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Quick Snaps: NFL Week #4

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Before we pull the trigger on a week 4 recap, it must be October in the NFL as players, coaches, and officials alike began adorning a variety of pink garments in support of Breast Cancer Awareness Month. My eyes weren’t nearly as strained by any of the well intentioned accessories – even the whistles – and find the pink towels much more palatable than the pepto-bismol bats MLB uses for a very similar cause on Mother’s Day.

Quick Snaps

Lions 34 Cowboys 30 – So maybe Tony Romo can’t close after all.

Bengals 23 Bills 20 – Mike Nugent didn’t seem all that excited after he kicked the game winning FG to lead the Bengals over the formerly undefeated Buffalo Bills. Perhaps his lack of exuberance was due to the noticeable fact that there were plenty of good seats still available at Paul Brown Stadium. Was this apathy for a mediocre franchise or more indicative of the tough economic times on the Ohio River?

49ers 24 Eagles 23 – The best thing that can happen to the Philadelphia Eagles is for the Philadelphia Phillies to reach the World Series. That way, the “fans that booed Santa Claus” won’t channel as much energy and blinding venom towards a campaign to fire Andy Reid. I’m sure firebigred.com is already a hot commodity with Go Daddy.

Giants 31 Cardinals 27 – Eli Manning, like most quarterbacks, is a totally different quarterback in a dome. Would his older brother Payton be as prolific a passer if he spent his entire career outside in the Meadowlands instead of indoors at the RCA Dome now Lucas Oil Field?

Chiefs 22 Vikings 17 – As Buster Olney suggested on twitter, maybe the Vikings should consider trading RB Adrian Peterson in a “Hershel Walker” type deal instead this time around Minnesota ships the superstar in return for a gluttony of draft picks. Also, do you really need to keep trotting Donovan McNabb’s carcass out there when you have Christian Ponder, your QB in waiting, holding a clipboard on the sidelines?

Patriots 31 Raiders 19 – Tom Brady gets a much needed haircut and the Patriots transform into a running team. Stranger things have happened but one things for sure, unless New England keeps chewing up yards on the guard, and develops a consistent pass rush, they’re still a long way from New Orleans.

Packers 49 Broncos 23 – Quite a weekend for the state of Wisconsin. First the Badgers take it to Big Ten newbies the Nebraska. Then the Brewers go up 2-0 in their NLDS series with the Diamondbacks before the weekend was topped off by a record setting fantasy performance by Aaron Rodgers and the Packers. Good news for me, the team I played started Jay Cutler.

view from Paul Brown Stadium courtesy of @cincynowsports

View My Picks: NFL Week 4

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Detroit (+1) over DALLAS: Yummy!!!! You can’t have these two teams play eachother and not think about the glorious holiday of over eating holidays that is Thanksgiving. And for the first time in 20 years, the 12:30pm kickoff in Detroit between the Lions and Green Bay Packers means much much more than the Cowboys game vs the Dolphins.

New Orleans (-7) over JACKSONVILLE: Speaking of the Bayou, I watched LSU beat up West Virginia last Saturday night and I was flabergasted by the amount of NFL talent on the field for the Tigers. Their entire defense is comprised of athletes who will soon play on Sundays and if their QB remains even semi-competent this season, I can’t see how they don’t end up making it to the BCS championship game. Also, the WVU coach looks like a frothier version of Clint Howard.

San Francisco (+7.5) over PHILADELPHIA: I love how Jim Harbaugh kept the 49ers in Youngstown, Ohio this week instead of flying them back to the west coast after their game in Cincinnati before having to turn right back around to play the Eagles in Philadelphia this weekend. I wonder if the team took a trip to the cinema to watch Lion King 3-D?

Washington (PK) over ST. LOUIS: The Rams looked terrible last week and the Redskins didn’t look much better. Count me as one of the many baseball fans who cannot believe the St. Louis Cardinals made it back to the postseason. I thought the biggest story out of Busch Stadium this season was going to be whether or not Albert Pujols resigns with the club this winter.

