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At the Intersection of Sports and Culture

Photo Credit for Header: Alex Foucre-Stimes

Plodding through the Previews: Super 8

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Some folks boast a photographic memory while others claim to count cards. Me, I have a strange telekinetic ability to predict the plot of a movie based solely on the coming attraction. I will channel these talents every week in an effort to breakdown the latest summer blockbuster. With a little luck, and patience, I’ll also connect the movie to a current sports story.

Super 8

I played a game of word association with my wife this morning. I asked her what came to mind when she heard the words “Super 8” to which she responded, “a popular hotel chain in Ohio/Pennsylvania where I once spent a night sleeping on top of the comforter for fear that the sheets hadn’t been cleaned”. I proceeded to explain to her that Super 8 is a movie produced by Steven Spielberg, directed by J.J. Abrams, about a mysterious “life form” terrorizing small children in the American Midwest. Shockingly, my wife wasn’t all that interested until I showed her this preview. Now, she is mildly curious which leaves me without a date this weekend. I only wish my 4th month old son was seasoned enough to enjoy a fine piece of summer cinema.

A Second by Second Breakdown

:4 – Young, impressionable boy riding his six speed through a quiet Midwestern mill town while a magical score twinkles in the background. Yeah, I say this one has Spielberg’s fingerprints all over it.

:18 – Coach Taylor! What are you doing so far away from Dillon? Say hello to your beautiful wife Tami for me.

:33 – This thing is starting to play like an homage to the young disenfranchised, misunderstood filmmakers of America. We don’t feel sorry for you Mr. Spielberg. Well, at least not since Indian Jones 4.

:44 – Loud noises!!!!

1:17 – Wait, I thought aliens liked house pets? What could they possible want with poor Lucy?

1:33 – Remain calm, all is well. Remain calm!!!

1:51 – Darth Maul????

1:58 – Ron Eldard, what are you doing here? Haven’t seen you since Mystery, Alaska.

Ok, so here’s the skinny. A young J.J. Abrams and his dad move to a small town in the Midwest after the tragic/sudden loss of  his mom. At first, young J.J. struggles to make friends but eventually finds himself fitting in with a fringe crowd which includes a chubby sidekick akin to Jerry O’Connell’s Vern from Stand By Me and Dakota Fanning’s younger sister.

Next, some secret military cargo train goes off the tracks freeing a demonic alien who is all sorts of angry after being cooped up an underground laboratory in Los Alamos, Nevada since the lunar landing in 1969.

The only proof of what really exists lies in the Super 8 that the government doesn’t want released for fear that it will expose the truth of the situation which is that gov’t has been involved in a massive cover up involving the Russians, Al-Qaeda, and Charlie Sheen. The “monster” will eventually be revealed as an innocent and misunderstood figure, just like young J.J. Abrams. I’m picturing Iron Giant meets Goonies . Thoughts?

As with a connection to a current sports story, you could make of some similarities to the cover up in Columbus, Ohio. It was recently revealed that Jim Tressel knew about improper benefits to Ohio State players, most notably the latest tattoo for memorabilia scandal. College football critics aren’t surprised while some fellow coaches say pay the players. With the amount of money these programs generate, it seems shortsighted to not compensate the players. Although, when you think about it, isn’t that what a 200K athletic scholarship is for?

view from Columbus courtesy of @thehoov143

Rafael Nadal and The Majesty of Championship Wedgie Picking

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As an athlete and champion, Rafael Nadal has many admirable qualities. His dogged determination and work ethic have enabled him to win 10 majors, including the 2011 French Open over Roger Federer. But one aspect of Rafa’s game that goes undiscussed, but certainly not unnoticed, is his willingness to overcome high riding negligee.

That’s right, Rafa Nadal, winner of now 6 French Open’s, loves to pick his wedgie. As a tennis fan, you don’t go into the French Open finals looking for this sort of thing, but in the case of Nadal and his wardrobe malfunctioning, it’s impossible not to notice. Before every service point. On the way to his chair during a changeover. Arguing a call. You name it he picks it. At this point in his career it is probably part of his routine sort of like serving, vollying, and winning.

Now we can all empathize with Rafa. Who hasn’t gone for a jog on a nice humid July afternoon and traveled only a half mile into the run before realizing that the unmentionables are creeping towards the nether regions. It happens and we should not begin to pass judgment on one of the 4 or 5 greatest tennis players of all time. If anything, we should be complimenting Nadal and making an art form of the wedgie pick.

