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If Gambling Were Legal: NFL Week 14

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NFL Week 14

PITTSBURGH (-14) over Cleveland – I had no idea that the cities of Cleveland and Pittsburgh were only 130 miles apart.

Indianapolis (+16.5) over BALTIMORE – I’m riding Dan Orlovsky all the way to the back of the endzone.

CINCINNATI (-3) over Houston – Andre Johnson’s hamstring is singly handedly killing any chance I had at winning my fantast football playoffs.

Oakland (+11) over GREEN BAY – Deadspin just ran an interesting story on how owning stock in the Packers isn’t really all its cracked up to be. I guess now I’ll have to restrategize my Christmas wish list.

NY JETS (-10.5) over Kansas City Chiefs – Why would Charlie Weis want to go and coach at the University of Kansas? I thought Florida was his “forever job”.

DETROIT (-10) over Minnesota – Wait, Ndamukong Suh is from Portlandia?

TENNESSEE (+3.5) over New Orleans – Upset Special!!! Upset Special!!! No Music City Miracle Sunday for Drew Brees and the Saints.

MIAMI (-3) over Philadelphia – The Eagles should have left half their team in Seattle after the way they played against the Seahawks last Thursday night. The Dolphins are quite simply the best 4-8 team OF ALL TIME!!!!

New England (-8) over WASHINGTON – I’ll see your Tony Gonzalez, Shannon Sharpe, and Antonio Gates and raise you a Rob Gronkowski. Look out Jacoby Ellsbury, Gronk’s coming for your gaggle of female followers from the greater Natick area.

CAROLINA (+2.5) over Atlanta – Cam Newton > Matt Ryan.

Tampa Bay (-2) over JACKSONVILLE – When your entire upper deck is covered in tarps, maybe it’s time to relocate?

San Francisco (-4) over ARIZONA – The suddenly frisky Cardinals are only getting 4 points at home to the NFC West Champs. Jim Harbaugh is way too intense to allow his 49ers team to slack off down the stretch. He also doesn’t believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, or ultimate frisbee.

DENVER (-3.5) over Chicago – If Jay Cutler and Matt Forte were playing the Bears would be favored by 3.5. Instead, Caleb Hanie and Marion Barber lead Chicago into Denver to take on the Broncos and Tim “The Greatest Leader Of All Time” Tebow.

SAN DIEGO (-7) over Buffalo – The Chargers make me feel like George Costanza when he losses his glasses. “You’re eating onions, you’re spotting dimes. I don’t know what the hell is going on!”

NY Giants (+3.5) over DALLAS – What a game. And I’m already regretting this pick.

SEATTLE (-5.5) over St. Louis – I’m happy for Albert Pujols I really am. $254 million is too much for anyone to turn down, especially a senior citizen.

Last Week 9-7 (Overall 102-87)

view from Heinz Field courtesy of @NateBlythe

Quick Snaps: NFL Week 9

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Before getting into the Week 9 recap, a quick thanks to Connecticut Light & Power for restoring my electricity Sunday morning just in time for a full slate of NFL games. It was a long week living without power, but I suppose it’s something we in the Northeast are all going to have to get used to now that New England is turning into the Pacific Northwest.

Quick Snaps

Giants 24 Patriots 20 – What is about the #85 for the Giants when they play against the Patriots? First David Tyree saves the day in Super Bowl XLII now Jake Ballard, a tight end unaccustomed to game breaking plays, makes two huge catches on the final drive, including the game winning touchdown. Kudos also to Eli Manning who should be allowed to throw off his back foot so long as he continues to make the kinda plays he did Sunday in Foxboro. It doesn’t look like it is going to get an easier for New England who now travel down to MetLife Stadium next weekend to take on the division leading New York Jets.

Dolphins 31 Chiefs 3 – Congrats to Miami on their first win of the season and for losing valuable ground in the “Suck for Luck” campaign. I had a sneaking suspicion this was going to happen as soon as I took KC in my suicide pool. Maybe the Chiefs are one of those teams – along with the Redskins – that should look into trading for Peyton Manning this offseason if Indy ends up with the top pick and takes Andrew Luck. I’m not sold on Matt Cassel either, but still appreciate his work during the Brady-less Patriots season of 2008.

Falcons 31 Colts 7 – So let me get this straight. Atlanta rookie WR Julio Jones only caught 3 passes Sunday yet somehow gained 131 yards and scored 2 touchdowns. That’s the sort of performance that his alma-mater Alabama could have used Saturday night against LSU. Speaking of the “Game of the Century”, I really wish Tigers coach Les Miles wore these vintage sneaks during the game. Bayou Bengals probably would have scored an extra field goal if he had.

Saints 27 Buccaneers 16 – Josh Freeman is one of the players that everyone says is going to be a star in this league for a very long time yet whenever I sit down to watch him play he usually looks like a very pedestrian quarterback. I was expecting a bit more Sunday against a previously porous New Orleans defense.

