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You Can’t Spell Optimism and Orioles Without an O, I, & S

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I’m getting sick and tired of all the baseball fans out there hating on the Baltimore Orioles. Since when did we become a sports society built on a foundation of hostility, name calling, and dismissive cynicism? Yes, the Orioles haven’t had a winning record in 14 seasons. And so what if they still play in the uber-competitive AL East with an owner, Peter Angelos, who is more concerned with maintaining a lucrative law firm and regional sports network than putting a winning product on the field.  Certainly as a lifelong Orioles fan I have every right in the world to compose a 1000 word missive bashing the Birds for over a decade of ineptitude. But instead, I’m going to turn the other cheek and do like my brethren over at Camden Chat and give you 8 quality reasons for optimism if you’re a Baltimore Orioles fan in 2012.

1 – New Uniforms/Old Logo: Murray. Ripken. Palmer. Reimold. Andino. This is Birdland!!! In all honesty, Baltimore was probably due for a minor uniform alteration and as much as I love the ornithologically correct bird, the cartoon Oriole does bring us back to a day and age when the team was one of the prohibitive favorites in the American League. Now if we can just get Brooks Robinson healthy and back manning the hot corner.

2- Weight Watchers Worked For Me: Speaking of third baseman, Mark Reynolds supposedly lost over 20 pounds this offseason and is dedicated to improving his defense which is a very good thing since he committed 31 errors last season. To be fair, in his first season with Baltimore Reynolds did compile some impressive offensive numbers leading the team with 37 HRs and 86 RBI. The free swinging slugger also cut down on his strikeouts as well. Between a slimmed down Reynolds, and rock solid SS JJ Hardy, the left side of the infield should be in reliable hands this season.

3 – Dylan Bundy and Manny Machado: Most casual baseball fans haven’t heard of either of these two rising stars down on the Orioles farm but the mere mentioning of either prospect is enough to give Birdland goosebumps. Machado, a SS from Miami, has drawn comparisons to a young Alex Rodriguez and while I would certainly take ARod’s production for the next decade, I could really do without the banned substances and failed Snow White parodies.

Bundy, a right handed pitcher and 4th overall pick in the 2011 draft, makes throwing a baseball 100 mph look easy. (Think Rory McIlroy hitting a driver or Meryl Streep accepting an Academy Award.) Probably too early to expect a big league call up for either player this season but the future is certainly looking brighter with these two horses in the stable.

4 – The Life Of Brian: Brian Matusz spent the entire offseason working out with Brady Anderson in SoCal. I’m ok with his strength and conditioning program so long as it didn’t involve any hyperdermic needles and helps the young lefty pitcher return to his once promising form. 2011 was all but a lost year for Matusz who entered the season with an injured abdomen region and was never able to find the form that made him such a promising pitcher during the second half of 2010. Maybe a healthy, stronger Matusz can help eat up some of the innings that would have been consumed by Jeremy Guthrie had the former Orioles starter not been traded to Colorado.

5 – The United Nations of Pitching: I hope being permanently kicked out of South Korea was worth it. New GM Dan Duquette made a concerted effort to beef up the international scouting department and in the process managed to add a few veteran pitchers. Wei-Yin Chen and Tsuyoshi Wada could add some much needed depth to the starting rotation and hopefully challenge some of the younger arms like Chris Tillman, Jake Arrieta, and Zach Britton.

6 – Following the Wieters: After a gold glove winning 2010 where he hit 22 HRs and threw out 37% of potential base stealers, Matt Wieters has emerged as one of the best catchers in baseball. Buster Olney has already begun to  speculate about Wieters plans post playing career and believes the Orioles catcher has a chance to eventually emerge as a top managerial candidate a la Joe Girardi. Here’s hoping for at least another decade behind the Camden Yards dish before Wieters even considers contemplating a second career.

