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Butler vs UConn to be Played at Local YMCA

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Everyone has an opinion/statistical breakdown on who will tonight’s college basketball National Championship between Butler and UConn. Taking a slightly different perspective, I thought it would be appropriate to project a winner based on the order in which a starting five would be selected for an everyday average Sunday morning game of shirts/skins. The beauty of this analysis is that it doesn’t rely on statistics or talent but rather pure instincts and guile.

Pick #1: Shabazz Napier – Ultimate distributor of the basketball. Doesn’t look for his own shot unless wide open. Would be the most popular player in a pickup game because chuckers love playing w/ pass first teammates who would also guard the opponents best scorer. Remember, in pickup basketball nobody wants to play defense.

Pick #2: Matt Howard – Howard already looks like he belongs in a recreational league so the transition from big time NCAA hoops ought to be seamless. He would be so frustrating to play against because he hustles and rebounds, two things no hungover college student wants to do on a Sunday morning.

Pick #3: Kemba Walker – Most talented, accomplished basketball players goes third in this pick up draft because, like any scorer, he shoots a ton and nobody want to play with someone who hogs the ball because all anyone else wants to do in these kind of games is look for their own shot. I have a feeling that Kemba would fair really well going against the heavy knee brace/rec spec set.

Pick #4: Shelvin Mack – Mack loves to throw up deep 3’s and in a pickup game that’s ok as long as his teammates haven’t crossed half court yet. If there is one thing  Sunday morning heroes hate it’s not being rewarded for the effort.

Pick #5: Ronald Nored – Defense. As I have already mentioned, nobody wakes up at 730am on a Sunday morning to play defense.

Pick #6: Roscoe Smith – Is it just me or does Roscoe always look he has a black eye? Has there been an incident reported? Could be an intimidating player for a lot of pickup first timers to go up against.

Pick #7: Andrew Smith – Because there would be about 5 different Andrew Smiths’ playing in the game. That and nobody wants to guard a sweater.

Pick #8: Tyler Olander – Because nobody wants to get elbowed in the face by an errant, uncoordinated elbow.

Pick #9: Shawn Vanzant – Sounds more like a member of a crime syndicate than a rec league basketball player.

Pick #10: Jeremy Lamb – Arguably the breakout player of the 2011 NCAA tourney, and future NBA lottery pick, goes last in this Sunday morning game of pickup because, based on tired appearance alone, there’s a 75% chance that Lamb doesn’t even make it out of bed in time to play.

So according to this Sunday morning rec league draft, I’m giving Butler the slight edge in the National Championship tonight. Final score: Butler 62 UConn 58. Of course, if things don’t work out, we would be happy to have these players join us for a little game of pickup next Sunday.

view from Reliant Stadium courtesy of @n_gardner

Maurice Podoloff and the 2011 Academy Awards (Part II)

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5: Toy Story 3/Amar’e Stoudemire (F, New York Knicks) – With every new Toy Story movie, it feels like a little piece of my childhood fades away.  I can remember when Andy first came home with Buzz Lightyear and now he’s (Andy not Buzz) headed off to college? College is no place for a guy who still plays with his childhood toys. This will lead to years worth of ridicule and stunted mental development. Andy has “clock tower” potential written all over him. It’s all too much for me to take right now.

Speaking of too much to take right now, how about the minutes Mike D’Antoni has Amar’e playing? It’s only a matter of time before both of his knees spontaneously combust. The addition of Carmelo gives fans something more to cheer about but does not mean the Knicks are ready to compete for a championship. The Garden is going to have to wait for 2012 and Chris Paul for that.

4: The Fighter/Dirk Nowitzki (F, Dallas Mavericks) – In between my junior and senior years of college, I spent an entire summer working and playing baseball in Lowell, Massachusetts. It was just like the movie Summer Catch, except there were no Cape Cod beaches and I never did get to see Jessica Biel in a bikini. The general manager of our baseball team, a great old guy who ran a heating/air conditioning business downtown, told us before the first day of practice that it was important for us to avoid Lowell at night.  As I watched The Fighter, I couldn’t help but think about college kids being terrorized on the mean streets of the Mill City by the likes of Christian Bale.

Nowitzki fourth on my list is more a testament to the success of the Mavs than Dirk himself.  He’s struggled to return to form since an early season knee injury but as the most talented player on a very dangerous western conference team, he deserves at least a mentioning.

3: True Grit/Kevin Durant (F, Oklahoma City Thunder) – My main issue with this Coen Brothers iteration of a John Wayne classic is that Jeff Bridges makes his Rooster Cogburn sound eerily similar to Billy Bob Thornton’s character in Sling Blade. It was so distracting that at one point I could have sworn Bridges asked the erstwhile Hailee Steinfeld whether or not she would like some “French fried potaters”. My other issue with True Grit was that Josh Brolin received top billing for a total of 4 minutes 32 seconds of actual screen time.  How is this allowed?  This is Hollywood stat stuffing akin to baseball home run records and Tammany Hall elections.

