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At the Intersection of Sports and Culture

Photo Credit for Header: Alex Foucre-Stimes

When Carl Went to Caucus in the Caucasus

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When Carl went to caucus in the Caucasus he thought he was headed to Iowa but ended up in Georgia instead. The country not the state. Bordering Armenia and Azerbaijan and far, far away from Ames. He stayed in the Trump Tower of Tbilisi. Residents were really nice but wanted to talk Turkey instead. About immigration reform. Mexico? No. Syria, silly, and why build a wall when we live in the mountains?

When Carl went to caucus in the Caucasus he asked about taking a cruise. Locals figured he was crazy since the Caspian’s been frozen since the fall. He tried the pool but got lost talking himself into a corner about Chechnya. “Marco!!!” But Rubio was already somewhere in Cedar Rapids.

When Carl went to caucus in the Caucasus he checked his email on a server somewhere in Russia. The line to Moscow was secure but Carl likes to keep things classified when he can. Communism and socialism are different things but in Des Moines that might not matter much unless the scorched earth campaign can burn bright and hot through the Hawkeye State.

 

 

 

Dad of the Day

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The Dad of the Day for October 5, 2015 is  …………(drumroll)………..

this guy,

cuttingcrust

 

 

 

 

 

 

guy who cuts the crust off his kids’ bread.

School’s been back in session for well over a month now and as a father on the run, nothing speeds up the morning clock quite like the extra seconds required to fastidiously trim the crust of your child’s peanut butter almond butter and jelly sandwich. Why kids have such a aversion to the chewy, caramel colored edges of a loaf of multigrain remains a mystery to me but I can tell you with confidence and experience that very few things sour a young student’s snack time quick like the crust. Leave it intact and your child’s brown bag is sure to return home with the mangled remains of a golden delicious complex carbohydrates, which, if you’re a dad like me, isn’t the worse thing in the world when you’re just home from work and the stomach begins grumbling for some pre dinner hors d’oeuvres. (What, you thought you were the only one rummaging through your kids lunchbox for leftovers?)

At some point our children will grow old enough to enjoy the crust, but until that moment arrives let’s take a moment to praise the thankless devotion of dads everywhere who every morning risk sawing off their thumb with a serrated blade all for the well sated bellies of endearing picky eaters everywhere.

 

 

How To Talk To Your Children About…Mars

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Is there life on Mars?

Well with the recent discovery of water on the planet’s surface we’re one step closer to finding out.

Then why does the CEO of Tesla and SpaceX want to blow it up?

What Elon Musk was trying to say on the Late Show with Stephen Colbert was that by pulverizing the polar ice caps with nukes, water and carbon dioxide would be released into the atmosphere and, hypothetically speaking, create an ozone layer essential to sustaining life on Mars. It’s called “terraforming”.

Terraforming?

Ya, I learned about it in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan

But why do people care about having living things on Mars?

A couple of reasons. One, to prove that we are not alone in the universe and that extraterrestrial life does and can exist. Secondly, due to the potentially irreversible impact of climate change Earth’s natural resources and atmosphere will become so barren that human beings won’t be able to live on this planet anymore and in order for our species to survive we would have to find another world to inhabit.

You said ‘potentially irreversible impact of climate change’ so does that mean there’s a chance people can stay on Earth?

Yes, and we’re slowly making progress but unless the global economy and certain political parties accept the fact that humans are responsible for our changing climate then it’s already too late.

But Dad, I’ve seen previews for The Martian, can’t we just have Matt Damon “science the shit” out of Earth?

Well we can certainly ask.

Reel Revisions: Jurassic Park

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Changing film history, one iconic scene at a time.

Jurassic Park (1993)

What if Dennis Nedry made it off the island alive?

1) More scenes with the wonderfully cast Wayne Knight as our favorite wheezing/whining computer programmer.

2) The dilophosaurus remains hungry until a late movie rendezvous with Ian Malcolm.

3) Nedry delivers the dino DNA to his buyers thus ending InGen’s monopoly on regenerated reptiles.

4) A whole slew of copycat Jurassic Parks pop up on on the islands of Central America.

5) Increased supply leads to decreased demand as the general public grows tired of being chased by carnivorous velociraptors.

6) The Lost World and Jurassic Park III never happen. (But Jurassic World still exists thanks to its billion dollar box office.

 

How To Talk To Your Children About The Pope

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“How To Talk To Your Children About The Pope”

Daddy, who’s Pope Francis?

Pope Francis is the head of the Catholic Church.

And why is he in America?

Because, there are millions of Catholics living in the United States and the upcoming United Nations General Assembly in NYC presented a global platform for the popular Pontifex to share his progressive thoughts on climate change, income inequality and immigration.

Then why are so many people saying that the Pope should stay out politics?

Because in this country we have a way of politicizing issues that have little to do with Republicans or Democrats. And with an election on the horizon in 2016 there are opportunists out there who seek to create division where none exists.

Is it true that over a million people listened to the Pope speak in Philadelphia?

Yes, it’s true. Just goes to show you how popular and powerful Pope Francis is.

If he’s so powerful then why is he driving a Fiat?

Well, this Pope prides himself on being one with with the people and it’s hard to convey empathy for the proletariat when riding around in the back of an armored Mercedes-Benz SUV. Plus, the Italian made Fiat is better on gas than most European made cars.

Even Volkswagen?

Yes, even Volkswagen.