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The Coach Potato: Becoming A Beer Snob

March 23, 2014 by Jon

The Coach Potato: Lessons For a Lifestyle That Cannot Possibly Be Sustained

Episode One: Becoming A Beer Snob

Whereas wine was the drink of kings, beer has and will always be the people’s choice. Which is one reason why the craft beer craze has become so frustrating. It use to be you’d go to a store and pick up a couple simple sixers of Budweiser or Miller High Life (Heineken if you really felt like splurging). Now? Too many choices. Plus, even your blue collar beer drinking friends have all developed particular palates which only adds to the confusion as you pace up and down the microbrew aisle looking like you misplaced your car keys.

If you really want to impress your friends, but don’t have the slightest idea about the difference between filtered an unfiltered (duh, it’s all about the forced carbonation), then here are two suggestions.

Suggestion #1: Beerviz (link via Deadspin) has a helpful interactive guide that allows anyone who passed high school geometry to follow the line and find a fancy sounding beer that may cost a few extra dollars but is sure to impress the most taste discerning of beer snobs.

Suggestion #2: And if you’re worried about the authenticity of the beer, then download the Craft Check app (link via Uncrate) and use your phone to ensure that your beer is craft enough.

And if these suggestions don’t help then find some new friends. Life’s too short.

 

Olympic Hockey Is Good For The NHL

February 18, 2014 by Jon

If NHL owners had their way then Saturday’s USA/Russia instant hockey classic would have never happened. At least not with players like Jonathan Quick, Pavel Datsyuk, and T.J. Oshie. That’s because owners are losing money. Or so they say. There is an argument however for these ongoing Olympic Games contributing significantly to the long and short term economic and cultural growth of the NHL.

Ratings reflect an enormous interest in Olympic hockey and it’s therefore only logical that the NHL will benefit from the increased exposure. History and financial data can be skewed to tell a different story but it’s very hard to accept what owners are saying which is that allowing NHL players to compete at the Olympics is bad business for the league. This is an acceptable point of view if the NHL is satisfied with its current fan base.

Hockey is after all in this country a niche sport with a devout, albeit limited, group of fans who consider themselves part of an exclusive fraternity many of whom would rather keep casual sports fans on the periphery rather than include them in the reverie. In this country, the Olympics offer momentum to a sport and league that has always battled the stigma of being America’s 4th major professional sport.

But hockey is a sports with a significant amount of main stream potential. There are stories out of New York City, which is to be fair a good hockey town, of sporting goods stores selling out of Team USA hockey gear after T.J. Oshie finished off the Russians on Saturday. To show you the influence this game had on social media – as accurate an indicator of growth and popularity in the 21st century – Oshie, the St. Louis Blues forward, gained 45K new followers hours after his stellar performance in the shootout.

Perhaps the NHL doesn’t look at these analytics and automatically see dollar signs but it should. An American player like T.J. Oshie becoming more recognizable is a marketing slam dunk, sorry…hat trick, for the NHL. How many non-devout hockey fans even knew who Oshie was before Saturday? Very few. But today, average fans can’t wait to get their hands on his jersey, or Google his wife, and if the NHL were smart they’d figure out a way for this exposure to translate at the box office. (How about buy 4 hot dogs get two more free in honor of Oshie’s 4 for 6 shootout performance?)

Also, the NHL needs to consider how much pride individual players take in competing for their respective countries. Bruins defenseman and team captain Zdeno Chara felt it was such an important honor to be selected as Slovakia’s flag bearer that he asked to skip Boston’s final two games before the break in order to be present for the Opening Ceremony. Alex Ovechkin, perhaps the most dynamic goal scorer in the NHL has said that even if the Washington Capitals didn’t give him permission to compete in these Olympics that he would have played anyway because representing Russian, the host country, was that important to him.

There are certainly a fair number of NHL players in Sochi today who’d rather be home in the plush comforts of a five star hotel instead of the summer camp styled bunks of the Olympic village but if you look around the Bolshoy Ice Dome you probably won’t see many disgruntled faces. (Putin doesn’t count!) Players are competing at an incredibly high level and the speed of the game looks and feels like it has been bumped up several notches. (Think Stanley Cup finals on a larger surface and without fighting.)