7 – Sigh No More: It has been too long since we last saw Brian Roberts take the field for the Baltimore Orioles. Recently the former all star second baseman has shown signs of overcoming a concussion that has kept him sidelined for nearly an entire year. It wasn’t long ago that Roberts was a considered a hot commodity and the cornerstone of the franchise. Now all the diminutive spark plug can do is take it one day at a time while the Orioles wait for the return of an undeniable difference maker.

8 – The AL Least?: The Orioles division can’t be as strong as it has been in the recent past. The Red Sox are bound to revolt against some of the policies being implemented by new manager Bobby Valentine. The Yankees lineup is getting older and the Rays can’t possibly continue their magic, even with one of the most impressive pitching rotations in baseball. If everything goes right this could be the year that Baltimore finally breaks the .500 barrier.

Remember, it’s Spring Training. Optimism reigns supreme.

view from Ed Smith Stadium courtesy of @kevindayhoff

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The NBA All-Star Break Means It’s Time For The Academy Awards

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This is a big weekend for both the NBA and Hollywood. As basketball enjoys its All-Star break Tinseltown gears up for the Academy Awards this Sunday night. Now is as good a time as any to predict both the winner of the Best Picture Oscar and the NBA Championship.

Outside Looking In

New York Knicks/Extremely Loud And Incredibly Close: After last night’s humbling loss to the Miami Heat I have some serious reservations about even including New York on this list. But the Knicks still deserve mentioning in large part because these past few weeks of Linsanity have been much too captivating to at least not consider a title run for this team. The Knicks will probably not get past either the Bulls or Heat but their presence in the Eastern Conference playoffs will do wonders for the television rating, that is of course if you are a Time Warner customer living in Manhattan.

Movie buffs aren’t quite sure how Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close ended up being nominated for a Best Picture Oscar with some reviewers calling it “self important” and “crass”.With Tom Hanks and Sandra Bullock leading the cast, EL&IC boasts an impressive starting lineup but much like Knicks, the movie’s crunch time lineup includes crucial performance by supporting players like Max von Sydow and Viola Davis. But can you really win a championship wtih JR Smith launching 3 pointer after 3 pointer?

Dallas Mavericks/War Horse: Can’t discount the champs, even if free agent acquisition Lamar Odom has spent more time worrying about how to fix his sex swing than trying to figure how to help the Mavs win another title. You have to wonder whether or not this team has the drive again this season to push themselves all the way to the NBA Finals or maybe they are just satisfied to wait a year until they can go out and sign both Deron Williams and Dwight Howard this summer.

Speaking of running on past laurels, War Horse, directed by Steven Spielberg and based on a famous play, is the story of a boy and his horse and World War I. In other words, how did they ever turn this into a Broadway show? This film, much like the Dallas Mavericks, is on this list because of the past successes of Spielberg. And just like Dirk Nowitzki, it’ll take a whole roster of thoroughbreds for this director to win the big prize on Sunday.

Los Angeles Lakers/The Tree of Life: The Lakers have no point guard, zero depth, and are rumored to be shopping Pau Gasol. However, as long as they have Kobe Bryant they remain a threat to win the Western Conference, even if he is surrounded by a group of ripening corpses and Andrew Bynum’s fragile skeleton.

The Tree of Life is very very hard to understand, which is probably exactly what director Terrence Malick was shooting for. Is it about a middle class family in Texas during the 1950’s or the end of the world as we know it? Does Malick really believe that dinosaurs will inherit the earth once again or was he simply trying to make a statement about the ephemeral nature of human existence? Either way, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that The Tree of Life is much too ambitious to appeal to the average Academy voter. And like the Lakers, it’s really hard to win a championship when your roster is full of lifeforms from the Cretaceous era.

The Darkhorse

Denver Nuggets/Midnight in Paris: The Nuggets are an incredibly entertaining basketball team. They get up and down the court, defend, and take boatloads of threes. They also have the depth and athletic ability to match up very well with the Clippers and Thunder.