Congrats Rafael Nadal on winning another French Open and proving that you too are a man uninhibited by television cameras and millions upon millions of onlookers.

view from Roland Garros courtesy of @rolandgarros

A New Mom Dispenses Kentucky Derby Gambling Advice

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The extent of my Kentucky Derby gambling was a $20 bet on Monarchos to win in 2001. The rest is history and I turned my modest winnings into an end of the semester keg party complete with Natural Light and copious amounts of Cool Ranch Doritos. (Ahhh, the simple things of college.) I haven’t bet on horse racing since and now that I’m married, with a 3 month old son, I no longer have the time or resources to warrant a wager on Saturday’s 137 running of the Kentucky Derby.

For this post, I have enlisted the help of my lovely wife, who, if possible, knows even less about horse racing than I do.

Note to gamblers: my wife is basing her decisions solely on how the names of these horses connect to important moments in motherhood.

5. Stay Thirsty, 20-1: “The other night, I asked Jon to get me a bottle of water from the kitchen and he proceeded to drink half of it before returning to the bedroom. I don’t think he understands how hard it is to be the sole provider of a 3 month old child. My body constantly feels like it is under siege. Think Lindsay Lohan without the addictions and ongoing legal trouble.”

4. Mucho Macho Man, 12-1: “Mucho Macho Man is such a catchy name that I have added it to my arsenal of silly, rambling nursery rhymes that I sing to our son. When you have a 3 month old, there are moments during the day when your sole objective is to prevent that child from bursting into tears. If he likes the sound of Mucho Macho Man set to the tune of Zac Brown Band’s Chicken Fried, then I’ll go with it.

Show. Uncle Mo, 9-2: “This is for Jon and his stupid love affair with Mike Francesa. I don’t know what the connection between Francesa and Uncle Mo is but Big Mike seems to be fielding a ton of phone calls on this one horse. Maybe Bruce from Bayside knows something. (Editor’s Note: Uncle Mo is now out of the Kentucky Derby. Bruce from Bayside is forever dead to my wife.)

Place. Watch Me Go, 50-1: “I always thought it was disturbing and inappropriate when a group of mothers would openly discuss the bowel movements of their children. Now that I’m a mom, all I want to do when I get together with my girlfriends is talk about bowel movements. Predictable I know, but misery loves company and there are very few things right now as satisfying as comparing the colors of dirty diapers like they were some sort of wallpaper swatch.

Win. Midnight Interlude, 10-1: “My entire existence is one big, long midnight interlude followed by another one at 2:30am and then one more at 4:30am. I have completely forgotten what it means to sleep through the night. Sometimes, I wake Jon up just so he can suffer through the moment with me which I understand is devious and manipulative but when you’re the mother of a 3 month old, logic no longer enters into the decision making process.”

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There you have it. Enjoy the Derby and a Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there, including my wife!

view from Churchill Downs courtesy of @darrenrovell

Somebody Left the Faucet Running in the Big House

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Growing up, we had a pond in our backyard that would freeze every winter and I would invite all my friends over for pond hockey.  I had a group of about 8 or so close friends and I was the only one who did not play for the varsity hockey team (I happened to be a proud member of the basketball team instead).  Needless to say, for me, pond hockey was never about being good but rather all about being outside and enjoying the winter elements with a group of buddies.

One of my favorite parts about playing pond hockey were the snowbanks that served as our out of bounds markers/boards.  Since I was not what you would call a “strong skater”, the snowbanks became my only means of stopping.  I can remember spending more time on my backside in a snowbank than actually skating on the pond.  Nevertheless, I have incredibly fond memories of playing pond hockey which is one of the reasons why I enjoy watching outdoor hockey games today.

Yesterday, a record 113,411 people packed into Michigan Stadium to watch the Wolverines take on their cross state rivals Michigan State in a hockey game dubbed “The Big Chill in the Big House”.  This was the largest crowd to ever watch an outdoor hockey game.  It was also the largest crowd to see any event in Michigan Stadium, including football.

Outdoor hockey has a ton of momentum right now.  HBO is about to air the “24/7: Road to the Winter Classic” which will preview the New Year’s Day NHL game outside in Heinz Field between the Pittsburgh Penguins and the Washington Capitals. The Winter Classic has become must watch TV and a very nice lead into the Rose Bowl later that afternoon. The question that should be asked is why wouldn’t the NHL and NCAA schedule more games outside?

Thanks to my friend @dgstern6 for the view.  As a “Michigan Man” he would have loved to watch the game but unfortunately he was busy changing a flat tire in New Jersey. Jersey City is a long way from Ann Arbor buddy!!!

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