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NBA Watchability Index For Parents: January 15, 2015

January 15, 2015 by Jon

Infants are not all affected by sound the same way. Case in point, when our oldest son was a baby he would wake up every time my wife or I would walk to the bathroom. (I blame the creaky floorboards as much as anything.) With our second kid, to steal a line from Christmas Vacation, you can drive a “dump truck through a nitroglycerine plant” and not disturb him from his slumber. (Don’t worry, his hearing checks out just fine.) We’ve been told that this is nothing more than a case of ‘second child syndrome’ whereas unlike with your first, baby #2 has an innate understanding of their place in the pecking order and how as parents our attention is rarely undivided. This will most likely change once they morph into sulky adolescents but until that time it’s nice to know that I can urinate without fear of causing a nuclear meltdown.

5 Baby Bottles (Watch Those Little Eyes Glaze Over)

Oklahoma City Thunder @ Houston Rockets (8:00 PM)

We are all waiting for the Thunder to turn it on here as they’re in desperate need of a big push during the second half of the season to make it into the playoffs.

4 Baby Bottles (Must Keep Head In Upright Position)

Cleveland Cavaliers @ Los Angeles Lakers (10:30 PM)

It’s been noted before that famed NBA newsbreaker Adrian Wojnarowski has a complicated history with LeBron James. Therefore it may not be all that surprising that the picture painted in Woj’s latest column on the Cavs does not portray James, or his camp of close friends and advisors, in the most positive of lights. The basic gist of the column is reasonable enough which is that LeBron needs to start acting like the leader he sold himself as upon returning to Cleveland. Fair point. We all saw with Miami what kind of transcendent leader LeBron can be and he clearly looks disenchanted with what is going on with this Cavs team right now. However, 1) body language is not always an accurate indicator of team chemistry and 2) the rest of this Cavs team might not be all that good. Wojnarowski touches on this second point writing that the roster has improved with the additions of Mozgov, Smith and Shumpert. Still, as Kevin Love and Kyrie Irving demonstrated when LeBron was off chillaxing in South Beach and JerryWorld, the promise of another Big Three might be more hype than substance and it all starts on the defensive end where unless the Cavs can’t start playing as a cohesive unit (LeBron deserves much of the blame here too) then it really doesn’t matter how many points they score.

3 Baby Bottles (Just A Quick Swaddle & Rock)

New York Knicks @ Milwaukee Bucks (3:00 PM)

Do we know why this game is being played at 3 o’clock in the afternoon? Is there some kind of rally for the Packers before they catch their flight to Seattle that we don’t know about? (London!!!! That makes total sense seeing as the NBA’s expansion into Europe has always been much more plausible than the NFL’s given basketball’s European roots.)

2 Baby Bottles (Burp It Out)

No Games

1 Baby Bottle (Only During An Emergency Diaper Change)

No Games

Bonus Baby Bottle (Because You’re A Generous, Benevalent Soul)

College Basketball: Nebraska @ Wisconsin (9:00 PM)

The Badgers will be without starting point guard Traevon Jackson until March but should still have enough depth to win the BIgTen and garner a top seed come tourney time. Plus with Frank “The Big Sleepy” Kaminsky back tonight from an apparent concussion this game is bound to feature boatloads of 3 point attempts from gangly looking yet incredibly skilled tall white guys. In other words, just your typical night of college basketball in Madtown.

NBA Watchability Index for Parents: January 14, 2015

January 14, 2015 by Jon

The thought as parents is that when you go from 1 to 2 kids you need to switch from a zone defense to man-to-man, which as anyone who has ever played basketball before knows requires much more physical exerscion. Nearly a month into our version of man-to-man and I can tell you with complete honesty that we have adjusted well to the bathtub pick-n-roll, started calling out all screens by the changing table and have always made sure to help the ball side defender when loading/unloading at the grocery store.

5 Baby Bottles (Watch Those Little Eyes Glaze Over)

Washington Wizards @ Chicago Bulls (8:00 PM)

A rematch of last year’s playoffs when the Wizards surprised us all by knocking out the Bulls in the first round. No surprises this year but it’ll be interesting to see how Chicago responds having dropped 3 of it’s last 4 including one in Washington last week.

Los Angeles Clippers @ Portland Trail Blazers (10:30 PM)

Quite a doubleheader for ESPN. As if they needed the ratings after the bonanza on Monday night when they scored the highest rating ever  on cable television.

4 Baby Bottles (Always Keep The Head Tilted Upright)

New Orleans Pelicans @ Detroit Pistons (7:30 PM)

The Pistons are 9-1 in their last 10 games and this Greg Monroe/Andre Drummond vs Anthony Davis/Omer Asik battle for low post supremacy could play out like one of those superheroes movies where the apocalypse is narrowly avoided but at the expense of entire cities being leveled to the ground. Somebody better go ahead and check the foundation at the Palace of Auburn Hills.

3 Baby Bottles (A Quick Swaddle & Rock Will Do The Trick)

Houston Rockets @ Orlando Magic (7:30 PM)

Nikola Vucevic is playing like an all-star.

