emerging from the bottoms of all the different soaked pairs of dungarees. We should all be thankful that Chicago Bulls forward Carlos Boozer is not a golfer. That man sure does know how to perspire.

Gold: Dustin Johnson – While vacationing in northern Wisconsin last week, I played golf with an older gentleman from the Northwoods whose given name was Sampson but who introduced himself as “Snake”. Snake, as you can imagine, was quite the interesting character. One of his favorite hobbies – alongside fishing for muskie and playing in a polka band – was making his own golf clubs. I first noticed his homemade clubs when he unsheathed a massive driver that looked exactly like the r11 used by Dustin Johnson. When I asked Snake why he choose to make his own clubs his response was: “what’s the difference between a $400 driver and a $100 driver? (Pause) $100”. Simple logic really.

*love this picture from the Atlanta Athletic Club Courtesy of @JamesHaddockSSN. Totally looks like he got up super early and disguised himself as a large oak tree just for this one moment where he could snap a photo of an unsuspecting Tiger Woods. Good journalists know no bounds.

 

 

Monday Musings: Back from Vacation Edition

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How come you never feel well rested when returning from a vacation? Here it is the Monday morning, after a wonderful week away from the hustle and bustle of the Northeast, and all I find myself asking for is another week away where I can focus on three things: sleep, food, and sun. Of course with a 6 month old son, consistent sleep is not really an option plus you have to be careful exposing babies to too much sunlight. I guess the only thing I will really miss is the food, which when traveling through the northern Midwest means lots of bratwurst, cheese curds, and craft brews. Come to think of it, maybe it isn’t such a bad thing for my overall health that I’m back to a steady diet which includes at least one helping of vegetables a day.

Furthermore, because I’ve been semi “unplugged” for the last week or so, let me caution this tale by saying that I have kept up with the goings on in Major League Baseball primarily through my iPhone and a stealthy combination of the MLB app and twitter. To those curmudgeons out there who still believe that twitter is simply a fad or perhaps the narcissistic manifestation of youthful hyperactivity, let me tell you that people can tweet faster than the internet can refresh. And it’s good useful information too not just status updates and cyber-voyeurism. For instance, because of twitter I could tell that Adam Scott winning the Bridgestone Invitational Sunday afternoon was the biggest win of caddie Stevie Williams career long before the embittered looper launched into a suspiciously subversive diatribe directed at his previous employer Tiger Woods. The precognitive power of the “twittersphere” knows no bounds. Now if we can only use it to predict just how low the stock market is going to drop this week.

Finally, as a Baltimore Orioles fan, if being unplugged for a week has taught me anything about my team it’s that the more things change, the more they stay the same. When I left, the Orioles were barely treading water in the AL East basement and now, a week later, the Birds continue to sink lower and lower into the relative obscurity of professional baseball. And the saddest part about it all, much like with twitter, I knew it before it even happened.

A Quick Trip Around the Bases

1B – And speaking of the Orioles, if the Pittsburgh Pirates would like to blame anyone for their latest 10 game losing streak, which has essentially taken them completely out of the race in the NL Central, they should feel free to direct any and all animosity for their current plight towards the Baltimore Orioles. It was the Orioles after all that traded away Derrek Lee to the Pirates and since the first baseman has been in Pittsburgh the team hasn’t won a single game. Apparently the “stank” emanating from the warehouse on Eutaw Street can infect other teams as well. Too bad to as I had just pledged my NL allegiance this season to the Pirates.

2B – Staying in the NL Central for a second, the Chicago Cubs, winners of 7 of their last 10, are now only 6 games behind the Pirates for 4th place in the division. Amazing really considering how bad Chicago has been this season and how promising the Pirates play had been up until the trading deadline. Speaking of trades, if you’re in a MLB front office, why would you ever even consider giving a free agent a no trade clause? Look at the trouble it has gotten the Cubs in. Both Aramis Ramirez and Kerry Wood, two valuable trade chips for a team in desperate need of rebuilding, told the team that they would block any deal that sends them away from the Northside. Credit the Cubs organization for making their players feel so comfortable but shame on the front office for continuing to structure contracts that include no trade clauses.

3B – Move over Pittsburgh, hello Arizona. The Diamondbacks, now only a half game behind the NL West leading San Francisco Giants, have slowly emerged as the underdog darlings of 2011. It’s highly improbable, what with the arsenal of arms in the Bay Area, that the Snakes remain in this race to the very end but it’s a nice story nevertheless. And go ahead, name 3 players on the Diamondbacks roster? After Justin Upton things start to a get a little cloudy. Perhaps more folks are familiar with Arizona manager Kirk Gibson, he of “I don’t believe what i just saw” fame.

