Quick Snaps: NFL Week 13

Titans 23 Bills 17 – Better late than never for Chris Johnson who has strung together two solid efforts in a row after nearly sleepwalking his way through the entire first half of the season. Probably still doesn’t make him worth all that new money but he has recently helped to keep Tennessee right in the thick of the AFC Wild Card race.

Chiefs 10 Bears 3 – First Jay Cutler now Matt Forte. I wouldn’t expect to see many Caleb Hanie and Marion Barber III jerseys lining the Soldier Field stands anytime soon.

Dolphins 34 Raiders 14 – Maybe Reggie Bush wasn’t such a bad signing for Miami after all? And Rolando McClain, you and your aquatic themed rugby shirt will haunt my dreams for years.

Broncos 35 Vikings 32 – If Denver takes care of business at home against the Bears next weekend they would then head into their week 15 showdown vs the New England Patriots with a 8-5 record and at least a share of the AFC West lead. Not too shabby for a quarterback that nobody believed in besides Gainesville, twitter, and all of Christendom.

Steelers 35 Bengals 7 – Was Cincy exposed as a junior varsity squad or is Pittsburgh once again the real deal?

Patriots 31 Colts 24 – Not a bad day for Colts backup backup quarterback, and UConn grad, Dan Orlovsky who threw for 353 yards against a Patriots secondary that looked like they should be playing in the Big, not AFC, East.

Panthers 38 Buccaneers 19 – Tampa wore their throwback uniforms and somehow manage to play like it was 1976 all over again. The only thing missing this time around was the Old Ball Coach.

Jets 34 Redskins 19 – I was down in DC this weekend and a good friend of mine who works in the District told me that there is a movement afoot to have the team move back to the RFK area. Apparently FedEx Field is a little too inconvenient for the lobbyists on K Street. Heaven forbid that Washington makes a decision without special interests in mind.

Texans 17 Falcons 10 – TJ Yates, I really didn’t believe you had it in you. Perhaps the entire Houston team was inspired by the sheer thought of Jack Delhomme lining up under center.

Ravens 24 Browns 10 – Ray Rice should have been on the cover of Madden ’12 instead of Peyton Hillis.

Packers 38 Giants 35 – Aaron Rodgers has clearly figured out that there is no spoon.

Cardinals 19 Cowboys 13 – And yet the cameras continue to focus on Rob Ryan.

49ers 26 Rams 0 – Santa Clara 49ers just doesn’t have the same ring.

view from the Superdome courtesy of @KPLC7Sports

 

If Gambling Were Legal: NFL Week 13

20111201-183558.jpgPhiladelphia (-3) over SEATTLE – It’s a good thing Andy Reid never changes his in game costume because I hear December’s in the Pacific Northwest can get a pretty frosty.

BUFFALO (-2.5) over Tennessee – Titans clearly need this game more than the Bills but I have a sneaking suspicion that Tennessee isn’t really all that good and that Stevie “Two Guns” Johnson will be able to atone for his I’ll timed case of the dropsies against the Jets.

CHICAGO (-7) over Kansas City – Caleb Hanie probably doesn’t deserve to be giving a touchdown at home but when the opposing quarterback is Tyler Palko, 7 points isn’t nearly enough.

MIAMI (-3) over Oakland – Who grows a better looking red beard: Carson Palmer or Eli Manning? I’d like to see on of these ginger haired quarterbacks grow out the scruff over the holidays just long enough to make themselves look like Yukon Cornelius from Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

Cincinnati (+6.5) over PITTSBURGH – Speaking of the Red Rocket, I’d be much more Team Dalton this season if his TCU team hadn’t beaten Wisconsin in the Rose Bowl. While we’re talking about the Badgers, is there a college basketball team more frustrating to play against than Wisconsin? It’s like going up against a group of middle aged MD’s during a friendly game of afternoon pickup at the local YMCA. Tons of sharp elbows, rec-specs, and sweat.

Baltimore (-6.5) over CLEVELAND – When Joe Flacco grows a handlebar mustache he looks like a member of Tony Stewart’s pit crew. At halftime, I half expect to see him in the parking lot rotating Ray Lewis’ tires

NY Jets (-3) over WASHINGTON – Speaking of the Nation’s Capital, I’ll be hanging around the Beltway this weekend just hoping to run into Alex Ovechkin and his gaggle of Soviet Supermodels.

HOUSTON (+2.5) over Atlanta – Funny, I always thought TJ Yates was a romance novelist from the 1920’s.

TAMPA BAY (-3.5) over Carolina – I like Josh Freeman and the Bucs offense to finally show up against this really pathetic Panthers defense. Then again, if enough fans don’t show up at Raymond James Stadium this game may or may not actually happen.

Denver (+1.5) over MINNESOTA – When Kurt Warner tells you to back off of the “genuflecting” you know you may need to reassess your priorities.

SAN FRANCISCO (-13) over St. Louis – It’s hard to believe that this Rams team was a game away from making the playoff last season.

Dallas (-4.5) over ARIZONA – Why is this line only -4.5? Is Quincy Carter starting at QB for the Cowboys and nobody telling us?

Green Bay (-7) over NY GIANTS – Finally, the Giants have been exposed as the frauds we always kinda felt they were going to be.

Indianapolis (+20) over NEW ENGLAND – I would expect to see the 2011 debut of Ryan Mallett by about the 3rd quarter.

Detroit (+9) over NEW ORLEANS – Lost in the stomp and subsequent suspension is the fact that Ndamukong Suh is one of the most overrated players in the NFL.

JACKSONVILLE (+2.5) over San Diego – Lowest rated Monday Night Football game ever.

View From Seattle courtesy of @deionsanders