Hockey really is a beautiful game to watch and the NHL shouldn’t cower from the exposure or hide behind the financials. The sport is in a better position today then it was before the lights went dark in NHL arenas across North America and owners shouldn’t run for this reality. Think of it as a gift. A gift from the Black Sea.

Reclaiming America’s Pastime: 140 Characters Or Less At A Time

February 18, 2014 by Jon

It’s too slow.

Only old people care.

It’s become a niche sport like hockey and soccer.

There are only two seasons: the NFL and the NFL offseason.

Baseball fans have heard it all before but with attendance on the rise and television rights continuing to skyrocket MLB is much more popular and relevant than most people realize. However, in a peaceful effort to cater to the dwindling attention spans of America, here’s a team by team preview of the upcoming 2014 season in 140 characters or less. #timesaver

NATIONAL LEAGUE

NL East

@Braves: Regular season contenders post season pretenders locked up young stars Kimbrel and Freeman in effort to retain consistency. #gonewiththewin

@Nationals: Trendy pick to win WS after disappointing ’13. New manager Matt Williams providing edge to already talented roster. #houseofstars

@Mets: Money finally spent after Madoff mess but fans still clamoring for more major market moves to pair with promising rotation. #hopeforharvey

@Phillies: They’re old and in limbo figuring out whether to compete now or later. #cheesesteakcrossroads

@Marlins: The Baby Fish are young and talented with The Defector and Giancarlo but not enough to pry fans from South Beach. #heatcheck

NL Central

@Cardinals: Midmarket models of consistency built around stable battery continue to develop and grow their own. #gatewaytosuccess

@Pirates: Regressing towards the mean following feel good season for the @TheCUTCH22 and Co. #believeinthebucos

@Reds: Playoff chances looking like Dust in the wind after disappointing 2013. #ohionotclosetokansas

@Brewers: Braun will be back and BrewCrew spent some extra offseason juice on FA pitcher Garza. #stayforthesausagerace

@Cubs: Patience running thin on Theo who brought promise of a Beantown like revival to Wrigley. #renovaterooftops

NL West

@Dodgers: Backed up bank truck for Kershaw but can’t throw more tv money at already crowded outfield. #tinseltowntipsheet

@Dbacks: Snakes are slithering their way into post season projections while skipper @23KGibby remains a man of few words. #hardaz

@SFGiants: Lincecum paid for past performance but Posey and slimed down Panda still hanging around like the morning fog. #goldengateglorydays

@Padres: Sun surf and beautiful stadium not enough to compete in uber competitive division. #mightaswelltrythefishtacos

@Rockies: Rox say they’ll hold onto talented cornerstones Tulo and CarGo but thin air has a way of changing minds. #wakenbake

AMERICAN LEAGUE

AL East

@RedSox: The reigning WS champs are real good again but will need stand out performances from stubbled faced rookies in order to repeat. #cleanshaven

@RaysBaseball: Maddon’s living in a RV this spring which is where entire franchise remains until they figure out a fair deal for Price. #bringbackthedevil

@Yankees: The Evil Empire’s back as Bombers opened their wallets to several first class flyers and prepare to bid adieu to the Captain. #sadsterling

@Orioles: The lineup around Crush Davis is stellar but rotation remains a concern even with late addition of Ubaldo Jimenez. #believeinbuck

@BlueJays: A disappointing 2013 leads to disillusionment in 2014 unless Dickey ‘s knuckler dances once again. #maybethemapleleafs

AL Central

@Tigers: Perennial powers fully stocked with MVP Miguel and ace Verlander but dugout won’t feel as filtered w/out Leyland. #badhabit

@Indians: Tito’s brought a winning ‘tude but can the Tribe pull of a rags to riches repeat in 2014 now that new car smell has worn off? #rustbelt

@Royals: Perhaps this will be the year that KC makes it all the way back to the playoffs for the first time since winning the WS in ’85. #lordesingle