Tennessee (-1) over CLEVELAND: Wouldn’t it be just Cleveland’s luck if pieces of that space junk had landed somewhere near their city? The whole time NASA was talking about how they weren’t quite sure where and when the satellite debris was going to strike I kept hoping that it would end up somewhere near Peter Angelos backyard in Westminster, MD.

CINCINNATI (+3) over Buffalo: Upset Special!!! Upset Special!!! Classic letdown game for the Bills of Buffalo who better hurry up and build that new stadium before retreating to Toronto like the British during the War of 1812. Too soon? Maybe, but just remember that a few months back I predicted this Rust Belt Revival.

Minnesota (-1.5) over KANSAS CITY: I’m not so sure this game will be carried in either the Minneapolis/St. Paul or Kansas City local markets. The Vikings better keep giving the ball to Adrian Peterson or else they’re going to have a pissed off $100 million man on their hands.

Carolina (+6.5) over CHICAGO: Are Jay Cutler and Kristen Cavallari really getting back together and if so, can we expect the Bears QB to be present when KC hoists the Dancing With The Stars trophy this November?

Pittsburgh (+4) over HOUSTON: Maybe the Steelers are getting old after all. Maybe this is Houston’s year. Maybe Chris Christie is going to run for President.

Atlanta (-4.5) over SEATTLE: Time for this Falcons team to get serious. If they lose to the Seahawks you can pretty much count them out in the NFC South. And for the Atlanta Braves, it’s going to be a long offseason for Fredi Gonzalez and the rest of the organization. Good news, they’re young and all their top prospects are pitchers.

NY Giants (-1.5) over ARIZONA: Starting to feel like this Giants team could have a little “nobody believed in us” in them. And since we’re talking about New York, I went into the city last night to watch Pearl Jam Twenty and came away with three main observations: 1) How different the world would have been if “Daughter” were actually titled “Brother”. 2) Eddie Vedder and Kurt Cobain…maybe not the best of friends. 3) Neil Young is so close to the band that Vedder refers to him as Uncle Neil.

Miami (+7) over San Diego: San Diego is going to win or lose every game this season by less than 7 points. It’s a mortal lock, as sure a thing as Whitney being cancelled before the holidays.

Denver (+13) over Green Bay: This weekend, the biggest game in Wisconsin takes place in Madison not Green Bay as the Badgers open the Big Ten season against conference newbies Nebraska. I had some early designs on attending this game in person but soon realized that the entire Midwest would be converging on State Street like an over-served freshman looking for a bratwurst.

OAKLAND (+4.5) over New England: For the Boston Red Sox, after last night put the final nail in the worst September collapse in MLB history, expect some major overreacting and paradigm shifting on Yawkey Way this offseason. Terry Francona shouldn’t be fired but the Sox need to hire some better personal trainers, really anyone to keep their pitching staff in better shape.

BALTIMORE (-3.5) over NY Jets: The Tampa Bay Rays need to send Chris Davis, Nolan Reimold, and Robert Andino a few nice big fruit baskets after what they did to the Red Sox last night. My only wish is that the Orioles were playing for a spot in the playoffs themselves and not set to finish the season 28 games out of 1st place.

Indianapolis (+10) over TAMPA BAY: The big question Monday night, will Josh Freeman vs Curtis Painter be able to outdraw repeats of NCIS airing on USA?

Last week 9-7 (overall 25-23)

view from Camden Yards courtesy of @chitwoodhobbs

 

Leftovers

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Every bit as good as the day it was made.

i – I’m happy for Western New York, it’s been a long time since people traveled to Niagara Falls to celebrate something other than a shotgun wedding. I am however dreading the inevitable Chris Berman/Ryan Fitzpatrick Ivy League slobberfest that is bound to make the front page of both the Harvard Crimson and The Brown Daily Herald. Having been rejected from multiple Ivy League schools I can tell you that the Colby Echo has every bit the journalistic integrity as any Ivy daily. Oh, and the Patriots won’t win another Super Bowl until their pass rush improves and they establish a consistent running game. And Chad Ochocinco couldn’t catch a cold.

