World Series Game 7 Jeopardized By Trump, Clinton Campaigns

The Lord Line

CLEVELAND, November 2 – Six days before the election and both Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump have revised their schedules and will hold dueling rallies outside of Progressive Field in Cleveland prior to Game 7 of the World Series. These impromptu campaign events will create massively long security lines outside of the stadium and ticket holders to tonight’s historic game are now being asked to consider watching from home.

“Our primary responsibility is the safety and security of the nominees,” said Secret Service spokesperson Jane Dombrowski. “And although we advised both campaigns against holding these events so close to first pitch due to safety concerns neither was willing to sacrifice a final opportunity to appeal to the undecided voters of Cuyahoga County.”

Single tickets for Game 7 have been selling for upwards of $20,000 and fans of both the Chicago Cubs and Cleveland Indians are understandably upset by the prospect of missing out on a once in a lifetime opportunity.

“This is just another example of politicians being out of touch with the average American voter,” said Matt Gibson a lifelong Indians fan and retired steelworker from Youngstown who divested all of his savings for a ticket to Game 7. “You wait your whole life to celebrate a championship with your favorite baseball team only to have that opportunity taken from you by the government.”

Mr. Gibson says that he was going to write in Urban Meyer for president anyway and that this latest development has only strengthened his resolve.

MLB has yet to offer refunds for ticket holders unable to make it to Game 7 but when word reached Mr. Trump aides said that the Republican nominee was upset and potentially willing to offer high level cabinet positions to those most affected by this “terrible, horrible tragedy”.

Too Good For TV, A-Rod Tested For Performance Enhancing Drugs

The Lord Line

CLEVELAND, November 1 – To the surprise of many, Alex Rodriguez has been one of the breakout stars of the baseball postseason so much so that now MLB has tested the Fox Sports analyst for use of performance enhancing drugs.

Rodriguez was spotted outside the visitors clubhouse at Progressive Field hours before the first pitch of Game 6 of the World Series waiting for his turn at the urinal.

MLB spokesman Greg Shechter issued a statement defending the decision saying that it is not “out of the ordinary” to drug test television broadcasters and that some of the performance enhancers being tested for include caffeine, sugar and lanolin, an ingredient found in most lip balms that when abused can lead to an overly knowledgeable and affable demeanor.

“We are all watching the same pre and post game, ” said Schechter. “Clearly Alex Rodriguez is performing at a level superior to his peers and MLB just wants to protect the integrity of the game and let fans know once and for all if A-Rod is actually this likable.”

Shechter did not care to comment on the report that fellow analyst and serial rule breaker Pete Rose was not subject to the same series of PED tests as A-Rod saying only that “what afflicts Pete cannot possibly be tested for.”

 

 

The Chicago Cubs Hire Eddie Vedder’s Best Friend to Run Baseball Operations

Some will say that Theo left Boston after it was revealed how dysfunctional the Red Sox clubhouse had become in 2011. And sure, the endless hours of Black Ops in the catacombs of Fenway Park remain a disgrace for the entire Red Sox organization, it was nothing so egregious as to cost Epstein his job. Others will argue that after 10 years, and 2 World Series rings, he was looking for a new challenge in a different city. And while taking over a franchise that hasn’t won a World Series since 1908 presents its fair share of inherent obstacles, I’d like to believe that Epstein to the Cubs happened because of the simple fact that it is what Eddie Vedder wanted.

I’ll never forget my first ever Pearl Jam concert. Back in 2006, a buddy of mine who was a loyal member of the Ten Club managed to get us two floor seats for one of the bands Boston shows. As to be expected, it was a pretty great experience full of the traditional standbys like Even Flow, Corduroy, and Alive, along with enough anti “W” Vedder speak to antagonize the most conservative sect of Pearl Jam concert goers. During the encore, the band brought out a few friends to help them out with Uncle Neil’s Rockin’ In The Free World. Why Theo Epstein decided to take the stage in full disguise I’ll never know. But there he was, the Boston Red Sox GM jamming away next to lead guitarist Mike McCready.

Only later did I find out that Epstein was in fact a huge Pearl Jam fan and that he and Vedder had become pretty good friends throughout the years. And while a few persnickety Sox fans killed Theo for choosing a concert over Fenway Park, I always thought it was pretty cool that the guy wasn’t afraid to take a break from the daily grind and partake in the kind of seminal, life altering experience that would have made even Peter Gammons jealous.