HR – Shifting away from the small market, can you believe that heading into last night’s Red Sox/Yankees game that both teams held a 7.5 game lead over the Los Angeles Angles in the AL Wild Card race? I understand that MLB teams are not in the habit of resting players for the playoffs, sort of like what happens in the NFL, but if there were ever a year where a baseball team could get away with it, this is that year. At this current pace the Yankees may tell Alex Rodriguez to spend a little more time rehabbing his surgically repaired knee. Well, so long as he stays away from any high stakes poker ring that also involves Tobey Maguire.

view from Chase Field courtesy of @jbroussard65

 

What If Every MLB Ballpark Had a Seat Dedicated to Ted Williams?

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My brother in law went to Fenway Park for a Red Sox/Royals game last Tuesday night and little did he know that his ticket for the evening assured him a spot in a very exclusive, historic club. And no, he was not about to become the first completely sober adult over the last decade to sit in the bleachers. Actually, he sat in section 42, row 37, seat 21 otherwise known as the Ted Williams seat, site of the longest home run ever hit in Fenway Park.

When I think of Ted Williams I think extraordinarily high batting average not a 502 foot prodigious home run. I had all but forgotten that Williams hit 521 career home runs, tying him for 18th place on the all time list alongside Willie McCovey and Frank Thomas. Perhaps my favorite Williams story revolves around his uber-analytical approach to hitting. Not only did he write a book titled “The Science of Hitting”, but he would apparently rehearse his swing while playing left field. That must have been some sight to see for the Fenway faithful, the Splendid Splinter taking dry swings in the outfield as the pitcher begins his delivery. I wonder if his routine/singular focus ever led to a crucial fielding error. If so, who on the Red Sox was going to challenge Williams to get his head out of his ass and play better defense? He’s Ted Williams. Hall of Famer, arguably the greatest hitter of all time. If anyone gets a free pass for taking their glove off during the game it would have been #9.

The Ted Williams seat in the Fenway Park bleachers is painted bright red to make it stand out amongst the surrounding sea of dark green. Which leads me to the all important question, how many MLB ballparks commemorate long and/or historic home runs? Besides Fenway, we have Camden Yards/Eutaw Street, AT&T Park/McCovey Cove, and PNC Park/Allegheny River. I’m sure there are many more out there but these select few are the most recognizable to me. It would be nice to catalog all of this information so that one day baseball fans can go to Minute Maid Park in Houston and point to the spot of Chris Burke’s famous walkoff in the 2005 NLDS.

Finally, one thing my brother in law did say about his night in the Ted Williams seat is that Red Sox fans were constantly asking him to stand up so that they could take a picture of this historic spot. He didn’t mind the trouble but would have appreciated a few beers for the effort. Maybe next time.

Monday Morning Musings: Trades, Trades, and More Trades

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Check out this view from the right field bleachers at Friday night’s Orioles/Yankees game. A little further to the right and you wouldn’t be able to see left field from your seat. That’s because the Mohegan Sun sports bar, that tinted window monstrosity lording over the center field wall, obstructs the view for hundreds of hard working bleacher creatures. What is this, 19 aught 8? A modern day palace that cost nearly a billion dollars to build shouldn’t include an entire section of seats where you can’t see a part of the field. I’ll give Fenway Park and Wrigley Field a pass because they are relics of a simpler day and age where architects didn’t have the luxury of blueprints. But not the new Yankee Stadium which has become a testament to all the commercial trappings of baseball what with all it’s boutique shops and lounges. A perfect place for a $15 roast beef sandwich!

A Quick Trip Around the Bases

1B – Back to Friday night’s O’s/Yanks game for a second, if you look closely you can see Jeremy Guthrie on the mound for the Birds. Two quick reactions: 1) it’s amazing the Orioles won this particular game because usually they saddle Guthrie, who has been solid again this season, with very little offense making him the quintessential tough luck loser. 2) It was a surprise to many that Guts was still wearing a Baltimore jersey on Friday night. Many experts had him booked on the next flight to Boston, Detroit, or maybe even the Bronx as part of a blockbuster trading deadline deal. But the O’s decided to hold onto their veteran “ace” in hopes that he can steward the next crop of young arms in 2012. The Orioles weren’t totally inactive this last week, trading away veterans Koji Uehara and Derek Lee to the Rangers and Pirates respectively.  Coming into 2011, who would have thought that either the Orioles or Pirates would have been buyers and that they would be involved in a deal together? Good for Pittsburgh, not so good for Baltimore.

2B – Did you ever think the trading deadline would pass without the Yankees acquiring a superstar? I guess we’ll have to wait until the end of August, once the waiver wire closes, to fully evaluate who won/lost this year’s version of let’s make a deal. For now, the clubhouse leaders are (in no particular order): Rangers, Indians, Mets, Rockies, and Giants. I could have put the Boston Red Sox on this list if I weren’t staunchly opposed to the whole Erik Bedard experience. When he pitched for the Orioles a few years back he was more than capable of double digit K’s every time he took the mound. The problem for Bedard in Baltimore was that he was equally capable of pulling his latissimus dorsi or, even worse, slowly sulking off the mound in the 3rd inning after being pulled for ineffectiveness. And, are we sure he’s even healthy? Or that he’s ready to take the ball in a big game?