49ers 19 Redskins 11 – When the Jets/Bills turned into a laugher, I switched over to Fox and watched the final 10 minutes of this game and boy, Washington has easily one of the worst offenses in the league. I understand they are injured and don’t really have a reliable quarterback but you would still think Shanahan could conjure up a little more magic. Or maybe the SF defense is just that good. One of the biggest games of Week 10 will be when the NY Giants visit Candlestick to take on the 7-1 Niners. This game is going to bring back such found memories of Mark Bavaro, Leonard Marshall, Tom Rathman, and John Taylor – not to mention Joe Montana, Roger Craig, Jerry Rice, Phil Simms, and LT.

Packers 45 Chargers 38 – The most shocking thing about this game wasn’t the final score but rather that it was played in the rain. I thought that never happened in San Diego. At least that’s what Ron Burgundy always told me.

Broncos 38 Raiders 24 – And while most are going to focus on either the Raiders falling to 0-2 with Carson Palmer OR Tim Tebow bringing an end to the very humorous yet somehow inappropriate > Tebow, maybe what everyone should be talking about is how with this win the Denver Broncos are now unbelievably only a game out of 1st place in the AFC West.

Cardinals 19 Rams 13 – Does this mean Arizona QB John Skelton gets to keep his job for at least one more week? Also, the Cardinals should wear those black jerseys for every home game.

Texans 30 Browns 12 – So much for a Texas homecoming for former Longhorns QB and now Browns signal caller Colt McCoy. When you’re the former face of one of the most recognizable college football programs in a city, Austin, known for its music, food, and nightlife, it’s tough to imagine your life getting any better especially when you now spend your afternoons on the shores of Lake Erie. (No offense to the Great Lakes. I love the Great Lakes. In fact if I had to rank my favorites Great Lakes I would go: Ontario, Michigan, Superior, Erie, and Huron.)

view from Heinz Field courtesy of @GrantGurtin

The Most Important MRI in Chicago Sports History

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Green Bay Packers 21 Chicago Bears 14: My favorite byproduct of the whole Jay Cutler “phantom” knee injury thing was all the war stories that fans and former players felt that they just had to share.  For instance, there was this classic reaction from Maurice Jones-Drew followed by a scathing assessment from former NFL lineman Mark Schlereth.

But, by far, my favorite reactions came from friends and family. For example, my brother in law: “You (Cutler) gotta play through the injury. I had terrible shin splints last year and all I did was get myself a new pair of shoes”.

From my friend J: “MCL’s are overrated. They don’t even surgically repair them anymore. You can play through the pain as long as you run straight ahead and avoid making any sudden movements”.

My favorite reaction came from my Dad: “You know back in my day, we didn’t even use to get water breaks.  Coaches would come around and give us salt tablets that were thought to keep us hydrated. The only reason I stopped playing football was because I couldn’t find a comfortable pair of contact lenses”.

So there you have it.  The votes have been tallied. Jay Cutler should have finished the game for the Chicago Bears. Now it could turn out that he will need major knee surgery this offseason, which I hope is not the case.  Regardless, it was really fascinating to watch the public turn on Cutler so quickly. Which reminds me, did you catch him trying to stay loose on the exercise bike? That’s exactly what I look like when my somebody asks me to do something that I have no interest in doing. Cutler didn’t exactly look like someone who was dying to get back in the game.  In this case, perception is everything.

view of Soldier Field courtesy of @reschcenter

Pittsburgh Steelers 24 New York Jets 19: Did you catch the Rex Ryan headset toss at the end of the game? He looked just like Clark Griswold when the 25000 imported Italian twinkle lights wouldn’t work properly.

I gotta tell you, and as I Patriots fan I can’t believe I’m saying this, I kind of like Rex Ryan’s confidence during the post game press conference.  Sure the Jets just lost the AFC Championship game for the second year in a row but, to his credit, he stood up to the podium and boldly predicted that his team was going to make it all the way to the Super Bowl next year.  Jets fans probably won’t take much solace in his pronouncement this morning but still, the guy doesn’t waiver from his message.

Now we prepare for two straight weeks of hypotheticals. If Ben Roethlisberger wins his third Super Bowl at the age of 28 is he as good a QB as Tom Brady? If Aaron Rodgers leads the Packers to victory in Dallas do the fine folks of Green Bay finally forget about the man named Favre? If Jay Cutler is on crutches will he still be allowed to crash the MTV Super Bowl bash?

