Andrew Luck Will Not Be Drafted By Any of These Teams

For the playoff edition of our NFL Rankings I have enlisted the help of my old college friend Finch. Finch is a huge New England fan whose love affair with the Pats goes all the way back to the days of Andre Tippett and Irving Fryar.  As a high school quarterback, he even wore a neckroll just like his childhood hero Steve Grogan.

view of the Orange Bowl courtesy of @RuleofTree

1. Patriots (14-2) VMS: If 2008 taught us Patriot fans anything it’s that we are one Bernard Pollard hit away from Brian Hoyer and that wouldn’t be good for anybody.

2. New Orleans Saints (11-5) Finch: A wild card team will represent the NFC in the Superbowl. WHO DAT!

3 Pittsburgh Steelers (12-4) VMS: The 24/7 documentary on the Winter Classic was some kind of captivating television.  It’s such a good premise that I would even consider watching an HBO produced series on Stan Van Gundy.

4. Atlanta Falcons (13-3) Finch: The Dirty Birds three losses were to playoff teams.  That being said, Natty Ice, the cheap beer, wasn’t even that good when we were in college.

5. Baltimore Ravens (12-4) VMS: How is it possible that Ed Reed led the NFL in interceptions again this season?  Dude is like 40 years old and missed half the season due to injury. Must be something in the Chesapeake Bay water.

6. Indianapolis Colts (10-6) Finch: As long as Peyton Manning doesn’t try to kill another one of his receivers, this team could be very dangerous.  Plus, I can’t pick a Jay Cutler QB’d team.

7. Green Bay Packers (10-6) VMS: Aaron Rodgers seems like a real cool cat who probably has a smoking hot supermodel girlfriend, but man, does he sure have some huge nostrils.

8. Philadelphia Eagles (10-6) Finch: I guess Tucker Carlson won’t be selling any of his pets to Michael Vick.

9. New York Jets (11-5) VMS: Listening to Rex Ryan talk this week you would think that they have already won the Superbowl. Relax Rex and “go have a goddamn snack!

10. Kansas City Chiefs (10-6) Finch: I still refuse to pick Jay Cutler and would have gone with KC earlier if their offensive coordinator wasn’t bolting to call plays in the SEC.

11. Chicago Bears (11-5) VMS: Are Jay Cutler and Phillip Rivers related? Can this be true?

12. New York Giants (10-6) Finch: Because I refuse to pick a 7-9 team. Hey, you gotta have some standards.

Share your views.

An Interview With a Tree

Ben Cortes is living a double life.  By day, Ben is an unassuming Stanford University senior who enjoys international travel and playing the drums. But at night, he likes to dress up. As a tree. That’s right, Ben Cortes is the Stanford Band mascot. A few weeks back, Viewmyseats was fortunate enough to ask The Tree a few questions. What follows is not official Stanford University dogma.  Our “fireside chat” is meant only to show sports fans around the country that mascots are real people too.

view of Maples Pavilion courtesy of @zoedunning

VMS: You did a lot of crazy stuff to earn the right to be the Stanford Tree. Tell us, how many other jobs would you be willing to draw blood for?

Tree: Any job that pays. Cash rules everything around us, right? But I’d prefer something that also entails a steady stream of sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll.

VMS: Does your view from the game allow you to enjoy the action on the field/court or are you too busy shooting t shirts from a cannon?

Tree: I’m actually in a primo position to watch the games. One member of my protection detail (T.P.S. – Tree Protection Service) caught an overthrown football when we played U.S.C. And the Stanford administration doesn’t even trust me with a beer when I’ve got the costume on – they’d never let me anywhere near a cannon.

VMS: The Stanford football team is preparing to play Virginia Tech in the Orange Bowl on January 3rd. Tell us, what’s your strategy heading into the big game?

Tree: My conditioning mostly consists of tanning beds and watching Scarface on repeat. For game day, I’m going to upgrade the costume with something that should bring the best of Bay Area culture to Miami. I have no idea what the team’s strategy is going to be.

VMS: What advice would you give to high school students who one day aspire to become a college mascot?

Tree: Study hard and get used to sweating. And you’d better like kids, because they’ll freaking love you.

VMS: More intimidating Pac-10 mascot: Puddles the Oregon Duck or Traveler the USC Horse?

Tree: Well I hate both of those creatures so damn much, I’ll have to rephrase the comparison in the negative: Puddles is such an astoundingly unassuming opponent that he somehow manages to be less intimidating than Traveler, a mascot so stupid that it still walks on four legs and poops in public.

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Thanks again to Ben for being such a willing participant. Good luck to Stanford in the Orange Bowl. Hopefully The Tree won’t get lost in all the debauchery on South Beach. Remember, Tony Montana is NOT a real person.

Pac 10 Football: How the mighty have fallen

I wasn’t surprised to see Stanford march down the field with a minute remaining in the 4th quarter.  I wasn’t surprised to see Stanford kick a game winning field goal as time expired.  I wasn’t surprised to see Stanford beat USC by a final score of 37-35.  This is not the USC that we grew accustomed to watching during the first decade of the 21st century. And with NCAA sanctions yet to even really take root, even harder times to follow for Troy.  For Stanford, things have been looking up since Jim Harbaugh took over the program in 2007.  I asked my step brother, a Stanford grad student and amateur photographer, if the school really cares about the football program now.  His response, “let me do some research and get back to you”. I wouldn’t have expected anything less from a Stanford grad student.