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At the Intersection of Sports and Culture

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Merion My Merion

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Merion #7The traffic wasn’t nearly as bad as advertised. In fact, I can’t recall a more enjoyable journey down the New Jersey Turnpike. Even the full service gas station attendants were exceedingly accommodating, except for that guy on the motorcycle at the adjacent pump. And buddy just in case you were still wondering no one enjoys Christian rock as much as you.

The directions read simple enough: corner of Darby and Golf View. But what about the police barricade at the end of Ardmore? Surely the uniformed policer officer will understand our predicament. No, ok, we will find another way. Ellis looks good. Can’t stop us now. Uh-oh, another checkpoint. Time to call the man, have him explain who we are. No time for pleasantries, we will see you on the inside. Park down the street and look for the white tents.

Leave your cellphone in this ziplock bag but before you do tell us who you are. What was that? Not on the list? Surely you’re mistaken. No? Take a step back, the man is still within view, talking to clients. Perhaps if we wave our arms and explain who we are. No need, names were on the list after all. What company do we work for? What company do you work for? It seems we’re stepping into a corporate event. Should have worn different shoes.

Lanyards on. Blue bracelet fastened. Getting thirsty. It’s 10:30 in the morning after all. Tip jar optional. Time to check out the viewing area. Two-tiered, high enough to see the top of the wicker basket but discrete enough not to distract the players. This will work nicely. Stomach grumbling. Where was that omelet bar again? Thanks again for the tickets man. Who are we? You know, friends of a friend.

Golfers won’t come through for another two hours, plenty of time for another drink. But not tonic, don’t enjoy the taste. What’s that you say? There’s another tent down the road adjacent to 8 fairway? Good idea, better bathroom. Running water. And trail mix, but not in the bathroom. This is a corporate event after all.

Who are we? Friends of a friend. Who are you? A player agent. Yes, Jim Furyk. Heard of him. Sorry he missed the cut. Is he still in his rental house? What’s Robinson Cano got to do with it? I’m starting not to believe this guy’s story. Lunch is served.

Turkey without gravy. And potato salad. But get to it before the heat does. And grab a napkin, we’re guests after all. Maybe we should try to get on the course? Should be easy enough, we’ll just ask a patron as they’re walking off the course. Or maybe that nice woman under the tent representing some security software for this corporate event. Who are we? Friends of a friend. But we know the man? Well in that case I’ll see what I can do.

Golfers nearing our position. Time to scope out a spot. Sun beating down on our foreheads. Good thing I borrowed a stranger’s sunscreen. SPF 30 should suffice. What’s that noise up above? Is it Rupunzel? No. It’s our friend of a friend, here to cast down her hair. Swing around to the front door? But what about these other people standing on the two-tiered temporary stands? Leave ’em. Corporate commoners. They don’t know the man.

So great to you. And what a surprise to see you. Is this ok? Should be, it’s a bedroom but no time to sleep now. Where’s the porch? Directly above the 7th green. Oh look, the wicker basket. And the bottom of the hole. And off in the distance, that’s 3 green and 6 fairway. Drinks and food still included? This will really work. Who are we? Friends of a friend.

First group through, KJ Choi. Birdie good. From our vantage point we could have picked the ball out of the bottom of the cup for him. But the signs say be quiet. Better put cellphones away. But only after taking a panoramic. Too surreal to pass up. Quick, before the USGA confiscates your device. Ringers on vibrate. Jalapeño poppers on a warm day. Where was that private bathroom? Down by the 8th fairway. Can’t leave these spots now. Other people wondering what we’re doing up atop the castle. We know the man. Who are we? Friends of a friend.

TV now on behind us. Leaders approaching our perch. Make sure our cups are full. Stay hydrated, sun is hot. You look tired. Light beer was a bad choice. Where should I put the empty cup? Can’t leave on the dresser, it’s not my bedroom. I’ll just gently place in flower boxes on porch. I won’t forget about em. Here comes the man. Thanks for the porch. Do we have some space for your clients? Sure, you’re the man, you tell us what to do. Who are we? Friends of a friend.

Tiger coming. Time to get serious. Strike a pose, who knows we might end up in the paper. You look tired, put your sunglasses on. It’ll help block the sun. Everyone quiet. Good for par. Can’t get it going, lost weekend for the world’s #1. Rory made a birdie. But he still doesn’t look happy with Nike. Where’s that player agent we met earlier? Is he looking up at us with envy? Yes we know who Jim Furyk is.

There’s Rosie, the eventual champ. Blue on blue? Or is that black on black? Can’t tell. Sun still in our eyes. More clients. Yes we’ll move over. You have a lovely home sir. Is that your bed. No that’s not our roast beef sandwich on the carpet. We know better than that. Shhhhhh! Sorry, we thought we were being quiet. Corporate event.

