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Welcome back to work America as we gear up for the Easter holiday and another heavy dose of college basketball starting Thursday. I took a quick glance at the brackets this morning and here is what I could come up with for a quick preview of the Sweet Sixteen.

Midwest (Indianapolis)

(12) Oregon is the best example of the NCAA selection committee screwing up tournament seedings as the Ducks are obviously much better than a #12. (2) Duke is led by Mason Plumlee a really athletic, active big man who reminds me of those super zombies from Will Smith’s I Am Legend. My original pick (3) Michigan St. is still going strong, even after that unfortunate towel throwing incident, amd I won’t switch directions even though with each game (1) Louisville suffocates their competition it is becoming increasingly likely that the Cardinals roll into Atlanta without so much as sweating through a single digit game.

West (Los Angeles)

 (9) Wichita St. is a well coached mid major representing the Valley Conference, the best conference nickname name in all of collegiate athletics, well ahead of the Big Ten’s Legends and Leaders, and (13) La Salle, or “The Salle”, is named after my 2nd favorite European explorer right behind Jacques Cartier who “discovered” what is now known as the St. Lawrence River. Neither of these teams stand a chance against either (2) Ohio St. who lives to fight another round thanks to Aaron Craft’s last second 3-pointer against Temple, and (6) Arizona. Fans are generally split on Craft with race being brought up as a factor in how you potentially view the Buckeye point guard. White, black or orange the kid always plays the game at full speed and has the cojones to take the big shot, which is part of the reason I’m sticking with my original pick of OSU.

East (Washington) 

(4) Syracuse is flying under the radar right now mostly because they played their second and third round games out in San Jose but also because all people can talk about is the looming NCAA bombshell that could potentially invalidate all the Orange accomplish this March. I’d love to pick (3) Marquette, my 6th favorite explorer, but find it hard to go against (1) Indiana even though the Hoosiers will face a stern test in (2) Miami. And regarding my earlier pick of UNLV, I was under the incorrect assumption that the Running Rebels were still being led by Stacey Augmon and Larry Johnson which is why I mistakenly took them to reach the Final Four.

South (Arlington, Tx)

(4) Michigan is today’s trendy pick after blowing out yesterday’s soup du jour VCU and here’s hoping the basketball team has more success in Cowboy Stadium than the Wolverine football team which was destroyed by eventual national champions Alabama in Arlington last fall. (1) Kansas is solid but not flashy which is the exact opposite of (15) Florida Gulf Coast, a school that even Siri believes doesn’t exists. The Eagles are now unfortunately facing some minor backlash following their jubilant dismissal of San Diego St which should be expected from older internet trolls who long for the days of Vince Lombardi and “act like you’ve been there before and you’ll be there again”. The (3) Florida Gators and Billy Donovan have been there before and are the best bet to get there again this year.

Semifinals

Michigan St over Ohio St

Florida over Indiana

National Championship

Florida over Indiana

view from Arlington, Texas courtesy of @gashaheen

Back when I was in high school I always took great pride in never missing a day of class. My desire to go to school was one part academic integrity and two parts not wanting to miss practice after school. The only day  when I would ask my folks to phone it in for me was day 1 of the NCAA tournament.

The internet has made it infinitely easier to follow the action from your cubicle but that doesn’t mean that there will not be an inordinate amount of professionals calling in sick on either Thursday or Friday. To make things easier for those of you who haven’t saved up those sick days here’s a quick list of the one game per time slot with missing work for.

Thursday

12:40pm (6) Butler vs (11) Bucknell – Nothing gives Northeastern elitists more satisfaction than making a case for the Patriot and Ivy League. I’d love to be able to empathize with the academically entitle sect but sadly the NESCAC failed to receive a bid yet again. In any case, Bucknell has a good player in center Mike Muscala and Butler has created a national following on account of back to back Final Four appearances. This game would have been much more interesting if C.J. McCollum were healthy and Lehigh were representing the Patriot instead of the Bison.

4:10pm (1) Gonzaga vs (16) Southern – This will be the first chance for casual college basketball fans to watch the Zags and star center Kelly Olynyk who looks like Conan the Barbarian but plays like a Gasol.

7:15pm (4) Michigan vs (13) North Dakota St – Nate “the Great” Wolters vs Trey Burke will be one of the best individual matchups in round 2 even though the Wolverines will look to lockdown the Jackrabbit star with either Tim Hardaway Jr or Glenn Robinson III. It may not be bear vs shark but who wins in the animal octagon between a jackrabbit and wolverine? My money’s on the jackrabbit. Too fast. Too nimble. Will wear down the ferocious wolverine.

