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At the Intersection of Sports and Culture

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Unleashing the Ultimate Power of the NFL Draft

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nfldraftprep2013The NFL Draft is an annual ratings bonanza consuming all of its competition like some sort of flesh eating rotavirus. However, just because the draft is an incredibly popular made for tv event doesn’t mean that there aren’t a few things that could be drastically improved ahead of Thursday night’s broadcast.

1. Every team gets their own theme music carefully selected to symbolize and encapsulate the current state of the franchise. For example, the defending Super Bowl champs the Baltimore Ravens would obviously enter to the opening score from ‘Game of Thrones’ while the Cleveland Brown would be serenaded by the soundtrack from The Sting on account of the FBI ransacking owner Jimmy Haslam’s corporate offices.

2. Go back to helmet phones and pieces of paper. Technology these days has made it so that teams don’t even really need to send representatives to NYC which is why the NFL should institute a wireless ban in Radio City, forcing the sort of face to face interaction so lacking in our society today.

3. Network graphics must include number of concussions sustained by each player along with their height/weight/40 yard dash time. This would ensure that fans and teams alike understand the short and long term health care risk they assume by drafting a player.

4.  For one day and one day only Mel Kiper should replace Roger Goodell as NFL commish. Imagine how great it would be if immediately after the draft guru announces a selection he launches directly into his highlight reel breakdown just as the player climbs the stage to shake hands. Great lateral quickness but he must develop his overall aptitude and acumen for understanding the complexities of a pro-style 3-4 defense.

5. All players invited to sit in the green room must ditch their designer suits and be forced to choose between the head to toe spandex from the NFL combine or the Starter jacket/zubaz combo right out of the late ’80/early ’90s.

6. In order to expedite the process picks should be announced 3 at a time and in descending order. This would allow NBA fans to toggle back and forth between the draft and game 3 of the Bulls/Nets series.

7. Ditch Radio City for the outdoor environs of Rockefeller Center with the one catch being that they have to reassemble the ice rink just so we get to watch Suzy Kolber interviewing the top picks while wearing hockey skates.

8. Setup hidden cameras in the private residences of all 32 starting quarterbacks in order to capture March Sanchez’s priceless reaction after the Jets trade up to the #8 spot in order to pick Syracuse QB Ryan Nassib.

view from Radio City courtesy of @richeisen

Real Names As Movie Characters

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Fern Cunningham is a renowned sculptor and advocate for racial equality in the United States. But if “Fern Cunningham” were a movie character the possibilities would be endless.

Fern Cunningham is….

– an assistant district attorney in Mobile, Alabama famous for bringing down a group of pelican poachers called “The Gumbo Gang”.

– the owner of a taco truck in Sante Fe, New Mexico specializing in open faced shrimp po-boys and Arnold Palmer’s brewed with live scorpions.

– the starting center of the Bismarck Bison, a small minor league basketball team in North Dakota that had their season cut short by the installation of another nuclear missile silo.

– the sinister operator of a funeral home in Bridgeport, Conn that due to the faltering economy has begun offering it’s services to beloved house pets.

– a burnout bassist for a popular pop/rock band from the late ’60s called “The Sea Horses” who once popularized the phrase “Smoke rises watch the mist fall, let my love be the last thing of all”.

– a hipster from Brooklyn who attempts to make a living selling both vintage t-shirts depicting former senator Russ Feingold and hummus stuffed popovers.

– the head of a Delta Kappa Epsilon fraternity in Dayton, Ohio whose father, Fern Sr., is a high powered Chicago architect who has promised the young Fern a job upon completion of his 6th year of college.

– a mother of 4, retired art teacher who spends most of her days knitting socks for her 10 grandchildren while recording medical advice from Dr. Oz.

– a young, heavy set florist from East St. Louis who owns and operates a store called “Fern’s Ferns” specializing in bouquet wedding arrangements.

Who Ya Got: Manny Machado or Will Middlebrooks?

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Fenway Red Sox A'sThree weeks into the 2013 MLB season and it has already become apparent that the AL East is up for grabs with both the Boston Red Sox and the Baltimore Orioles having a legitimate chance to win the most competitive division in baseball. These races, as they often do, can come down to position by position matchups and one of the more intriguing battles taking shape is the showdown between two precocious 3Bs Baltimore’s Manny Machado and Boston’s Will Middlebrooks. So which player has the advantage in this head to head hot corner showdown?

Background

Middlebrooks was drafted out of high school by the Red Sox in the 5th round of the 2007 amateur draft while the Orioles took Machado was the 3rd overall pick in 2010. Both made their celebrated MLB debuts in 2012 with Middlebrooks replacing an increasingly disgruntled Kevin Youkilis and Machado filling in for an average amalgam of Mark Reynolds/Wilson Betemit. Both players have already overcome adversity with Machado making the switch from SS to 3B and Middlebrooks recovering from a wrist injury which derailed his 2012 season.