Midnight In Paris is a whimsical tale that brings us back to the Belle Epoque of Woody Allen’s illustrious career. But just like the Nuggets, the most entertaining movie doesn’t always win the Best Picture Oscar. (see 1997)

The Contenders

San Antonio Spurs/Moneyball: The Spurs have always spent their dollars wisely, acquiring a valuable stable of role players like Matt Bonner, Gary Neal, and Kawhi Leonard to compliment veteran stars Tim Duncan, Tony Parker, and Manu Ginobili. Once again the issue for the Spurs will be the health of their aging nucleus. If any of their stars are unavailable or hobbled for the playoffs then it becomes next to impossible for the Spurs to keep up with the younger legs of the Western Conference.

The Oakland A’s, like the Spurs, have a history of cobbling together a starting lineup by signing other teams castoffs. Moneyball is a baseball movie about the island of misfit toys with Brad Pitt at the center of a statistical revolution that transformed professional sports. The story ends in defeat which may be an ominous sign for Spurs fans.

Los Angeles Clippers/Hugo: Hugo is a movie about the magic of movies. (Go figure. Scorcese going the PG route.) There’s a lot of magic taking place at the Staples Center this season and for once it’s not just the Lake Show. Blake Griffin continues to defy gravity and Chris Paul has established Lob City as more than just a passing fancy. It will be interesting to see whether or not the Clippers can carry this mystique into the second half of the season. In either case, it wouldn’t be a surprise to see either walk away with big prize.

The Favorites

Oklahoma City/The Descendants: OKC is young, energetic, and most importantly after last season’s playoff run, experienced. The Thunder certainly have the young legs to outlast their Western Conference competition but the question will always be, who takes that final shot: Kevin Durant or Russell Westbrook?

When it comes to Hollywood, there is no doubt that George Clooney is the man in charge. However, his character in The Descendants is very un alpa dogesque. The Descendants is two hours of scowling self loathing woe is me catharsis. In other words, a typical night in the life of Thunder center Kendrick Perkins.

Chicago Bulls/The Help: It was unfortunately only a matter of time before Derrick Rose broke down. His bad back is asymptamatic of his relentless style of play and effort on both ends of the court. Bad backs are really hard to overcome, just ask your dad.

Rose certainly could use a little help in Chicago but he has recently denied reports that he was asking the Bulls front office to trade for Pau Gasol. The Help is riding waves of momentum and it would make a lot of people smile to see the feel good movie of the year ride away with Hollywood’s biggest prize.

The Winner

Miami Heat/The Artist – The regular season does not matter because this Heat team will be judged by their performance in the playoffs. However, if recent games are any indication, LeBron James and company are motivated and capable of eviscerating any foe in their path. Silence has never been the answer for the Big Three but it could be the gimmick that pushes The Artist over the top. But, as with the Heat, there will be a lot of people rooting against it on Sunday night. If the past is any indication then Harvey Weinstein will not mind that there are a lot of movie fans out there who don’t like him. Unlike LeBron James.

 view from American Airlines Arena courtesy of @PLRLifestyle

 

Prep School Basketball or Pond Hockey: A Top Ten Examination

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Since when did Lake Winnipesaukee become such a hotbed for prep school basketball? Most folks are familiar with the New Hampshire Lakes Region for its pristine beauty, 0% sales tax, and golf ball sized mosquitoes. But premiere high school hoops in Northern New England? Sounds like some sort of bizarro John Irving novel under the heavy influence of either Adrian Wojnarowski or Scott Raab.

This past Monday Brewster Academy defeated in-state rival Tilton School 60-56. With the win, Brewster extended their record to 28-0 and will remain the top prep team in the country. That’s right, the top high school basketball team in the United States is from little old Wolfeboro, New Hampshire. This seems about as likely as an undrafted second year point guard from Harvard emerging as the New York Knicks savior. But I digress.

Here are the top ten sports related events more likely to occur in New Hampshire other than being home to the best prep school basketball team in the nation.

