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Quick Snaps: NFL Week 14

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Texans 20 Bengals 19 – Could the TJ Yates Experience propel Houston all the way to a #1 or #2 seed and a 1st round bye in the AFC playoffs? And if so, would they be 3.5 point home dogs to either the Steelers or Ravens?

Lions 34 Vikings 28 – “Detective” Joe Webb almost led Minnesota back from the brink and has perhaps stirred up a QB controversy in the Land of 10,000 Lakes. I say the Vikings transition to a two QB system, like a lot of college programs, with Christian Ponder in for passing plays and the Detective in for the spread option/wildcat. Could be a very nice compliment to Adrian Peterson.

Saints 22 Titans 17 – Towards the end of the summer, I went out on a nice late afternoon jog and didn’t get more than a mile into it before I managed to pull both of my calf muscles nearly simultaneously. After that, I learned the value of a dynamic stretching routing before and after any cardiovascular activity. Here’s hoping Matt Hasselbeck has learned his lesson as well.

Eagles 26 Dolphins 10 – Looks like I rode the Fins one too many weeks.

Jets 37 Chiefs 10 – Tyler Palko is not a very good role model. Thanks to his recent play, more and more kids will mistakenly grow up believing that they too can be a starting quarterback in the NFL

Patriots 34 Redskins 27 – The view for this post comes from my friend Chip who was sitting in the upper deck during today’s game at FedEx Field. Rest assured fellow Patriot fans, he told me that New England’s secondary is just as bad live, if not worse, than it is on tv.

Falcons 31 Panthers 23 – Bill Simmons was right, it is next to impossible to tell Roddy White and Julio Jones apart.

Jaguars 41 Buccaneers 14 – After watching the Jags play San Diego last Monday night, I didn’t think Blaine Gabbert was going to put up 41 points all season, let alone in one game.

Ravens 24 Colts 10 – Baltimore is now 7-0 at home. Must be the band.

Broncos 13 Bears 10 – You think there will be many people watching the Patriots/Broncos game next weekend?

Cardinals 21 49ers 19 – Bad, bad loss for the Niners who are no longer assured of a 1st round bye in the NFC playoffs. And for Arizona, would you believe that the Cards still have a shot at making the postseason? Maybe it has something to do with Larod Stephens-Howling who Cardinals radio broadcasters affectionately refer to as “The Hyphen”. Easily the greatest nickname in the NFC West.

Packers 46 Raiders 16 – I wonder if the CBS production trailer ever thought about giving their viewers a live look-in to the Broncos/Bears game on Fox. Can’t imagine there were many folks watching the 4th quarter of this laugher in Lambeau.

Chargers 37 Bills 10 – It would be soooooo like Norv Turner to save his job during this the final month of the season.

 

 

If Gambling Were Legal: NFL Week 14

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NFL Week 14

PITTSBURGH (-14) over Cleveland – I had no idea that the cities of Cleveland and Pittsburgh were only 130 miles apart.

Indianapolis (+16.5) over BALTIMORE – I’m riding Dan Orlovsky all the way to the back of the endzone.

CINCINNATI (-3) over Houston – Andre Johnson’s hamstring is singly handedly killing any chance I had at winning my fantast football playoffs.

Oakland (+11) over GREEN BAY – Deadspin just ran an interesting story on how owning stock in the Packers isn’t really all its cracked up to be. I guess now I’ll have to restrategize my Christmas wish list.

NY JETS (-10.5) over Kansas City Chiefs – Why would Charlie Weis want to go and coach at the University of Kansas? I thought Florida was his “forever job”.

DETROIT (-10) over Minnesota – Wait, Ndamukong Suh is from Portlandia?

TENNESSEE (+3.5) over New Orleans – Upset Special!!! Upset Special!!! No Music City Miracle Sunday for Drew Brees and the Saints.

MIAMI (-3) over Philadelphia – The Eagles should have left half their team in Seattle after the way they played against the Seahawks last Thursday night. The Dolphins are quite simply the best 4-8 team OF ALL TIME!!!!

New England (-8) over WASHINGTON – I’ll see your Tony Gonzalez, Shannon Sharpe, and Antonio Gates and raise you a Rob Gronkowski. Look out Jacoby Ellsbury, Gronk’s coming for your gaggle of female followers from the greater Natick area.

CAROLINA (+2.5) over Atlanta – Cam Newton > Matt Ryan.

Tampa Bay (-2) over JACKSONVILLE – When your entire upper deck is covered in tarps, maybe it’s time to relocate?

San Francisco (-4) over ARIZONA – The suddenly frisky Cardinals are only getting 4 points at home to the NFC West Champs. Jim Harbaugh is way too intense to allow his 49ers team to slack off down the stretch. He also doesn’t believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, or ultimate frisbee.

