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Those In The Know: Chicago Blackhawks Stanley Cup Champs

June 29, 2013 by Jon

Those in the know say that hockey players are some of the most down to earth, hard working athletes in professional sports. What does that say about baseball players or bobsledders?

Those in the know say that more than 2 million fans showed up to Grant Park Friday afternoon to celebrate the Chicago Blackhawks winning the Stanley Cup, their second championship in 4 years. Wish Americans cared as much about voting as they do parades.

Those in the know say that the Tuukka Rask and the Bruins were less than 80 seconds from forcing a game 7. Bryan Bickell and Dave Bolland must not be so good at math.

Those in the know say that the Hawks were the best team during the regular season. I guess they forgot to tell the Boston Bruins who proved to be more than adequate sparring partners.

Those in the know say that captain Jonathan Toews is the heart and soul of the team, a competitor so determined to win a championship that he was willing to play through an upper body injury which kept him off the ice during the 3rd period of game 5. Patrice Bergeron and his punctured lung are not impressed.

Those in the know say that Corey Crawford could be beaten high, glove side. That’s better than directly at him.

Those in the know say that Bruins’ giant defenseman Zdeno Chara needed to be physically challenge by pushing the puck into his corner. Now that KG and Paul Pierce are off to Brooklyn the Celtics could use a power forward.

Those in the know say that Patrick Kane remains a wizard with the puck and an opportunistic goal scorer who came through when it counted most. Too bad he can’t grow a mustache.

Those in the know say that playoff beards starts to smell after about the second round of the postseason. Johnny Oduya could really use a bath.

Those in the know say that the “H” in Hjalmarsson is silent. No wonder the Swedes are so happy, they don’t have to waste valuable time and energy pronouncing unnecessary consonants.

Those in the know say that in hockey the post series handshake is the best example of sportsmanship. What then about the slashing, tripping, fighting, eye gauging, and fish hooking?

Those in the know say that this Blackhawks win has no karmic effect on other Chicago sports teams. Which means of course that it’s going to take more than a few Wrigley Field renovations to bring the Cubs their first World Series championship since 1908. Then again, you’re Cubs fans, you already knew that.

view from Grant Park courtesy of @TheHockeyProbs

Bandwagon Backlash In The World’s Most Famous Arena

May 16, 2012 by Jon

Since when did New York Rangers fans become such elitists? All you hear from the 19,000 or so hockey diehards in NYC is how annoyed they have become by all the “new” Rangers fans that have started to emerge from the various high rises and brownstones now that the team has reached the Eastern Conference Finals for the first time since 1994 . It’s like these precious few hardcore Rangers fans are all members of Skull and Bones each with their own Amex black card and a personalized Friars Club jacket. NHL Hockey is really not that hard to understand after all (even without the glow in the dark puck) thanks in large part to the soothing harmonic analysis of Doc Emrick who has a way of explicating even the most convoluted of scrums and line changes.

Furthermore, as a society we need to come together and do a better job of defining the term “bandwagon fan”. What exactly is the etymology of the term “bandwagon fan”? Is it similar to the root/story behind expressions like “dark horse” and “scapegoat”? Whatever the case may be, this phrase conjures way too many negative connotations and late arriving fans are generally underserving of such scrutiny and disdain. Is there really anything wrong with supporting a team only when they are successful? No offense to hockey “hardos” but it is not as if you needed to watch every single New York Rangers regular season game to be able to appreciate and understand the impressive run the team has been on en route to their Eastern Conference Finals series against the New Jersey Devils. There are certain things that even a “bandwagon fan” can decipher.

For instance, it doesn’t take a diehard New York Rangers fan to notice that Henrik Lundqvist isn’t just a pretty face. With all due respect to Bryant Gumbel, there is a whole lot more to the Rangers goalie than his steely blue eyes and perfect pitch strumming on the six string. Lundqvist has kept his team in games with some picturesque “pad stacking” and cat like reflexes obtained during long, cold winters on the fjord. The one knock on Lundqvist is that he can be beat glove side but it easy to overlook the Swedes shortcomings when he’s busy perfecting his newest look.

You don’t need to be a diehard with a Stefan Matteau jersey to tell that the Rangers boast one of the youngest, most talented rosters in the NHL. The strength of their team, beyond Hank, is a quartet of defenders: Dan Girardi, Michael Del Zotto, Ryan McDonagh, and Marc Staal. All of these blueliners are both spry and supremely gifted. Girardi, whose face is slowly beginning to resemble that of Peter Boyle in Young Frankenstein, has come up with several timely goals in the playoffs including an absolute laser beam of a slap shot in Game 1 against the New Jersey Devils.