Plate Presence

Machado (career): 70 G, 288 ABs, 70 hits, 9 HRs, 37 RBI, .259 BA, .295 OBP, .430, SLG

Middlebrooks: 93 G, 339 ABs, 90 hits, 20 HRs, 64 RBI, .265 BA, .301 OPB, .490 SLG

It may be a small sample size but it is still very eerie how their offensive statistics align with Middlebrooks holding a slight power advantage thanks in part to the young 20 year old Machado’s sinewy physique. Give the kid a few years, and some extra portions, and he’s projected to pack on a much more powerful punch at the plate. Both players strike out too much (but hey, it’s 2013, what’s new?) which probably explains their subpar OPB. Machado currently resides in the 2-hole and needs to get on base more for players like Adam Jones, Chris Davis and Matt Wieters to be able to drive him home while Middlebrooks hits further down in the lineup meaning the Sox can live with his swing/miss so long as there are an equal number of swing/over the Green Monster.

Web Gems

Machado is a converted shortstop who never played third until reaching the major leagues. It’s unclear whether or not the O’s intend to keep him at 3B beyond when current shortstop J.J. Hardy’s contract is set to expire in 2014. However, in his short time at the hot corner Machado has already developed a penchant for the off balanced barehand grab and throw across the diamond as evidenced this effortless play against the Blue Jays Monday night. Like Machado, Middlebrooks was a SS by trade but switched over to 3B once he began to bulk up in the minor leagues. Their fielding percentages are nearly identical (MM: .975, WM: .959) and both possess the type of above average arm strength necessary to gun down AL East speed burners like the Yankees Brett Gardner and the Blue Jays Jose Reyes (when healthy).

Intangibles

Middlebrooks has recently emerged as an emotional leader in the Boston clubhouse in part for launching the rallying cry “Boston Strong”. Machado does not have as strong a social media presence as Middlebrooks and carries himself as a bit of an introvert which is as much a byproduct of his young age as anything else.

What It All Means

It’s a strong testament to both players that neither team would straight up swap their current 3B for the other. Both are All Star caliber 3B in the making and could have been on their way to Citi Field this July if it weren’t for division rival Evan Longoria. Because of his age (20 to 24) and power potential (and also b/c I’m Orioles fan) I’ll give the slight edge to Machado but would also honestly concede to this face off coming down to nothing more than a coin toss.

view from Fenway courtesy of @nbcnewscrew

Round Tripping: Life On the Road

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snowycoors2013First off, I’d like to offer the fine folks of Boston and all those directly affected by the tragic events of yesterday’s horrific bombing at the Boston Marathon my sincerest thoughts and prayers. It’s times like yesterday that human beings must bond together and overcome these now all too common, senseless acts of violence and destruction. Always remember that the good more than outweighs the bad and for visual evidence look no further than those first responders yesterday on Boylston Street who tore down fencing and ran into the fire to offer whatever assistance they could to those seriously injured by the blast. Out of heartbreak comes great strength so while we weep for those families and friends coping with a tragic loss this morning our spirits are buoyed by overwhelming acts of kindness and bravery that surround us everyday. Humans are a resilient species and just as the Boston Marathon remains the ultimate test of endurance we will persevere with kindness, tolerance and love.

Round Tripping

1B: The Atlanta Braves are off to the fastest start in MLB thanks in part to the exploits of rookie catcher, and modern day Dean Moriarty, Evan Gattis. Do yourself a favor and read David O’Brien’s piece from the AJC on the Kerouacian journey of the Braves slugger who experienced several years alone on the road before making it to the bigs. Gattis is only part of the reason for Atlanta’s early season success with offseason acquisition Justin Upton providing some much needed firepower during their recent streak which includes a three game sweep of preseason NL East darlings the Washington Nationals.

2B: Weather, or should I say scheduling, has been a factor during during this very young baseball season. The New York Mets in particular have been affected by two snow storms, one in Minnesota and one in Denver, and will be forced to make up these games at the end of the next ice age. Why MLB schedules an April interleague series in the snowy Twin Cities defies logic especially when the Mets weren’t scheduled to return to the frozen tundra this season. The only good news for the team is that perhaps all these postponements will lead to more Matt Harvey, who dare I say has become the most exciting pitcher in baseball.

3B: What’s up with the Anaheim Los Angeles Angels? Is this simply a case of cast of stars learning how to coexists or a distressing lack of pitching depth exacerbated by the loss of staff ace Jered Weaver? Ken Rosenthal does a nice job exploring the depths of owner Arte Moreno’s patience while his ball club wallows in the AL West basement, percentage points behind the light hitting Houston Astros.

HR: MLB is honoring Jackie Robinson’s legacy this week and it is an important time once again to remember the impact he had on not just baseball but race relations in this country. When I was a young baseball I looked up to Robinson not just for his courage and grace but for the way he played the game. I use to love watching those old highlights of him stealing home during the Brooklyn Dodgers World Series triumph over the New York Yankees in 1955. (just look at how pissed Yogi gets!!!) I’m hoping to catch 42 this weekend as Robinson remains an inspiration and source of great national pride to us all.

view from snowy Coors Field courtesy of @Jay_HorowitzPR