Atlanta Hawks @ Boston Celtics (8:00 PM)

So is Al “messed around and dropped a triple-double” Horford

Dallas Mavericks @ Denver Nuggets (9:00 PM)

Allen Iverson was right after all. Morning shootarounds are overrated.

2 Baby Bottles (In Between Burps)

San Antonio Spurs @ Charlotte Hornets (7:00 PM)

The Hornets have won 5 games in a row since Lance Stephenson started sitting out with an injured pelvis. If the Hornets lose tonight with Stephenson back in the lineup then it’s officially time for Michael Jordan to call up his buddy Larry Bird.

Memphis Grizzlies @ Brooklyn Nets (7:30 PM)

We get it, Kevin Garnett, other players don’t like Dwight Howard. But the head butting. What is this, soccer?

Philadelphia 76ers @ Toronto Raptors (7:30 PM)

Philly has done that thing where they lower the lights in the arena to give it that edgier look like the Lakers started doing a long time ago. I like it. Gives games a cool theatre vibe.

1 Baby Bottle (Only During An Emergency Diaper Change)

Miami Heat @ Golden State Warriors (10:30 PM)

Dwyane Wade is hurt again and the Heat only scored 78 points last night against the Lakers (albeit a win) in his absence. Needless to say I don’t like their chances tonight in the Bay.

 

NBA Watchability Index for Parents: January 13, 2015

January 13, 2015 by Jon

We were gifted a video monitor for the baby’s room so we could eventually watch our son sleep in his crib and now I’m freaked out because I worry that one late night I’ll look at the screen and see some sort of specter or vision out of Paranormal Activity hovering over the mobile.

NBA Watchability Index for Parents: January 13, 2015

5 Baby Bottles (until those little eyes glaze over)

No games

4 Baby Bottles (make sure to tilt that little head upright)

San Antonio Spurs @ Washington Wizards (7:00 PM)

The defending champs are mired in a mid season slump which we have come to assume they will snap out of in time to make a deep run in the playoffs only this time around the Western Conference is so good that they might not even qualify for the postseason if players like Kawhi Leonard and Tony Parker aren’t 100% healthy. Could this really be the year? It’s going to happen eventually one would assume.

3 Baby Bottles (just a quick swaddle and rock)

Cleveland Cavaliers @ Phoenix Suns (9:00 PM)

The levels and layers of dysfunction currently plaguing this Cavs team are beyond perplexing. Even with LeBron on the Ohio State sidelines, they still have Kyrie Irving and Kevin Love and that should be good enough to avoid 5 game losing streaks. Unless Love and Kyrie aren’t as good as we thought. It’s all very confusing.

I’ll tell you what’s not confusing, that is Ohio State’s total dominance of Oregon in last night’s college football national championship. So much for assuming that the BigTen is void of athletes. WOW. Cardale Jones and Ezekiel Elliot can play for my college team any day, which is really not saying much since I went to a DIII school where the skills players were all heavier/bigger than the lineman. What’s scarier is that the Buckeyes should be even better next season which is good news for LeBron who I’m going to start to get a little suspicious about if he comes down with another ‘injury’ right around the same time that OH IO makes it’s push through the postseason.

Atlanta Hawks @ Philadelphia 76ers (7:00 PM)

Don’t sleep on the Sixers, winners of two games in a row and no longer the team with the worst record in basketball thanks to the Knicks ongoing ineptitude. The Hawks by the way have the third best record in all of basketball. Just in case you were still on the fence.

Dallas Mavericks @ Sacramento Kings (10:00 PM)

Someone who watches the Mavs on a regular basis tell me why Rajon Rondo is only averaging 8 assists since coming over from Boston. Is Monta Ellis hogging the ball again or what?

2 Baby Bottles (in between burps)

Golden State Warriors @ Utah Jazz (9:00)

Steph Curry, a huge Carolina Panthers fan, almost got into a fight with the 12 Man during the Panthers playoff loss to the Seattle Seahawks. This is yet another reminder of why it’s always best to travel out in public with your own personal Draymond Green.

Miami Heat @ Los Angeles Lakers (10:30 PM)

Kobe Bryant still has the 4th most popular jersey in the NBA which perhaps more than anything else justifies his averaging 21 field goal attempts per game.

1 Baby Bottle (only during an emergency diaper change)

Minnesota Timberwolves @ Indiana Pacers (7:00 PM)

The Pacers have six, SIX, players averaging double digits in scoring which seems like a lot in the NBA. That Frank Vogel can coach.

NBA Watchability Index for Parents: January 12 2015

January 12, 2015 by Jon

Trying to warm a bottle before the baby begins crying is a lot like what it must feel like to diffuse a bomb. All that’s missing from my kitchen is a ticking clock and Jeremy Renner. Speaking of Renner, I didn’t watch the Golden Globes last night but twitter told me that Jennifer Lopez almost kicked Renner’s ass after he made a sexist remark about her dress which is just one more reason why Matt Damon will always be the one and only Jason Bourne.

