New Mexico Bowl: BYU(-10.5) vs. UTEP
December 18, 2pm ET (ESPN)
“Analysis”: A long line of 24 year old Mormon quarterbacks beats a school famous for coach Don Haskins and Tim Hardaway.
uDrove Humanitarian Bowl: Northern Illinois(-1.5) vs. Fresno St.
December 18, 5:30pm ET (ESPN)
“Analysis”: uDrove sounds like “UNorth”, the fictional agricultural conglomerate in one of my favorite movies, Michael Clayton. Fresno St. comes close to beating Boise State every year. Northern Illinois’s mascot is a docile, skinny-looking hound dog.
Pick: Fresno St.
New Orleans Bowl: Ohio vs. Troy(-2)
December 18, 9pm ET (ESPN)
“Analysis”: Do you remember Gary Trent? He was dubbed “The Shaq of the MAC” for dominating the glass in the mid-90s. I actually didn’t even realize the Bobcats even had a football team. Demarcus Ware went to Troy, which was the site of a major mythological Peloponnesian battle. Don’t expect Homer to write about this one, though.
Beef ‘O’ Bradys’ St. Petersburg Bowl: Southern Mississippi vs. Louisville(-3)
December 21, 8pm ET (ESPN)
“Analysis”: “Beef ‘o’ Bradys’”? Really? Apparently, this is some sort of franchised Sports Bar & Grill(e). Southern Miss gave us one Brett [email protected]%^e, who may or may not be retiring at the end of the season. Louisville is the coaching home of Rick Pitino, who leads the Cardinals basketball team which is one of the preeminent programs in the Big East. Not sure how this helps their football team.
Las Vegas Bowl: Utah vs. Boise St.(-17)
December 22, 8pm ET (ESPN)
“Analysis”: The Utes had a pretty solid undefeated run going at the beginning of the season. Then, they lost a bunch of games in a row by Tabernacle-sized margins. Boise was very much in the national title discussion, until Nevada knocked them out in a Saturday night thriller. The Vegas Bowl is a far cry from a BCS game, so look for the Broncos to project some of that anger on an over-matched Utes squad. Field goals will NOT be a factor in this one.
Pick: Boise St.
Poinsettia Bowl: Navy vs. San Diego St.(-4.5)
December 23, 8pm ET (ESPN)
“Analysis”: Here’s what I know about SDSU: Tony Gwynn coaches their baseball team, Steve Fisher coaches their basketball team (who are suddenly really, really good!), and their football team is best known for Marshall Faulk’s near-Heisman season in the early 90s. Navy produces young men/women who protect and serve our country around the globe. As an American, I’m obligated to go with the team from Annapolis.
Hawaii Bowl: Hawaii(-10) vs. Tulsa
December 24, 8 pm ET (ESPN)
“Analysis”: All of the Polynesian young men who aren’t big enough, or fast enough, to take their talents to the Mainland and dominate the Pac-10 end up Rainbow Warriors. Tulsa’s nickname is The Golden Hurricane. Seriously, it is. The Golden Hurricane.
Little Caesar’s Pizza Bowl: Florida International vs. Toledo(-1.5)
December 26, 8:30 pm ET (ESPN)
“Analysis”: Isiah Thomas is employed by FIU. Someone at that institution thought it was a good idea to give Isiah Thomas money to mold young men and put together an actual basketball strategy. As a fan of the New York Knicks, I don’t know how FIU qualified for a bowl game, but they CAN NOT WIN. Not possible.
Look for Part II coming next week. Until then, enjoy the views!!!