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Monday Morning Musings

May 9, 2011 by Jon

There is this one house on my running route that has been uninhabited/up for sale for quite some time yet the owners/real estate agents haven’t canceled their New York Times subscription. Since the Times has recently gone pay for access, a copy of the Sunday edition has turned into a very valuable commodity. Consequently, I am left with a moral conundrum: to steal or not to steal a copy of the New York Times.

Understand that I haven’t stolen anything since I was 7 years old and I swiped a tootsie pop from my next door neighbor. At the time I was so guilt ridden that I returned the half eaten lollipop to my neighbors kitchen and vowed never to steal again. But isn’t a free copy of the Sunday Times too good to pass up? I wouldn’t even be contemplating this idea if I thought anyone was actually going to read these copies because as it stands now there are a weeks worth of papers stacked up in the abandoned driveway. For the sake of neighborhood resale values, and pretentious intellectuals worldwide, don’t I have a moral obligation to keep our streets clean?

A Quick Trip Around the Bases

1B – Do the Florida Marlins really figure that a new stadium, and name – Miami, will help resolve their attendance issues? As a Baltimore Orioles fan I am probably not the person to talk about empty seats in stadiums but it’s clear from the attached view that nobody is going to these Marlins games in Sun Life Stadium. Granted they were playing the Nationals but still, there must have been only 3K in attendance to see Anibal Sanchez carry a no-hitter into the 7th inning.

2B – Speaking of no-hitters, first Francisco Liriano on Tuesday and then Justin Verlander Saturday. For Verlander this was no no number 2 and many are now speculating that he has the stuff to potentially match Sandy Koufax for second place on the career no-hitter list with 4. (Nobody is going to catch up to Nolan Ryan’s astounding 7 no-hitters.)

3B – Derek Jeter busted out of his season long slump on Sunday going 4 for 6 with 2 HR’s in the Yankees 12-5 win over the Texas Rangers. It’s just one game but judging from New York sports talk radio this morning, all is forgiven between Jeter and the Yankees fans who for weeks were calling for manager Joe Girardi to either drop him down to 8 or 9 in the order or have him banished to the island of Elba. Now after yesterday’s performance, Jeter gets to stay in the leadoff spot for at least one more game and Mike Francesa has the creative license to talk exclusively about two things this afternoon: the Jeter “resurgence” and the incredibly uninspiring Kentucky Derby. If you want to talk about the Mets are anything else having to do with New York sports you can all but forget about it. Tunnel vision. 6 Diet Cokes deep and I say Mike is still going on about Uncle Mo and the owner who invented Vitamin Water.

HR – And while we’re on the subject of hitting streaks, Andre Either had his come to a smashing halt at 30 games this Saturday..by the Mets. The Mets may finish last in the NL East but at least they can say they ended the longest hitting streak of the season to date. Of course, this is probably not much solace for a franchise on the verge of trading their 2 most productive players, Reyes and Beltran, while rumors continue to circulate that the team is up for sale. It’s enough to tire out even the most ardent Mets supporters like say Keith Hernandez.

view from Sun Life Stadium courtesy of @Neuman85

Cormac McCarthy Once Wrote About U.S. Cellular Field

May 4, 2011 by Jon

The answer to the question is 9.13. That was Minnesota Twins pitcher Francisco Liriano’s earned run average heading into last night’s game against the Chicago White Sox. Oh, and just in case you haven’t heard yet, Francisco Liriano, he of the 9.13 ERA, threw a no hitter last night, first no hitter thrown in the big leagues this season. As John Sterling would say “I mean Suzyn it truly is an amazing game”.

I caught the final half inning of the game and here are my two major takeaways: 1) When it’s cold, and the White Sox are bad, U.S. Cellular Field looks like a place out of a Cormac McCarthy novel. Needless to say I would not have wanted be in that Dodge Caravan heading back to Gary, Indiana.

2) Is it just me or did the Twins post no hitter celebration seem somewhat forced? It had a bizarre Al kissing Tipper feel to it. Perhaps Liriano is not the most popular player on the Twins. Or maybe the team was just too cold and wanted to get back inside to the clubhouse. Whatever the case may be, I was expecting something a little bit more like this.

view from U.S. Cellular Field courtesy of @newtonslawpc

Monday Morning Musings

May 2, 2011 by Jon

Not a good month to be a member of the 1986 World Series Champion New York Mets. First, it’s revealed that Lenny Dykstra had a penchant for interviewing maids in the buff and now it seems that Atlanta Braves pitching coach, and former Met reliever, Roger McDowell has a few issues of his own to sort through. McDowell just received a two week suspension from MLB for what has been described as lewd and lascivious gestures/language directed towards fans in San Francisco two weekends ago. Personally, I think he got off lightly. Shows you what a little remorse can buy you.

Moving forward, McDowell is going to have a very difficult time earning back the respect of baseball fans around the country. April attendance is down again this season and the last thing MLB needs is to have their pitching coaches treating fungo bats as if they were some sort of “apparatus”. (Go ahead and watch the video where renowned attorney Gloria Allred “simulates” what McDowell allegedly did with that now infamous instrument.)

A Quick Trip Around the Bases

1B – On Sunday, Andre Either extended his hitting streak to 27 games. Quite an impressive feat for an outfielder who is so good looking that he even puts the immortal Derek Zoolander to shame.

2B – Is it really true that the Cleveland Indians have won 6 games in a row, 13 straight at home on the Cuyahoga River? I’m sorry, but who are these F’n guys? Also, it’s May 2nd and both the Chicago White Sox and the Minnesota Twins area already 10 games back in the AL Central. Time to panic as if the Metrodome was about to collapse….again.

