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At the Intersection of Sports and Culture

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A 2013 MLB Preview Befitting A Bathroom Break

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Excited for the 2013 MLB season yet tired of reading all those overly analytical, long form previews? Well then you’ve come to right spot as this preview will teach you everything you need to know about the upcoming baseball season in the amount of time it takes for you to finish up and flush.

AL EAST

The Rays will win the division because of their starting pitching. Second place is anyone’s guess but a lot of people seem to like the Blue Jays because of all their offseason moves but remember most of those guys were part of a Marlins team last year that lost close to 100 games. The Red Sox have rookie, and Grapefruit League MVP, Jackie Bradley Jr plus old pitching coach John Ferrell is back to restore some of the karma Bobby Valentine demolished in his turkey BLT wrap. The Yankees, well you probably won’t recognize many of the faces they’ll be trotting out there Opening Day as Jeter, A-Rod and Teixeira have been replaced by Nunez, Youkilis and Overbay. I like the Orioles to finish 2nd and earn their second straight wild card bid because well I’m a homer and Buck Showalter may or may not be my father.

AL Central

Breaking News!!!! Justin Verlander is about to get paid millions upon millions of dollars because he wins Cy Young’s and dates supermodels like Kate Upton. The Tigers roll to the best record in the AL because the White Sox are rebuilding, the Indians can’t pitch or play defense, the Royals still aren’t all that great even with James Shields, and the Twins have turned into a total small market disaster who may as well suite up Gary Gaetti, Kent Hrbek and Dan Gladden.

AL West

Mike Trout will be the best baseball player ever named after a fish. Better than Tim Salmon, Catfish Hunter and Kevin Bass. If the Angels can stay healthy, I’m looking at you Albert Pujols and you Josh Hamilton, then they’ll win the division in front of the Rangers, A’s and a surprisingly spunky Mariners team led by a rejuvenated Jason Bay of all people. Oh, almost forgot to mention the Astros who this season will be making their initial foray in the American League where they will lose over 100 games. But hey, congrats on those sweet retro uniforms.

NL East

DC is flooding with “Natitude” and for good reason as the Nationals have the best team in baseball, at least on paper. The only thing that could derail Washington from winning the pennant is if William Howard Taft runs into Stephen Strasburg and blows out the ace’s ACL. The Braves are going to hit a ton of home runs and the Phillies will surprise those pundits who have pencilled in their demise a bit prematurely. The Mets outfield belongs in the Roosevelt Island recreational softball league while the Marlins have Giancarlo Stanton and…Giancarlo Stanton.

NL Central

The Reds remain the team to beat followed closely by the Cardinals and Brewers. The Pirates probably won’t reach that elusive .500 record and the Cubs are at least two years away from respectability even with franchise cornerstones Starlin Castro and Anthony Rizzo.

NL West

The Giants won’t hit but they can pitch while the Dodgers are spending so much money that owner Magic Johnson has had to raise the price of a Starbucks triple shot skim milk latte to over $10. The Diamondbacks are a trendy pick for the wild card because manager Kirk Gibson has threatened all Arizona beat reporters with a dead leg and wedgie if they don’t pump up his ball club. The Rockies and Padres are basically irrelevant until the Yankees or Red Sox can pull off a massive deal for Colorado shortstop Troy Tulowitzki.

AL Playoff Teams: Rays, Tigers, Angels, Orioles and White Sox

NL Playoff Team: Nationals, Reds, Giants, Dodgers and Phillies

World Series: Tigers over Nationals in 7

view from Nationals Park courtesy of @Raprasrav

 

Alfonso Soriano Made Me Do It

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I recently received an email from my Uncle Bruce, a lifelong Chicago Cubs fans, about his team’s prospects for the upcoming 2013 MLB season and what follows reveals absolutely everything and nothing about what it feels like to be a Northsider:

Most Cub fans know two things for sure; they will never win the World Series, and this is the year they win the World Series.

Parsing through this brief response may seem like child’s play but you’re gonna need more than a slide ruler and abacus to sift through the many contradictory levels of optimism and self loathing perfectly defined in 140 character or less. If Bruce is right, and I for one would never question his loyalty to Wrigley Field, then rooting for the 2013 Chicago Cubs is going to feel a lot like watching Requiem For A Dream except for that scene where Jared Leto loses his arm.

