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At the Intersection of Sports and Culture

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Monday Morning Musings: Day Old Coffee Edition

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I’m not proud to admit it, but I ran out of coffee Sunday morning and of all the days of the week, Sunday is the last possible day I can afford for this to happen. I have no problem reusing day old coffee on a Thursday or for some sort of iced beverage but Sunday is a totally different story. If I don’t get a fresh cup of hot coffee on Sunday morning then I can’t possibly be expected to complete the New York Times crossword puzzle. And if I can’t complete the New York Times crossword puzzle I certainly shouldn’t be expected to execute any of the assigned chores for the day which usually includes cooking, cleaning, mowing, and just being an all around helpful husband/father. Needless to say, yesterday was not a very productive day.

A Quick Trip Around the Bases

1B – Arizona keeps chugging right along, even after being swept by the Atlanta Braves over the weekend they still remain 1.5 game in front of reigning World Series champions the San Francisco Giants. Many are crediting the turnaround in the desert to the coaching staff full of ex major leaguers led by manager Kirk Gibson. And while I’m sure the “been-there-done-that” mentality from the coaching staff has helped, the real reason the D’Backs are contending this season is because of players like RF Justin Upton and P Ian Kennedy. How many of Kennedy’s 15 wins are you going to chalk up to pitching coach Charles Nagy? How many home runs has Matt Wiliams hit for Upton? Coaches matter but players matter more and it’s about time we gave this group of relative no names the attention they deserve.

2B – Now onto something not so surprising, how historically bad are my Baltimore Orioles? With all the elbow and shoulder issues the team has had to deal with, club orthopedist Dr. Lewis Yocum is about to become as synonymous with the city of Baltimore as Johnny Unitas and Detective McNulty.

At this point, general manager Andy MacPhail should consider hiring famous actors who have previously played baseball players on the big screen to come to Camden Yards and reprise their roles for the Orioles. Because I’m pretty sure there are plenty of Baltimore fans who would rather see Nuke Laloosh on the mound than the Class-AAAA slop they have been wheeling out there these last few months.

3B – Can we take a quick pulse of the current AL MVP race? Leading my list are four players: Adrian Gonzalez, Jacoby Ellsbury, Curtis Granderson, and Justin Verlander. Verlander is the clear leader for the AL Cy Young award but there are plenty of people now rumbling for his name to be included on the short list of MVP candidates as well.

How in the world do you put Jose Bautista as your AL MVP favorite, especially when you also openly acknowledge that he, along with the rest of the Toronto lineup, has been the beneficiary of a phantom sign stealer sitting alone in the Rogers Centre Hotel. I’ll give you that Bautista does hit a lot of home runs, but if this is our only piece of criteria for determining an MVP award, why not give the NL MVP to Dan Uggla?

Me, I’m going to go with Granderson who has more than made up for the fading power of ARod and the substandard average of Mark Teixiera. Of course, if the voting were to be determined by the female population of Revere, MA, Jacoby Ellsbury wins in a landslide.

HR – After weeks, if not years of speculation, the Chicago Cubs finally fired GM Jim Hendry. Now all anyone can talk about is who is line to become the next GM of the Cubbies. And according to the Courier-News, one of the primary qualifications to even be considered for this position is if you were either born in Chicago and/or remain a loyal Cubs fan. What is this, fantasy baseball? If we applied this same logic to say.. flying an airplane, we’d all be stuck with some sort of John Travolta type as our pilot and that wouldn’t be good for anyone. Last night on the Cubs/Cardinals SNB broadcast, Cubs owner Tom Ricketts said that he is looking for three main qualities in his next general manager: player development, analytical approach, and tradition of winning. Ricketts went on to add that all interested candidates should submit cover letters and resumes to: The Chicago Cubs, Wrigley Field, Chicago, IL 60613.

view from Turner Field courtesy of @GABuckeye311 

Just Another Typical, Run of the Mill NFL Preview: AFC South

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From here on in, until the start of the NFL regular season on Thursday September, 8th, VMS will be offering quick overviews of each division, one NFC and one AFC per week. Next up, the AFC South (*denotes playoff team)

AFC South

Champs: Indianapolis Colts* – For years now, I have wondered how Peyton Manning’s elongated neck was strong enought to support his very oddly shaped dome. Well at least now we have our answer. If Peyton isn’t healthy, look for Reggie Wayne and Pierre Garcon to lose their you know what after about the 5th time Curtis Painter sails a crossing route over the middle of the field.

