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At the Intersection of Sports and Culture

Photo Credit for Header: Alex Foucre-Stimes

What If The Federal Government Ran Professional Sports?

October 1, 2013 by Jon

BVgVYO-CEAAqD0WIt’s inconceivable to think that the government shutdown that went into affect at 12am last night has this nation’s best interests in mind. If it did then Americans would still be allowed to scale Lady Liberty or bite into a golden delicious apple without fear of consuming contaminated produce. But sadly, the Fed doesn’t care about us and Congress will continue to be riddled by power hungry/narrow minded narcissists more interested in personal accolades and special interests then actually caring for the vast majority of Americans who simply want to go about their day to day lives knowing full well that the wine they’re drinking comes from a vineyard that obtained it’s permit legally. Ughhh, it’s enough to just throw up your hands and move north to Canada where government willingly accepts universal healthcare and wineries don’t exist because everyone drinks beer and when you go out to a Canadian restaurant and order white wine you get a Molson Golden with a splash of Canada Dry Ginger Ale.

Deep breath. Because it’s October, the best month of the sports year with a gluttony of viewing options nearly every single night. Take this evening for example. The Pittsburgh Pirates, that’s right the Pittsburgh Pirates, host the Cincinnati Reds in their first playoff game in over two decades since the days glory days of Mike “Spanky” LaValliere behind the dish. If baseball is not your thing then switch over to hockey where the NHL is set to drop the puck on the 2013-14 season with a doubleheader featuring a contest between the Stanley Cup champion Chicago Blackhawks vs. the Washington Capitals. With options for nearly every type a fan those long overdue house chores can wait another month until November.

But what if WHAT IF the federal government controlled professional sports? With the shutdown now in effect how would they decide between essential and non-essential personnel? Excluding the athletes themselves, who clearly fall into the category of essential personnel, well that is except for the Jacksonville Jaguars, what happens to the remainder of employees?

Professional sports coaches could easily be placed on indefinite furlough especially baseball managers. The fed doesn’t need to be in the business of paying bloated salaries to a bunch of middle-aged guys whose primary responsibilities vary between supportive clapping to the occasional butt slap. Let baseball players manage themselves. Look how well things worked out for Pete Rose.

And what about field goal net operators? The NFL can’t absorb the loss of a few $100 footballs? And if the gov’t were really that concerned about the cost they could have the fans return the balls for some sort of concessions voucher. The average fan would much rather have a couple free beers and oversized foam finger than a slippery, sweaty game used football.

Lastly, if the federal government ran professional sports than say bye bye once and for all to   natural grass. Artificial field turf is much more cost effective to maintain plus think of all the money the fed could save on laundry. No more grass stains = a balanced federal budget!

view from Cleveland courtesy of @MarkShapiro

 

Podcast: NFL Week 2 Confidence Picks

September 11, 2013 by Jon

https://viewmyseats.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Week2ConPicks.mp3 4607314 audio/mpeg

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My buddy Dave explains to me the difference between giving and taking points. Plus Dr. James Andrews as the disapproving father standing on the the front stoop waiting for you to bring his daughter home.

NFL Week 2 Confidence Picks

We Came To Remember A Friend

September 3, 2013 by Jon

forsternWe came to remember a friend, a friend who had left us all much too soon. That’s what brought us all to The Big House. Of course when you arrive in Ann Arbor you realize that it isn’t even a house at all but rather a football stadium, but not just any kind of football stadium but a football stadium steeped in tradition and memories, memories of a glorious past full of Big Ten championships and Heisman Trophy winners. Few of us had any direct affiliation to the school or the stadium but none of that mattered, not on this Saturday. We came to remember a friend.

We came to remember a friend, a friend who had already sent in his undergrad deposit to the University of Illinois before realizing at the very last moment that he already bled Maize and Blue. These two colors run deep throughout this college town, creating avenues and arteries full of semi coherent stories that may or may not be complete fabrications of a time long ago. Rather than expose and vilify these novice hucksters for misrepresenting their youth, we accepted these tales out of respect for our friend. A friend whose favorite establishment is this place that specializes in homemade cheese pizza and large mason jars of sangria, the combination of which may lead to diabetic shock. The ice helped, at least enough to ward of the onset of a premature hangover. No complaints, the conversations were appreciated and the tributes tender and glowing. We came to remember a friend.

We came to remember a friend, a friend whose social calendar revolved around football games and the fraternity. His brothers were back in town, leading the charge past a row of social houses surrounded by swarms of scantily clad frosh all looking to be recognized on this the first weekend of the school year. We were much too old and haggard to slow down and mingle, fueled by the devastating realization that our kids are now closer to college than we are. Better to surround ourselves with grad students, who in this town, all seem to mingle in the downstairs of a dimly lit pub where the water pipes are exposed and hang just low enough to engage in a few feats of strength. This was another of our friend’s favorite places although it’s tough to imagine him attempting any kind of calisthenics. Especially when surrounded by several taps worth of local brew. A perfect way to prepare yourself for the following morning’s festivities. The home opener. We came to remember a friend.

