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The “I Don’t Know What I’m Talking About” Week 17 NFL Picks

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A couple of quick things before we get into the Week 17 picks. First, why didn’t Wisconsin run the ball on that 2 point conversion?  The undersized/athletic TCU defense could not stop the mammoth Badger offensive line all game. Second, my NFL picks have been getting progressively worse since we started this venture back in Week 11.  Maybe I can’t handle the pressure of public expectations.  Whatever the case, view these Week 17 picks with caution.

view of Rose Bowl Game courtesy of @TheTeditorial

KANSAS CITY (-3.5) over Oakland: “Tailgating and good BBQ.  That’s what Arrowhead Stadium is known for!!!”

NEW ENGLAND (-4) over Miami: I understand the Pats have already locked up the #1 seed. But, what exactly are the Dolphins playing for this week?

INDIANAPOLIS (-9.5) over Tennessee: I could watch the video of Peyton Manning sliding on the 2 yard line over and over and over again.  Perhaps the dorkiest thing he has every done on a football field.

HOUSTON (-3) over Jacksonville: I think I would rather watch a replay of the Beef O’Brady’s Bowl than any game featuring Trent Edwards (as the entire city of Buffalo gives a collective nod of the head).

Pittsburgh (-5.5) over CLEVELAND: When Gov. Ed Rendell caught word of the NHL moving the Winter Classic to a later hour he compared Gary Bettman to Julian Assange.

BALTIMORE (-9.5) over Cincinnati: Ravens are poised to ruin my 2011 playoff experience.

Minnesota (+3) over DETROIT: The abandoned buildings of Detroit.  Apocalypse Now.

NY Giants (-4) over WASHINGTON: This is the only game Fox is giving the NYC metro area.  I would need Direct TV in order to watch the Pack/Bears game. Yuck.

GREEN BAY (-10) over Chicago: Once the Packers win and clinch a playoff spot, I’m predicting that nearly 1/2 of all football “experts” will pick them to reach the Superbowl.

Dallas (+6.5) over PHILADELPHIA: Every American is entitled to their own opinion. However, Tucker Carlson you’re embarrassing yourself. Everyone knows that public stonings are no longer permitted in the United States.

NY JETS (-1.5) over Buffalo: Lost in all the Rex Ryan foot fetish craze is an undeniably profitable marketing opportunity.

Carolina (+14.5) over ATLANTA: For pride Panthers. For pride!

Tampa Bay (+7.5) over NEW ORLEANS: Bucs miss playoffs by a game and make a huge statement in the process.

Arizona (+6) over SAN FRANCISCO: Count me down as one of the many people who will miss the highly erratic, never dull head coaching career of Mike Singletary.

DENVER (+3.5) over San Diego: Tebow mic’d up vs Texans…pretty sweet.

St. Louis (-3) over SEATTLE: Charlie Whitehurst looks like a strange combination of Koy Detmer and Jesus Christ. Total points: 42

Last week: 7-9

Tis the Season for Bowling: Part III

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TicketCity Bowl: Northwestern vs. Texas Tech(-9.5)
January 1, Noon ET (ESPNU)
“Analysis”: The first of the New Year’s Day bowl games. This could be the earliest I ever break my New Year’s resolutions. “I will no longer drink to make things tolerable.”
VMS Pick: Texas Tech

view of the Chick-fil-A Bowl courtesy of @rgpgreenville

Outback Bowl: Florida(-7.5) vs. Penn State
January 1, 1 pm ET (ABC)
“Analysis”: 7.5 points?! Tell me how. Unless Joe Paterno is lined up under center, there’s no way that the Lions should that big a dawg. Also, I won’t watch this game, because none of the players are good.
VMS Pick: I refuse.