On Deck (next up): Houston Texans – Everybody is talking about how the Texans did a lot to improve their defense this offseason. Well I should hope so because last year they couldn’t stop Betty White before a snickers. A better defense will also make QB Matt Schaub a little happier. Last season, Schaub led the league in sad faces, 5 ahead of Eli Manning and 2 in front of Jay Cutler.

Limbo (neither up nor down; stuck in between): Jacksonville Jaguars – People are trying to talk us into a QB controversy in Jacksonville and I’m not buying it. David Garrard will be your starting QB this season, that is until Sunshine from Remember the Titans memorizes the playbook. I’m really looking forward to the Jags starting the season 1-5, followed by rumors that they intend to fire head coach Jack Del Rio for the umpteenth time at season’s end before finishing 2011 w/ a 9-7 record, just narrowly missing the playoffs and leading to another Del Rio contract extension.

Chumps: Tennessee Titans – What are we supposed to do now that we can no longer marvel at Jeff Fisher and his strangely coiffed stache? I’ll miss the Ray Ban and croakie combo too. Last night I was totally caught off guard seeing Vince Young on the Philadelphia Eagles. I figured the Titans were stuck with VY for at least 2 more seasons. And would you believe that Chris Johnson is only set to make $800K this season? I guess if I were that good I would be holding out for more money too.

Fantasy Sleepers: Javon Ringer** (RB – Tennessee), Zach Miller (TE – Jacksonville), Dan Orlovsky*** (QB – Indianapolis

Ready for Primetime Games: 9/25 Pittsburgh @ Indianapolis, 10/23 Indianapolis @ New Orleans, 10/24 Baltimore @ Jacksonville, 12/5 San Diego @ Jacksonville, 12/22 Houston @ Indianapolis

**only if all world running back Chris Johnson continues his holdout for more cash.

*** only if Peyton Manning’s neck wasn’t fused properly.

view from Colts practice courtesy of @TheSportsGuy13

Just Another Typical, Run of the Mill NFL Preview: NFC South

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From here on out until the start of the NFL regular season on Thursday September, 8th, VMS will be offering quick overviews of each division, one NFC and one AFC per week. First up, the NFC South (*denotes playoff team)

NFC South

Champs: New Orleans Saints* – Mark Ingram stabilizes the running game while Drew Brees and the passing attack continue to throw lots and lots of beads at the Superdome faithful.

On Deck (next up): Atlanta Falcons* – Last years NFC South champs are in now or nothing mode, which explains why they would trade away 5 future draft picks in order to select Julio Jones this year, especially when the Falcons are presumably already loaded at the wide receiver position. Also, can we please come up with a different nickname for Matt Ryan?

Limbo (neither up nor down; stuck in between): Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Tough, veteran centric division for this young, hungry Bucs team to break through against. Really looking forward to Josh Freeman unleashing his soul glow in South Florida again this season.

Chumps: Carolina Panthers – Ron Rivera please do your fans a favor by starting quarterback, and #1 overall draft pick, Cam Newton. Greater Charlotte simply should not be subjected to a single series of either the dour Jimmy Clausen or lethargic Derek Anderson. At least Newton will make exciting mistakes.

Fantasy Sleepers: Harry Douglass (WR-Atlanta), Josh Freeman (QB-Tampa Bay), Greg Olsen (TE – Carolina)

Ready for Primetime Games: 9/8 New Orleans @ Green Bay, 9/18 Philadelphia @ Atlanta, 10/9 Green Bay @ Atlanta, 10/16 New Orleans @ Tampa Bay, 12/26 Atlanta @ New Orleans

view from Bucs training camp courtesy of @stevecarney

Using Twitter to Determine the Best Baseballers in all the Land

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In honor of recently demoted/budding baseball superstar Logan Morrison, and his esteemed twitter alter-ego @LoMoMarlins, we have compiled a list of the MLB players with the highest number of twitter followers by position and then gauged whether or not these totals are commensurate with their personality/on field baseball ability. Big thanks to the aggregators over at Tweeting-Athletes.com for giving our neural-net processors a big timeout.