We came to remember a friend, a friend so benign that he was able to foster relationships with a wide array of Wolverine fans, including the very kind folks who hosted our tailgate. Breakfast turns to lunch and as we stood amidst a sea of blue and cornfields of maize one starts to wonder how in the world we’re going to pack all these people into a single space. For some, the libations will help grease the skids, serving as a conduit to release all inhibitions. People watching is at a premium. The students are going hard because they’re young and they only know one speed. Grads are here too with strollers in tote as they introduce a whole new generation to Saturday, a day reserved for BBQ and seven layer dip. Locals dominate the parking lots as well, welcomed as equals amongst the euphoria. The opponents from the middle of the state arrive but their maroon proves to be no match for the primary colored protagonists. A football is found and our warmup begins but is cut short by the hordes making their towards the gleaming gates. Time to follow. We came to remember a friend.

We came to remember a friend, a friend who would never miss a game. The stadium has already filled up by the time we made the ascent to our seats. Behind us, The Team The Team The Team prepares to run onto the field serenaded by the marching band. As we take our seats, we Hail the Victors, the first of many reverential salutes on this day. The air is humid and the space limited but that will not prevent the record setting crowd of over 112K from enjoying the onslaught as the Chips prove to be little match while the common fan’s eyes turn towards the following week under the lights against rival Notre Dame. We stay in our seats, partially because there is not enough space to move but also because we didn’t want to miss something. Like the marching band honoring 007 at halftime or the backups coming in and giving us all a glimpse of the near future.  Our friend never liked to leave these games early either, anything to prolong the long walk home. By the 3rd quarter, we really could have used the shade. But, we came to remember a friend.

We came to remember a friend, a friend who enjoyed his post game rest. Win or lose, put the feet up for a few hours before commencing with late night activities. No late night activities for our crew, nice dinner and a few drinks with friends, some old, some new. Our bond is our friend, a person so endearing that his memory has created a tradition. His spirit shines on throughout the steps of Michigan Stadium and the stories we tell our kids. We came to remember a friend, a friend who will be with us always.

MLB Deadline Deals That Should Happen

July 31, 2013 by Jon

Chip Camden YardsHere it is, the last day of July, or as baseball fans call it “the final day before the MLB trade deadline when every possible deal under the sun is discussed yet very few teams end up pulling the trigging on a last minute blockbuster because they are either A) afraid to take on too much salary B) fearful of giving up the prospects or C) the Mets”. While the three way involving Peavy, Iglesias and an assortment of others (boy that doesn’t sound right) was a sexy way to get things started, I thought it would be fun to speculate on a few scenarios that, if they in fact came to fruition, could affect the push for the 2013 MLB playoffs and beyond.

1) Alex Rodriguez for Breaking Bad’s Walter White

It almost makes too much sense. Both are nearing the end of award winning careers with each having been embroiled in drug controversies for many many years. If I’m the Yankees I’d even consider throwing in GM Brian Cashman who for some time now has been acting a lot like George Costanza with the whole “if I look surly and pissed off then maybe my bosses won’t ask me to do shit”. Bottom line, a career change is in order and Cash would probably fit right in with the West Coast methamphetamine scene.

2) Cliff Lee to the Cleveland Indians for manager Terry Francona and Browns backup quarterback Jason Campbell

Everyone gets a chance to return to their roots except for Campbell, who under Eagles head coach Brian Kelly would probably have as good a chance to take regular season reps under center as either Nick Foles or the “Artist Formally Known” as Mike Vick.

3) Albert Pujols to the NY Mets for the remainder of Bobby Bonilla’s contract

Only problem is that in the NL it would be hard for Pujols to play the field with his “planting fajitas” or whatever the foot condition that he’s currently afflicted with is called. Well unless he’s like Chicago Bulls center Joakim Noah, which is to say impervious to any and all pain in his lower extremities.

4) Giancarlo Stanton to Marvel Studios for the Wolverine 

Is anyone else getting sick and tired of all these summer comic book movies? At some point Hollywood is going to decide to move on to something more…original, right? Now we’ve got word that Superman and Batman are teaming up together because you know, Nolan’s Dark Knight Trilogy didn’t end things perfectly as is.

Giancarlo Stanton is tops on the list of “MLB players who could make an instant impact in the Avengers sequel”. Joss Whedon should get his tree hugging Wesleyan ass on the phone to the Marlins as soon as possible.

5) Joe Mauer to Texas A&M for quarterback and Heisman Trophy winner Johnny Manziel

Mauer was a highly toted quarterback coming out of high school and probably has a few years of eligibility left before having to return to the Twin Cities. And poor Manziel. I’m starting to feel sorry for the kid I really am. All that scrutiny and media attention at such a young age. And for what? Kid gets tossed from a frat party in Austin? So what? It would have been news if they let him stay.

You know what I’m going to do, because of all the needless rumor mongoring that devours social media today I’m closing all my accounts…after I post this piece on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.

 view from Camden Yards courtesy of Chip

Talking the 2013 Chicago Cubs w/ Uncle Bruce

July 15, 2013 by Jon

https://viewmyseats.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/2013-Chicago-Cubs-w-Uncle-Bruce.mp3 4711966 audio/mpeg

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Since it’s the All Star break, I figured now was as good a time as any to check in on my Uncle Bruce, a lifelong Cubs fans, to hear what he has to say about the season to date and converse a little bit about the past and future of the Northside.

2013 Chicago Cubs w: Uncle Bruce

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