View My Seats

At the Intersection of Sports and Culture

Photo Credit for Header: Alex Foucre-Stimes

Charge Those Tattoos to The Underhill Tab!

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I have no intention of going all moral police on the OSU/tattoo parlor scandal.  As far as I’m concerned, this type of behavior goes on throughout the country.  It doesn’t make what Terrelle Pryor did right, but it does prove that the current system is broken.

I will not profess to have any idea how to fix the problem.  Pay all NCAA athletes a stipend beyond the scholarship?  Who knows.  Point is, as I was watching the Sugar Bowl last night I couldn’t help but think that a good portion of the players on the Superdome turf were receiving some sort of “extra benefits”. With the amount of money these programs/players generate for their universities, maybe paying athletes isn’t such a bad idea after all.

Share your views.

view of the Superdome courtesy of @pug_huh

Andrew Luck Will Not Be Drafted By Any of These Teams

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For the playoff edition of our NFL Rankings I have enlisted the help of my old college friend Finch. Finch is a huge New England fan whose love affair with the Pats goes all the way back to the days of Andre Tippett and Irving Fryar.  As a high school quarterback, he even wore a neckroll just like his childhood hero Steve Grogan.

view of the Orange Bowl courtesy of @RuleofTree

1. Patriots (14-2) VMS: If 2008 taught us Patriot fans anything it’s that we are one Bernard Pollard hit away from Brian Hoyer and that wouldn’t be good for anybody.

2. New Orleans Saints (11-5) Finch: A wild card team will represent the NFC in the Superbowl. WHO DAT!

3 Pittsburgh Steelers (12-4) VMS: The 24/7 documentary on the Winter Classic was some kind of captivating television.  It’s such a good premise that I would even consider watching an HBO produced series on Stan Van Gundy.

4. Atlanta Falcons (13-3) Finch: The Dirty Birds three losses were to playoff teams.  That being said, Natty Ice, the cheap beer, wasn’t even that good when we were in college.

5. Baltimore Ravens (12-4) VMS: How is it possible that Ed Reed led the NFL in interceptions again this season?  Dude is like 40 years old and missed half the season due to injury. Must be something in the Chesapeake Bay water.

6. Indianapolis Colts (10-6) Finch: As long as Peyton Manning doesn’t try to kill another one of his receivers, this team could be very dangerous.  Plus, I can’t pick a Jay Cutler QB’d team.

7. Green Bay Packers (10-6) VMS: Aaron Rodgers seems like a real cool cat who probably has a smoking hot supermodel girlfriend, but man, does he sure have some huge nostrils.

8. Philadelphia Eagles (10-6) Finch: I guess Tucker Carlson won’t be selling any of his pets to Michael Vick.

9. New York Jets (11-5) VMS: Listening to Rex Ryan talk this week you would think that they have already won the Superbowl. Relax Rex and “go have a goddamn snack!”

10. Kansas City Chiefs (10-6) Finch: I still refuse to pick Jay Cutler and would have gone with KC earlier if their offensive coordinator wasn’t bolting to call plays in the SEC.

11. Chicago Bears (11-5) VMS: Are Jay Cutler and Phillip Rivers related? Can this be true?

12. New York Giants (10-6) Finch: Because I refuse to pick a 7-9 team. Hey, you gotta have some standards.

Share your views.

Admit It, Charlie Whitehurst Really Does Look Like Jesus Christ

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Now, to be clear, I’m not saying Charlie Whitehurst IS Jesus Christ but rather that the two share a similar coiffure. Also, to be fair, Jesus would have found a few more open receivers than Whitehurst did during the Seahawks triumphant 16-6 victory over the St. Louis Rams. Congrats to Seattle on clinching the NFC West and in the process becoming the worst NFL team EVER to make the playoffs.

There is a lot to like about Qwest Field, home of the Seahawks.  For starters, it’s the loudest stadium in the NFL.  The “12th man” is responsible for a minimum of two false start penalties a game.  It might be the one pro crowd that sounds and feels a lot like a big time college football stadium (think Autzen Stadium).

Whenever I watch a game from Seattle, all I can think about is Bo Jackson absolutely “truck sticking” Brian Bosworth on Monday Night Football. I was too young to remember the game myself but, to this day, my Dad swears it was one of the best individual performances he ever witnessed on MNF.  Seattle fans may disagree but honest football fans cannot dispute the pure brilliance of Bo.

So Qwest Field, speak up. Are you louder than a college crowd? Share your views.

view of Qwest Field courtesy of @GlobGlob

The “I Don’t Know What I’m Talking About” Week 17 NFL Picks

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A couple of quick things before we get into the Week 17 picks. First, why didn’t Wisconsin run the ball on that 2 point conversion?  The undersized/athletic TCU defense could not stop the mammoth Badger offensive line all game. Second, my NFL picks have been getting progressively worse since we started this venture back in Week 11.  Maybe I can’t handle the pressure of public expectations.  Whatever the case, view these Week 17 picks with caution.

view of Rose Bowl Game courtesy of @TheTeditorial

KANSAS CITY (-3.5) over Oakland: “Tailgating and good BBQ.  That’s what Arrowhead Stadium is known for!!!”