Starting Pitcher – CC Sabathia (New York Yankees, 137311 followers): Sabathia’s popularity makes sense, he is after all one of the leading contenders for the AL Cy Young award this season. Also, overstuffed athletes always resonate well with fans probably because they remind many Americans of themselves.

Catcher – Russell Martin (New York Yankees, 49560): Here we have a classic case of big market ballot stuffing. Sure, Martin is enjoying somewhat of a career renaissance during his first year in the Bronx but he should not be the most popular catcher on twitter. If Joe Mauer’s parents allowed him to but that cellphone last Christmas we wouldn’t even be having this conversation.

First Baseman – Mark Teixiera (New York Yankees, 80860): Same song and dance as before. I’m starting to wonder whether or not people from outside of NYC even have access to social media. Where’s my coast to coast publicly financed WIFI umbrella President Obama?

Second Baseman – Brandon Phillips (Cincinnati Reds, 135358): DatDudeBP engages his followers like no other, often times asking them where he should go for good Mexican food in Atlanta. If you play your cards right, he may even offer to pick up the tab on your $2 burrito as well.

Third Baseman – Evan Longoria (Tampa Bay Rays, 56224): Would it help or hurt Longoria’s twitter credibility if he talked more openly about being the once proud owner of an AK-47?

Shortstop – Jimmy Rollins (Philadelphia Phillies, 45672): I wonder if it’s going to be super awkward for Rollins when the Phillies sign Jose Reyes to take over at shortstop in 2012. Good luck attracting 40K followers in Seattle next season.

OF – Nick Swisher (New York Yankees, 1365390): What a rascal that Nick Swisher. Always so darn happy to be playing baseball. And talk about post game polish. I can see Kim Jones overheating through my television screen right now. Part of me wishes that Swish never made it to New York, only then would we really know if Billy Beane would allow for an Oakland A to amass over one million followers on twitter. You know those crazy sabermetricians and their numbers.

OF – Jose Bautista (Toronto Blue Jays, 11525): These numbers are no doubt inflated due to the use of performance enhancing software and malicious spyware used to pick up the cellphone signals of fans in the Rogers Centre.

OF – Jason Heyward (Atlanta Braves, 85633): Did I hear that Heyward was benched last week? Maybe he should have gone to Harvard for a year or two after all. The Ivy League could have really taught him a thing or two about writing succinct, descriptive 140 character or less prose.

Closer – Brian Wilson (San Francisco Giants, 288505): The beard alone is worth at least 100K followers making it the most valuable facial hair since the LeBron neckbeard. But seriously, have you ever heard Brian Wilson talk? Not stupid. In fact, I would wager to say that he is one of the smartest, most well read players in all of MLB. Strange then that he makes himself look like the zodiac killer on steroids.

Manager – Ozzie Guillen (Chicago White Sox, 165578): I can’t wait for Guillen to manager the Miami Marlins in 2012 when he and Logan Morrison will use twitter to challenge each others machismo on a daily basis. We can only hope that somehow Ozzie’s son, Oney, will be involved in the nightly round table as well.

view from Comerica Park on the night Jim “Country Strong” Thome hit #600 courtesy of @MC_Biebs

 

Monday Musings: Golf, Erectile Dysfunction, and #FreeLoMo

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Before we delve into baseball, here are a few quick strokes from the final round of the PGA Championship. First, neither name may light up the box office but Keegan Bradley and Jason Dufner sure do know how to put on an exciting finish at a major championship. Happy to see the New England native Bradley pull through, most because I had this constant feeling that Dufner was a lukewarm Colt 45 away from the couch. Secondly, CBS must believe that everyone watching the broadcast suffers from erectile dysfunction and low testosterone. There were so many Cialis commercials that I almost felt like watching the coverage from my bathtub. And I’ll tell you another thing, next time I’m watching a PGA tour event in person, I’ll make sure to give a wide berth to my fellow onlookers. Who knows what’s going on down there after all. But, I digress.