Then there is McDonagh, the American with an Irish last name from the Twin Cities who played his college hockey in Wisconsin. Quite a memorable journey for such a dual threat who has been called upon to shutdown Alex Ovechkin and now Ilya Kovalchuk. Some people even think that McD has the type of offensive game to remind fans of Ranger great Brian Leetch. Marc Staahl and Michael Del Zotto have both logged a significant amount of time on the ice during this postseason because they play with the type of physical style and controlled aggression that John Tortorella loves and appreciates.

Speaking of the Rangers head coach, you don’t need to be a diehard fan to understand that Torts is an absolute lunatic. If you were to settle on just one adjective to describe John Tortorella what would it be? Intense? Ornery? Combustable? Passive aggressive? Whatever the term, there are many players, or reporters for that matter, who do not want to end up on his bad side. Torts blood runs hot. Like eruption of Mount Vesuvius lava hot. His players are like the innocent Roman citizens of Pompeii who coexist peacefully until the moment their coach heats up and explodes with anger, burying the team in 10 minutes of volcanic ash and vitriol. Torts is also like that disapproving father that kids spend their whole lives seeking approval from. This phylum of coach works for a young team like the Rangers but the schtick can wear thin when dealing with a much more seasoned group.

Back to the youth movement for a second, you don’t need to be a Ranger diehard to see that Chris Kreider has the potential to be the most explosive player on the ice. When he picks up a full head of steam he looks like Devin Hester returning a punt. His speed is without parallel, perhaps only matched by fellow winger Carl Hagelin who might be just as fast as Kreider but lacks a lot of the same size and physicality and is often pushed off the puck by larger defenders. Again, even a bandwagoner can figure this stuff out.

You don’t need to be a Ranger diehard to notice that with his facial hair Brian Boyle looks like he should be filming Young Guns 3 with Emilio Estevez and Lou Diamond Philips or that Ryan Callahan plays with the same type of will and tenacity as a former Rangers captain who also happened to date Madonna. Just about any fan can tell that Brad Richards get super pissed off when the referees tells him to get out of the faceoff circle for premature “faceoffing” or that Mike Rupp is a high stick away from enciting a riot across the Holland Tunnel the scale by which we haven’t seen since the time Sylvester Stallone saved Judging Amy from the rising waters of the mighty Hudson.

And finally, you don’t have to be a Ranger or hockey diehard to realize that the Los Angeles Kings have gone 10-1 in the playoffs thanks largely to the play of their goaltender Jonathan Quick. The Milford, CT native, and Avon Old Farms alum, has stacked the City of Angels on his pads and led them to within 2 games of the Stanley Cup Finals. A Western Conference Championship would be the Kings first since 1993 when the team was led by the Great One and this great mullet. Not that the Rangers are already looking past the Devils but you don’t need to be a diehard fan to understand that in hockey the only thing that matters is the Stanley Cup. Even a bandwagon fan knows that.

view from Kings/Coyotes Game 2 courtesy of @tsontakislaw

A Little Game I Like To Call “NHL Game 7 or NFL Draft?”

April 27, 2012 by Jon

Thursday night was a big night in the Big Apple as both game 7 of the Rangers/Senators NHL playoff series and round 1 of the 2012 NFL Draft are set to start at roughly the same time.

On the surface, it might not seem as if there are many similarities between these two major sporting events. However, if you look a little closer I think what you’ll find is that they share much more in common than you would have originally thought.

As I recount the action from both Game 7 and the NFL Draft, see if you can guess which sporting event I’m talking about.

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7:01 – Participants enter the arena on a scuff free red carpet to avoid any dings to their all important footwear.

A – NFL Draft: Since when did the NFL Draft turn into the Grammy’s? The crowd outside of Radio City looks like something you would find at a movie premiere. Looks like a good night to avoid Midtown Manhattan. Meanwhile, head a few blocks down 7th Ave and we’re only minutes away from start of Rangers/Senators game 7. My bandwagon beard hangs in the balance.

7:08 – Attendees are being interviewed before the main event begins. These jocks remain the most humble, honest athletes in all of professional sports.

A – Game 7: Hockey players are such great interviews because of their congenial humility and self deprecating sense of humor. Football players are a close second. Baseball and basketball players lag well behind.

7:13 – Public enemy numero uno serenaded by the fans with the first “ASS-HOLE” chant of the night.

