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An Opening Day in the Life of a Baltimore Orioles Fan

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I read the news today oh, boy….

When John Lennon and Paul McCartney were writing “A Day in The Life” I wonder if they had the Baltimore Orioles in mind. I say this because the St. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band album was released in 1967 back when Baltimore was still a relevant franchise capable of competing for championships and inspiring fans worldwide. Today, the Beatles still matter while Baltimore hasn’t had a winning record since 1997. As a committed Oriole fan – thanks Dad – Opening Day comes bearing all sorts of conflicting emotions. Do I invest in the promise of a young stable of arms and improved lineup or dread the unavoidable fate awaiting after 18 plus games against AL East superpowers Boston and New York?

Seeing as how Baltimore opens their season tonight in Tampa against the Rays, I thought I would share with you a typical day in the life of an Baltimore Orioles fan on Opening Day.

4:33am: Wake up in a cold sweat. Try to fall back asleep by reading Buster Olney, Tim Kurkjian, and Ken Rosenthal all of who once worked for the Baltimore Sun and this year, for the 10th season in a row, suggest that Orioles will not compete in the AL East until Peter Angelos sells the team.

7:00am: Alarm sounds blasting John Denver’s “Thank God I’m a Country Boy”.

7:20am: Eat a healthy breakfast consisting of coffee, grapefruit, hard boiled eggs, and Old Bay crab seasoning.

7:44am: Start drive in to work. Listening to Mike and Mike in the Morning as Golic mentions that he likes Jacobs Field in Cleveland more than Camden Yards. Switch over to FM, sing along to “Firework” by Katy Perry.

8:30am: Work starts with a morning staff meeting. Boss notices my Oriole tie, asks me if this is the year where the O’s finally crack .500. Meeting adjourns, sneak into bosses office to pour Old Bay crab seasoning into his Green Tee Frappachino.

10:00am: First time at computer, mark all emails “as read” then proceed to check fantasy stats from the night before. Notice that I’m already in last place, instantly regret taking John Axford with my #1 overall pick.

11:30am: Lunch comes early. Go out and grab food with coworkers. Cover hot wings in Old Bay crab seasoning. Overhear Yankee fans at the bar lauding their team for the Opening Day win over Detroit. These fans are convinced that the Yankees will follow up last seasons playoff disappointment with another World Series Championship in 2011. Pour Old Bay crab seasoning in their Red Bull & vodkas.

1:05pm: Conference call with corporate. Keep laptop open during meeting to watch first pitch of Astros/Phillies. Roy Halladay looks good. Halladay could have been an Oriole if organization had the prospects to trade Toronto and if Baltimore were still a place where free agents wanted to play. Drizzle a sprig of Old Bay crab seasoning into my eyes.

5:30pm: On way home from work, wife calls to say that we are out of milk. Stop by the grocery store only to run into a troop of Girls Scouts selling cookies. Go to buy a few packages of thin mints when the troop leader, wearing a pink Red Sox hat, notices my Oriole tie and tell me that the “Sawx” are going to win it all this year. I thank her for the cookies before covering a box of Samoas in Old Bay crab seasoning.

7:10pm: Ready for first pitch when infant son begins to cry. Ask wife if she can feed him in a different room so that I can watch the Oriole game in peace. On way out, wife tells me that she wants our son to root for the Yankees anyway. Skip the beer, go right to the whiskey w/Old Bay crab seasoning.

8:52pm: Well played game so far. Jeremy Guthrie gave the team 6 solid innings and Vladimir Geurerro has two hits including a 2 run homerun. Baltimore leads 3-2 heading into the 7th inning. Buck goes to the the bullpen and brings in Michael Gonzalez. Gonzalez proceeds to walk the bases loaded forcing Showalter to bring in Jim Johnson. Johnson’s first pitch to Evan Longoria is deposited over the right field fence and into the Ray Tank for a grand slam. Rays 6 Orioles 3. All out of Old Bay crab seasoning.

9:45pm: Final score, Rays 7 Orioles 4. Baltimore falls a game behind the division lead which is sadly the closest they will be to winning the AL East all season long. Kiss baby son goodnight, drive out to grocery for more Old Bay crab seasoning.