NEW ENGLAND (-4) over Miami: I understand the Pats have already locked up the #1 seed. But, what exactly are the Dolphins playing for this week?

INDIANAPOLIS (-9.5) over Tennessee: I could watch the video of Peyton Manning sliding on the 2 yard line over and over and over again.  Perhaps the dorkiest thing he has every done on a football field.

HOUSTON (-3) over Jacksonville: I think I would rather watch a replay of the Beef O’Brady’s Bowl than any game featuring Trent Edwards (as the entire city of Buffalo gives a collective nod of the head).

Pittsburgh (-5.5) over CLEVELAND: When Gov. Ed Rendell caught word of the NHL moving the Winter Classic to a later hour he compared Gary Bettman to Julian Assange.

BALTIMORE (-9.5) over Cincinnati: Ravens are poised to ruin my 2011 playoff experience.

Minnesota (+3) over DETROIT: The abandoned buildings of Detroit.  Apocalypse Now.

NY Giants (-4) over WASHINGTON: This is the only game Fox is giving the NYC metro area.  I would need Direct TV in order to watch the Pack/Bears game. Yuck.

GREEN BAY (-10) over Chicago: Once the Packers win and clinch a playoff spot, I’m predicting that nearly 1/2 of all football “experts” will pick them to reach the Superbowl.

Dallas (+6.5) over PHILADELPHIA: Every American is entitled to their own opinion. However, Tucker Carlson you’re embarrassing yourself. Everyone knows that public stonings are no longer permitted in the United States.

NY JETS (-1.5) over Buffalo: Lost in all the Rex Ryan foot fetish craze is an undeniably profitable marketing opportunity.

Carolina (+14.5) over ATLANTA: For pride Panthers. For pride!

Tampa Bay (+7.5) over NEW ORLEANS: Bucs miss playoffs by a game and make a huge statement in the process.

Arizona (+6) over SAN FRANCISCO: Count me down as one of the many people who will miss the highly erratic, never dull head coaching career of Mike Singletary.

DENVER (+3.5) over San Diego: Tebow mic’d up vs Texans…pretty sweet.

St. Louis (-3) over SEATTLE: Charlie Whitehurst looks like a strange combination of Koy Detmer and Jesus Christ. Total points: 42

Last week: 7-9

An Interview With a Tree

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Ben Cortes is living a double life.  By day, Ben is an unassuming Stanford University senior who enjoys international travel and playing the drums. But at night, he likes to dress up. As a tree. That’s right, Ben Cortes is the Stanford Band mascot. A few weeks back, Viewmyseats was fortunate enough to ask The Tree a few questions. What follows is not official Stanford University dogma.  Our “fireside chat” is meant only to show sports fans around the country that mascots are real people too.

view of Maples Pavilion courtesy of @zoedunning

VMS: You did a lot of crazy stuff to earn the right to be the Stanford Tree. Tell us, how many other jobs would you be willing to draw blood for?

Tree: Any job that pays. Cash rules everything around us, right? But I’d prefer something that also entails a steady stream of sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll.

VMS: Does your view from the game allow you to enjoy the action on the field/court or are you too busy shooting t shirts from a cannon?

Tree: I’m actually in a primo position to watch the games. One member of my protection detail (T.P.S. – Tree Protection Service) caught an overthrown football when we played U.S.C. And the Stanford administration doesn’t even trust me with a beer when I’ve got the costume on – they’d never let me anywhere near a cannon.

VMS: The Stanford football team is preparing to play Virginia Tech in the Orange Bowl on January 3rd. Tell us, what’s your strategy heading into the big game?

Tree: My conditioning mostly consists of tanning beds and watching Scarface on repeat. For game day, I’m going to upgrade the costume with something that should bring the best of Bay Area culture to Miami. I have no idea what the team’s strategy is going to be.

VMS: What advice would you give to high school students who one day aspire to become a college mascot?

Tree: Study hard and get used to sweating. And you’d better like kids, because they’ll freaking love you.

VMS: More intimidating Pac-10 mascot: Puddles the Oregon Duck or Traveler the USC Horse?

Tree: Well I hate both of those creatures so damn much, I’ll have to rephrase the comparison in the negative: Puddles is such an astoundingly unassuming opponent that he somehow manages to be less intimidating than Traveler, a mascot so stupid that it still walks on four legs and poops in public.

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Thanks again to Ben for being such a willing participant. Good luck to Stanford in the Orange Bowl. Hopefully The Tree won’t get lost in all the debauchery on South Beach. Remember, Tony Montana is NOT a real person.