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The Lord Line: Chicago Cubs to Retire Kyle Schwarber’s Number

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Chicago Cubs To Retire Kyle Schwarber’s Number

Chicago, October 27 – In an unprecedented move for a baseball franchise that last won a World Series in 1908, the Chicago Cubs have decided to retire designated hitter Kyle Schwarber’s jersey number 12 in a pregame ceremony prior to tomorrow’s game 3 of the 2016 World Series vs. the Cleveland Indians. The announcement was made by the Chicago front office following their series tying 5-1 win in game 2, a victory keyed by a couple of clutch RBI singles from Schwarber.

“What Kyle has meant to this organization is indescribable,” says President of Baseball Operations Theo Epstein. “We understand that it’s a relatively small sample size, less than 250 regular season at bats, but with what he has already accomplished this postseason and with the series shifting to Chicago for the first World Series games in Wrigley Field since 1945 the franchise felt that this was the perfect time to capitalize on the momentum.”

Cubs’ Manager Joe Maddon is also quick to praise Schwarber even if the slugger’s lack of a position could present a difficult decision.

“I can’t guarantee that Schwarbie will be in the lineup for game 3 because in all honesty he was a subpar defensive outfielder before he tore two knee ligaments. However, that being said, even at 23 years old it’s never too early to honor the accomplishments of one of the franchise’s greatest players alongside Hall of Famers like Ernie Banks, Billy Williams and Ron Santo.”

For Kyle Schwarber, having his number retired by one of the most celebrated franchises in professional baseball makes all the work that went into his rehabilitation that much sweeter.

“As Fox Sports broadcasters have stated repeatedly, the blisters. The tracking of thousands of pitches. The fact that I was almost traded to the New York Yankees. It was all worth it for this moment right here. And who knows, we may even end up winning a World Series.”

Alfonso Soriano Made Me Do It

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I recently received an email from my Uncle Bruce, a lifelong Chicago Cubs fans, about his team’s prospects for the upcoming 2013 MLB season and what follows reveals absolutely everything and nothing about what it feels like to be a Northsider:

Most Cub fans know two things for sure; they will never win the World Series, and this is the year they win the World Series.

Parsing through this brief response may seem like child’s play but you’re gonna need more than a slide ruler and abacus to sift through the many contradictory levels of optimism and self loathing perfectly defined in 140 character or less. If Bruce is right, and I for one would never question his loyalty to Wrigley Field, then rooting for the 2013 Chicago Cubs is going to feel a lot like watching Requiem For A Dream except for that scene where Jared Leto loses his arm.

With all the carnage and depravity set to take place in Wrigleyville again this season got me wondering whether or not some deranged Cubs fanatic has ever used the team’s long history of losing as a motive for committing a crime. In this case, if the judge also happened to be a fan would the defendant be absolved of all wrong doing? Inquiring minds want to know. – JL

 view from outside Wrigley Field courtesy of @ScottFeinberg

 

Wednesday Worries: Wrigley Field Edition

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I’m worried that….

my buddy Steve didn’t make it out of Murphy’s in time to catch the first pitch of Cubs/Giants live from Wrigley Field. I asked him to send in a picture from the game and instead got one from the bar. Not a very promising sign. Better check in again with him a little later.

this happens a lot more than we think. Couple of former prep school buddies from Winnekta go out with every intention of making it by first pitch of the Cubs game but end up conversing and carousing until the early innings in one of the many watering holes that surround Wrigley. Although, if you have ever spent 9 innings in the bleachers you understand that it’s pretty much like watching the game from a bar anyway. I once watched a Cubs/Cardinals matinee from the bleachers and after the game was over I ended up taking a 3 hour nap.  I guess that’s what you get when you combine a few too many pints of Old Style and no sun screen.

because of all the drinking that goes on in the bleachers some Cubs fans might not realize that their team lost both games of a doubleheader to the San Francisco Giants yesterday. With a record of 32-48, and a full 12 games behind the Milwaukee Brewers in the NL Central, this could end up being a very long, hot summer on the Northside. Do the Cubs even have any tradable assets? Kerry Wood? Ryan Dempster? Maybe Carlos Pena? None of these players are going to warrant a significant amount of talent in return. It looks like Cubs fans will have to wait for the offseason when the can overpay for either Prince Fielder or Albert Pujols.

when Steve did finally get to his seats, and judging by the look of the setting sun I’ll guess bottom of the 2nd inning, he realized that the adult beverages were a lot cheaper in the bar outside the stadium.