With all the carnage and depravity set to take place in Wrigleyville again this season got me wondering whether or not some deranged Cubs fanatic has ever used the team’s long history of losing as a motive for committing a crime. In this case, if the judge also happened to be a fan would the defendant be absolved of all wrong doing? Inquiring minds want to know. – JL

 view from outside Wrigley Field courtesy of @ScottFeinberg

 

A Ray Of Accountability

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What ever happened to respect being earned not given? Tampa Bay Rays ace David Price said the the following in a piece by Jon Paul Morosi on Fox Sports:

If I ever did hit that free-agent market, there would be teams I wouldn’t sign with simply because of the stuff that I’ve heard – every rule they have. Being here since 2007, being treated like a grownup, given that respect and freedom and space – it grows on you.

Since when does a Major League baseball franchise that’s paying it’s players millions of dollars, or in the case of the Rays hundreds of thousands, owe a 22 year old fresh out of Vanderbilt anything other than an opportunity? Athletes should be nurtured to believe that respect is something you earn over time because when offered too early it can be easily abused and lead to a lack of personal accountability. Joe Maddon is clearly a top shelf skipper who understands how to motivate his players but Price’s comments highlight a growing pandemic that is crippling the integrity of sports across this country.

When asked whether or not he sing a long term deal with the New York Yankees, a franchise that normally requires it’s players to be clean shaven:

I wouldn’t stay there very long then. I wouldn’t sign a long-term deal there. Those rules, that’s old-school baseball. I was born in ’85. That’s not for me. That’s not something I want to be a part of.

So if the Yankees were to offer Price something similar to Felix Hernandez’s 7 years/$175M range he’d decline that deal simply because it means he’d have to shave his beard and ditch the sweatpants? And since when did wearing khaki’s to work become such a sign of disrespect? If the Yankees, or any baseball franchise for that matter, wanted to pay me that kind of money I’d have no problem showing up to work everyday dressed in a chicken suit.

view from Tampa Bay Rays camp courtesy of @RaysBaseball

One Game At A Time

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So this is where we stand, with it all coming down to journeyman Joe Saunders, he of the career 3-7 record and 6.48 ERA against the Texas Rangers. The good news is that this 2012 Baltimore Orioles team has shirked expectations and sabermetrics all season long, posting their best single season record in well over a decade. For this bunch of Birds, the sum is clearly greater than the parts, especially when it comes to the starting pitching staff which has been led all season long by the ageless TBD.

#BUCKing the odds is something this group continues to relish as they enter Arlington with a motivational chip on their shoulders the size of the Chesapeake Bay. Tonight Yu Darvish will probably strike out 10, 3 by Mark Reynolds alone, as the Rangers carry a 4-1 into the top of the 8th. Being an Orioles fan this summer into fall has conditioned me to expect that some unexpected hero, whether it be Nate McLouth, Jim Thome, or Manny Machado, will bring Baltimore back before handing it over to the indomitable Jim Johnson in the 9th.

And from there New York. One game at a time.

Dylan Bundy Is In The Building

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After outlasting the Seattle Mariners in an epic 5+ hour, 18 inning affair that ended around 4am EST, the Baltimore Orioles have decided to call up prized 19 year old pitching prospect Dylan Bundy to help provide some much needed relief for an overtaxed bullpen. This news makes me incredibly happy.

For months now I, like most O’s fans, have been drooling on my keyboard while watching highlights like this. It’s gotten to the point where my baseball arousal level is so high that future links to Bundy’s pitching exploits should be labeled as NSFW. His numbers in the minor leagues are equally as provocative. 9-3 with a 2.08 ERA striking out 119 in 103 innings while only giving up 67 hits. These are just the sort of numbers that can force Oriole fans to jump into a cold shower.

And now Dylan Bundy is flying up to Seattle where he will join the big league club for their series finale against the Mariners this evening. It’s much too early to say what kind of impact he is going to make on the field. Chances are he’ll conduct his business from the bullpen which has been so, so good for the Birds all season long but could also definitely use a fresh arm down the stretch.

Bundy’s call up has a chance to make an even bigger impact in the clubhouse where his Orioles teammates will instantly recognize and appreciate the front office’s willingness to contend this season. With only 14 games remaining in the regular season Baltimore is one game in the loss column behind the Yankees for the AL East lead and 3 games ahead of the Angels for the second wild card. “Wait till next year” is not a phrase Oriole fans care to hear this September, not when we’ve been accustomed to losing for oh so long.

And now Dylan Bundy’s coming to Baltimore and we couldn’t be more excited.