It’s only a matter of time before KD wins an MVP award. Probably won’t happen this year, unless the Thunder move up a few spots in the western conference before the playoffs, but he has the flashy offensive game and gaudy statistics to at least put him in the conversation.  Another factor that could stand in his way of an MVP award is the emergence of Russell Westbrook. Baseline to baseline, Westbrook might be the quickest player in the NBA.

2: The Social Network/ (tie) Lebron James & Dwyane Wade – Impossible for me to choose between the two Heat superstars.  Both are playing at an unbelievably high levels and their individual games seem to compliment each others much better than anticipated. I still don’t think Miami will compete for a NBA championship this season, not enough of an inside presence/defense, but I do expect this core to rattle off 2 or 3 titles in a row sometime in the near future.

The future is now for Facebook. Human culture and the way we communicate will never be the same – see Egypt, Tunisia, Libya, etc. The Social Network was a brilliantly scripted movie. My main issue with the film is that none of the main characters were likable. Couldn’t root for anyone of them, especially the Winklevoss twins. Have you ever seen those two in real life? Frightening looking mutants. Some rogue foreign dictator should develop a clone Winklevoss army.  They would instantly become the top threat to global security in the 21st century.

1: The King’s Speech/Derrick Rose (G, Chicago Bulls) – I find myself gravitating towards this entire Bulls team. They play hard, great team defense, and a have a likable/brash group of young all star caliber players (Noah, Rose, and Gibson). D-Rose is the total package and has put this team in position to challenge the beasts of the east for a shot at the NBA Finals. One worry, his game is so aggressive/reckless that I feel he could seriously injury himself at any moment.  Same thing goes for Blake Griffin and Luke Harangody.

The King’s Speech is everyone’s pick to win the Oscar.  It was my favorite movie of 2011 and really what’s not to like? Who doesn’t enjoy the inspirational story of an underdog monarch overcoming personal obstacles to lead his country during a pivotal time in world history? I am also calling Colin Firth for Best Actor, Christian Bale/Hailee Steinfeld for Supporting, Natalie Portman for Best Actress, and David Fincher for Director. Agree to disagree.

view from the United Center courtesy of @ShwanGan

Maurice Podoloff and the 2011 Academy Awards

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Two of my favorite things…the Oscars and professional basketball awards speculation. It seemed like a logical proposition to try and rank the 2011 Best Picture nominees, from worst to first, along with the current NBA MVP favorites.  And the nominees are…

10. Winter’s Bone/Steve Nash (G, Phoenix Suns): I know next to nothing about Winter’s Bone, other than one of its actors, Jennifer Lawrence, will be playing Mystique in the upcoming summer blockbuster X-Men: First Class, and that the title Winter’s Bone could easily pass for a low budget porno starring the entire cast of Fargo. (Coincidentally, doesn’t it feel like Peter Stormare has already been in his fair share of adult films?)

Nash is quietly enjoying a a superb season for the Phoenix Suns. He is currently second in the league in assists, averaging 11.3 per game, and leads the Suns in scoring with 16.8 ppg. Not bad for an over the hill point guard playing with a roster full of castoffs and has-beens (see Carter, Vince). The fact that the Suns are competing for a spot in the Western Conference playoffs is a testament to the Canadian savvy of Nash.  I would love Phoenix to trade Nash to a contender, like the Mavs or Heat, giving him just one more shot at an NBA title.

9. 127 Hours/LaMarcus Aldridge (F, Portland Trail Blazers): James Franco was a guest on NPR’s Fresh Air podcast this past week and, true to form, he is a very interesting young talent. (Reason #44 that I am turning into my parents: public radio has become my preferred selection for both the morning and evening commutes.) The guy is also one of the busiest people in Hollywood. Franco is currently balancing grad school, directing, acting, and prepping to co-host the Oscars.  Quite an accomplishment for your run of the mill stoner.

As far as we know, LaMarcus Aldridge does not share James Franco’s affinity for marijuana but, much like 127 Hours, the 2011 Blazers are a one man show. Aldridge has turned into one of the best power forwards in the Western Conference.  He has yet to receive the same national notoriety as Blake Griffin or Kevin Love, but Aldridge certainly deserves the lion’s share of praise for keeping Portland in the mix to host a first round playoff series.

8. Black Swan/Kobe Bryant (G, Los Angeles Lakers): This union was a no-brainer, especially after Kobe asked the enigmatic Pau Gasol to be give the Lakers more Mila Kunis and less Natalie Portman. Los Angeles is a really tough team to figure out, kinda like Portman’s character in the Black Swan. Some nights they glide around the court like the lead ballerina in a major production of Swan Lake, while other times their play resembles someone under the influence of heavy narcotics.

