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View from Spring Training: 2011 Toronto Blue Jays

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2011 Toronto Blue Jays

NFL Equivalent – Cincinnati Bengals: Are OF Vernon Wells and OF Alex Rios Carson Palmer?  On the heels of very productive offensive seasons, the Toronto front office not only gave Wells and Rios the keys to the franchise, to the tune of more than $200 million, they also served them with a roadmap to nowhere.  Now Wells (Anaheim) and Rios (Chicago AL) are roaming the outfields elsewhere in the AL, and the only thing the Jays have to show for it are a string of 4th place finishes in the ruthless AL East.  In a similar case of misread production, the Bengals and their franchise QB Palmer definitely need counseling, with Carson recently threatening retirement.

Google Search: New Manager, former Red Sox pitching coach John Farrell, had a fairly busy offseason.  Early on, he shipped rising SP Shawn Marcum to the Brewers for highly-touted INF Brett Lawrie.  Toronto also added three veteran RPs in Octavio Dotel, John Rauch, and Frank Francisco, who is unfortunately best known for throwing a folding chair at a group of fans in Arlington.  Under the radar during this tumultuous AL East winter, the Jays also brought in speedy OF Rajai Davis to lead off and veteran slugging LF Juan Rivera to protect last year’s AL home run champ, OF Jose Bautista.

Famous Movie Quote: “You’re gonna need a bigger boat.“ – Chief Martin Doyle, Jaws.

DH Adam Lind and 2B Aaron Hill had career years in 2009.  Ridiculous numbers.  Bautista hit 54 home runs last year.  Out of nowhere.  If the three of them each have career years in 2011, the Blue Jays will still be the Orca to the Yankees’ and Red Sox’s Jaws.  The AL East is simply contested on two planes: the penthouse, cohabited by the Yanks and Sox, and the super’s apartment, shared by the Jays, Rays, and Orioles.  To equate this disparity to one of my favorite NBA stories, we have to look back to All-Star Weekend, 1988.   Larry Bird, perhaps the most confident shooter of all time and two-time defending 3-point contest champ, walked into the locker room at the old Chicago Stadium and, without even really looking at any of his shootout competitors, asked to the ether: “Hiya, fellas!  Which one of you is finishing second?!”  At the risk of underlining the obvious, Basketball Jesus made it 3-in-a-row that night.  2011 prediction: 77 – 85; 5th Place AL East

view from Bright House Stadium courtesy of @michelleerin

View from Spring Training: 2011 Florida Marlins

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2011 Florida Marlins

NFL Equivalent – Minnesota Vikings: This comparison would work perfectly if the Minnesota taxpayers would finally pony up and agree to finance a new stadium.  As it is, both of these teams currently play in antiquated, potentially-hazardous football stadiums.  South Florida’s daily late afternoon rain squalls have nothing on Minneapolis’s roof collapses and falling debris.  The Marlins will finally be moving into a new building in 2012, right smack dab in the middle of Miami’s Little Havana neighborhood.  Both the Marlins and Vikings are young, with very exciting. combustible players where it matters most.

Google Search: Gone is franchise leader in home runs, 2B Dan Uggla, who was traded to division rival Atlanta after last season.  In his place, the Marlins have brought in 2010 All-Star 2B Omar Infante.  Slotted into the third slot in the rotation is SP Javier Vasquez, who has performed in every city he’s played that doesn’t rhyme with Blue Pork.  C John Buck will call the pitches for a very promising young staff, who will rely on his veteran leadership to keep an even keel.

Famous Movie Quote: I am a star. I’m a star, I’m a star, I’m a star. I am a big, bright, shining star. That’s right. –Dirk Diggler, Boogie Nights.

When a perennial all-star is left to put up huge numbers in anonymity, it falls to him to remind himself that he really is the goods.  Standing in front of a mirror, Dirk Diggler, an up-and-comer in the adult film business, affirms that he has what it takes.  If his fan base and the media have already written him off, Hanley Ramirez needs to enter this season with the self-confidence required of someone who can carry a franchise.  You ARE a star, Hanley!  Ramirez will be looking to his bat to mend the strained relationships that developed with then-manager Fredi Gonzalez and Marlin fans.  Young players OF Mike Stanton, OF Logan Morrison, and 1B Gaby Sanchez will take their cues from Ramirez.  As these four go, so will go the Fish.  SP Josh Johnson will continue to be one of the best young arms in the National League, and will challenge the 20-win threshold yet again. 2011 prediction: 82-80; 3rd Place NL East

View from Spring Training: 2011 New York Mets

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2011 New York Mets

NFL Equivalent – Washington Redskins: At first glance, you’re looking at two organizations with histories of success and deep pockets.  Until you open the books and recognize that at the center of this comparison are two organizations with “questionable” business practices.  The Skins threw upwards of $100 million at DT Albert Haynesworth to do virtually nothing except not complete shuttle runs.  The Amazins, on the other hand, did nothing, and somehow were thrown hundreds of millions of dollars from Bernard Madoff.  And only the Mets could possibly top the Haynesworth signing with their history of fiscal irresponsibility.  Tom Seaver, Nolan Ryan, Kevin Mitchell?  Gone.  Vince Coleman, Bobby Bonilla, Mo Vaughn…Oliver Perez?  In you come!  Oh, and both fan bases absolutely loathe their teams’ lovely ownership groups.

Google Search: I think my Internets are broken!  According to them, the Mets did absolutely nothing this winter.  That can’t possibly be right… can it?  I suppose out of obligation, I should note that they did sign pitchers Chris Young, Chris Capuano, and Taylor Buchholz.  They also acquired a new RF in the guy that is now wearing CF Carlos Beltran’s #15 jersey.  Most of the news coming out of Flushing this winter had to do with the ongoing financial scandal involving the Wilpons and public enemy #1. And just today, the New York Times reports that the Mets organization was running low on cash well before this recent lawsuit was filed.