11:12pm – Finally get into bed, keep Sportscenter on in the background. Baseball Tonight is talking about the Rays/O’s game. John Kruk wonders if all the Orioles offseason moves will make any difference this season at all. Turn off television. Begin cold sweat.

view from Tropicana Field courtesy of @JGuthrie46

View from Spring Training: 2011 Texas Rangers

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2011 Texas Rangers

NFL Equivalent – Arizona Cardinals: Not much behind this comparison except that in recent years both teams, the Cardinals and Rangers, have lost championship game(s) to more established and beloved franchises. Before that, both were kind of obscure entities that the general public didn’t hear much about unless the manager was caught doing drugs or the starting quarterback was giving up on his team.

Google Search: Should Neftali Feliz start or close? Does Michael Young want to be traded or is he happy as a DH? Is Ron Washington still sporting a fake mustache? These are questions the reigning AL champs need to answer as the 2011 season begins. The Rangers have decided that Feliz will in fact remain the teams closer but this decision has not stopped fans/columnists from clamoring for a change. With the offseason acquisition of 3B Adrian Beltre, veteran Michael Young has been forced into a new role as DH and reports out of Arlington were that Young was none too pleased with the Rangers front office and requested a trade. Rangers would be very wise to keep Young who remains a very valuable bat and versatile infielder.

Famous Movie Quote: We’re adding a little something to this month’s sales contest. As you all know, first prize is a Cadillac Eldorado. Anybody want to see second prize? Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is you’re fired. Alec Baldwin from Glengarry Glen Ross

A-B-C. Always-Be-Closing! Another memorable line from the too often overlooked, seldom cited 1992 classic starring Kevin Spacey, Al Pacino, the late Jack Lemmon, and Alec Baldwin. I see a lot of Jack Donaghy in Baldwin’s character from Glengarry Glen Ross. Of course, after 19 years, and 100 lbs, Baldwin is now twice the man he use to be. Making it to the World Series in 2010 was a huge statement for the Texas Rangers franchise. Expectations are once again high as most baseball people pick Texas to return to the playoffs in 2011. This year, is just getting to the World Series enough or is A-B-T (Anything-But a Title) considered a little bit like a set of steak knives? 2011 prediction: 88-74, 1st place AL West.

view from BB&T Coastal Field courtesy of @carolinakidder

View from Spring Training: 2011 Cincinnati Reds

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2011 Cincinnati Reds

NFL Equivalent – St. Louis Rams: Young, energetic franchises with marque star players in QB Sam Bradford for the Rams and 1B Joey Votto for the Reds.  Last season, following years of disappointment, the Reds made it to the first round of the 2010 MLB playoffs while the Rams missed the postseason by a single game. St. Louis and Cincinnati also sport relatively new stadiums however neither the Great American Ball Park or the Edward Jones Dome really distinguishes itself on TV.

Google Search: Why would a Chicago Cubs player poop on Dusty Baker’s spot in the dugout back when Dusty was enjoying his final days as manager of the Cubs?  I always thought Baker was popular with his players and did not figure him as the manager most likely to be victimized by a anonymous defecation.  Ozzie Guillen maybe but Dusty Baker? Complete shocker. In other offseason news, backup catcher Ryan Hanigan resigned with the Reds for 3 years/$4 million. I mention this not because Hanigan is an important part of Cincinnati’s catching corps, which he is, but because we were on the same summer ball team back in 2001. He was a 3B back then but became a catcher based on his strong arm and baseball sense. If you don’t remember me Ryan I was the guy shagging all your BP moonshots. Glad things have worked out for.

Famous Movie Quote:

Michael Corleone: I saw a strange thing today. Some rebels were being arrested. One of them pulled the pin on a grenade. He took himself and the captain of the command with him. Now, soldiers are paid to fight; the rebels aren’t.

Hyman Roth: What does that tell you?