Now I can’t tell you how Eddie Vedder became a Chicago Cubs fan. Whatever the backstory, the SoCal native’s passion for the Northsiders prompted Wrigley Field officials to invite him on several occasions to sing “Take Me Out To The Ball Game” during the 7th inning stretch. Vedder’s love for the Cubbies runs so deep that he even wrote a song about them.

Connecting the dots, it’s clear from this very simple algebra that one of the primary reasons Theo Epstein became the President of Baseball Operations for the Chicago Cubs was because of Eddie Vedder. And although I can’t guarantee you that Vedder will play an integral role in the pursuit of hotly contested free agent to be Albert Pujols, I can tell you to expect Pearl Jam to be one of the very first musical acts invited to serenade the Wrigley faithful during the 2012 season.

view from Ballpark in Arlington courtesy of @ravedelay

 

World Series Preview: Bush vs Busch

Even though it’s not the Hatfield’s vs. the McCoy’s, this 2011 World Series between the St. Louis Cardinals and Texas Rangers does promise to be really really exciting for at least two isolated parts of the United States. For those living on either coast, I’m hearing really good things about Homeland on Showtime.

But seriously, all jokes aside, just because this Cardinals/Rangers series threatens to be the lowest rated World Series in television history does not mean that some people aren’t super jazzed up for this epic clash in America’s heartland. Take for example my friend Connor from St. Louis. Connor was 7 in 1982 when his Redbirds beat the Brewers to win the World Series. Flash forward 19 years and a liter of kids later and he’s sitting on the couch Sunday night with his 7 year old son watching as STL disposed of Milwaukee again, this time clinching the NL pennant.

Here’s where the story gets interesting. Connor has a good friend who in early September, when the Cardinals were 9 games out in the Wild Card, travelled down to Las Vegas and laid $250 on St. Louis to win the NL Championship at 500:1 odds. He won $125K Sunday night. While in Sin City, he also put another $250 on the Cards to win the World Series at 1000:1. Amazingly, he now sits 4 wins away from another $250K. There must be countless other stories out there similar to this, and maybe even a few that don’t involve high stakes sports betting.

And just to show you that there are multiple people who care about this World Series, I asked my buddy Dan, a diehard Cardinals fan, if he would rather win a World Series this season or re-sign Albert Pujols to a longterm deal in the offseason. Being the loyal fan that he is, and perhaps also afraid to anger the benevolent spirit of Jack Buck, Dan flat out refused to answer my question. So… let me do the dirty work for Cardinals fans. In the spirit of my hypothetical question, if you take Pujols long term what you are basically saying is that the Cardinals will win multiple championships after this season which seems highly unlikely considering the age of your hall of fame first baseman as well as the contract status of resident svengali Tony La Russa. Even though Dan can’t say it, I’m willing to bet that most Cardinals fans would rather win the World Series this year and take their chances with Carlos Pena for the next 4 seasons after that. Come to think about it…

And finally, a very quick scouting report. On paper these are two very equal teams each with deep lineups, adequate starting pitching, and stellar bullpens. Both managers, Ron Washington and Tony La Russa command the respect of their players even though Washington has been prone to partake in some recent involuntary breakdancing.

I predict the Cardinals win in 7, Lance Berkman is your World Series MVP, and Pujols takes a massive pay cut to sign with the Baltimore Orioles this offseason. How does that sound to you Dan?

view from Miller Park courtesy of @BIGCATWOOWOO

View of the Day: November 1, 2010

Congrats to the the San Francisco Giants and their loyal fans on winning the 2010 World Series.  Tim Lincecum beat Cliff Lee twice in the series and Edgar Renteria, your soon to be retired series MVP, had the biggest/loudest hit of the post season with his 3 run homerun off Lee in the top of the 7th inning.

Where do we go from here?  The Giants could be set up for the next few years.  Their pitching staff is young/under contract and Buster Posey may very well end up winning the Rookie of the Year award.  On the other hand, the Texas Rangers are sure to lose Cliff Lee to the Yankees, and will face a much tougher road in getting back to the World Series.

I’m happy for Giants fans and the city of San Francisco.  56 years is a long time to wait for a championship.  Cubs fans, I can only imagine.  Share your views.