10. Ice Sculpting – Having grown up in Hanover, I can attest to the wild scene that is the Dartmouth Winter Carnival. It’s like something only the National Lampoon could conjure, fueled entirely by Mad Dog 20/20 and Swisher Sweets. The Greeks are allowed to pass off their debauchery by creating large ice sculptures on the front lawn of each fraternity. Now these creations are usually tied to a specific theme, like Dr. Seuss or the Abominable Snowman, however the only time anyone every sees these sculptures is when some overserved pledge attempts to jump over them on ice skates fashioned out of petrified birch tree braches. Trust me, this never ends well.

9. Surfing – You don’t need to travel to exotic locales like Cape Cod or Newport, RI to find some totally tubular New England waves. Hampton Beach provides wannabe Johnny Utah’s with ample surf and sun. And who knows just when a pickup football game may break out.

8. Motorcycle Gathering – I have never been so horrified as I was when driving through Meredith, NH and being passed by roughly 100 Clay Morrow lookalikes all wearing leather chaps sitting atop Harley-Davidson choppers with names like “Buttercup”, “Mystique”, and “Precious”.

7 – Ski Racing – The majestic White Mountains provide many scenic opportunities for both alpine and nordic skiing. But honestly, I don’t know anyone under the age of 45 who cross country skis. My mom took me XC skiing over the backcountry once and it was a miserable experience. For starters, cross country is much more difficult than downhill mostly because you have to create all of the momentum yourself. Secondly, it was like running on a treadmill. We must have gone around the same open field five times before returning home. All and all, cross country skiing is not something for me. At least not until I turn 45.

6. NASCAR Race – Yes it’s true, Loudon, NH is home to several NASCAR events as well as an Indy Car race. And you thought it was only Dixie that cared about fast cars driving in concentric circles until they all crash or run out of gas.

5. Mountain Climbing – Speaking of outdoor activities, the White Mountains boast the Presidentials, a series of tall peaks named after famous US Presidents. Mt. Washington is probably the most famous of the bunch and if you don’t feel like climbing the highest mountain in New England you can always drive your car to the top and purchase one of these decorative stickers. Hiking suites my fancy just fine, so long as it not black fly season. Black flies are the scourge of human existence and the single most effective means of population control in New Hampshire.

4. Big Buck Hunter – I’ve been informed by a colleague in the know that the appeal of this arcade game found commonly in bars across the Kancamagus is not the killing animals part but that it tests your quick twitch muscle response. Sounds a little fishy to me. Get a few Dr. McGillicuddy’s in you and shooting defenseless opossum sounds pretty entertaining.

3. Golf – Even though the official golf season exists for only a few fleeting months before the frost descends from the arctic and envelopes the entire state with a permafrost until the following May doesn’t mean that the Granite State is void of championship caliber golf courses. In high school I use to frequent a course where on the 18th hole you had to hit your tee shot over a 300 foot ravine. 9 times out of 10 I ended up at the bottom of the gorge having to take a drop by the ladies tees on the other side of the bridge. Humbling experience especially when the people you are playing with never seem to make the same mistake.

2. Rope Swings – You haven’t lived until you have been hit in the genitals by a long piece of knotted rope while free falling into the shallow, ice cold water of the Connecticut River.

1. Pond Hockey Tournament – I have friends who compete in an outdoor 3-on-3 hockey tournament held every winter on Lake Winnipesaukee. They tell me that some of the highlights include: no officials, a skate in and skate out Labatt Blue tent, and the fact that everyone is off the ice by 2pm which allows the “athletes” an optimal amount of time in one of the many Lakes Region greasy spoons.

view from The Rock courtesy of @JamesBellomo

Toney Douglas Falls Victim To Linsanity

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You know who I really feel for this Wednesday morning? Toney Douglas. Not only must Douglas deal with the extra “e” in his first name he must now wrestle with the simple fact that his role as the Knicks young point guard of the future has been usurped for all eternity by Jeremy Lin.