DENVER (-3.5) over Chicago – If Jay Cutler and Matt Forte were playing the Bears would be favored by 3.5. Instead, Caleb Hanie and Marion Barber lead Chicago into Denver to take on the Broncos and Tim “The Greatest Leader Of All Time” Tebow.

SAN DIEGO (-7) over Buffalo – The Chargers make me feel like George Costanza when he losses his glasses. “You’re eating onions, you’re spotting dimes. I don’t know what the hell is going on!”

NY Giants (+3.5) over DALLAS – What a game. And I’m already regretting this pick.

SEATTLE (-5.5) over St. Louis – I’m happy for Albert Pujols I really am. $254 million is too much for anyone to turn down, especially a senior citizen.

Last Week 9-7 (Overall 102-87)

view from Heinz Field courtesy of @NateBlythe

Defending the BCS: Life Isn’t Always Fair

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Don’t chalk me down as one of the several hundred thousand bloggers and college football fans who have a problem with the BCS. It is what it is and things aren’t going to change until oil magnates like T. Boone Pickens start clamoring for greater equality because their beloved Oklahoma St. Cowpokes got screwed out of a chance to play for the national championship this season.  Until then, you will continue to allow the Tostitos and Allstates of the world to both ruin your New Year and any chance of a 6 team playoff that would finally legitimize the college football postseason.

Here’s an uncompromising preview of the BCS bowl games. Game picks to come later, except for the Orange Bowl. Clemson/WVU doesn’t deserve any extra attention.

Rose Bowl: No. 5 Oregon vs No. 10 Wisconsin – Oregon’s offense could score on the ’86 Bears while Wisconsin looked a step slow against a very pedestrian Michigan State attack led by Kirk Cousins who, coincidentally, just completed his 10th season under center for the Spartans. As a Badger fan, my only hope for success in Pasadena would seem to be if the Ducks show up entirely consumed by their Nike “swag”. For the final time, yes Brett Musburger we understand that Phil Knight is from Eugene and donates an unhealthy amount of money to the football program. And yes, Oregon’s “hypercolor” yellow into green 3D uniforms are a beauty to behold.

Fiesta Bowl: No. 3 Oklahoma State vs No. 4 Stanford – My favorite part about Bedlam 2011 occurred during the pregame introductions when Okla St. honored Justin Blackmon along with other Cowboy seniors. The only problem, Blackmon is a junior. I guess the good, kind folks of Stillwater aren’t too confident their star receiver is going to return for his “real” senior season next year. As for Stanford, tough to imagine many undergrads bypassing their Organic Chemistry lab for a trip down to the desert. Perhaps they should look at a trip to Glendale as field research. I’m sure there are any number of gullible Environmental Science TA’s in Palo Alto who would be willing to cancel classes if they knew about the abundance of Saguaro Cactus Flowers in the greater Phoenix area.

Sugar Bowl: No. 11 Virginia Tech vs No 13 Michigan – Why won’t Brady Hoke wear a headset? According to Mike Francesa, college coaches that don’t wear headsets aren’t really coaching. Of course, Big Mike was really referring to Joe Paterno who, in fairness, has overlooked much much more than just game planning these past few years in Happy Valley. For Va. Tech, you definitely don’t deserve to go to a BCS Bowl, especially after losing to Clemson for the second time this season. But, the Hokies “travel well” which I guess stands for something for bowl organizers whose primary objective is to make money not put together the most compelling, competitive matchup.

Orange Bowl: No. 15 Clemson vs No. 23 West Virginia – Holy crap, I wouldn’t watch this game even if I were related to Jerry West.

BCS Championship Game: No 1. LSU vs No. 2 Alabama – The winner of this game should take on the loser of Indianapolis Colts vs Jacksonville Jaguars to prove once and for all that the top of SEC is just as good as the very very bottom of the NFL.

view from EverBank Field courtesy of @meghanmilissa

Quick Snaps: NFL Week 13

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Titans 23 Bills 17 – Better late than never for Chris Johnson who has strung together two solid efforts in a row after nearly sleepwalking his way through the entire first half of the season. Probably still doesn’t make him worth all that new money but he has recently helped to keep Tennessee right in the thick of the AFC Wild Card race.

Chiefs 10 Bears 3 – First Jay Cutler now Matt Forte. I wouldn’t expect to see many Caleb Hanie and Marion Barber III jerseys lining the Soldier Field stands anytime soon.

Dolphins 34 Raiders 14 – Maybe Reggie Bush wasn’t such a bad signing for Miami after all? And Rolando McClain, you and your aquatic themed rugby shirt will haunt my dreams for years.

Broncos 35 Vikings 32 – If Denver takes care of business at home against the Bears next weekend they would then head into their week 15 showdown vs the New England Patriots with a 8-5 record and at least a share of the AFC West lead. Not too shabby for a quarterback that nobody believed in besides Gainesville, twitter, and all of Christendom.