@Twins: The prospects are coming soon to Target Field where they will join new 1B Joe Mauer and a revamped rotation. #shoppingatthemallofamerica

@Whitesox: Big Hurt goes into the Hall while young ace not allowed to set Sale as the revitalization on South Side continues. #disconeverdies

AL West

@Athletics: Moneyball magic continues with or without functioning toilets as this collection of no names plays for respect and a stadium. #rawsewage

@Rangers: Prince and Choo are here but Nolan Ryan is not as Ron Washington’s window of opportunity wilts under the hot Texas sun. #climatechange

@Angels:  Josh Hamilton bouncing back on the gluten while team hopes there’s enough fat left on the bone to lock up Mike Trout. #pujolsachillesheel

@Mariners: Robinson Cano left the Bronx in favor of Puget Sound now the club hopes to establish a winning identity like their neighbors. #12manenvy

@Astros: The Stros have lost over 100 games each of the past three seasons so in theory things can’t get any worse in 2014. #scientificmethod

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Game Within The Game

November 24, 2013 by Jon

The Harvard Football Flag

The Game is afoot as I proceed to platform 4 prepared to catch the train to New Haven and the 138th meeting between Harvard and Yale. The sky is blue and the air is crisp. Perfect for some late fall football in New England.

Standing at the station amongst a swarm of young people who don’t really look like they know or care a lot about football. Looks can be deceiving. Leggings and flannel are not necessarily an indication of gridiron expertise. Maybe they’ve come for the party.

Standing room only on the Metro North. Extra seats occupied by red solo cups and V8. Must be Bloody Mary season. A little hair of the dog for occupants of the 3rd car from the front. Harvard fan sitting cross legged on the ground with his head in his lap. Not a good sign for 9:30 in the morning.

Eavesdropping is entertaining but ultimately disheartening. Would love to share my views on the bullish bond market but my lack of financial expertise makes me feel like an impostor. My education has not prepared me for this moment.

As our train full of privilege passes over abandoned vehicles and dilapidated apartment complexes we are all reminded of the great divide between the haves and have nots. The train itself seems to recognize this chasm, picking up speed around some of the worst neighborhoods so it’s passengers won’t be bothered by the world outside this protective bubble of entitlement and opportunity.

When we arrive at Union Station people hatch from the train like salmon spawning in the rivers of the Pacific Northwest. The walk to the Yale Bowl is upstream after all and with cab lines extending around the block it’s a good thing I wore my walking shoes.

Now only 1.5 miles to the stadium. Passing through the heart of campus. History is overwhelming. Buildings cast an intimidating shadow as the eyes of past Presidents and poet laureates stare down disapprovingly like they know I don’t belong. Duck out of the commons and back onto the main thoroughfare where the stench of vodka cranberries wafts down from the pack of young alums in front of me. At this rate they’ll never make it through to the end of the game let alone halftime. These amateur alcoholics needs to take a lesson from the tortoise.

This particular section of New Haven has a rich history beyond Yale’s generous gentrification. On this day packs of football fans are stomping down sidewalks once trampled by Revolutionary Era horse and buggy.

Finding my friends amongst a sea of Blue and Crimson is a difficult task. They’re here to work, which during an event like The Game means networking, shaking hands and reminding loyal grads why they still love their school. And if that’s not enough, here, enjoy a complimentary beer koozie.

The tailgate itself is a nostalgic gathering of old and new friends. Clubs are represented by white tents and underneath each of these canopies lies an assortment of treats and refreshments befitting any generation or graduating class. When people are introduced they almost always indicate their graduating class, which to the majority of Harvard and Yale alums serves as a simple form of identification, much easier to remember than a social security number. Yet another reminder that Father Time remains undefeated.

Walking into the Yale Bowl is an unforgettable experience. The symmetry of the stadium evokes the classical architecture of ancient Rome. This coliseum in Connecticut has been staging battles for a century while we the emperors clap our hands together as a showing of gratitude for the gladiators down below.

Our section is occupied by some of Harvard’s most prestigious and loyal alums. Take Bill Markus class of ’60. He’s the sort of loyal follower who knows all the players without looking at the roster, calling them by there proper birth names like running back Paul Stanton Jr. Mr. Markus also has the endearing habit of creating acronyms for innocuous occurrences like IWV, or Increased Wind Velocity.