Kobe continues to be the backbone of the entire Laker organization.  His effort/performance during the recent NBA All Star game showcased his unrelenting determination and desire to compete. It’s too bad his Nike “Black Mamba” movie hasn’t received more play. Who knew Kanye could act?

7. Inception/Chris Paul (G, New Orleans Hornets): All I can say about Inception is that I loved it the first time. Second time I sat down to watch the movie I was both underwhelmed and confused. Let me get this strait, there’s a chance the entire movie could be a dream right? If that top keeps spinning than Leo is still asleep. This is just not a very satisfying conclusion.  I mean, what was the whole 2.5 hours of movie for in the first place? Just a silly little rouse/slight of hand? Damn you Christopher Nolan. Damn you. (Also, the soundtrack…haunting. Can’t escape it. Feel like every shoe commercial and movie trailer has been sampling it ever since.)

The New Orleans Hornets are enjoying somewhat of a dream season, thanks in part to the valiant efforts of Chris Paul. Rumor has it that Paul has been playing on a bum knee all year, which makes his, and the teams, accomplishments all the more impressive. New York Knicks fans should hope for Paul in 2012 to go along with Carmelo and A’mare.

6: The Kids Are All Right/Dwight Howard (C, Orlando Magic): I have to say that in an attempt to be authentic, The Kids Are All Right ended up a downright predictable Hollywood movie. It’s not that I didn’t enjoy the film, but just that I saw each and every dramatic twist and turn coming a mile away.

Same can be said about the Orlando Magic and Dwight Howard.  GM Otis Smith can retool the roster all he wants but the Magic still won’t be able to stand toe-to-toe against the Celtics, Heat, or maybe even Bulls. D12 continues to dominate the glass and block around 2 shots per game. The surrounding cast in Orlando will probably cost the Magic a second round playoff exit and then must sit and wait for Howard to demand a trade to the Lakers.

Part II coming Thursday

view of the Pepsi Center courtesy of @bryantlee16

Top Ten Least Likely 2011 NBA All Stars

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When the story of the night in the NBA is the return of Chris Bosh to Toronto, you know the league is need of a little rest. In honor of this weekends 2011 NBA All Star Game in Los Angeles, I have decided to put together a list of the Top Ten NBA players least likely to be seen at the 2011  All Star Game.

10 – Matt Bonner (F, San Antonio Spurs): A quiet trip home to New Hampshire for some downhill skiing and mustache growing sounds about perfect to me.

9 – Greg Oden (C, Portland Trail Blazers): Rumor has it that the former #1 overall pick will be returning to Columbus, Ohio in an attempt to convince current Buckeye Jared Sullinger to stay in school beyond his freshman season.

8 – Kris Humphries (F, New Jersey Nets): Let’s get one thing strait, Kim definitely calls the shots in this relationship.

7 – Marc Gasol (C, Memphis Grizzlies): Sorry little bro, Malibu has enough room for only one Gasol.

6 – Richard Hamilton (G, Detroit Pistons): Poor Rip will be spending his all star break playing the role of Snake Plissken in the Piston version of Escape From Detroit.

5 – Gordon Hayward (F, Utah Jazz): I envision Hayward back in Indianapolis on the Butler campus spending a few nights on Matt Howard’s couch, reliving memories of his old college conquests.

4 – DeMarcus Cousins (C, Sacramento Kings): Are we even sure if Cousins has been cleared for air travel again?

3 – Luke Harangody (F, Boston Celtics): I lived in Boston my first year out of college and I can tell you that it is next to impossible to schedule an appointment for a good haircut.

2 – (tie) Robin and Brook Lopez (C, Phoenix Suns/New Jersey Nets): Video games, comic books, and soda pop beckon.

1 – Gilbert Arenas (G, Orlando Magic): Agent Zero got served, literally.

view of the Air Canada Centre courtesy of @_marzipancakes

Jesus Shuttlesworth Broke a NBA Record

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The TD Banknorth Center was witness to history tonight as Ray Allen passed Reggie Miller as the NBA’s all time leader in career 3 pointers.  It was a nice moment for Ray and his family as the entire arena celebrated his accomplishment between the 1st and 2nd quarters.  Pretty cool for a guy who might be best known for either his Big East showdown vs Allen Iverson and the Georgetown Hoyas or his star turning role as Jesus Shuttlesworth in Spike Lee’s He Got Game.

The game itself, between the Celtics and the Lakers, was all that fans could have hoped for between two of the leagues best.  I love that both teams wore retro uniforms and warmups. I am somewhat disappointed that the Celtics didn’t go with these vintage beauties from when Larry Bird was dominating the 3 point shooting contest. Is it really true that Bird would keep his warmups on throughout the contest because he was so confident he would win that it didn’t matter what he wore? That’s how legends are made.

views of the TD Banknorth Garden courtesy of @Rose_KG and @Cravenfan