Michael Corleone: It means they could win.

from The Godfather Part: II

This famous quote from the best movie sequel of all time (apologies to Terminator 2: Judgemet Day, Empire Strikes Back, and Staying Alive) applies to the 2011 Cincinnati Reds in many ways. For starters, this is a hungry team that has the ability and, after last season, the experience to make a run deep into the playoffs. Secondly, the most prized prospect in the Reds organization, Aroldis Chapman, is a Cuban import. All I know about Chapman is that he can throw the ball 105 mph and is either the next Stephen Strasburg – minus the Tommy John surgery – or Joba Chamberlain – minus the 150 lbs. 2011 prediction 88-74, 2nd place NL Central

view from Goodyear Ballpark courtesy of @VeroPadilla34

View from Spring Training: 2011 Minnesota Twins

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2011 Minnesota Twins

NFL Equivalent – Tennessee Titans: This comparison worked a lot better back when Jeff Fisher was still head coach of the Tennessee Titans. Now, with a new coach on the way in Nashville, the Minnesota Twins are the only one where consistency on the coaching staff still matters. In 2011, manager Ron Gardenhire will entire his 10th year at the helm for the Twins which in itself represents remarkable stability in professional sports. In that time, the Twins have remained competitive in the AL Central and a model of mid market excellence.

Google Search: As Justin Morneau battles to return from a debilitating concussion that has kept him off the field since early July 2010, a new discussion regarding safer, bigger helmets has moved to the forefront of sports science, health pages. Should MLB, much like the minors, mandate that all of players wear these safer helmets? Apparently, the helmets that players wear now provide protection up to 70 mph while the new helmets protect players up to 100 mph. Major league ballplayers are notoriously opposed to change – see steroid testing – and in the end these new helmets might not be aesthetically pleasing enough for the very fashion conscious union.  However, if we are talking about preventing concussions, and in reality the helmets aren’t that much bigger, eventually MLB will hop on board.

Famous Movie Quote: So that was Mrs. Lundegaard on the floor in there. And I guess that was your accomplice in the wood chipper. And those three people in Brainerd. And for what? For a little bit of money. There’s more to life than a little money, you know. Don’tcha know that? And here ya are, and it’s a beautiful day. Well. I just don’t understand it. – Frances McDormand from Fargo

Do you think the people of Minnesota are sick and tired of being associated with Fargo? What percentage of people, when they meet someone from Minnesota for the first time, reference Fargo to show that they know at least something about the upper Midwest? 50%? 75%? 90%? I’m as guilty as the next person with this and see no real reason to change when after all, Fargo remains an all time classic.  After Joe Mauer signed a lucrative contract extension before the 2010 season, expectations remained high for the star catcher. After a power shortage last season, Mauer, along with a healthy Morneau, look for a return to their old M & M Boys ways this season. 2011 prediction: 83-79, 3rd place AL Central

view from Hammond Stadium courtesy of @Brandon_MGraves

View from Spring Training: 2011 San Diego Padres

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2011 San Diego Padres

NFL Equivalent – Jacksonville Jaguars: I really don’t like doing this to Padres fans whose history with their franchise dates way back to 1969, however, in recent years both Petco Park in San Diego and EverBank Field in Jacksonville have become relative ghost towns with swaths of empty seats and eerie echoes cascading off of low expectations and struggling local economies. Sure each team has had their fair share of recent success but, certainly with the case of the Jags, the top story always seems to be if and when the team will relocate to Los Angeles. Now, the Padres, with their new, beautiful stadium, are in no jeopardy of leaving San Diego, but with a very modest payroll the franchise will struggle to keep up with the deeper pockets of San Francisco and LA.

Google Search: It must have been so incredibly disheartening to the San Diego community when the Padres traded their star first baseman to the Boston Red Sox for three highly touted prospects including minor league P Casey Kelley. Gonzalez was born in San Diego and as a Mexican American ballplayer seemed to embody the diverse cultural background of his hometown and sport. With the move to Boston, Gonzalez becomes just the latest in a long line of high powered assassins to join the ranks of the MLB high payroll elites while San Diego must fill the void with the likes of Brad Hawpe and Jorge Cantu.

Famous Movie Quote: Well, I could be wrong, but I believe diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era. – Ron Burgundy from Anchorman

Using another Anchorman quote here was predictable I know, but sometimes life and culture is just so blissfully obvious. Diversity, as it applies to the NL West, is alive and well. All five teams have either won the division or made the playoffs at least once in the last ten years. I would expect that trend to continue in future years but in 2011, when the music stops, the San Diego Padres will be left without a chair. 2011 prediction: 74-88, 4th place NL West

view from the Goodyear Ballpark courtesy of @hunyfour