NBA Watchability Index for Parents: January 16, 2015

Waiting for your baby to burp after feeding is a lot like waiting for a volcano to erupt after an earthquake. In both cases, it’s only a matter of time before the vile lava spewed from deep inside the core forces local residents to seek shelter. Your best bet is to be prepared with several layers of protective clothing and hope that the hot magna passes you by without leaving behind third degree burns.

5 Baby Bottles (Watch Those Little Eyes Glaze Over)

Atlanta Hawks @ Toronto Raptors (7:30)

Dare I say a preview of the Eastern Conference Finals? If before the season you had said that on January 16th the Hawks and Raptors would have the two best records in the East people would have looked at you like you just announced that you were closing all Targets in Canada.

4 Baby Bottles (Must Keep Head In Upright Position)

Golden State Warriors @ Oklahoma City Thunder (8:00)

Dare I say a preview of the first round of the Western Conference playoffs? If before the season you had said that on January 16th the Warriors would have the best record in basketball while the Thunder were in serious jeopardy of missing the playoffs people would have looked at you like you might potentially trade for Brook Lopez.

Portland Trail Blazers @ San Antonio Spurs (8:30)

He doesn’t know this yet but when his career is over Matt Bonner and I are going to get to work on a biography titled Live Free or Red Mamba: Ballin Hard in the Granite State.

Cleveland Cavaliers @ Los Angeles Clippers (10:30)

People are making a big deal about Doc Rivers trading for his son Austin but if you were the general manager/head coach of a NBA team wouldn’t you want your kid playing for you? The NBA is a little different than little league baseball but still, it’s going to be nice for Doc and his wife to tuck their son into bed at night.

3 Baby Bottles (Just A Quick Swaddle & Rock)

Memphis Grizzlies @ Orlando Magic (7:00)

Zach Lowe needs to tell us why Victor Oladipo can’t turn into a Jimmy Butler type player?

Detroit Pistons @ Indiana Pacers (7:00)

A mid season battle for the 8th and final Eastern Conference playoff spot.

Denver Nuggets @ Dallas Mavericks (8:30)

2 Baby Bottles (Burp It Out)

New Orleans Pelicans @ Philadelphia 76ers (7:00)

Brooklyn Nets @ Washington Wizards (7:00)

It makes total sense for Mikhail Prokhorov to sell the Nets when the Russian oligarch can probably fetch upwards of 2 billion dollars for his majority stake in the franchise and arena. And judging from the ongoing collapse of the Russian economy the mineral magnate is going to need all the rubles he can get his hands on.

Chicago Bulls @ Boston Celtics (7:30)

Minnesota Timberwolves @ Phoenix Suns (9:00)

What if the Cavs offered Kevin Love back to the Timberwolves in return for Andrew Wiggins? Who blinks first?

1 Baby Bottle (Only During An Emergency Diaper Change)

Los Angeles Lakers @ Utah Jazz (9:00)

Kobe dropped a career high 17 assists last night in the Lakers’ loss to the Cavs. Proof positive to all you haters out there giving him crap for shooting the ball too much that it doesn’t matter what stat Kobe stuffs, the Lakers are not a good basketball team.

Miami Heat @ Sacramento Kings (10:00)

What ever happened to the Kings playing only 4 guys on defense?

Have a happy weekend!!!