ii – Last night, during what seemed like an innocent third down play, Curtis Painter turned very flush and there was a moment where I worried he was going to need to be revived on the field. Between his beet red face and the long curly Spicoliesque blond locks, he looked like a either a Cold War era East German bank robber or a villain in the first Die Hard movie. Also, NBC had a Manning problem last night.

iii – San Diego continues to do just enough to get by. The Chargers are like a college student, showing up to class 5 minutes late and hungover while working hard enough to earn that C+. Never before have I agonized over a lock pick like when the Chiefs brought the score to 20-17, and then had a chance to tie or take the lead in the closing moments. There is also zero doubt that Kansas City is going from first to worst in the AFC West. The only question facing the Chiefs this season is how long before Dexter McCluster becomes the best selling jersey in all of Missouri.

iv – Peyton Hillis wasn’t allowed to play with the other boys this weekend due to an aggressive case of strep throat. Was his being sent home a case of what was best for Hillis or maybe his teammates? As it turns out, the Brown didn’t really need the help, dismissing the Dolphins in the final minute of play. Here’s hoping Peyton is feeling better while convalescing over a steaming cup of camomille.

view from Orchard Park courtesy of @Paul_Barone

 

 

View My Picks: NFL Week 3

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CINCINNATI (-2.5) over San Francisco: I have two lasting memories from Super Bowl XVI, 1) Tim Krumrie breaking his leg followed by the grotesque slow motion “spaghetti ankle” and 2) Joe Montana pointing out John Candy sitting at the 50 yard just as the 49ers were about to break the huddle on their Super Bowl clinching drive.

BUFFALO (+8.5) over New England: This Patriots secondary still gives me the willies. Also, I’m loving the whole “would Ryan Fitzpatrick be so popular if he hadn’t gone to Harvard” discussion. I feel like this is a Bob Bradley Op-ed in The Buffalo News just waiting to happen.

NEW ORLEANS (-4) over Houston: Two Gulf Coast cities forever linked by Hurricane Katrina. It seems like only yesterday that Saints owner Tom Benson was threatening to move the Saints to San Antonio. Now, there is no NFL team as synonymous with their city as the Saints and New Orleans. And speaking of Hurricane Katrina, what would Larry David do without Leon Black?

PHILADELPHIA (-7) over NY Giants: Giants had very little business beating the Rams last Monday night. Furthermore, how much longer will Eli Manning defenders use the whole “it gets really windy in the Meadowlands” excuse for why he can’t throw a 10 yard out pattern before the majority of New Yorkers forget all about Super Bowl XLII and wish the younger Manning would donate a few extra vertebrae to older brother Peyton?

CLEVELAND (-2.5) over Miami: If you combined these two teams they would have a really good shot at the playoffs.

Denver (+6.5) over TENNESSEE: If Tim Tebow stays at WR for the Broncos does it mean he is going to have to change his number from #16? If so, can all those fans who bought his jersey receive some sort of refund?

Detroit (-3.5) over MINNESOTA: I really should have stopped betting on Donovan McNabb 15 years ago when he was riding the pine for the Syracuse Orange basketball team backing up Jason Hart and Marius Janulis.

CAROLINA (-3.5) over Jacksonville: Things I learned from the Brooklyn Flea Market Part II. #1: Bison Jerky is just as good as Beef Jerky. #2: Everyone in Brooklyn dresses the exact same way. #3: Never drive home to Connecticut on a Sunday afternoon when the Hutchinson River Parkway is shut down to a single lane, you have a screaming 7 month old in the backseat, and the only football option on the radio is the second half of Jets/Jaguars.

SAN DIEGO (-14.5) over Kansas City: At least Kansas City has the Royals.

OAKLAND (+3.5) over NY Jets: Upset Special!!! Upset Special!!! And speaking of Oakland, did you hear Moneyball is coming out this weekend and that Brad Pitt may or may not still hate Jennifer Aniston? According to Will Leitch at Yahoo Projector, the more you like baseball the less you’ll like this movie.

Baltimore (-3.5) over ST. LOUIS: I’m calling it right now, Rams start the season 0-3 and still go on to win the NFC West.

TAMPA BAY (-1.5) over Atlanta: Pewter is not sympathetic to sweat. The Bucs tend to look like PGA golfer Tim Herron after a mid July round at Congressional.

