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NBA Watchability Index for Parents: January 14, 2015

January 14, 2015 by Jon

The thought as parents is that when you go from 1 to 2 kids you need to switch from a zone defense to man-to-man, which as anyone who has ever played basketball before knows requires much more physical exerscion. Nearly a month into our version of man-to-man and I can tell you with complete honesty that we have adjusted well to the bathtub pick-n-roll, started calling out all screens by the changing table and have always made sure to help the ball side defender when loading/unloading at the grocery store.

5 Baby Bottles (Watch Those Little Eyes Glaze Over)

Washington Wizards @ Chicago Bulls (8:00 PM)

A rematch of last year’s playoffs when the Wizards surprised us all by knocking out the Bulls in the first round. No surprises this year but it’ll be interesting to see how Chicago responds having dropped 3 of it’s last 4 including one in Washington last week.

Los Angeles Clippers @ Portland Trail Blazers (10:30 PM)

Quite a doubleheader for ESPN. As if they needed the ratings after the bonanza on Monday night when they scored the highest rating ever  on cable television.

4 Baby Bottles (Always Keep The Head Tilted Upright)

New Orleans Pelicans @ Detroit Pistons (7:30 PM)

The Pistons are 9-1 in their last 10 games and this Greg Monroe/Andre Drummond vs Anthony Davis/Omer Asik battle for low post supremacy could play out like one of those superheroes movies where the apocalypse is narrowly avoided but at the expense of entire cities being leveled to the ground. Somebody better go ahead and check the foundation at the Palace of Auburn Hills.

3 Baby Bottles (A Quick Swaddle & Rock Will Do The Trick)

Houston Rockets @ Orlando Magic (7:30 PM)

Nikola Vucevic is playing like an all-star.

Atlanta Hawks @ Boston Celtics (8:00 PM)

So is Al “messed around and dropped a triple-double” Horford

Dallas Mavericks @ Denver Nuggets (9:00 PM)

Allen Iverson was right after all. Morning shootarounds are overrated.

2 Baby Bottles (In Between Burps)

San Antonio Spurs @ Charlotte Hornets (7:00 PM)

The Hornets have won 5 games in a row since Lance Stephenson started sitting out with an injured pelvis. If the Hornets lose tonight with Stephenson back in the lineup then it’s officially time for Michael Jordan to call up his buddy Larry Bird.

Memphis Grizzlies @ Brooklyn Nets (7:30 PM)

We get it, Kevin Garnett, other players don’t like Dwight Howard. But the head butting. What is this, soccer?

Philadelphia 76ers @ Toronto Raptors (7:30 PM)

Philly has done that thing where they lower the lights in the arena to give it that edgier look like the Lakers started doing a long time ago. I like it. Gives games a cool theatre vibe.

1 Baby Bottle (Only During An Emergency Diaper Change)

Miami Heat @ Golden State Warriors (10:30 PM)

Dwyane Wade is hurt again and the Heat only scored 78 points last night against the Lakers (albeit a win) in his absence. Needless to say I don’t like their chances tonight in the Bay.

 

2015 Sony Open Superlatives

January 14, 2015 by Jon

The Sony Open is the first full field event of the 2015 PGA Tour season and it’ll be nice to watch so many familiar faces teeing it up in sunny Honolulu as the current temperature in the Northeast hovers defiantly in the teens. I like these Hawaii tournaments because it’s the only time I get to watch live golf without my kids competing for my attention. For those of you without children, it’s very difficult to analyze Russell Henley’s ball flight when you have a 3 year old whacking you in the shins with a wooden piece of train track.

Ahh, kids are the best. Speaking of progeny…

Group Most Likely Related to Arnold Palmer: Sam Saunders, Scott Pinckney and Kyle Suppa

This could be the year that Sam Saunders finally breaks free of his grandfather’s omnipresent shadow and starts to establish his own legacy in golf. After several seasons of slogging through golf’s minor leagues Saunders earned his PGA Tour card with a top 10 finish at the Web.com finals in September. He would also understandably like people to stop talking about the influence his grandfather has had on his golf game, even if being related to the King has had it fair share of perks for Saunders including a standing invite to the Bay Hill Invitational. Regardless, after a while it must get pretty old having people asking you for the proper ratio of iced tea to lemonade.