The NBA Watchability Index for Parents: January 12, 2015

5 Baby Bottles (until those little eyes glaze over)

No games

4 Baby Bottles (make sure to tilt the head upright)

Detroit Pistons @ Toronto Raptors (7:30 PM)

Pretty light Monday night in the Association which is fine seeing as most of our attention will be directed at the college football national championship between Oregon and Ohio State. I’ve got no skin in the game but would like to see Oregon win if only because Marcus Mariota is a fun quarterback to watch play football and the Ducks have come close before. But my sense is that the Buckeyes have turned into a trendy pick to win after their somewhat unexpected, albeit impressive, win over Alabama in the semifinals. It helps when you have a third string quarterback as talented and big as Cardale Jones. Most college programs can’t count on that kind of depth, heck, most NFL teams would love to have a solid starter let alone two equally capable backups. Either way, it should be a good game and hopefully Jerry Jones and Gov. Christie are able to make it back to Dallas in time for kickoff.

If college football’s not your thing, Canada, then this Pistons/Raptors game is the best of the bunch tonight, which, you would not have been able to say two weeks ago before this remarkable run the Pistons have gone on since the Josh Smith trade.

3 Baby Bottles (a quick swaddle and rock)

New Orleans Pelicans @ Boston Celtics (7:30 PM)

These two teams were involved in a fairly major three team trade over the weekend as the Celtics continued to clear cap by sending Jeff Green to the Memphis Grizzlies in exchange for Austin Rivers amongst others. Rivers, who is apparently not dead or in the NBDL, has yet to live up to the promise while Green will help the Grizz as they attempt to outwit and outlast the loaded West.

2 Baby Bottles (in between burps)

Orlando Magic @ Chicago Bulls (8:00 PM)

The Magic have lost 6 games in a row but still have a good chance of making the playoffs because the bottom of the Eastern Conference is that bad. The Victor Oladipo/Jimmy Butler matchup is worth at least a cursory glance as you’d be hard pressed to find two more athletic guards in the NBA.

Houston Rockets @ Brooklyn Nets (7:30 PM)

Speaking of losing streaks, the Nets have lost 5 games as the Barclays Center anxiously awaits the arrival next year of the first place New York Islanders. (Note: for you basketball only folks the Islanders are a hockey team who haven’t had much success in the NHL since the late 70s/early 80s making their season to date both a surprise and good story.)

1 Baby Bottle (only during an emergency diaper change)

No games

NBA Watchability Index for Parents: January 9, 2015

January 9, 2015 by Jon

Because newborn babies lack the neurological development to control their facial expressions I can’t tell if my son is happy or gassy which, the more that I think about it, holds true for some adults as well. In fact, the next time you’re delivering a presentation try not to fixate one why Bob from accounting always seems a step slow to the punchline.

NBA Watchability Index for Parents: Friday January 9, 2015

5 Baby Bottles (until those little eyes glaze over)

Chicago Bulls @ Washington Wizards (8:00 PM)

The Bulls are good enough to win an NBA championship and the Wizards are good enough to beat the Bulls in the Eastern Conference playoffs which I think means that Chicago, if healthy, can stand toe-to-toe with any of the powers out West while Washington might still lack the depth/experience to win it all even though they are fully capable of winning a 7 game series over the Bulls. I think this makes sense, right?

4 Baby Bottles (make sure to keep the head upright)

Cleveland Cavaliers @ Golden State Warriors (10:30 PM)

LeBron James travelled down to Miami this past week to rehab his ailing knee and back, which I personally see no problem with but if I were a paranoid Cavs fans I could totally see how this would piss me off and make me worry that LeBron was plotting some sort of return to South Beach. Or maybe he was down recruiting Spoelstra to coach the Cavs assuming that David Blatt’s business class ticket back to Europe has already been purchased.

3 Baby Bottle (just a quick swaddle and rock)

Atlanta Hawks @ Detroit Pistons (7:30 PM)

If it’s not already, Stan Van Gundy’s “form a f-ing wall” needs to become a popular internet meme where SVG’s mustachioed mellon is plastered on top of famous moments from history like Occupy Wall Street or the Battle of Antietam.

Memphis Grizzlies @ New Orleans Pelicans (8:00 PM)

Phoenix Suns @ San Antonio Spurs (8:30 PM)

2 Baby Bottles (in between burps)

Boston Celtics @ Indiana Pacers (7:00 PM)

It’s Danny Ainge vs Larry Bird! Brad Stevens returns to the state of Indiana!! Jared Sullinger comes back to…ahh forget it. This game is boring.

Minnesota Timberwolves @ Milwaukee Bucks (8:30 PM)

Would have been at least a 3 baby bottle game if Jabari Parker had two properly functioning ACLs.

Denver Nuggets @ Sacramento Kings (10:00 PM)

The Nuggets are playing better basketball now that their coach doesn’t make them do morning shootarounds anymore and, with respect to Brian Shaw, they can’t be the first NBA team to make this switch right? It seems way too logical to be happening for the first time in 2015.

1 Baby Bottle (only during an emergency diaper change)

Philadelphia 76ers @ Brooklyn Nets (7:30 PM)

Orlando Magic @ Los Angeles Lakers (10:30 PM)

Oladipo though.

 

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