I see Douglas sitting on the Knicks bench, cheering on his teammates with great enthusiasm while wearing a crisp white towel around his neck and a loose fitting Adidas warmup tshirt without an ounce of sweat on it and I think about what could have been. What if he were able to run the high screen and roll with Tyson Chandler and Amare Stoudemire effectively or finish around the basket without care or concern for his body? What if he were able to match the point for point performance of the NBA’s 5th highest all time leading scorer or drill a 3 pointer at the buzzer to lead team his team to their sixth straight victory? What if he went to an Ivy League school or represented the hopes and dreams of the Asian American community as well as the miscast overachievers who spend entire playing careers working for just that one opportunity to show what they can do? What if?

But really, the story here is not about Tony, or Toney, Douglas. It’s all about Linsanity, with a hashtag. Just to make sure everyone understands how #lintoxicating it has become, Boomer & Carton both said this morning that they would not trade Jeremy Lin to the Orlando Magic for Dwight Howard. This is the same Jeremy Lin who less than a week ago was still sleeping on his brother’s couch. Now, thanks to a guaranteed contract and a new pair of custom Hyperfuses, Lin can afford to sublet former Knick David Lee’s posh White Plains high rise. No word as to whether or not Dwight Howard would find Trump Tower City Center up to snuff.

view from the Air Canada Centre courtesy of @YoungStones810

Whitney Houston’s Death Is A Good Time To Celebrate Our National Anthem

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I don’t care if it was prerecorded, Whitney Houston’s “Star Spangled Banner” before Super Bowl XXV in 1991 will always make me want to run through the ivy covered outfield wall at Wrigley Field. And not because I served in the first Gulf War or that “Saving All My Love For You” is my favorite song of all time. Neither is true. No actually it means so much to me because my high school use to play this version before all home basketball games which, not surprisingly, were the pinnacle of my pre lovemaking adolescence and sadly, early adulthood as well.

The pregame starting lineup intros set to the Chicago Bulls theme music where you low five teammates and run over to shake the hand of the opposing head coach was all prelude to the pulse pounding drama of the National Anthem. I can still smell the combination of layer upon layer of wood varnish combined with the sweat from a jersey long since overdue for a cleansing soak. Some members of our team chose to rest their hands in front of their bodies while others preferred the more traditional, patriotic right hand across the chest. I was a hands behind the back guy myself, probably because I saw Michael Jordan do it that way in 1996 during the NBA Finals against Shawn Kemp, Gary Payton, and the rest of the Seattle SuperSonics.

During the Anthem, it was impossible for me to keep my eyes focused on the American flag that hung in the corner of our dimly lit gymnasium, waving elegantly in front of the rock climbing wall we all use to scale during 3rd period PE with our gym teacher who we called “Stinger” which, the more I think about it, was pretty weird considering that he was a 75 year old guy with castor oil in his hair who usually wore what I could have sworn was a one piece maroon track suit made of velour. I would spend the majority of the Star Spangled Banner swaying backing forth on the balls of my feet like I now rock my 1 year old son to sleep, staring at a strip of maple floorboard just inches from the tips of my size 12 Nike Air Forces. I rarely scanned the crowd for fear of making eye contact with either an opponent or family member who could conceivably go on to to say that I was clearly distracted before the game which was the reason I picked up two cheap fouls early in the 1st quarter. The only time I did look towards the stands was when I had a girlfriend, which was very rare, and would glance in her general direction hoping she would reciprocate my sheepish advances. It’s sad that when I think back to girls in the stands during our basketball games I always picture them wearing several layers of fleece. That’s probably because I grew up in New Hampshire and the thermostat in our pre World War, the first one, gymnasium stopped working during the blizzard of ’78. It was either really cold or really hot, like a NYC subway.

By the final “Home of Brave” I was ready to pretty do anything my coach asked, which included taking a charge, making my free throws, and, most importantly, not fouling out before halftime. Now here we are, a mere days after Whitney Houston’s tragic death and I have a difficult time remember specific details about any of my actual varsity basketball games. But even today, almost 15 years after I graduated from high school, every time I hear that Anthem I want to stand up, put both my hands behind my back and rock back and forth. I hope that never changes.

view from the Staples Center courtesy of @bgirl123