Last group. Phil, everyone’s favorite. “Philly loves Phil.” Or something like that. Tips his cap, probably knows the man. Time to move on, sun too hot. Where are you going? Heading up to the big city. Well thanks for your generosity, didn’t expect to be invited into the bedroom. We’ll make sure to thank the man again. But first, time to get on the course. Should ask that guy over there. Well you didn’t have to swear at us sir. What about you fella? Thanks, we wished we lived in the area too. How about you nice looking pregnant lady with doting husband? Yes one ticket would be great. Two would be even better. Time to check those cellphones again. But be quick, lead groups are heading to 9. Can’t forget to thank the man.

On the course now. Pathways are muddy and fairways narrow. They said it was going to be easy but why are there no red numbers? Must have something to do with the rough. US Open rough they say. Deep enough to lose a shoe. Fairway crossing. Feels like carpet. Much different than back home. Should look at becoming a member. Later, that’s a tough looking par 3. Careful of the water. And empty beer cups. Lots of thirsty patrons. Good thing the economy is recovering. Need to get ahead of that group right there. But so does everyone else. Quick! A diversion. There’s Tiger. Now run the other way. Too late. Fairway closed. Wait with the rest of the cattle. But we know the man.

Now we’re towards the finishing holes. Between 15 and 16. Must grab a bite. Been a while since that jalapeño popper. Roast pork and coleslaw. Philly cheesesteak. When in Rome. Bottled water isn’t cheap. Well the economy is doing better. No beer thank you. Don’t want to end up looking like that guy with the pink shirt and popped collar. What foul language. Careful man there are children. No you can’t borrow any sunscreen. Cause I don’t have any. Took it from the man’s place. Starting to miss the man.

Back to grass between 15 and 16. You the man Strick. Love the Badger. Reminds me of my dad. Must be the way he wears his khakis. Hey, Rick Reilly. What’s the story this week? Phil second place again? How’s that orange gatorade? Careful of the beer or else you’ll end up looking like that guy. He could really use some sunscreen.

Phil playing 16, hidden green so we’re left guessing. Patrons all gathering now around the quarry. 17 and 18 jammed. Why not head back to the man’s place. Beautiful walk across Ardmore. Empty fairways now. Take a few practice swings down 4. Sprinkler head says 174 but I’m guessing it’s longer than that. Maybe an 8 iron. For them wedge. I gotta look at becoming a member.

Back at the man’s place. Thanks for holding our cellphones. Need to use that bathroom one more time. What’s that? You want your parking pass back. Yes, but of course. You’re the man after all. Here you go. And thanks for the memories.

Police barricade is down but the New Jersey Turnpike is still wide open. Turn on the hockey game, going to go all 7. Start talking about the day. Merion my Merion. Who are we? Friends of a friend.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Merion Advantage

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Merion US Open RainThis week Merion Golf Club in Ardmore, Pa hosts the 113 U.S. Open. With the deepest field in professional golf history set to tee it up starting Thursday morning, predicting a winner can be downright difficult and destructive. Here is a sampling of scenarios should things play out for a few specific golfers.

Rory McIlroy wins if Nike returns his old clubs allowing him to regain the form that had him lapping the field two years ago at Congressional when he won his first major. It’s probably too early to tell for sure but it’s starting to seem as if Rory lacks Tiger’s maniacal drive to succeed at all costs. Using NBA parlance, he’s like Shaq to Tiger’s Kobe, a once in a generation talent capable of dominating his opponents yet also quite content with other off the course interests.

Webb Simpson wins if the golf gods believe in repeat champions, which the way the 2012 U.S. Open champ is currently playing seems highly unlikely.

Jim Furyk wins if there is a home field advantage. The Pennsylvania native may very well  be a diehard Pittsburgh Steelers fan but would surely switch allegiance across the state to the Philadelphia Eagles if that’s what it took to deliver another major.

Sergio Garcia wins if everyone remains quiet during his backswing.

Ian Poulter wins if this were the Ryder Cup.

Keegan Bradley wins if there is such a thing as NHL karma. The lifelong Boston Bruins fan must be enjoying his favorite hockey team’s pursuit of Lord Stanley. Same can be said for Chicago transplant Luke Donald and the Blackhawks.

Steve Stricker wins if he stops giving putting tips to other golfers.

Adam Scott wins if this were a handsomest man on the PGA Tour competition.

Bubba Watson wins if Merion were about 1000 yards longer but since it’s the shortest course of the four majors this year bombers like Bubba and his playing partners Dustin Johnson and Nicolas Colsaerts could have a tough time navigating the tighter landing spaces.

