Kobe Bryant Mulls A Return To The Los Angeles Lakers


LOS ANGELES, November 17 – The Los Angeles Lakers are relevant once again and may soon welcome back one of the greatest players in franchise history. Kobe Bryant has started telling close friends and business associates that he is in fact contemplating a return to the NBA. According to sources the 18-time All-Star and 5-time NBA champion has been training at the Lakers practice facility in El Segundo with the hopes of getting back on the court by Christmas.

When reached for comment the as of now retired Kobe would not rule out a return to professional basketball saying only that “right now my primary focus is on venture capital. My workout routine with the Lakers is nothing more than good therapy. Could I still dominate at the highest level of basketball? Absolutely. But at this point in my life is playing a game as exciting as investing in something like drone delivery for pharmaceuticals? Time will tell.”

When Bryant’s intentions became clearer, Lakers’ head coach Luke Walton started tinkering with the team offense to better suite the needs of the 38 year old former superstar by moving away from the free flowing, constant ball movement style he adopted from his time with the Golden State Warriors, a system that so far this season has shown great promise in Los Angeles, to something much more isolation friendly and familiar to Kobe back when he averaged well over 20 field goal attempts per game.

“You can’t allow an NBA defense to settle in,” said the first year head coach. “It’s all about multiple looks and regardless of Kobe’s status the players on this roster need to get use to taking the air out of the ball and slowing things down a little bit.”

D’Angelo Russell, the starting point guard, leading scoring and perhaps greatest beneficiary of a Kobe free locker room, was not made available for comment after a recent practice but did show up on the team’s latest injury report as ‘questionable’ for the Lakers next game vs the San Antonio Spurs with what team doctors are referring to as a case of ‘mild sadness’.

Word out of Eugene, Oregon is that Nike hopes to capitalize on Bryant’s potential return to the NBA with a new signature Kobe shoe made with actual black mamba venom.

The Lord Line: Chicago Cubs to Retire Kyle Schwarber’s Number

Chicago Cubs To Retire Kyle Schwarber’s Number

Chicago, October 27 – In an unprecedented move for a baseball franchise that last won a World Series in 1908, the Chicago Cubs have decided to retire designated hitter Kyle Schwarber’s jersey number 12 in a pregame ceremony prior to tomorrow’s game 3 of the 2016 World Series vs. the Cleveland Indians. The announcement was made by the Chicago front office following their series tying 5-1 win in game 2, a victory keyed by a couple of clutch RBI singles from Schwarber.

“What Kyle has meant to this organization is indescribable,” says President of Baseball Operations Theo Epstein. “We understand that it’s a relatively small sample size, less than 250 regular season at bats, but with what he has already accomplished this postseason and with the series shifting to Chicago for the first World Series games in Wrigley Field since 1945 the franchise felt that this was the perfect time to capitalize on the momentum.”

Cubs’ Manager Joe Maddon is also quick to praise Schwarber even if the slugger’s lack of a position could present a difficult decision.

“I can’t guarantee that Schwarbie will be in the lineup for game 3 because in all honesty he was a subpar defensive outfielder before he tore two knee ligaments. However, that being said, even at 23 years old it’s never too early to honor the accomplishments of one of the franchise’s greatest players alongside Hall of Famers like Ernie Banks, Billy Williams and Ron Santo.”

For Kyle Schwarber, having his number retired by one of the most celebrated franchises in professional baseball makes all the work that went into his rehabilitation that much sweeter.

“As Fox Sports broadcasters have stated repeatedly, the blisters. The tracking of thousands of pitches. The fact that I was almost traded to the New York Yankees. It was all worth it for this moment right here. And who knows, we may even end up winning a World Series.”