Capital One Bowl: Alabama(-10) vs. Michigan State
January 1, 1 pm ET (ESPN)
“Analysis”: This one’s more like it. I’m sure the good people of Orlando were thrilled when The Tide lost a couple of games, placing themselves out of the BCS picture. With the Spartans just missing out on the Rose Bowl, their attention might be elsewhere, and this one might get late early. Roll Tide (best new commercial on TV)!
VMS Pick: Alabama

Gator Bowl: Mississippi State(-4.5) vs. Michigan
January 1, 1:30 pm ET (ESPN 2)
“Analysis”: I haven’t seen the Bulldogs play one down this year. But with Disney’s infatuation with Shoestring Robinson and Coach Rodriguez, I have seen enough of the Wolverines to know that they only play 9 guys on defense. Not really, but close. If State has a full compliment of offensive players, they’ll win.
VMS Pick: Mississippi St.

Rose Bowl: Wisconsin vs. TCU(-2.5)
January 1, 5 pm ET (ESPN)
“Analysis”: Badger QB Scott Tolzien is a great Manager of the Game. Horned Frog signal caller Andy Dalton has red hair. You make the call. Wisconsin should be able to run the ball, with three backs (White, Clay, Ball) who combined for nearly 3,000 yards and 34 TDs on the ground.
VMS Pick: Wisconsin

We’re not done yet

An Interview With a Tree

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Ben Cortes is living a double life.  By day, Ben is an unassuming Stanford University senior who enjoys international travel and playing the drums. But at night, he likes to dress up. As a tree. That’s right, Ben Cortes is the Stanford Band mascot. A few weeks back, Viewmyseats was fortunate enough to ask The Tree a few questions. What follows is not official Stanford University dogma.  Our “fireside chat” is meant only to show sports fans around the country that mascots are real people too.

view of Maples Pavilion courtesy of @zoedunning

VMS: You did a lot of crazy stuff to earn the right to be the Stanford Tree. Tell us, how many other jobs would you be willing to draw blood for?

Tree: Any job that pays. Cash rules everything around us, right? But I’d prefer something that also entails a steady stream of sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll.

VMS: Does your view from the game allow you to enjoy the action on the field/court or are you too busy shooting t shirts from a cannon?

Tree: I’m actually in a primo position to watch the games. One member of my protection detail (T.P.S. – Tree Protection Service) caught an overthrown football when we played U.S.C. And the Stanford administration doesn’t even trust me with a beer when I’ve got the costume on – they’d never let me anywhere near a cannon.

VMS: The Stanford football team is preparing to play Virginia Tech in the Orange Bowl on January 3rd. Tell us, what’s your strategy heading into the big game?

Tree: My conditioning mostly consists of tanning beds and watching Scarface on repeat. For game day, I’m going to upgrade the costume with something that should bring the best of Bay Area culture to Miami. I have no idea what the team’s strategy is going to be.

VMS: What advice would you give to high school students who one day aspire to become a college mascot?

Tree: Study hard and get used to sweating. And you’d better like kids, because they’ll freaking love you.

VMS: More intimidating Pac-10 mascot: Puddles the Oregon Duck or Traveler the USC Horse?

Tree: Well I hate both of those creatures so damn much, I’ll have to rephrase the comparison in the negative: Puddles is such an astoundingly unassuming opponent that he somehow manages to be less intimidating than Traveler, a mascot so stupid that it still walks on four legs and poops in public.

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Thanks again to Ben for being such a willing participant. Good luck to Stanford in the Orange Bowl. Hopefully The Tree won’t get lost in all the debauchery on South Beach. Remember, Tony Montana is NOT a real person.

Guess the View: You Put Those Benches Back Where They Belong!

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Hopefully everyone was able to pick up the the subtle Ty Webb/Judge Smails reference in the post title.

I visited Nashville about 6 years ago and loved most things about the Music City. Loved the Honky Tonk’s and the live music. (Musicians who play the downtown bars put all other “Open Mic” nights to shame.) Loved the cheap beer. (In fact, Brooklyn, you can thank Nashville for making Pabst Blue Ribbon so hip and trendy.  PBR never went out of style in Tennessee.)

