Because newborn babies lack the neurological development to control their facial expressions I can’t tell if my son is happy or gassy which, the more that I think about it, holds true for some adults as well. In fact, the next time you’re delivering a presentation try not to fixate one why Bob from accounting always seems a step slow to the punchline.
NBA Watchability Index for Parents: Friday January 9, 2015
5 Baby Bottles (until those little eyes glaze over)
Chicago Bulls @ Washington Wizards (8:00 PM)
The Bulls are good enough to win an NBA championship and the Wizards are good enough to beat the Bulls in the Eastern Conference playoffs which I think means that Chicago, if healthy, can stand toe-to-toe with any of the powers out West while Washington might still lack the depth/experience to win it all even though they are fully capable of winning a 7 game series over the Bulls. I think this makes sense, right?
4 Baby Bottles (make sure to keep the head upright)
Cleveland Cavaliers @ Golden State Warriors (10:30 PM)
LeBron James travelled down to Miami this past week to rehab his ailing knee and back, which I personally see no problem with but if I were a paranoid Cavs fans I could totally see how this would piss me off and make me worry that LeBron was plotting some sort of return to South Beach. Or maybe he was down recruiting Spoelstra to coach the Cavs assuming that David Blatt’s business class ticket back to Europe has already been purchased.
3 Baby Bottle (just a quick swaddle and rock)
Atlanta Hawks @ Detroit Pistons (7:30 PM)
If it’s not already, Stan Van Gundy’s “form a f-ing wall” needs to become a popular internet meme where SVG’s mustachioed mellon is plastered on top of famous moments from history like Occupy Wall Street or the Battle of Antietam.
Memphis Grizzlies @ New Orleans Pelicans (8:00 PM)
Phoenix Suns @ San Antonio Spurs (8:30 PM)
2 Baby Bottles (in between burps)
Boston Celtics @ Indiana Pacers (7:00 PM)
It’s Danny Ainge vs Larry Bird! Brad Stevens returns to the state of Indiana!! Jared Sullinger comes back to…ahh forget it. This game is boring.
Minnesota Timberwolves @ Milwaukee Bucks (8:30 PM)
Would have been at least a 3 baby bottle game if Jabari Parker had two properly functioning ACLs.
Denver Nuggets @ Sacramento Kings (10:00 PM)
The Nuggets are playing better basketball now that their coach doesn’t make them do morning shootarounds anymore and, with respect to Brian Shaw, they can’t be the first NBA team to make this switch right? It seems way too logical to be happening for the first time in 2015.
1 Baby Bottle (only during an emergency diaper change)
Philadelphia 76ers @ Brooklyn Nets (7:30 PM)
Orlando Magic @ Los Angeles Lakers (10:30 PM)