Hello Hockey

The start of another NHL season. Wait, didn’t the last one just end? In May or June, sometime in late Spring. Now it’s only October. Don’t these guys need some rest?

So much to learn, and so little time. What’s the difference between the red and blue line? A goal and assist? That one is easy but team points still make no sense. Three for a victory, one for a tie. None for a loss but two for a win in overtime. Too many numbers my brain’s turning to jelly. Tim Hortons or Dunkin Donuts both taste the same. I’d rather watch with a beer. A Molson not Bud. I’ll offer one to the players, they’re always in need of hydration.

Is that guy a Czech or a Slav? Manitoba or Minnesota? So many countries, states and provinces being represented in such a small little rink. It’s like the United Nations decided to hold their annual meeting on ice. Which begs the question, how will climate change affect the sport of hockey? Maybe one day in the not so distant future the game will be played on water with skis instead of skates. Who’s kidding who, it’ll always be cold in Saskatchewan. Siberia too. Or is Russia not letting it’s players compete? Ovechkin’s here so things can’t be that bad. Maybe he can meet with the President to discuss Ukraine, they both live in D.C.

The Original Six are easy enough to remember. There’s Montreal, Toronto, Boston, New York, and Detroit. The last is either Chicago or Philly, that much I know. What ever happened to the Whalers? Last I heard they moved to Carolina. Are there still teams in Phoenix and Nashville? If so, why? Bring back the Nordiques!!! Quebec needs another team. And while you’re at it expand to Seattle and Portland. Hamilton too. Toronto can handle two teams, it’s one of North America’s greatest cities. Mayonnaise on everything. Canadians don’t discriminate.

Who’s good this year? Los Angeles again? They just won Lord Stanley’s Cup. What’s this about Tampa Bay? The Lightning are for real? I hear the Bruins may be good, Rangers too. When will hockey have a Cinderella, a real dark horse? Do the Wild count? The Islanders instead? Have they moved into Jay-Z’s house yet or is that next year? What’s Brooklyn going to do with a team, dress em up in gingham and force them to listen to Bon Hiver?

I like that there are few ads, same as soccer. Football breaks every 30 seconds it seems. Both are violent sports. They should just get rid of all the fighting. Impossible to understand. It’s the culture they say, the history is important. Basketball has a great tradition too but you don’t see LeBron throwing haymakers at Kobe.

This could definitely be the year when I dive deep into hockey. Full reports to follow. 20 loonies I make it past Halloween.