SEATTLE (+3.5) over Arizona: With the release of Pearl Jam Twenty, a documentary directed by Cameron Crowe and dedicated to one of the most iconic, influential American rock and roll bands of the last quarter century, here’s a list of my five favorite PJ songs.

5) State of Love and Trust: So complex and yet so elemental. The title alone forces you to conjure the corner of a busy emotional intersection.

4) Just Breathe: What? Guys can like this song too!

3) Elderly Women Behind the Counter in A Small Town: “Memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.”

2) Corduroy: Brings me back to the days when I was driving home from high school basketball practice and the only CD’s in my Case Logic were Vitalogy and my dad’s copy of Des’ree I Ain’t Movin.

1) Rearviewmirror: This one always makes me want to drive about 20 miles over the speed limit. Plus, when played live, the commotion/hysteria that builds throughout the crowd is usually enough to blow the whole damn roof off of the building.

CHICAGO (+3.5) over Green Bay: Jay Glazer is erratic, like “can’t trust him behind the wheel of a car” kind of twitchy. During his Real Sports interview with Bryant Gumbel, Glazer was never an arms length away from his two cell phones and a bottle of 5 Hour Energy. At least now we know how Clay Matthews became the dominant pass rusher in the NFL. All it took was a combination of MMA training and bronzing powder.

Pittsburgh (-10.5) over Indianapolis: Speaking of Glazer, this Peyton Manning/European stem cell story is not receiving nearly enough attention. For starters, doesn’t it seem fairly ridiculous that Manning would have to travel across the Atlantic Ocean to receive this kind of advanced medical treatment? Shouldn’t this issue have been raised last night at the GOP debate in Orlando? Can we at least blame Chris Wallace for the oversight?

WASHINGTON (+5.5) over Dallas: Is it ethical for a defensive player to target Tony Romo’s ribs, knowing full well that he is playing with a punctured lung. I for one can’t believe Romo is even considering taking the field with that kind of injury. If I had a punctured lung I wouldn’t be tying my own shoes let alone going to work.

Last Week 8-8 (season: 16-16)

view from Nippert Stadium courtesy of @BennyCL

 

 

Weekend Leftovers

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Almost as good as the day it was made.

i. Are the Patriots really the best team in the NFL? Sure, their offense is like something out of Pleasantville, but the defense has more flaws than Floyd Mayweather’s tax returns. Let’s wait and see how the New England secondary fairs against the undefeated Buffalo Bills/Ryan Fitzpatrick juggernaut before handing Bill Belichick his 4th Lombardi Trophy. Also, those faint whispers you hear off in the distance are all that remains of the Tedy Bruschi/Chad Ochocinco tweet off. I swear, WEEI was more than partially responsible for overblowing this non story. Anything to take the focus off the epic Red Sox collapse.

ii. At the start of the season, I set the over/under at 4 games before Mike Vick went down with an injury. Needless to say, I wasn’t surprised when the Eagles star QB went down with a minor concussion in the 3rd quarter of last night’s game vs Atlanta. And I know what you’re all going to say, there is no such thing as a “minor” concussion. For those scoring at home, minor concussion ranks just behind “forward lateral” and “student athlete” as the best football oxymoron.

iii. Betting against the Steelers to cover the -14.5 was almost as stupid as my decision not to wear an undershirt at my sister’s summer wedding. When the heat didn’t end up breaking by 5:30 I was left looking and smelling like a pint of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream.

iv. Congratulations to the Chiefs for officially becoming the team in 2011 that everyone picks against in their suicide pools and fantasy leagues. Although, to be fair, KC has been completely decimated by season ending ACL’s. So if you’re not a fan of head coach Todd Haley, this is your lucky year. Somewhere in Gainesville, Charlie Weis is grinning.

v. I’m happy for Cowboys WR Jesse Holley. His rags to riches story is why we love watching sports. But, the celebration after the catch has got to go. He looked like some sort of preverse cross between Sexual Chocolate and Sergeant Elias gafter he was shot down by Tom Berenger.

view from Met Life stadium courtesy of @ItsMarisaRoss