Steelers 35 Bengals 7 – Was Cincy exposed as a junior varsity squad or is Pittsburgh once again the real deal?

Patriots 31 Colts 24 – Not a bad day for Colts backup backup quarterback, and UConn grad, Dan Orlovsky who threw for 353 yards against a Patriots secondary that looked like they should be playing in the Big, not AFC, East.

Panthers 38 Buccaneers 19 – Tampa wore their throwback uniforms and somehow manage to play like it was 1976 all over again. The only thing missing this time around was the Old Ball Coach.

Jets 34 Redskins 19 – I was down in DC this weekend and a good friend of mine who works in the District told me that there is a movement afoot to have the team move back to the RFK area. Apparently FedEx Field is a little too inconvenient for the lobbyists on K Street. Heaven forbid that Washington makes a decision without special interests in mind.

Texans 17 Falcons 10 – TJ Yates, I really didn’t believe you had it in you. Perhaps the entire Houston team was inspired by the sheer thought of Jack Delhomme lining up under center.

Ravens 24 Browns 10 – Ray Rice should have been on the cover of Madden ’12 instead of Peyton Hillis.

Packers 38 Giants 35 – Aaron Rodgers has clearly figured out that there is no spoon.

Cardinals 19 Cowboys 13 – And yet the cameras continue to focus on Rob Ryan.

49ers 26 Rams 0 – Santa Clara 49ers just doesn’t have the same ring.

view from the Superdome courtesy of @KPLC7Sports

 

If Gambling Were Legal: NFL Week 13

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20111201-183558.jpgPhiladelphia (-3) over SEATTLE – It’s a good thing Andy Reid never changes his in game costume because I hear December’s in the Pacific Northwest can get a pretty frosty.

BUFFALO (-2.5) over Tennessee – Titans clearly need this game more than the Bills but I have a sneaking suspicion that Tennessee isn’t really all that good and that Stevie “Two Guns” Johnson will be able to atone for his I’ll timed case of the dropsies against the Jets.

CHICAGO (-7) over Kansas City – Caleb Hanie probably doesn’t deserve to be giving a touchdown at home but when the opposing quarterback is Tyler Palko, 7 points isn’t nearly enough.

MIAMI (-3) over Oakland – Who grows a better looking red beard: Carson Palmer or Eli Manning? I’d like to see on of these ginger haired quarterbacks grow out the scruff over the holidays just long enough to make themselves look like Yukon Cornelius from Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

Cincinnati (+6.5) over PITTSBURGH – Speaking of the Red Rocket, I’d be much more Team Dalton this season if his TCU team hadn’t beaten Wisconsin in the Rose Bowl. While we’re talking about the Badgers, is there a college basketball team more frustrating to play against than Wisconsin? It’s like going up against a group of middle aged MD’s during a friendly game of afternoon pickup at the local YMCA. Tons of sharp elbows, rec-specs, and sweat.

Baltimore (-6.5) over CLEVELAND – When Joe Flacco grows a handlebar mustache he looks like a member of Tony Stewart’s pit crew. At halftime, I half expect to see him in the parking lot rotating Ray Lewis’ tires

NY Jets (-3) over WASHINGTON – Speaking of the Nation’s Capital, I’ll be hanging around the Beltway this weekend just hoping to run into Alex Ovechkin and his gaggle of Soviet Supermodels.

HOUSTON (+2.5) over Atlanta – Funny, I always thought TJ Yates was a romance novelist from the 1920’s.

TAMPA BAY (-3.5) over Carolina – I like Josh Freeman and the Bucs offense to finally show up against this really pathetic Panthers defense. Then again, if enough fans don’t show up at Raymond James Stadium this game may or may not actually happen.

Denver (+1.5) over MINNESOTA – When Kurt Warner tells you to back off of the “genuflecting” you know you may need to reassess your priorities.

SAN FRANCISCO (-13) over St. Louis – It’s hard to believe that this Rams team was a game away from making the playoff last season.

Dallas (-4.5) over ARIZONA – Why is this line only -4.5? Is Quincy Carter starting at QB for the Cowboys and nobody telling us?

Green Bay (-7) over NY GIANTS – Finally, the Giants have been exposed as the frauds we always kinda felt they were going to be.

Indianapolis (+20) over NEW ENGLAND – I would expect to see the 2011 debut of Ryan Mallett by about the 3rd quarter.

Detroit (+9) over NEW ORLEANS – Lost in the stomp and subsequent suspension is the fact that Ndamukong Suh is one of the most overrated players in the NFL.

JACKSONVILLE (+2.5) over San Diego – Lowest rated Monday Night Football game ever.

View From Seattle courtesy of @deionsanders