Group Most Likely To Have Burned A Piece Of Furniture Following The Ohio State’s Victory In The College Football National Championship: Jason Day, Harris English and K.J. Choi

Jason Day lives in OH IO therefore according to the state charter he must root for the Buckeyes, even if he is not a college football fan. And who can blame him really after OSU did every thing short of stuff the Oregon Duck carcass full of fresh herbs and spices on the way to an impressive 42-20 victory in the college football national championship. I’d have a problem with Day jumping on the Buckeye bandwagon if he came from some other part of the country or went to a different college but as a native Aussie all can be forgiven. Now if he ever starts cheering for an American cricket team then we might need to have a few words.

In regards to the celebrations that occurred in Columbus after the game, I for one have never understood the impulse to light furniture on fire. Maybe it’s because I’m older now and my pyromania phase has long since passed or it could be that I would rather choose to sit on a sofa than inhale its noxious pleather fumes. Whatever the case may be, for smart people college kids act real stupid some times.

Last week in my Hyundai Tournament of Champions preview I mentioned how I was picking Jason Day to win the 2015 Masters. According to oddsmakers Day is a 25/1 to win the Masters. Rory is 6/1 while Tiger Woods is second at 15/1. I’m no sharp but those 25/1 odds for Day are right in the gamblers sweet spot. If you’ve got a few extra dollars to spare you might want to plunk a little something down on Day.  Or maybe Bubba to repeat. Matt Kuchar at 30/1 looks good too.

Group Most Likely In Need Of A Bounce Back Season: Luke Donald, Webb Simpson and Matt Kuchar

Luke Donald and Webb Simpson had really disappointing seasons in 2014 culminating with Donald being left off the European Ryder Cup team and Simpson practically begging his way onto the American side. To make matters worse, Simpson’s performance at Gleneagles was less than inspiring, just like all the other Americans save for Spieth/Reed, to the point where one has to wonder if other golfers now resent him for campaigning Tom Watson so hard for that final captain’s pick. Does Chris Kirk carry on a grudge this year to the point where when playing with Simpson he refuses to mark his ball on the putting surface or stop talking during one of Webb’s backswings? Something to watch out for at least.

As for Luke Donald, I’m rooting for him to have a good season if only because he looked so short standing next to Michael Jordan and Derek Jeter. Although, come to think of it, he gets to play golf and hang out with Michael Jordan and Derek Jeter so maybe he doesn’t need our sympathy after all.

Group Most Likely To Have A Successful Second Career As A Radio Broadcaster: John Daly, Kevin Kisner and James Hahn

I haven’t listened to John Daly’s radio show on Sirius/XM but I imagine it is highly entertaining. I wonder if FOX would ever consider putting JD up in a tower to call this year’s U.S. Open from Chambers Bay. Think about, new network to golf, trying to attract an audience hires the ever popular/controversial Daly to describe the action on one of the closing holes of a major championship. He would be honest and refreshing heck, get a few Diet Cokes in him and he may start spinning yarns about that time(s) he played golf without shoes or a shirt. It’s a slam dunk. If you need a press agent Mr. Daly you can always find me hiding behind my keyboard.

Regarding FOX’s coverage of the U.S. Open, I’m not one of those Joe Buck haters who wants to smack that smug grin off his face. In fact, I find his football and baseball schtick to be totally palatable. Golf however is a different story as we have all grown accustomed to the smooth, melancholic monotones of Jim Nantz and Dan Hicks as they serenade our ears with pithy anecdotes. Joe Buck does not have a lot of experience calling golf therefore I worry that there will be times this June when he gets so caught up in the action that he makes a Justin Rose putt for par sound like Dez Bryant’s catch against the Packers. (That was totally a catch by the way!!!) I understand we need to give FOX a chance but if they decide to include Mike Pereira in the booth alongside Buck and Greg Norman then all of Texas might start twitching.

Group Most Likely To Win The 2015 Sony Open: Hideki Matsuyama, Angel Cabrera and Robert Streb

It’s only a matter of time before the 22 year old Matsuyama wins a major, he’s that good. A win at the Sony Open and we might start talking about him like we do Jordan Spieth, and maybe Patrick Reed, as the greatest long term threat to the Reign of Rory.

NBA Watchability Index for Parents: January 13, 2015

January 13, 2015 by Jon

We were gifted a video monitor for the baby’s room so we could eventually watch our son sleep in his crib and now I’m freaked out because I worry that one late night I’ll look at the screen and see some sort of specter or vision out of Paranormal Activity hovering over the mobile.

