Too Good For TV, A-Rod Tested For Performance Enhancing Drugs

The Lord Line

CLEVELAND, November 1 – To the surprise of many, Alex Rodriguez has been one of the breakout stars of the baseball postseason so much so that now MLB has tested the Fox Sports analyst for use of performance enhancing drugs.

Rodriguez was spotted outside the visitors clubhouse at Progressive Field hours before the first pitch of Game 6 of the World Series waiting for his turn at the urinal.

MLB spokesman Greg Shechter issued a statement defending the decision saying that it is not “out of the ordinary” to drug test television broadcasters and that some of the performance enhancers being tested for include caffeine, sugar and lanolin, an ingredient found in most lip balms that when abused can lead to an overly knowledgeable and affable demeanor.

“We are all watching the same pre and post game, ” said Schechter. “Clearly Alex Rodriguez is performing at a level superior to his peers and MLB just wants to protect the integrity of the game and let fans know once and for all if A-Rod is actually this likable.”

Shechter did not care to comment on the report that fellow analyst and serial rule breaker Pete Rose was not subject to the same series of PED tests as A-Rod saying only that “what afflicts Pete cannot possibly be tested for.”