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At the Intersection of Sports and Culture

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View from Spring Training 2011: Cleveland Indians

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2011 Cleveland Indians

NFL Equivalent – Cleveland Browns: If it all possible, we wanted to avoid comparing teams from the same city. However, in this case, it’s just too easy. Oh Cleveland. You know what, I’m sorry. It’s not pity, it’s just simple compassion for a fan base that has been raked over the professional sports coals over and over again. King James, Art Modell, The Drive, Edgar Renteria: the list of sports heartbreaks goes on and on. Poor Cleveland. Indians, Browns, there is no joy in Mudville but hey, at least you have the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame and this sweet tourism video.

Google Search: Where did Shin-Soo Choo come from? Sure when he arrived in the majors he showed some promise but I don’t think anyone, except maybe the Cleveland brass, expected him to be this good. It almost takes away the sting of two disappointing seasons by Grady Sizemore, almost. Doesn’t it seem like just yesterday that the Indians were being helped to an ALDS win by a swarm of midges? Alas, four years later and the Indians don’t appear to be anywhere close to making the playoffs. Regrettably, it may be the end of this decade before the Indians have enough talent to make any kind of real run.

Famous Movie Quote: So an eerie start for the Erie warriors as they drop a heartbreaker to the Yankees 9-0. The post game show is brought to you by… Christ I can’t find it, to hell with it! – Harry Doyle from Major League

I couldn’t have quoted any other especially considering that Charlie Sheen has recently pledged to finance and star in Major League 3: Ricky Vaughn and the Goddesses. Sadly the 2011 Indians will resemble Lou Brown’s team from the beginning of the film more than the end. It is going to be a bumpy road. Manny Acta could try stripping a piece of clothing off a cutout of Gloria James after every win, but even that might not be enough. 2011 Record: 72-90, 4th AL Central

view from Salt River Fields courtesy of @SDarkwingDuck

View From Spring Training: 2011 Washington Nationals

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2011 Washington Nationals

NFL Equivalent – Denver Broncos: Both teams are young, trying to piece together cohesive units as players grow into themselves. Both took chances on highly touted young prospects, QB Tim Tebow for the Broncos and P Stephen Strasburg for the Nationals.  Each of these precocious talents have messiah like followings due to prodigious amateur careers. Washington is trying hard to make moves to become contenders immediately, while Denver is hoping to reclaim past glory by hiring Bronco legend John Elway as their VP of football operations.

Google Search: Everyone expected Jayson Werth to land in the AL East with either the Yankees or Red Sox, but the Nationals pulled the trigger, throwing bills around like Alexander Ovechkin at a Russian McDonalds. Werth joins enigmatic speedster Nyjer Morgan in the outfield. Don’t be surprised if upstart phenom Bryce Harper, of SI fame, doesn’t get some at-bats in the big leagues later this summer. Perhaps the brightest spot on the team is the starting rotation, featuring returning starters Stephen Strasburg and the highly underrated Jordan Zimmerman, although Strasburg with begin the season in extended spring training while he recovers from Tommy John surgery.

Famous Movie Quote: Striker, listen, and you listen close: flying a plane is no different than riding a bicycle, just a lot harder to put baseball cards in the spokes. – Rex Kramer from Airplane!

I picked this quote from the 1980 Zucker Brothers classic Airplane! because the Nationals have the potential to avert total disaster this season and post a reasonable record. Hopefully they will approach the season with simplicity, avoiding the complications of media and distractions that many other teams face (like say, building mansions). Ryan Zimmerman, a quiet but focused player, may be the Striker to crash land their 2011 plane. Also, I am writing this blog post on a plane back to Boston from San Francisco, so perhaps I have flying on the brain. 2011 record: 74-88, 5th place NL East

view from Steinbrenner Field courtesy of @MouradB

View From Spring Training: 2011 Arizona Diamondbacks

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2011 Arizona Diamondbacks

NFL Equivalent – Carolina Panthers: Both teams are lost, mired in small market underperformance, and there is no real suggestion that they will be finding themselves anytime soon. The D’backs, like the Panthers, have some tremendous offensive talent. Justin Upton and Chris Young are comparable to Steve Smith and Jonathan Stewart. Like Carolina, the Diamondbacks are struggling to find a helmsman for the ship, firing their GM (and Haverford College Alumnus) Josh Byrnes mid season in 2010 as the Panthers parted ways with longtime head coach John Fox at the end of last season.

