The Lord Line: Rajon Rondo Vows To Never Shoot Again

Brooklyn, October 31 – In a stunning surprise for a professional basketball player, Rajon Rondo, the starting point guard for the Chicago Bulls, has vowed to never take another shot in the NBA. The announcement came following the Bulls (2-0) morning workout before their Halloween game against the Brooklyn Nets.

“This is not a trick,” began Rondo who along with Dwyane Wade, Robin Lopez, Michel Carter-Williams and some guy named Christiano Felicio represent a new era of basketball in Chicago. “Think of it instead as a treat for my teammates and the fans who must recognize the selflessness of my words and actions.”

When asked to comment on his point guard’s pronouncement, Bulls head coach Fred Hoiberg said that Rondo should be “lauded” for his team first mentality.

“Look, Rajon is a winner. That’s why we brought him here to Chicago,” says the second year coach. “He understands his game better than anyone else which is why his decision to never shoot again shouldn’t shock any of us. Now, maybe it would make more sense if he weren’t passing up wide open fast break layups or if we had a legitimate 3-point shooter on the roster he could pass to but hey, at the end of the day you’ve got to respect the integrity of a veteran player who understands his weaknesses including a debilitating loss of confidence and jump shot technique.”

Asked to comment on his coach’s statement saying that the Bulls lack 3-point shooting, small forward and walking scarecrow Doug McDermott said, “Ok, Coach, I see how it is. In college they didn’t call me ‘Dougie McBuckets’ for nothing.”