A: Game 7 – Give it an hour and these chants will be directed by Jets fans at NFL Commish Roger Goodell. For now, it seems Chris Neil has a way of bringing out the best in Rangers fans. For all his thuggery and hard nosed play, Neil has also been a difference maker on the offensive end this series. If the Rangers go on to win this series I hope Brian Boyle recovers in time to play against the Capitals.

7:20 – Great energy exhibited by all parties involved.

A – Game 7: First break in the hockey action reminds me of what an exhausting competition the playoffs are to watch on television. They barely even give you enough time to go to the bathroom. Speaking of energy or lack thereof, Bill Belichick was just interviewed on NFL Net and he looked like he was being held captive in the Tora Bora region of Afghanistan. For all we know he could have been discussing the terms of a hostage release instead of what the Patriots are planning on doing with their two first round draft picks .

7:46 – Former star now fashion icon takes center stage.

A – NFL Draft: As much as I love Ron Duguay’s flair for the dramatic, no former professional athlete turned talking head sets the trends quite like Deion Sanders. Speaking of Prime Time, I’m surprised he was able to keep his composure during the telecast what with all the current commotion in his life.

8:07 -Here is one rookie who is guaranteed to make an immediate impact.

A – Game 7: Nothing against top pick Andrew Luck who, according to most pigskins soothsayers has all the requisite “measurables”, but the first year player generating the most buzz tonight is Rangers rookie forward Chris Kreider. And remember, it was only a few weeks ago that Kreider was still popping pimples in his Chestnut Hill dormitory. Second period has also just gotten under way and we’re still knotted up at double goose eggs.

8:10 – A young man in blue takes one giant step closer to Washington DC.

A – Game 7: Marc Stahl puts the Rangers on the board first with a nice looking one timer past Anderson. Meanwhile, RGIII to the Redskins is now official. Have to respect Griffin for his popsicle inspired blue raspberry sport coat.

8:26 – Commentator just referred to a player as a “pocket rocket”.

A – NFL Draft: No, this was not Sam Rosen referring to Maurice Richard. Mike Mayock apparently has nicknames for all players involved in the draft. “Pocket Rocket” refers to Baylor WR Kendall Wright who must now spend the majority of his rookie season in the NFL fighting to regain some measure of street cred.

8:36 – Nepotism on full display in the owners box.

A – NFL Draft: Was that Jerry Jones grandson lurking in the background of the Cowboys war room? Also, who thought it was a good idea to put cameras in these NFL team conference centers? Might as well be showing us video from the main ballroom of the Radisson in Humboldt, Texas. Of course Cowboys head coach Jason Garrett had a shit eating grin on his face after Dallas traded up to #6 for LSU corner Morris Claiborne. Back to MSG, Rangers maintain 2-1 lead after nice looking goal by the Senators Daniel Alfredsson.

9:00 -Some sporting events are just easier to follow on twitter.

A – NFL Draft: One of the more startling, albeit not that surprising, trends from the 2012 draft was that twitter consistently scooped the television broadcast. Most picks were announced in 140 characters or less nearly 5 minutes before Roger Goodell sauntered to the podium. Still doesn’t change the fact that the NFL Draft will draw a much higher television rating in NYC than the hockey. Football is king after all.

2-1 Rangers early in the 3rd but the action is starting to heat up. Chris Neil continues to finish his checks while back in Radio City some guy named Dontari Poe nearly makes out with Goodell.

9:24 – ACCESS DENIED!!!!!

A – Game 7: Hank is coming up huuuuge for New York. Anticipating the puck beautifully and denying Senators on the doorstep. 5 minutes remain and this one is coming down to the final whistle. Speaking of access denied, upon being drafted #13 by the Arizona Cardinals Michael Floyd takes a call on his mobile. I thought the NFL banned cell phones in the green room?

9:35 – Extended handshakes and hugs lead to a delay in post game programming.

A – NFL Draft: While it’s true that there is nothing in sports more honorable and authentic than the post NHL playoff series handshake, things are really getting out of control in Radio City. On average I would guess that each draft pick has taken approximately 5-10 minutes to hug and gyrate with every member of their constituency. At this rate the 2nd and 3rd round will take place simultaneously.