Famous Movie Quote: Right after I got here, I ordered some spaghetti with marinara sauce and I got egg noodles and ketchup. I’m an average nobody. I get to live the rest of my life like a schnook. –Henry Hill, Goodfellas.

What happened to my team!  Like Ray Liotta in Goodfellas, Met fans (and I) have been relegated to the Witness Protection Program.  Even when we were in the prison of the mid 1990s, we were still eating better than this.  A few years ago, when 3B David Wright and SS Jose Reyes were barely formed meteors and SP Johan Santana and CF Beltran were the best in baseball, the sky was the limit.  Back then, we thoughtlessly expected a nice Fettucine Carbonara every night.  Alas, even before we sit down at the table this Spring, we already know that the Wilpons are dishing out the Heinz special.  And when the bill comes, we already know what it will say $25 million and 5 years of open market purgatory. 2011 record: 77 – 85; 4th Place NL East 

view from Digital Domain Park courtesy of @spearsiela

View from Spring Training: 2011 Houston Astros

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2011 Houston Astros

NFL Equivalent – Seattle Seahawks: Always a bridesmaid, but never quite a bride. The Seahawks reached the Super Bowl in 2006, only to fall to the Steelers, while the Astros lost to the White Sox in the World Series the year before.  Both teams were constantly in the mix throughout this past decade, while both now seem miles away from championship hopes.  Both the ‘Hawks and the ‘Stros have recently sent the faces of their respective franchises packing, and are relying on much younger, more anonymous casts going forward.  So the question remains, is there a “Beast Mode” moment waiting for these Astros in October?

Google Search: Drayton McLain, as he has been known to do in the past—like a true Texas gambler—is choosing to play the hand that he was dealt.  The Astros have brought in 2B Bill Hall and SS Clint Barmes, but will choose to fill out their roster with a couple of aging prospects in C J.R. Towles and 1B Brett Wallace.  It might be the end of the line for these two in Houston, if their Spring numbers are any indication. All this and presumptive 2011 team MVP outfielder Hunter Pence is considered to be the worst team MVP in MLB by Baseball Prospectus. Talk about a backhanded compliment.

Famous Movie Quote: Listen, here’s the thing. If you can’t spot the sucker in the first half hour at the table, then you ARE the sucker – Mike McDermott from Rounders

Here’s some feedback, Mr. McLain: fold, then run.  The Killer B’s are not walking through that door, and after having FINALLY moved INF/OF Lance Berkman and P Roy Oswalt last season, the last vestiges of the Astros’ heyday have faded into that big Texas sky alongside Davy Crockett, Sam Houston, and J.R. Ewing.  Houston has a productive starting outfield with the powerful Carlos Lee, the speedy Michael Bourne, and the gutty Hunter Pence, but they’ll only go as far as their starting pitching staff will take them. Brett Myers, Wandy Rodriguez, and J.A. Happ will all have to have career years just to keep the Astros relevant at the All-Star break. 2011 record: 71 – 91; 5th Place NL Central

view from Space Coast Stadium courtesy of @actionsports360

A View from Spring Training: 2011 Kansas City Royals

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2011 Kansas City Royals

2010 NFL Equivalent – Buffalo Bills: Passionate fan bases, small markets, and recent traditions filled with failures. These are the ties that bind. Each city also boasts a unique tailgating delicacy; Buffalo has the wing and Kansas City the BBQ. In recent years, the Bills have played a “home” game in Toronto. The Royal equivalent would be moving games out of Kauffman Stadium and into Cedar Rapids. (Side note: at what point does Ed Helms branch out and take on a new character? In Cedar Rapids, is he supposed to be playing Andy Bernard on a sales call to middle America?) Lastly, I have a few friends who remain die hard Bills fans while I have yet to meet one single person, outside of Rob Riggle, who still roots for the Royals. (Note: the only reason I went with Riggle here was so I could link to a video from the Catalina Wine Mixer. POW!!)

Google Search: The turnstiles at Kauffman Stadium were spinning this winter as the Kansas City front office gave the roster a thorough face lift. Some highlights include CF Melky Cabrera, RF Jeff Francoeur, and SP Jeff Francis.  If Cabrera is in shape, and that’s a big “if”, he is a serviceable major league outfielder while Francoeur boasts a rocket/laser arm and a complete inability to draw walks. Allegedly, the Royals have a very strong farm system and Ken Rosenthal went as far as to call them the “Rays Redux”. Rosenthal could be referring specifically to prospect outfielder Lorenzo Cain, who will push Cabrera for the starting CF job.  Going out on a limb, even if Cain doesn’t start on Opening Day, it sounds like the job will be his full-time by June.

Famous Movie Quote: Well, what if there is no tomorrow?  There wasn’t one today. – Phil Connors, Groundhog Day.

Royals fans have been through this before, unfortunately.  Rebuilding, retooling, refueling.  Whatever.  Alex Gordon was such a “Can’t Miss Prospect” at 3B that he has been moved to the outfield.  In a league where it seems that every team can hit, the Royals are woefully anemic on the mound.  Besides Francis and Kyle Davies, the rest of their starting staff will have to be cobbled together.  The Royals’ two best players from ’10—Zack Greinke and David DeJesus— are both gone.  This year, their best player is a closer, Joaquim Soria (formerly “The Mexecutioner”; no longer), who may only have the chance to close 2 games a week which means the Royals will most likely end up coin surfing in the cushions of the AL Central couch again this year. 2011 record: 66 – 96; 5th Place AL Central

view from Tempe Diablo Stadium courtesy of @HoltzyKC