A Quick Trip Around the Bases

1B – Too much LoMo for the Florida Marlins? Logan Morrison, the Marlins starting left fielder and outspoken twittaholic, was sent down to Class AAA New Orleans Saturday night after a 3-0 defeat at the hands of Tim Lincecum and the San Francisco Giants. Morrison is having a breakout season for the Marlins, batting .249 with 17 home runs and 60 RBI which is exactly the reason why his demotion was very surprising.  According to a justifiably prickly Morrison, he was told by the Marlins organization that his being sent down had to do with hitting .240 while manager Jack McKeon was equally cryptic, adding that it was a move which should help LoMo “go out and work on his game”. Not exactly inspiring words from the 80 year old Marlins skipper which, along with the timing and overall cloudy nature of the decision, has led many to continue wondering what the heck if going on in South Florida.

Now, as conspiracy theories continue to mount, people are starting to believe that the Marlins sent down Morrison for being too present on twitter, occasionally speaking out against the Florida organization and its has been star shortstop Hanley Ramirez. If this is truly the case, then the Marlins organization is out of touch with the winds of MLB fans/social media and must develop a much firmer backbone when it come to handling honest criticism from players. LoMo is good for the Marlins and the game of baseball because he has figured out a way to connect with and facilitate relationships with fans – not to mention the 17 HR’s and 60 RBI. As the Florida organization prepares to open its new stadium next summer it would be wise for the front office to embrace Morrison and his 50,ooo+ followers on twitter. They do after all represent 50K more people than the average attendance at Sun Life Stadium Marlins this season.

2B – Carlos Zambrano continues to be nothing but a counterproductive influence on the Chicago Cubs, MLB, and hefty starting pitchers worldwide. By this point we shouldn’t really be surprised by anything Big Z does, including threatening to retire from professional baseball mid season. His debilitating petulance was on full stage again over the weekend after he responded to another woeful performance against the Atlanta Braves by throwing at Chipper Jones. He would then later pack up the entire contents of his locker and swear to never return again. The Northside of Chicago probably wishes he was serious about retiring, that way the Cubs wouldn’t be on the hook for his substantial salary in 2012. Is there another MLB team out there dumb enough to trade for the starting pitcher? The Cubs are ready to listen to most offers including, but not limited to: a box of baseballs, Derek Jeter 3K hit memorabilia, or a tub of used pine tar. Nobody needs pitching that badly. Taking it a step further, all unemployed Chicago Cubs fans should be allowed to throw a bucket full of warm lemon-lime Gatorade at Zambrano in hopes that he will wake up and realize how fortunate he is to still have a job.

3B – No Sunday morning is complete w/out a little Ed Randall’s Talking Baseball on WFAN New York. In between reminders to get your prostate checked, Randall managed to squeeze in a brief discussion on the most sure-fired way to shorten the length of MLB games, which he believes is to simply have umpires call more strikes. Of course, in this the age of entitlement, players have slowly eroded what little confidence umpires once held – well all except for Cowboy Joe West – making it nearly impossible for the men in blue to call a letter high strike. Here’s an idea: replace the plate umpire with one of those pitch tracks boxes they use during the television broadcast. That way, when David Ortiz complains about a knee high strike he has no one to blame but Joe Buck and Tim McCarver.

HR – Arizona has a problem and it has to do with their grass. They can’t grow any. Right now, the outfield at Chase Field looks like a patched up pair of corduroys. They need to install something similar to what the University of Phoenix Stadium uses which is a retractable surface that maintains appropriate amounts of sunshine and moisture. Or they can just keep doing what they’re doing which, if the Diamondbacks make the playoffs, means that we’ll have October baseball from the desert. Literally.

view from Sun Life Stadium courtesy of @ajlovesmegan