Fumblerooski: NFL Week 17

Week 17

Packers 45 Lions 41 – Lots at stake in this game as Detroit needed a win to avoid playing the Saints in round 1 of the NFC playoffs while Packers backup QB Matt Flynn needed a big game to cash in as a free agent this summer. I guess you could say 480 yards and 6 TDs qualifies as a big game.

49ers 34 Rams 27 – San Fran locked up the #2 seed in the NFC playoffs and a very likely date with New Orleans in round 2. At this point, it’s pure speculation however I would imagine the Niners will be penciled in as +3.5 point underdogs at home to the Saints would should lead to all sorts of “We Get No Respect” t-shirts and signs in the Bay Area.

Dolphins 19 Jets 17 – Murphy’s Law. Jets OC Brian Schottenheimer called a less than inspired game. QB Mark Sanchez looked like a lost puppy. WR Santonio Holmes stomped his feet a little bit while head coach Rex Ryan sounded a little defensive in his post game press conference. Tune into WFAN tomorrow at around 1:02 for a little NY Jets spit roast courtesy of his excellency Mike Francesa.

Bears 17 Vikings 13 – Vikings DE Jared Allen ends the season with 22 sacks, .5 behind the all time leader Michael Strahan. As Peter King pointed out, this is just one more way for Kiln, Mississippi’s most recognizable wearer of Wrangler’s to mess with the hearts of Vikings nation.

Patriots 49 Bills 21 – This Patriots defense reminds me of one of the funniest moments from Woody Allen’s Crimes and Misdemeanors. Speaking of Woody Allen, finally watched Midnight in Paris over the holidays and I believe the entire film falls under the category of what Adam Carolla calls, “rich white guy problems”.

Saints 45 Panthers 17 – I’ll bet you any amount of money that when Dan Marino watches the Saints play he can’t help but imagine how many yards/touchdowns he would have thrown for had he played in era that does not allow defenders to lay a finger on receivers or come within breathing distance of a QB. In this era, the combination of Marino and the Marks (Duper/Clayton) would have gone for over 6,000 yards with 50 TDs.

Eagles 34 Redskins 10 – They should have played this game on ice. What’s that you say? The ice in Philadelphia is melting?

Jaguars 19 Colts 13 – Tony Dungy says the Colts will take a good, hard look at drafting Baylor QB Robert Griffin III with the first pick in the 2012 NFL Draft. The horror!!! Doesn’t Dungy understand that has been Andrew Luck’s birthright to one day replace an aging, decrepit Peyton Manning?

Titans 23 Texans 22 – The Houston/Cincinnati playoff game could very well be the lowest rated playoff game in NFL history.

Falcons 45 Buccaneers 24 – The Bucs might as well have forfeited the game allowing Fox to air old punt/pass/kick contests starring Andy Reid.

Ravens 24 Bengals 16 – Ray Rice is probably the most under-appreciated player in the NFL. Well, either Rice or Chiefs onside kickers extraordinaire Ryan Succop.

Steelers 13 Browns 9 – With Pittsburgh RB Rashard Mendenhall now missing next weeks playoff game in Denver, maybe head coach Mike Tomlin will finally suit up and relive some of his glory years with the ESU Timberwolves.

Chiefs 7 Broncos 3 – I can’t wait for the John Elway/John Fox combo to issue their latest passive aggressive vote of non confidence to Denver QB Tim Tebow.

Chargers 38 Raiders 26 – I for one am extremely pleased that San Diego will not be invited to this years playoffs. I smell a 45-42 second round upset over the Patriots.

Cardinals 23 Seahawks 20 – Arizona finishes the season 8-8. Back when Mike Singletary was coaching the 49ers, .500 was good enough to win the NFC West.

view from MetLife Stadium courtesy of @rickypalomino

If Gambling Were Legal: NFL Week 17

So here we are, Week 17, the final weekend of the 2011 NFL regular season. And while most of us are avoiding the internet as much as possible right now, it wouldn’t be fair to deprive you, the cyber audience, with at least one more NFL picks column. I’m sure we’ll be posting something insightful and irreverent on the playoffs but until then, enjoy one final trip around the NFL.

NFL Week 17

PHILADELPHIA (-8.5) over Washington – Nice to hear that it only took Nnamdi Asomugha, and the rest of the Eagles defense, only 15 weeks before buying into the schemes of new defensive coordinator Juan Castillo. I’m sure Castillo will be appreciative next season when he is back coaching the Eagles offensive line.

ATLANTA (-11.5) over Tampa Bay – The Falcons are playing to avoid the Saints in round 1 of the NFC playoffs while the Bucs are just looking to escape the Georgia Dome without being crapped on by a flock of feral pigeons.

San Francisco (-10.5) over ST. LOUIS – With a win, the Niners can wrap up a #2 seed and 1st round bye while a Rams loss positions STL for a chance at the #1 pick and Andrew Luck. Could see this one getting ugly early.

MINNESOTA (-1) over Chicago – I’d rather watch Ricky Rubio, Kevin Love and the Minnesota Timberwolves take on Derrick Rose and the Chicago Bulls than sit through 5 minutes of Joe Webb vs Josh McCown.

Detroit (-3.5) over GREEN BAY – To avoid injury, the Packers should make Aaron Rodgers watch this game from the lounge of the Titletown Brewing Company.

Carolina (+8) over NEW ORLEANS – Congrats to Cam Newton! You know you’ve made it when Dwyane Wade mocks you after sinking the game winning basket against the Charlotte Bobcats.

Tennessee (-3) over HOUSTON – Congrats to Titans head coach Mike Munchak on being the latest in what will be a long line of coaches to reject any and all overtures to return to Happy Valley.

CINCINNATI (+2.5) over Baltimore – The Ravens are too inconsistent on the road and the playoffs can always use more red headed quarterbacks like Andy Dalton.

Pittsburgh (-7) over CLEVELAND – If I’m Mike Tomlin I don’t even let Ben Roethlisberger on the team bus. A #2 or #5 seed shouldn’t matter to the battle tested Steelers anyway.

Indianapolis (+3.5) over JACKSONVILLE – I supposes it’s easy to be inspired by the notion that the Colts veterans are playing so hard down the stretch out of love and respect for Peyton Manning. Meanwhile in Jacksonville, MJD, there is more than one way to provide for your family.

MIAMI (-2.5) over NY Jets – Let the Rex Ryan to NFL Countdown rumors begin

NEW ENGLAND (-11) over Buffalo – Congrats to the Patriots on becoming the most vulnerable #1 seed in AFC history.

OAKLAND (-3) over San Diego – The Raiders are playing for everything while the Chargers are poised to sever ties with their head coach and GM. So basically what I’m saying is that there’s a good chance San Diego wins by double digits.

DENVER (-3.5) over Kansas City  – This Broncos team is going to have a legitimate shot at unseating either the Ravens/Steelers in the 1st round of the playoffs, even though they will be 7 point underdogs at home.

ARIZONA (-3) over Seattle – It’s truly unbelievable to think that one of these teams will finish the season at 8-8.

NY GIANTS (-3) over Dallas – What better way to nurse your New Year’s hangover than with a shot of NFC East drama. Literally everything is on the line in this game including the future of the head coaches, quarterbacks, and Dez Bryant’s savings account.

Last Week 8-8 (Overall 124-114)

view from the Holiday Bowl courtesy of @graysuitup