3B – Jered Weaver had a chance to go 7-0 in the month of April. That was until he came down with a bad case of the sniffles. Honestly, this Weaver April dominance thing completely snuck up on me. Every time I read that last name I think about his older brother Jeff who I can’t remember winning 7 games in a season, let alone in a row to start a new year.

HR – I know it’s only been a month but I am already perturbed by Bobby Valentine on Sunday Night Baseball.  I don’t know what it is exactly but there is something about him that strikes me as insincere. And Orel Hershiser? Way too rational a thinker for me. Bring back Joe Morgan!!! (On second thought….I’ll give the new crew a little more time before passing final judgment.)

view from Progressive Field courtesy of @MLupole

The Royal Wedding of Kate Middleton to Some Guy Other Than Me

April 26, 2011 by Jon

It’s tough not to feel for the good people of Sacramento. First the Maloofs fold their WNBA franchise, the Sacramento Monarchs, and now those crazy brothers are threatening to relocate their NBA team to Anaheim. Good, albeit time consuming, read by Bill Simmons on the current state of the Sacramento Kings ownership group. Spolier alert!!!! It’s not a good situation at all. Closer to the McCourt poor money management/divorce case than most realize.

Speaking of Kings and Queens, I was trying to think up an American equivalent to the Royal Wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton. All I could come up with was a union of Taylor Swift and Tyler Perry or maybe Derek Jeter to Katy Perry. (No offense Russell Brand. But this is not easy, you try!) Bottomline, there probably is no Yank equal to the pomp and circumstance of Friday’s nuptials from Westminster Abbey which is sure to the be the most watched global event since this transcendent piece of jailhouse choreography.

*She’s out of his league by the way. I mean, by all accounts he is a wonderfully grounded, regular guy, who also happens to be the eventual heir to the British throne, but she is really, really attractive. I bet she is so attractive that your wife doesn’t like her a la Brooklyn Decker or Angelina Jolie. Go home and ask, I bet I’m right.

You may wondering: will I be watching at 4am when Prince William and soon to be Princess Kate walk down the aisle? The answer: absolutely! But here’s why, our 11 week old son is so nocturnally unpredictable that I’ll probably be up anyway. He’s getting to the point where he can sleep through the night, or at least come pretty close, but my wife and I are both convinced that he is making the conscious decision to deprive us of as much sleep as possible so that when we go to work on less than 4 hours of sleep we look and feel like extras from The Walking Dead. Therefore, I will be watching** the Royal Wedding starting at 4am because my son will be up anyway and Saturday, with its promise of afternoon nap time, is right around the corner which means I can survive the final day of the work week on espresso fumes and a few hours sleep.

**I caught my first taste of “Royal Fever” last night when I made the conscious decision to watch Piers Morgan Tonight on CNN. He was interviewing a whole slew of beaming Brits from Jane Seymour – Kitty Kat – to Princess Diana’s wedding gown designer who kind of resembled Cyndi Lauper. My takeaway: this wedding is a tremendous source of pride for British people. Prince William represents the lasting memory of his mother who is still universally revered for her charitable spirit. Whether or not we Americans get it is probably not the point. Although, judging from the amount of coverage this wedding is already receiving in the States, the moment is most likely unavoidable.


Monday Morning Musings

April 25, 2011 by Jon

Have you ever tried looking at a map of the world where down is up and south is north as if the globe were flipped over on its axis? Try it sometime and when you do you will realize that it makes no sense. It’s like an optical illusion sure to make you go cross-eyed in a matter of minutes. Well, this is how I feel about the AL East. Sure its fun to look at the standings in early April and see Baltimore, Toronto and Tampa Bay at the top but the longer you look the more backwards it seems. Something just feels out of place until you come to your senses and realize what was wrong with that earlier picture: no New York or Boston. Well luckily, April 25th is here and the Yankees and Sox have reclaimed their rightful place – 1st and 3rd respectively – at the top of the AL East world.

Bitter much? When you’re an Orioles fan, like myself, bitterness is part of the bargain. I only wish I were allowed to hope into May. That would be like an early Christmas/birthday/Father’s Day present wrapped into one. This past weekend series vs the Yankees was a bitter pill. First a rainout on Friday, then a 15-3 butt whipping on Sat night followed by a 6-3 extra inning heartbreaker on Easter Sunday. It was like unwrapping a Cadbury Creme Egg only to find that the chocolate egg has been cracked causing the sugar yolk paste to ooze onto the tin foil wrapper. Very frustrating stuff!!!

And now for your weekly trip around the bases.

1B – Andre Either has a 21 game hitting streak. Pretty impressive for a guy who I actually played against in summer ball.  Unfortunately his prodigious accomplishments at the plate are being over shadowed by the most public divorce in MLB today.

2B – The S.S. Ozzie Guillen is sinking.  The White Sox have lost 9 of 10 putting their overall record at 8-14 bad enough for last place in the AL Central. Good news for us sports fans, you can watch it all unravel here on Ozzie Guillen’s twitter feed.

3B – Granted it was a overcast/cold Friday afternoon in the Windy City but can you remember seeing so many open seats at Wrigley Field? Pittsburgh? Yes. Toronto? Probably. Citi Field…ABSOLUTELY!!! But every thing is different on the Northside. Good news Cubs fans, Bud Selig isn’t overly concerned about the attendance problem.

HR – Speaking of the New York Mets, how about the Amazins rattling off 4 wins in a row? It’s enough for Jerry Seinfeld to forget about his ongoing feud with Donald Trump.

view from an abandoned Wrigley Field courtesy of @DPolacek

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