NFL Storyboarding: Bill and the Bathtub

Weekly NFL picks in storyboard form.

Week 2: Bill and the Bathtub

One day, an average man, let’s call him Bill, woke up same time as usual and went to take his normal morning shower only this time when he stepped into the bath he slipped on a bar of soap and spun helplessly in the air. As time slowed down random moments from his life flashed before his eyes.

He thought about how later that day at work he was going to have to choose between two acquaintances, one who recently committed a heinous act of violence that was caught on video and the other who years ago was suspected of something equally horrific yet it could never be proven because there were no cameras in the bathroom. These two instances, and many more like them, were cause for major concern for Bill who didn’t want to lump all employees of the corporation into the same category, because like any business there are always a couple of bad apples (1) but it was becoming increasingly difficult to watch the brutality unfold on a weekly basis and he was not alone in feeling that it was the bosses who deserved the blame for perpetuating such bad behavior because the only thing they were ever interested in doing was protecting their ridiculously lucrative brand, especially when it came to the precedent they had been setting regarding punishments and suspensions for various infractions which made very little sense to Bill or anyone else in normal, regular society. If something didn’t change and soon Bill believed the entire business model would cease to be sustainable.

He thought about this and many other less consequential moments from his life as he fell head over heals down towards the bottom of the bathtub. He thought about how last week at his coffee shop, a new barista stepped in minutes before the morning rush and even though the customers didn’t think the new barista would make coffee like the regular barista the new barista proved fully capable. A few days later, the regular barista returned and all the customers got really excited because this barista was like a wizard with caffeine and really knew how to make coffee. Unfortunately, the beans that the barista was working with were overrated and the coffee ended up bitter and full of sediment (2) which Bill realized as he was walking to catch a train and when he went to pitch the coffee into the garbage can a businessman in an expensive new suit stepped in his way causing Bill to spill hot coffee on his hand. He thought about yelling at the businessman in the expensive suit but when he looked more carefully at him he realized that in addition to the nice clothing he had bright red hair which was unfortunate because businessmen with red hair never get the initial respect they deserve even when they are employed by companies with high expectations. (3) Bill decided to forgive and forget and after drying his hand with the corner of a newspaper took a seat on a nearby bench.  [Read more…]

NFL Playoff Picks: GoDaddy Please Go Away!

Thankfully the NFL playoffs are upon us because I couldn’t take many more nights of the Under Armour High School All American Bowl.

SEATTLE (+10) over New Orleans: Strange things happen at Qwest Field (see Charlie Whitehurst leading team to division title last week). The home of the “12 Man” has a way of stirring the echoes of Seattle’s past.  When the great Walter Jones raises the flag before the game tomorrow, the crowd will respond and give their ‘hawks a distinct home field advantage.  New Orleans is the much better team, but they’re pretty banged up and 10 points is a lot of points for a road team to cover on the road in the playoffs.

New York Jets (+2.5) over INDIANAPOLIS: I fully expect the Jets to go into Indy and avenge their loss to the Colts in the 2010 AFC Championship game.  I watched some of Colts/Titans game last Sunday, a must win for Indy, and came away totally underwhelmed by the Colts.  Maybe if Peyton Manning hadn’t tried to kill Austin Collie a few weeks back I would feel better about the Colts chances Saturday evening. As a Patriot fan, getting rid of Indy, one of the two teams along with Baltimore who “matchup” well against New England, is just fine by me.

Baltimore (-3) over KANSAS CITY: Charlie Weis announcing that he’s leaving as the Chiefs OC to take over the same position for the Florida Gators next season has had an immediate impact on the way fans perceive the current situation in Kansas City.  How can his decision to leave NOT impact his ability to call plays? For all we know, during the game vs the Ravens Sunday afternoon he will be up in the booth diagramming screen option plays for the Gators big showdown with Alabama next fall (Roll Tide).

Green Bay (-2.5) over PHILADELPHIA: I swore I wasn’t going to be one of those people who jumped on the Packers late season bandwagon. But, Michael Vick is clearly hurt, and the Green Bay offense, led by the underrated(?) Aaron Rodgers, will put up a ton of points against an over-matched Philadelphia defense.  It’s also important to note that there is a chance of severe weather rolling through the northeast Friday night into Saturday which could very well cause Governor Ed Rendell to have an aneurysm as he reflects on all the pain and anguish that the Eagles/Vikings postponement caused him a few weeks back.

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view of the Bowl courtesy of @bigdee163