NBA Watchability Index for Parents: January 13, 2015

5 Baby Bottles (until those little eyes glaze over)

No games

4 Baby Bottles (make sure to tilt that little head upright)

San Antonio Spurs @ Washington Wizards (7:00 PM)

The defending champs are mired in a mid season slump which we have come to assume they will snap out of in time to make a deep run in the playoffs only this time around the Western Conference is so good that they might not even qualify for the postseason if players like Kawhi Leonard and Tony Parker aren’t 100% healthy. Could this really be the year? It’s going to happen eventually one would assume.

3 Baby Bottles (just a quick swaddle and rock)

Cleveland Cavaliers @ Phoenix Suns (9:00 PM)

The levels and layers of dysfunction currently plaguing this Cavs team are beyond perplexing. Even with LeBron on the Ohio State sidelines, they still have Kyrie Irving and Kevin Love and that should be good enough to avoid 5 game losing streaks. Unless Love and Kyrie aren’t as good as we thought. It’s all very confusing.

I’ll tell you what’s not confusing, that is Ohio State’s total dominance of Oregon in last night’s college football national championship. So much for assuming that the BigTen is void of athletes. WOW. Cardale Jones and Ezekiel Elliot can play for my college team any day, which is really not saying much since I went to a DIII school where the skills players were all heavier/bigger than the lineman. What’s scarier is that the Buckeyes should be even better next season which is good news for LeBron who I’m going to start to get a little suspicious about if he comes down with another ‘injury’ right around the same time that OH IO makes it’s push through the postseason.

Atlanta Hawks @ Philadelphia 76ers (7:00 PM)

Don’t sleep on the Sixers, winners of two games in a row and no longer the team with the worst record in basketball thanks to the Knicks ongoing ineptitude. The Hawks by the way have the third best record in all of basketball. Just in case you were still on the fence.

Dallas Mavericks @ Sacramento Kings (10:00 PM)

Someone who watches the Mavs on a regular basis tell me why Rajon Rondo is only averaging 8 assists since coming over from Boston. Is Monta Ellis hogging the ball again or what?

2 Baby Bottles (in between burps)

Golden State Warriors @ Utah Jazz (9:00)

Steph Curry, a huge Carolina Panthers fan, almost got into a fight with the 12 Man during the Panthers playoff loss to the Seattle Seahawks. This is yet another reminder of why it’s always best to travel out in public with your own personal Draymond Green.

Miami Heat @ Los Angeles Lakers (10:30 PM)

Kobe Bryant still has the 4th most popular jersey in the NBA which perhaps more than anything else justifies his averaging 21 field goal attempts per game.

1 Baby Bottle (only during an emergency diaper change)

Minnesota Timberwolves @ Indiana Pacers (7:00 PM)

The Pacers have six, SIX, players averaging double digits in scoring which seems like a lot in the NBA. That Frank Vogel can coach.

NBA Watchability Index for Parents: January 12 2015

January 12, 2015 by Jon

Trying to warm a bottle before the baby begins crying is a lot like what it must feel like to diffuse a bomb. All that’s missing from my kitchen is a ticking clock and Jeremy Renner. Speaking of Renner, I didn’t watch the Golden Globes last night but twitter told me that Jennifer Lopez almost kicked Renner’s ass after he made a sexist remark about her dress which is just one more reason why Matt Damon will always be the one and only Jason Bourne.

The NBA Watchability Index for Parents: January 12, 2015

5 Baby Bottles (until those little eyes glaze over)

No games

4 Baby Bottles (make sure to tilt the head upright)

Detroit Pistons @ Toronto Raptors (7:30 PM)

Pretty light Monday night in the Association which is fine seeing as most of our attention will be directed at the college football national championship between Oregon and Ohio State. I’ve got no skin in the game but would like to see Oregon win if only because Marcus Mariota is a fun quarterback to watch play football and the Ducks have come close before. But my sense is that the Buckeyes have turned into a trendy pick to win after their somewhat unexpected, albeit impressive, win over Alabama in the semifinals. It helps when you have a third string quarterback as talented and big as Cardale Jones. Most college programs can’t count on that kind of depth, heck, most NFL teams would love to have a solid starter let alone two equally capable backups. Either way, it should be a good game and hopefully Jerry Jones and Gov. Christie are able to make it back to Dallas in time for kickoff.