Zach Johnson wins if he’s learned how to walk on water, a useful skills given that holes 11 and 12 may very well be under water thanks to a 3 day deluge that inundated the northeast over the weekend.

Steve Jones, the 1996 U.S. Open champ, wins if like the cicadas he returns after gestating underground for 17 years.

And finally Tiger Woods wins if the oddsmakers are right, which they usually are. Merion is a mystery to most of these players having not hosted a major championship since 1981. We know that Tiger tends to perform exceptionally well at tracks he plays frequently (see: Doral) so it’ll be interesting to watch how he handles such unfamiliar terrain.

view from Merion courtesy of @GeoffShac 

Lessons Learned From The 2012 Open Championship

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Lesson Learned From The 2012 Open Championship

1) The term “freshening” has come to mean many different things to many different people. Apparently to those fine folks living across the pond as well as the ESPN crew manning the towers for us folks back in the States, the term “freshening” refers to a rejuvenating gust of wind that players must take notice of before attempting their next shot.  Scott Van Pelt alone must have used this term 10 times during Thursday’s opening round telecast. As McIlroy steps to the tee a freshening breeze begins to cascade off of the Irish Sea. Might want to think about going with a long iron here eh Curtis?

I don’t know about you but every time I hear the word “freshening” I can’t help but think of those hot towels airlines used to dispense towards the end of a long flight. That was always such a welcome experience. I could never deduce how they managed the proper balance of moisture to heat. Probably had something to do with the spring roll style presentation. And the tongs. What ever happened to the tongs airlines used to distribute these warm towels? By now they have rightfully been put on some sort of no fly list along with box cutters, pocket knives, and 2 liter bottles of Mountain Dew. Now when you get on a plane all you are offered is a bag of Sun Chips and the duty free catalogue. But then again, you are flying.

2) The weather, or lack thereof was a major disappointment, at least for those of us golf fans sitting on our asses back home. Surely the large galleries of fans and competitors on the course didn’t mind a little fun in the sun, especially considering that it led to reasonably benign scoring conditions over the first three days of competition. Part of the charm of the Open Championship is that you can turn on your television and expect to see sideways rain and powerful winds threatening to knock down petite golfers like Luke Donald. As an amateur golfer, part of the appeal of playing through inclement weather is that the experience can make you feel as if you’re a running through a gauntlet similar to what the world’s best can expect when they tee it up at the Open Championship. It’s a very “freshening” experience outlasting the elements, (except lighting, never lightning), that is until you get in your car and realize that it’s going to take nearly a week for your seat cushion to dry out.

The forecast for the 2012 Open called for the traditional cloudy with a chance of meatballs but failed to deliver on that promise. Here’s hoping for more rain at Muirfield in 2013.

3) Watching golf in the afternoon is great but watching it first thing in the morning while the rest of your family is still asleep is even better. I’ve never been happier to wake up at 430 in the morning in my entire life. The house was still, the coffee was fresh, and perhaps most importantly, my 1 year old son was still 2 1/2 hours from waking up. Good thing too because as soon as that little rascal opens his eyes the entire house is flipped over on its axis and I’ll then have a better chance of seeing Curious George cleanup one of his predictable messes than I will Tiger coming up short with another pitching wedge. I hope Augusta National considers wheeling in huge stadium lights so that we can get a little primetime Masters coverage next April. But that’s probably wishful thinking especially for a private club that continues to refer to the fans as “patrons”,

4) Fans at the Open Championship really are some of the best fans in the world. I counted only a handful of “You Da Mans” and maybe just one or two “Mashed Potatoes”.  If this Championship were being held at say the Greenbrier in White Sulphur Springs, West Virginia that number would have been innumerably higher. And there are countless other reasons for why Open fans are so great including: knowledge of golf history, adherence to etiquette, and ability to pull off the messenger bag while on the golf course. It was as if all 30K or so onlookers had bopped on over to Royal Lytham en route to delivering sensitive materials to a local barrister. I wasn’t sure if I was watching a golf tournament or a group of hipsters at a Brooklyn coffee shop.

5) That for all the talk about how golf has never been better and that there are 100 or so talented players that have a legitimate chance of winning a major championship, the cream usually rises to the top. And I understand that with Ernie Els victory on Sunday that makes 16 different champions over the last 16 majors but go ahead and take a look at the leader board on Sunday afternoon: Scott, Woods, McDowell, Els, Donald. These names are some of the games best and when Adam Scott blew that 4 shot lead it wasn’t as if someone like Todd Hamilton stepped in to claim the Claret Jug. Els might not have been playing like the hall of famer that he already is but this latest coronation cements his place as one of the games all time best.

 view from the Canadian Open courtesy of @mwadzy