Google Search: Frankly I’m surprised that Upton is still around. Rumors swirled all offseason about a move, as Kevin Towers contemplated total explosion for the sake of rebuilding. A team that was once known for having a stable of excellent front line starters (Dan Haren, Brandon Webb, and even the blossoming Max Scherzer) are now likely to trot out the likes of Joe Saunders, Daniel Hudson, and Ian Kennedy. Yikes. Give the Arizona front office a break, at least they are in the process of  installing solar panels at Chase Field.

Famous Movie Quote: You know your problem? You don’t like winners. – Otto from A Fish Called Wanda

This quote applies to the 2011 incarnation of the Diamondbacks for two great reasons. First, the Arizona squad will not like winners because they won’t be winners this season. In an NL West populated World Series Champs and upstart contenders, the young, inexperienced D’backs will struggle to reach .500. Secondly, A Fish Called Wanda came out in 1988, the same year current Arizona manager Kirk Gibson hit his famous World Series home run against the Oakland A’s. While on the subject of great comedies from the late 80’s, what has happened to Ricky Vaughn? A return to the California Penal League has become a distinct possibility once again. 2011 record: 64-98, 5th place NL West

view from Salt River Fields courtesy of @maxhollister

Take Out the Garbage

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In a battle between two NHL bubble teams trying to find themselves, the Bruins laid an egg and made Jonas Hiller and the “no longer Mighty” Ducks look like world beaters. Hiller stopped 45 Bruins shots, at times looking like Dominik Hasek in his prime. The Bruins danced like they had lead weights tied to their skates and, in all honesty, the Ducks were the beneficiaries of some fortunate puck bounces into their sticks on the first two goals.

The real fireworks came in the 3rd period with 3 minutes left to go when a youngish, barely five foot tall “lady” straight out of the Ecklund household decided to vault over her seat in the row behind me, swinging fists wildly at a “gentleman” behind her with whom she had been having an animated conversation only moments earlier. About two minutes, 8 combatants, 6+ police and security guards, a couple broken Rene Rancournaments, one bloody eye socket and the fight was over. My buddy Derek and I hoped that the woman who initiated the yard-sale would not get off the hook on account of her feeble “self-defense” claims.

This incident begs the question that I must admit makes me uncomfortable to ask: are hockey fans somehow different? Do they possess a certain distasteful joie de vivre that reflects poorly on the sport? No, wait, Jets fans are the same way. Nevermind.

Share your views.

La Paliza: Barcelona owns Real Madrid

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Today marks the 81st running of La Liga bulls with this afternoon’s Real Madrid v. Barcelona clash. With stars like David Villa, Christiano Ronaldo, Lionel Messi and Mesut Özil, today’s matchup may mark one of the single greatest collections of soccer athletes this side of the World Cup. Skill is not the only thing on display at Camp Nou, these teams attack each other with real venom. There is more pushing and shoving in this match than a dinner party with the Johnsons and the Finnegans. I mean, Ronaldo shoved Barcelona’s coach! Haven’t seen that since Pedro “Olé’d” Zimmer. Elbows were flying, tackles were arriving late, and, to a man, on every players’ face, you could see how important this one game really was.

The match played out as expected, with the exception of Barca’s early goal flurry which led to a lopsided 5-0 destruction of Real Madrid. The side from Catalonia controlled possession, with Los Galácticos finding their best chances coming off the counter attack. Announcers downplayed the absence of the stellar Argentine striker Gonzalo Higuaín, being replaced in the lineup by perennial disappointment Karim Benzema, but it may in fact have been Higuaín’s absence that spelled defeat for Madrid from the first whistle. They simply could not get their attack in order, with even the best of their opportunities lacking creativity.

One truth remains certain coming out of the exciting match, there is no single player in the world greater than Higuaín’s Argentine compatriot, the diminutive, puerile Lionel Messi (his jersey sleeves hang over his hands like he is 10 years old). His speed, his quickness, his creativity, and his pluck set the tone for the match, with Madrid chasing at Barcelona’s heels the entire time.

Anyone else find the time today to catch a glimpse of El Clasico? Share your views.