Lots to think about and with two weeks to go until Super Bowl XLV, plenty of time to figure it all out.

view of Heinz Field courtesy of @RedBullNASCAR

Punching Tickets To Arlington Texas

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CHICAGO (+3.5) over Green Bay: My cousin Bert is a Chicago native, currently enjoying his junior year at the University of Wisconsin. For Sunday’s NFC Championship game, he has chosen to return home to Chicago. Reason being, Madison, between all of the Leinenkugel and cheese curds, is going to be a very difficult place for any Bears fan to watch the game. My question to Bert, aren’t there an equal number of Chicago and Green Bay fans on the UDub campus? Gotta be close right? Madison is full of “flatlanders” and “coasties”. In fact, if you were to take an informal poll, which NFL jersey is most represented on the Wisconsin campus: Aaron Rodgers, Brian Urlacher, or Ron Dayne?

I like the Bears in this game because I respect the way they went out and played the Packers hard in Week 17, even after they had already locked up the #2 seed and a first round bye. Of course, Aaron Rodgers is currently playing quarterback like Neo “knowing” Kung Fu, so there’s a pretty good chance the Packers win by double digits.

PITTSBURGH (-3.5) over NY Jets: It has been awfully quiet in Florham Park, NJ this week.  I don’t care how much they “respect” the Steelers, I think the Jets are a better, albeit more unbearable, football team when they talk.  I have no statistical evidence to support this claim but it seems to me that their roster – Bart Scott, Antonio Cromartie, Rex Ryan – is full of players/coaches that feed off media attention.

Speaking of unnecessary media attention, if I have to hear one more time about how the Empire State Building is currently lit up in green and white lights to show support for the Jets I am going to throw up in my mouth.  We get it, New York is behind their football team.  Even more infuriating, did you hear about the story where the Jets charter plane was given permission to “fly by” the Empire State Building on their return trip home from Foxboro last Sunday? How is this legal? Mayor Bloomberg, when you are finished digging out Astoria, Queens from all that snow we had in late December, how about you investigate the flight controllers who allowed the Jets plane to buzz Manhattan? (Note: I’m not still bitter about the Patriots losing last weekend. Not bothered at all.)

view from outside Heinz Field courtesy of @albyoxenreiter

The Long New England Winter Just Got a Little Longer

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With the loss by my New England Patriots, this playoff recap was about as tough to write as any previous post. Alas, I’m a professional and I know most of you kind souls out there don’t care for a single second that Mark Sanchez will be taking his A Night At The Roxbury routine to Pittsburgh next weekend.

Pittsburgh Steelers 31 Baltimore Ravens 24: Catch the ball Housh!!!! Catch the ball Anquan!!! Help your young quarterback out. Granted Joe Flacco wasn’t playing all that well either but those drops by his two best receivers went a long way towards determining the final outcome of the game.  Give credit to Ben Roethlisberger and the Pittsburgh Steelers who just continue to find ways to win playoff games. Are you aware that Roethlisberger is two wins a way from his 3rd Super Bowl victory?  Personal life aside, guy is a beast of a QB who usually comes through in the clutch. (View of Heinz Field courtesy of @trixietraci)

Green Bay Packers 48 Atlanta Falcons 21: I think it’s safe to say that Aaron Rodgers is playing himself on to a Wheaties box. That was until the folks over at ProFootballTalk mentioned some pretty damning video regarding Rodgers snubbing a cancer patient looking for an autograph.  Not the most inspiring footage.  Luckily, Clay Matthews was there to save the the day for the Packers, but for Rodgers, the damage may already be done.  As a professional athlete, airports must be a claustrophobic nightmare with pimple faced face fans climbing the walls just to catch a glimpse of their gridiron heroes.  But, as PFT points out, this was not your typical fan and Aaron Rodgers should have had the decency to take a quick moment to sign an autograph for a person who was clearly battling something much more devastating than a Cover 2 defense. (View of Georgia Dome courtesy of @Brian_Chrispigna)

Chicago Bears 35 Seattle Seahawks 24: So much for the momentum. In the immortal words of Denny Green, the Seahawks “are who we thought they were”. Not much suspense in this one, except for those gamblers who took Seattle at +10 and were hoping Pete Carroll went for the 2 point conversion on that last TD. The future isn’t all that promising for the Hawks fans who are probably hoping for a disastrous 2011 campaign if only to have a chance at drafting Andrew Luck. The Bears, and their fans, have got to relish being 3 point underdogs at home against the Packers in the NFC Championship game.

New York Jets 28 New England Patriots 21: And it wasn’t even that close.  As a Patriot fan, what can I say?  Rex Ryan outcoached Bill Belichick.  Mark Sanchez outplayed Tom Brady. Done and done. The team of destiny rolls on to the AFC Championship Game. I do wonder what sort of sophomoric barb the Jets will use to get under the skin of their opponent this week. Will they emasculate Troy Polamalu for having long hair? Do they say something derogatory about all the middle class iron workers who populate the Heinz Field stands? Or dare they go as far as to challenge the authority of Pittsburgh head coach Darnell Jefferson? One thing’s for certain, the New York media market is going to be alive with energy this week and I am going to do my best to maintain complete radio silence. (View of Gillette Stadium courtesy of @RyanFox25Sports)