 

 

 

Monday Morning Musings

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Have you ever tried looking at a map of the world where down is up and south is north as if the globe were flipped over on its axis? Try it sometime and when you do you will realize that it makes no sense. It’s like an optical illusion sure to make you go cross-eyed in a matter of minutes. Well, this is how I feel about the AL East. Sure its fun to look at the standings in early April and see Baltimore, Toronto and Tampa Bay at the top but the longer you look the more backwards it seems. Something just feels out of place until you come to your senses and realize what was wrong with that earlier picture: no New York or Boston. Well luckily, April 25th is here and the Yankees and Sox have reclaimed their rightful place – 1st and 3rd respectively – at the top of the AL East world.

Bitter much? When you’re an Orioles fan, like myself, bitterness is part of the bargain. I only wish I were allowed to hope into May. That would be like an early Christmas/birthday/Father’s Day present wrapped into one. This past weekend series vs the Yankees was a bitter pill. First a rainout on Friday, then a 15-3 butt whipping on Sat night followed by a 6-3 extra inning heartbreaker on Easter Sunday. It was like unwrapping a Cadbury Creme Egg only to find that the chocolate egg has been cracked causing the sugar yolk paste to ooze onto the tin foil wrapper. Very frustrating stuff!!!

And now for your weekly trip around the bases.

1B – Andre Either has a 21 game hitting streak. Pretty impressive for a guy who I actually played against in summer ball.  Unfortunately his prodigious accomplishments at the plate are being over shadowed by the most public divorce in MLB today.

2B – The S.S. Ozzie Guillen is sinking.  The White Sox have lost 9 of 10 putting their overall record at 8-14 bad enough for last place in the AL Central. Good news for us sports fans, you can watch it all unravel here on Ozzie Guillen’s twitter feed.

3B – Granted it was a overcast/cold Friday afternoon in the Windy City but can you remember seeing so many open seats at Wrigley Field? Pittsburgh? Yes. Toronto? Probably. Citi Field…ABSOLUTELY!!! But every thing is different on the Northside. Good news Cubs fans, Bud Selig isn’t overly concerned about the attendance problem.

HR – Speaking of the New York Mets, how about the Amazins rattling off 4 wins in a row? It’s enough for Jerry Seinfeld to forget about his ongoing feud with Donald Trump.

view from an abandoned Wrigley Field courtesy of @DPolacek

View From Spring Training: 2011 Chicago Cubs

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2011 Chicago Cubs

NFL Equivalent – Dallas Cowboys: How can two high profile teams in major markets spend so much and produce so little? Mismanagement, that’s how. The Cubs and Cowboys have suffered of late from some gross mismanagement both on the field and in the front office. Carlos Zambrano use to be an effective starting pitcher until he took to fighting his teammates and the water cooler. And the Cowboys? Remember when the 2010 Cowboys team quit on their coach midseason? It’s also a problem when your owner, Jerry Jones, is the most recognizable face, albeit a reconstructed one at that, in the entire organization. America’s Team no more.

Google Search: I’m not high on Matt Garza. Sure he’s been a bit of a Sox killer down in Florida, but I am not convinced he is an Ace, or really has the makeup to be one. I think the Carlos Pena pick up will be nice for the Cubs, but there are still so many questions. Soriano is getting old in left and Highway to the Fukudome has been a perennial disappointment. The corners of the infield are secure with Ramirez and now Pena, but who are these guys up the middle? Castro and DeWitt are supposed to be major league starters? They are backups at best. If this were any other fan base I would say that Northsiders will turn on this 2011 team midseason. However, when the brightest attraction at the ballpark is getting hosed down in the bleachers by Ryan Dempster, we’re not exactly talking about fans with the highest of expectations.

Famous Movie Quote: Come on Cohaagen! You got what you want. Give those people air! – Douglas Quaid from Total Recall

Quade: Quaid. Close enough. And although Cubs manager Mike Quade bears no relation to Totall Recall protagonist Douglas Quaid, I figured any chance to run some kind of Schwarzenegger quote just go with it. And if you think about, the Cubs have been suffocating their fans since 1908. New Cubs manager Mike Quade could end up wishing this season were actually a dream created by a corporate biotechnological company selling drug induced fantasies about mars. Sure, they’ll beat up on the Pirates and the Astros, but after a while even that isn’t any fun anymore. On another note, in Total Recall, remember how gross Kuato was… . 2011 Record: 80-82, 4th AL Central

view from HoHoKam Stadium courtesy of @crlamberth94