3B – I could have put both the Braves and Phillies on the list of trading deadline winners, except I’m not quite sure how much of a difference Hunter Pence and Michael Bourn will make heading down the home stretch. Bourn to the Braves makes a lot of sense because he adds a tremendous amount of speed and defense to a lineup that was very well balanced to begin with. I don’t really see how Pence to the Phillies makes all that much of a difference. With their excellent starting pitching they were most likely going to win the NL East regardless of the moves they made. All I know about Pence is that he is a versatile player, with power and speed, who also happens to wear only one batting glove. We need someone to compile a list of “Best MLB players to wear only one batting glove”. I feel like Pete Rose should be somewhere near the top of that list. Any other suggestions?

HR – Switching leagues for a second, I’ll have plenty more to come on the NFL free agent madness later this week but for now here are just a few quick hits. 1) What is Bill Belichick thinking? Albert Haynesworth doesn’t enjoy playing football and Ochocinco lost that step two seasons ago. Looks like a couple of desperate moves by a coach driven for at least one more Super Bowl before Tom Brady hands the keys over to Ryan Mallett. 2) Like the Plaxico Burress to the Jets move. Not sure if he still stretches the field like he did before prison but he should help to make up for the loss of Braylon Edwards. Of greater concern to Jets fans should be the loss of Brad Smith to the Buffalo Bills. New York is going to miss the “Swiss Army Knife” and I hope for his sake that Buffalo will figure out a way to take advantage of his wide array of skills.

 

Adam Schefter Doesn’t Believe in Sleep

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It’s not too often that I concern myself with the general well being of an ESPN personality what with all their handsome salaries, fancy cars, and deluxe two bedroom condominiums in Simsbury, CT. But man I tell you, ever since the NFL lockout ended, and the free agent frenzy began, I can’t stop worrying that at some point Adam Schefter’s head is going to explode on live television just like that poor degenerate gambler who had his head put in a vice by Joe Pesci in Casino. Schefter has clearly usurped Chris Mortensen as ESPN’s go to NFL brown nose. But the WWL should be careful with how they treat members of the intelligentsia because at this rate Scheftie is on pace for a Michael Douglas in Falling Down type meltdown. Who would clog our twitter feed then?

Speaking of free agent signings, what move has garnered the most attention so far? Santonio – who my brother in law continues to call “San Antonio”- Holmes back to the Jets? Matt Hasselbeck to the Music City Miracles? Al Haynesworth shipping up to Boston? Or perhaps it’s Donovan McNabb to the Minnesota Vikings. I just had to ask Deadspinner, and fellow Colby College alum, Drew Magary where he thinks the Vikings and McNabb are headed in 2011. Understand that right now Drew is considerably busier than most “bloggers-who-use-foul-language-to-make-fun-of-Peter King” what with a massive press tour for his new novel The Postmortal and we thank him for taking the time to respond to our trivial inquiries.

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Now that McNabb is about to officially become a member of your Minnesota Vikings, it’s time you tell us what Twin Cities delicacy is going to cause the most significant weight gain and why: walleye on a stick from Target Field, the Juicy Lucy, or beer boiled bratwurst (via Wisconsin)?

Bratwurst, I guess?

But seriously, wouldn’t you rather just go with Joe Webb or Christian Ponder? And does it really matter who’s playing QB for the Vikings in 2011? Pretty sure they are going to have a tough time keeping up with the rest of the division, even the Lions.

It doesn’t really matter who plays for them this year, which is why I’m okay with the trade.  It’s not like the Favre experiment where they put all their money on the one old QB.  They might even view McNabb as a backup right now.

Have you already purchased a Los Angeles Vikings tshirt? Maybe you would have had a better time trying to publicly finance a new stadium in Minneapolis if the Minnesota state gov’t hadn’t totally shut down.

My guy Rand still says the Vikings aren’t moving, so I’ll stick with him until they end up proving him wrong and we both cry.

How, if at all, do you cover the plight of the Minnesota Vikings in your new book The Postmortal? I hope you reserved a special place in Chapter 4 for the Randall Cunningham era.

No Vikings in the book.  The main character is a Bills fan.

Last one, did you ever put your personal laundry in the Chappy bins and if so, did your clothes come out smelling worse than they did before?

Never.  But not a bad idea.

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There you have it. Move over Schefter! I smell a new football insider. Thanks again to Drew for taking the time to hit send and we wish him the best of luck with his new novel The Postmortal. Here’s hoping the book has more success than the 2011 Donovan McNabb led Minnesota Vikings.

view from Patriots training camp courtesy of @realpatriots