Sport’s traditions survive because of people like Mr. Markus. Take the famous Harvard Little Red Flag that has been in attendance for every Harvard/Yale football game since 1884. Bill has been bestowed with the honor of waiving the flag at these games since 2001. People approach him with great reverence. Pictures are taken. Memories are created.

The Game itself was spectacularly unspectacular with favorite Harvard defeating Yale 34-7. Thanks to Dartmouth beating Princeton the Crimson clinched a share of the Ivy League title while the Bulldogs continue to toil away in the middle of the pack. The game within the Game included a few separated shoulders and knees, nothing we haven’t come to expect on 100 yards of sod. A Harvard safety was thrown out of the game during the second quarter for launching himself at a defenseless Yale receiver. Not like the Yalies put up much of a fight during the remainder of the game but rules are rules.

The game ends without controversy. The Crimson march away with 7 in a row as the band serenades the team into the Thanksgiving break. The Yale contingent can take solace in the  fact that their classes will not resume until December while the Harvard student body returns to Cambridge for two days of lecture halls and homework before turkey. But none of that matters so long as they can keep warm.

On the frigid return trip to the station Bud Light Platinums have been traded for iPhone chargers as the energy starved status undaters send one final Facebook message before the light goes dark. The wind has picked up foreshadowing a cold holiday week again. With hangovers and hangers on in tote, these fastidious fans of the Ivy League bid farewell to New Haven and football for another year waiting for Harvard and Yale to meet again along the banks of Charles River for the 139th playing of The Game.  Bill Markus will be there. And so will the Little Red Flag, mothballs and all.

Leave The Jaguars, Take The Cannoli

October 7, 2013 by Jon

Bad JagsWhen the 0-5 Jacksonville Jaguars mosey on into the Rockies Sunday to take on the 5-0 Denver Broncos they will enter the Mile High arena as 28 point underdogs, the largest spread in NFL history. Even as four touchdown favorites you’d be wise to lay it all down on Peyton and co. to cover because, well frankly, if there’s anything worse than the Jags new two-tone helmets it’s been their play on the field which so far this 2013 season has varied between unwatchable disaster to dangerously inept.

It’s ironic then that a Jacksonville franchise with new ownership and a front office committed to analytics is at the mercy of some historically awful statistics. The Jags offense has scored 51 points this season, 7 points more than last place Tampa Bay which, mind you has played one fewer game and may or may not be in the throws of a full scale mutiny. So when fans hold a Tim Tebow rally outside of EverBank Field perhaps it’s time to listen because it’s hard to imagine the prodigal son playing the quarterback position any worse than either Blaine Gabbert or Chad Henne.

Before lumping it all on the offensive side of the ball, some of the blame resides in the defensive huddle where the Jags have given up 163 points, 4 points more than the Philadelphia Eagles, a team with an offense predicated upon limiting their time of possession thus placing a tremendous amount of stress on an already oxygen deficient defense. To be fair, the New York Giants have given up the most points in the league at 182 but if you live in the NY metropolitan area then you know all too well the terrible troubles being unearthed in the Meadowlands this season.

In fairness, the Jags have faced a difficult schedule so far with previous opponents compiling a 16-8 record. But it certainly won’t get any easier with the 5-0 Broncos who are on the opposite side of a sabermetricians scale having scored a league high 230 points, 78 more points than the Dallas Cowboys, who, by the way, Denver put up a 51 spot against yesterday afternoon. (And yes, Denver’s defense gave up 48 points in victory but at the pace that game was played neither team was capable of stopping the other.)

In the end, the Jags/Broncos game will probably see a very nice television rating because fans, and Vegas, will want to watch what transpires regarding the point spread. For Jacksonville’s sake let’s just hope Peyton Manning and his backup Brock Osweiler engage in some friendly rock-paper-scissors to determine who plays the second half. Otherwise, things could get ugly. Quickly.

Infographic courtesy of Advanced NFL Stats

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