If college football’s not your thing, Canada, then this Pistons/Raptors game is the best of the bunch tonight, which, you would not have been able to say two weeks ago before this remarkable run the Pistons have gone on since the Josh Smith trade.

3 Baby Bottles (a quick swaddle and rock)

New Orleans Pelicans @ Boston Celtics (7:30 PM)

These two teams were involved in a fairly major three team trade over the weekend as the Celtics continued to clear cap by sending Jeff Green to the Memphis Grizzlies in exchange for Austin Rivers amongst others. Rivers, who is apparently not dead or in the NBDL, has yet to live up to the promise while Green will help the Grizz as they attempt to outwit and outlast the loaded West.

2 Baby Bottles (in between burps)

Orlando Magic @ Chicago Bulls (8:00 PM)

The Magic have lost 6 games in a row but still have a good chance of making the playoffs because the bottom of the Eastern Conference is that bad. The Victor Oladipo/Jimmy Butler matchup is worth at least a cursory glance as you’d be hard pressed to find two more athletic guards in the NBA.

Houston Rockets @ Brooklyn Nets (7:30 PM)

Speaking of losing streaks, the Nets have lost 5 games as the Barclays Center anxiously awaits the arrival next year of the first place New York Islanders. (Note: for you basketball only folks the Islanders are a hockey team who haven’t had much success in the NHL since the late 70s/early 80s making their season to date both a surprise and good story.)

1 Baby Bottle (only during an emergency diaper change)

No games

NBA Watchability Index for Parents: January 9, 2015

January 9, 2015 by Jon

Because newborn babies lack the neurological development to control their facial expressions I can’t tell if my son is happy or gassy which, the more that I think about it, holds true for some adults as well. In fact, the next time you’re delivering a presentation try not to fixate one why Bob from accounting always seems a step slow to the punchline.

NBA Watchability Index for Parents: Friday January 9, 2015

5 Baby Bottles (until those little eyes glaze over)

Chicago Bulls @ Washington Wizards (8:00 PM)

The Bulls are good enough to win an NBA championship and the Wizards are good enough to beat the Bulls in the Eastern Conference playoffs which I think means that Chicago, if healthy, can stand toe-to-toe with any of the powers out West while Washington might still lack the depth/experience to win it all even though they are fully capable of winning a 7 game series over the Bulls. I think this makes sense, right?

4 Baby Bottles (make sure to keep the head upright)

Cleveland Cavaliers @ Golden State Warriors (10:30 PM)

LeBron James travelled down to Miami this past week to rehab his ailing knee and back, which I personally see no problem with but if I were a paranoid Cavs fans I could totally see how this would piss me off and make me worry that LeBron was plotting some sort of return to South Beach. Or maybe he was down recruiting Spoelstra to coach the Cavs assuming that David Blatt’s business class ticket back to Europe has already been purchased.

3 Baby Bottle (just a quick swaddle and rock)

Atlanta Hawks @ Detroit Pistons (7:30 PM)

If it’s not already, Stan Van Gundy’s “form a f-ing wall” needs to become a popular internet meme where SVG’s mustachioed mellon is plastered on top of famous moments from history like Occupy Wall Street or the Battle of Antietam.

Memphis Grizzlies @ New Orleans Pelicans (8:00 PM)

Phoenix Suns @ San Antonio Spurs (8:30 PM)

2 Baby Bottles (in between burps)

Boston Celtics @ Indiana Pacers (7:00 PM)

It’s Danny Ainge vs Larry Bird! Brad Stevens returns to the state of Indiana!! Jared Sullinger comes back to…ahh forget it. This game is boring.

Minnesota Timberwolves @ Milwaukee Bucks (8:30 PM)

Would have been at least a 3 baby bottle game if Jabari Parker had two properly functioning ACLs.

Denver Nuggets @ Sacramento Kings (10:00 PM)

The Nuggets are playing better basketball now that their coach doesn’t make them do morning shootarounds anymore and, with respect to Brian Shaw, they can’t be the first NBA team to make this switch right? It seems way too logical to be happening for the first time in 2015.

1 Baby Bottle (only during an emergency diaper change)

Philadelphia 76ers @ Brooklyn Nets (7:30 PM)

Orlando Magic @ Los Angeles Lakers (10:30 PM)

Oladipo though.

 

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