Also, loved my tour of Vanderbilt University.  My grandmother was from Nashville and growing up, my dad was always telling me about the city and university.  He called Vanderbilt the “Harvard of the South”, which put the school way out of my league when I was applying to colleges.

My favorite experience while on the campus of Vanderbilt was the “access” I was given to the athletic facilities.  It was the middle of the summer so school was not in session and there did not seem to be many athletic personal patrolling the facilities.  I unassumingly walked up to the doors of Memorial Gymnasium, which were unlocked, and made my way directly for center court.  Not a sole was their to stop me from walking up to the baseline, pick up a basketball and begin working on my mid range game.  It was one of the more surreal experiences of my adult life. Here I was, all alone in the middle of an enormous SEC gymnasium and nobody was there to stop me from perfecting my low post moves. It’s really too bad a Vanderbilt assistant coach wasn’t on hand because I couldn’t miss a shot that day and they probably would have been interested to know that I still had a few years of eligibility left.

Today, I love watching basketball games from Vanderbilt. Every time I see that court it brings me back 6 years to when, for a precious 15 minutes, I owned that court.

Share your views.

view courtesy of @RyanSisson

Captain’s Choice: NFL Week 17 Rankings

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This week, we are trying out a new format for our NFL rankings post.  We are starting something called Captain’s Choice where VMS and a guest take turns ranking the top ten teams in the NFL. We hope this will turn into a regular feature, even after the NFL season ends.  For the inaugural Captain’s Choice I have enlisted the help of….my Dad.  Now, a few things you should know about him before we start. First off, he grew up in Baltimore and was heartbroken when the Colts moved to Indianapolis in 1983.  He has since adopted the Patriots as his favorite NFL team.  Secondly, he fully supports the comments made by Ed Rendell and will tell you that American’s have been getting “soft” for decades.  I’m not sure how this will affect his rankings but it will definitely come up somewhere.

view courtesy of @justinlesko

1. New England Patriots (13-2) VMS: I can’t understand how Brandon Meriweather made the Pro Bowl.  Nobody bypasses the interception for the 15 yard unecessary roughness penalty like #31.

2. New Orleans Saints (11-4) Dad: I like the championship pedigree plus the potential for a Drew Brees/Tom Brady Superbowl.

3. Baltimore Ravens (11-4) VMS: Call it a hangover from 2009-10 but I give the Ravens the best chance this year of coming into Foxboro and beating the Patriots in the playoffs.

4. Pittsburgh Steelers (11-4) Dad: Experience plus Polamalu make the Steelers a tough out come January. Of even greater concern, what’s the latest on the New Year’s Day weather for the Winter Classic at Heinz Field?

5. Atlanta Falcons (12-3) VMS: I was not impressed with the Falcons on Monday night.  Matt Ryan seemed to miss a lot of open receivers and their offense could not capitalize on a few New Orleans mistakes.

6. Green Bay Packers (9-6) Dad: Love their quarterback and think they will be the most difficult wild card team to knock out of the playoffs.

7. Philadelphia Eagles (10-5) VMS: Maybe Ed Rendell was right, the Chinese probably would have played through Game 3 of the 1989 World Series as well.

8. Chicago Bears (11-4) Dad: Their defense is good and they have the wild card of all wild cards in Devin Hester.  Special teams wins championships.

9. Kansas City Chiefs (10-5) VMS: I’m looking forward to watching this team play during Wild Card weekend. Double Dwayne Bowe damn near saved my fantasy season.

10. New York Jets (10-5) Dad: When things are right their defense is pretty good.  They have a world class receiver in Santonio Holmes and a potentially serviceable quarterback in Mark Sanchez.

Honorable Mention: Indianapolis Colts, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, San Diego Chargers, and New York Giants.

Thanks to my Dad for helping me out with the first ever Captain’s Choice post.  Let us know if you want to be a future captain and, as always, share your views.