Up next for the Rangers are Alex Ovechkin and the Washington Capitals. Should be a fun series. My bandwagon beard rejoices!

view from MSG courtesy of @alanhahn

Frozen Dictionary: A Casual Hockey Fans Guide To The NHL Playoffs

April 20, 2012 by Jon

The urgency. The energy. The lack of commercials. I love playoff hockey!!! For two months a year we are treated to some of the most reliably competitive and unpredictable moments in sports. The NHL playoffs rarely disappoint and casual fans like myself can be just as caught up in the action as a hockey diehard from Moosejaw, Saskatchewan. Because the regular season does not stimulate the same sort of national interest as say football or baseball you have a lot of fans who are just now wading into the sport for the first time all year. It is therefore extremely important that the entire television audience is afforded some sort of cheat sheet to help better understand some of the hockey lingo used during a NHL playoff broadcast. Here is a running recap of last nights Boston Bruins/Washington Capitals Game 4 using some of the language overheard on the Verizon Center ice.

Zamboni: An ice resurfacer used before the game and during the intermissions to create the smoothest playing surface possible OR what I could have used after my 1 year old son urinated on our living room coffee table causing me to miss the first 10 minutes of action. But I’m ready to go now with the Caps taking an early 1-0 lead. Surprised to see Alex Ovechkin fashioning the tinted visor courtesy of LaDainian Tomlinson. I wonder if Ovi is going to struggle in the clutch like was the rap on Tomlinson back during his prime with the Chargers. “You’re the worst cornerback in the league Hobbs!!!!!”

Five Hole: The space between a goalie’s legs OR what was just utilized by Bruins right winger Rich Peverly on his 1st period goal. The score is now tied at 1 heading into the 2nd period. On a sperate notes, this Boston roster has to lead the NHL in non-traditional player numbers. 37, 46, 49, 63. It’s like the entire team is comprised of NFL long snappers.

Standing On His Head: When a goalie stacks their pads and does everything physically possible to prevent a goal OR what Caps net minder Braden Holtby is currently doing to stop this latest Boston barrage. Halfway through the 2nd period and the Bruins are out shooting the Capitals 26-8. I’m not 100% positive but I’m pretty sure Pierre McGuire just compared the rookie Holtby to Montreal Canandiens great Ken Dryden. Whoa, let’s pump the breaks a little bit here Pierre. I’m no Don Cherry but the comparison strikes me as a little premature sort of like saying Penny Hardaway is the next Michael Jordan or the rock band Oasis is bigger than God.

Wrister Top Shelf: A shot using mainly the wrists directed towards the top half of the goal OR what Capitals forward Alexander Semin used on the power play to put the Caps up 2-1 with little over a left in the 2nd period. I think it would be great if other sports adopted the power play system. Think about how much fun a NBA game would be if instead of a player fouling out when they picked up their 6th foul they now had to go and stand on the sidelines for 2 minutes while their team plays 4 against 5. Knowing Simmons’ affinity for Hoosiers and coach Norman Dale I would not be shocked if The Book Of Basketball contains an entire chapter on this subject.

Snow the Goalie: An offensive player kicking ice up into the face of an opposing goalie OR what the Bruins need to do more of during the 3rd period in order to crack the Holtby Code. 2-1 Caps heading into the 2nd intermission. Only 20 minutes standing between me and the 4th quarter of Bulls/Heat on TNT. Just kidding. Also, is it just me or could nearly every hockey expression double as some sort of filthy sex move? I’m now petrified to look up the term “icing” on Urban Dictionary.

Grinders: Hockey players known for their hard work and checking OR the playing style both teams are exhibiting during this 3rd period. The Caps have fallen back into a prevent defense while the B’s just cannot put the puck past Braden Holtby. With six minutes remaining in the 3rd, Boston is outshooting Washington 45-21 yet still trails 2-1. Just an unbelievable performance by Holtby. Notice also that Washington coach Dale Hunter has kept Alexander Ovechkin on the bench for much of the final period. Questioning his commitment to two way hockey?

Pest: An animal which is detrimental to humans or human concerns OR Brad Marchand

Empty Net: When a team pulls their goalie off the ice giving themselves a man advantage OR what the Bruins did with one minute remaining in the 3rd period only to come up short in the end losing by a final score of 2-1. Washington evens the series at 2 as the scene now shifts back to Boston for the all important game 5 Saturday afternoon. My three stars for game 4 go to Braden Holtby, Pierre McGuire’s bald head, and Alexander Semin’s wrists. Very entertaining conclusion to a somewhat choppy playoff hockey game. Maybe I’ll try this again Saturday night during Game 5 of the Rangers/Senators series. Lord knows there’s a lot of hockey language yet to explore.

view from the Verizon Center courtesy of @JLevin28