9:45pm (5) VCU vs (12) Akron – If you haven’t watched VCU’s defense reek #havoc with opposing offenses please make sure you do so with a fully functioning AED nearby because Shaka’s squad will produce an irregular heartbeat.

Friday

12:40pm (5) Wisconsin vs (12) Ole Miss – Rebels star shooting guard Marshall Henderson plays with an inflated sense of self and irrational confidence which is fine with the Badgers who are happy to slow the game down and force Ole Miss to chuck up plenty of bad shots. Plus, you never know when Wisconsin coach Bo Ryan will give another inspring halftime interview.

4:10pm (1) Indiana vs LIU-Brooklyn – I’m calling the play-in game for LIU and look forward to the super talented Hoosiers overlooking their round 2 opponents for the next matchup against either NC St or Temple. Plus, you never know when Indiana guard Victor Oladipo will do something spectacular.

7:20pm (8) UNC vs (9) Villanova – Two marquee programs playing for the right to face top seed Kansas in round 3.

9:45pm (7) Notre Dame vs (10) Iowa State – The Fighting Hoibergs are one of my surprise teams to perhaps sneak into the round of 16. Even though this game will be played late at night hopefully the Fighting Irish will refrain from wearing those awful fluorescent green uniforms. Adrian Dantley cannot be pleased.

view from University of Dayton Arena courtesy of @UDArena

Before the majority of you slackers and middling upper management types start wasting your companies valuable toner Monday morning printing out enough brackets to fill an 18 foot Florida sinkhole, allow me to offer an abridged breakdown that’ll surely help cover the cost of your various March Madness pools.

Midwest (Indianapolis)

Big East tournament champs (1) Louisville are hotter than coach Rick Pitino’s all white Colonel Sanders suit but leader scorer Russ Smith is a chucker of Costanza proportions and with their team assist to turnover ration nearly 1:1 the Cardinals won’t be able to rely on that frenetic full court press like they did against Syracuse Saturday night. (4) Saint Louis is turning into everyone’s sexy mid major pick but face a tough road with a potential matchup against underrated (5) Oklahoma St in round 3. Slow and steady usually wins the race and so do yourself a favor and ride with Mr. Consistent Tom Izzo and his (3) Michigan St. Spartans to make it to Atlanta.

West (Los Angeles)

(1) Gonzaga becomes the first mid major ever to be awarded with a #1 seed and they are a deserving pack of Zags having defeated the like of St. Mary’s, Oklahoma and Kansas St. during an impressive 31-2 regular season. But the WCC isn’t very good and Gonzaga did lose their two most difficult matchups of the season to Illinois and Butler so unfortunately the under-heralded center Kelly Olynyk won’t make it past the round of 16. (3) New Mexico has the momentum after winning an intense WAC tourney final over UNLV but the Big Ten was the best conference in college basketball this season which makes (2) Ohio State the favorites out West.

South (Arlington, Texas)

I don’t know why they continue to schedule these regional finals in domes other than it prepares players for shooting in the vacant space of half filled football stadiums. Not to mention what an inconvenience it must be coaches to sit on a stool for 40 minutes on account of the raised court. Most of the miserable SOBs are probably already dealing with nasty cases of hemorrhoids on account of watching endless hours of game film holed up in the quiet concrete underbellies of their home arena.   (5) VCU and their #havoc defense should scare the shot out of (1) Kansas in the round of 16 but Shaka’s luck is going to run out when the Rams go down to Otto Porter Jr. and the (2) Georgetown Hoyas. Porter and Indiana’s Victor Oladipo were the two best players I saw play this season so it’ll be nice to see the G’town star receive the dap he deserves when he carries his team to the final four.

East (Washington)

The aforementioned Oladipo and his (1) Indiana Hoosiers are perhaps the most talented team in college basketball which in this the year of no great teams means they’ll lose in the third round to either (8) NC State or (9) Temple. (2) Miami looks real good after winning the ACC but I’ve got a feeling that the tournaments biggest surprise will be (5) UNLV cutting down the Verizon Center nets.

Final Four (Atlanta)

Ohio State over Michigan State, Georgetown over UNLV

Championship Game

Ohio State over Georgetown

view from the United Center courtesy of @SamRenaut